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So I have been dating my girlfriend since September. I have known her for 3 years and she was one of few who I trusted the most. Things were going great and I thought she was the one for me. However, for 2 weeks I noticed she was acting different because she started to distance herself from me and sometimes would ignore me. I questioned her and she told me that she has been sad lately. 4 days ago she came to me and started crying saying that she has to tell me the truth which was she was seeing her ex boyfriend while she was dating me, he proposed to her, and she is pregnant. I was pissed, called her a bitch, and left. She began calling and texting me constantly asking for forgiveness. I decided to take her back because her ex is known for abuse.
Now Fakku did I make the right decision?
Edit: I am going to update on my thread and say that I broke up with her because I always angry with her over the incident, but I still told her that I will be there as a friend.
Now Fakku did I make the right decision?
Edit: I am going to update on my thread and say that I broke up with her because I always angry with her over the incident, but I still told her that I will be there as a friend.
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I think you need to look at it from a selfish perspective a bit more. You're opening your life to a whole new realm of drama in my opinion and it won't be smooth sailing. What you did was nice, but will you be content with the decision?
It's a decision that will heavily affect your life. If you think you'll be happy with the choice then go for it. I do think you need to spend more time carefully thinking about it. It's more complex than I can imagine.
It's a decision that will heavily affect your life. If you think you'll be happy with the choice then go for it. I do think you need to spend more time carefully thinking about it. It's more complex than I can imagine.
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artcellrox
The Grey Knight :y
Honestly? If it were me, I wouldn't have taken the bitch back, and would have just let her suffer. She cheated while she was still in a relationship, and that's one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.
Like brgdragon said, you acted nice and forgiving, but you probably should have thought a little more on the matter. Sounds like the tramp would go back to that asshole soon.
Like brgdragon said, you acted nice and forgiving, but you probably should have thought a little more on the matter. Sounds like the tramp would go back to that asshole soon.
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artcellrox wrote...
Honestly? If it were me, I wouldn't have taken the bitch back, and would have just let her suffer. She cheated while she was still in a relationship, and that's one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.Like brgdragon said, you acted nice and forgiving, but you probably should have thought a little more on the matter. Sounds like the tramp would go back to that asshole soon.
I gotta agree on this point she cheated on you with her ex then she came back to you later, in my opinion she's probably gonna cheat on you again then try to come back thinking since you took her back the first time you'll do it again. In the end though it's your call cause it's your life
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First, one important thing to consider, you said she is pregnant: From who? This should be considered in either case.
Also important, what about her Ex, will he just leave her, and much more importantly, you alone?
After those two things are settled it really is up to you, but try to not just consider her but yourself as well. If you think you can restart and let something beautiful bloom anwe then that is great, but make damn sure you thought long and hard. In either case, I would also recommend... talking to her. Talk to her long and hard and make damn sure SHE talks about herself as well. Why did she do it? Would she do it again (of course, she might not answer truthfully, but the way people deliver a lie can be quite telling as well)? Is she willing to really redeem herself and make up for it (in whatever way)?
On an unrelated note: Bossun's sig is fucking hypnotic.
Also important, what about her Ex, will he just leave her, and much more importantly, you alone?
After those two things are settled it really is up to you, but try to not just consider her but yourself as well. If you think you can restart and let something beautiful bloom anwe then that is great, but make damn sure you thought long and hard. In either case, I would also recommend... talking to her. Talk to her long and hard and make damn sure SHE talks about herself as well. Why did she do it? Would she do it again (of course, she might not answer truthfully, but the way people deliver a lie can be quite telling as well)? Is she willing to really redeem herself and make up for it (in whatever way)?
On an unrelated note: Bossun's sig is fucking hypnotic.
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Well, redundant as it may be, who does the kid belong to? Second, Ask yourself, you know that she has cheated on you before, what's stopping her this time? Third, Don't forgive her, let her live with her decision, but make her earn your trust back, don't give it to her. Fourth, ask her why did she do what she did. And Fifth, none of this crap is your fault. Remember that.
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say what! wrote...
She is probably pregnant with her ex and thanks for the advice.In that case I would generally advise against continuing, as it can end up causing all sorts of problems with her, her Ex and the child to be.
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saibot wrote...
say what! wrote...
She is probably pregnant with her ex and thanks for the advice.In that case I would generally advise against continuing, as it can end up causing all sorts of problems with her, her Ex and the child to be.
Same opinion here then. She did break your trust by cheating on you despite the fact you've known each other for 3 years. I feel that, that is inexcusable. The ex-boyfriend isn't going away anytime soon if ever, if its not your child either. Much more trouble than it's worth.
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Gravity cat
the adequately amused
I'd say you're an idiot for letting her back in so easily. A girl who's hung up on their ex to the point where she sleeps with him while she's with you is only going to go and do it again.
If that were me I'd tell her where to shove it. Someone who abuses my trust like that isn't worth shit. But that's just me I guess.
If that were me I'd tell her where to shove it. Someone who abuses my trust like that isn't worth shit. But that's just me I guess.
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Hard pass bro.
If it had been me, I would have done exactly what you did at first. Of course I'd be hurt. She was with you, but still hung up on her old boyfriend? Please. I believe that if you commit to something, you must see it through, but it can't be expected of everyone, for we are all human and weak at some point.
The fact that she told you about it had to have taken some guts. Not to mention that she's already carrying another man's child. It doesn't excuse her behavior at all, but she wanted to come clean and beg your forgiveness, which must have been hard.
As per what you'll do, only you can decide. If it were me, I would have forgiven her, but cut off my friendship completely. I don't want any relation of any kind with any person who has willingly violated my trust. I believe you'll find a lot of food-for-thought about it, but it all boils down to you. If you made your choice and have lingering doubts about it, think it over. If something still bugs you, then perhaps some ammends will have to be made.
Good luck to you.
If it had been me, I would have done exactly what you did at first. Of course I'd be hurt. She was with you, but still hung up on her old boyfriend? Please. I believe that if you commit to something, you must see it through, but it can't be expected of everyone, for we are all human and weak at some point.
The fact that she told you about it had to have taken some guts. Not to mention that she's already carrying another man's child. It doesn't excuse her behavior at all, but she wanted to come clean and beg your forgiveness, which must have been hard.
As per what you'll do, only you can decide. If it were me, I would have forgiven her, but cut off my friendship completely. I don't want any relation of any kind with any person who has willingly violated my trust. I believe you'll find a lot of food-for-thought about it, but it all boils down to you. If you made your choice and have lingering doubts about it, think it over. If something still bugs you, then perhaps some ammends will have to be made.
Good luck to you.
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well for my point of view.. she cheated on u for once.. but tats not the main thing I guess... If your taking her back.. she's caring her ex-bf child... so after the child is born.. defenetly her ex would come visit his child from time to time.. so expect to c him more in your life.. 2nd.. u said his ex is abit of abusing ppl.. so no offence.. but I think she's taking the easy way out by turning to u.. I may be wrong.. but tats how I c it
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Only thing I can tell you is: get the fuck out of this story and dump her. A storm of problems is approaching.
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Damoz
~Not A User~
Me personally, i would be pissed as hell. But i i really loved her i would take her back. (probably consider killing the ex) and support her as best i can. But it would really depend on wether i thought it was worth and if i wanted to spend my life with her.
I don't think one stupid mistake should warrant punishing someone into misery. In fact i don't believe anyone should be miserable unless they choose to bring it on themselves. Inflicting it on others makes you worse than scum. But i sway from the subject.
The decision really lies in wether you want to harden up and forgive her or take the easy way out and watch her burn.
I don't think one stupid mistake should warrant punishing someone into misery. In fact i don't believe anyone should be miserable unless they choose to bring it on themselves. Inflicting it on others makes you worse than scum. But i sway from the subject.
The decision really lies in wether you want to harden up and forgive her or take the easy way out and watch her burn.
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Drifter995
Neko//Night
Ok, Let's put it this way, If you were to get somebody pregnant, you'd want to marry them if you found out, yeah? (pretty common, dunno if it actually happens or not, but meh) So, odds are, the ex is going to come back, take her off you (again) and then they'll go get married and have one of those abusive marriages. Derp.. just realised he proposed..
Seriously though, as grav said, fuck her. She broke your trust (multiple times I'd say) She had sex with her ex, UNPROTECTED. She got pregnant. In my books, that's a straight 'Get the fuck outta my house you fucking slut.' card.
Honestly, I don't know how you could even look at her and not be disgusted :| (just how I'd be if I were in your position)
But on a lighter note, I would say it's best to leave her, else she'll go back to him, and she'll most likely ditch you, cause you aren't the father. Could you handle another betrayal?
Seriously though, as grav said, fuck her. She broke your trust (multiple times I'd say) She had sex with her ex, UNPROTECTED. She got pregnant. In my books, that's a straight 'Get the fuck outta my house you fucking slut.' card.
Honestly, I don't know how you could even look at her and not be disgusted :| (just how I'd be if I were in your position)
But on a lighter note, I would say it's best to leave her, else she'll go back to him, and she'll most likely ditch you, cause you aren't the father. Could you handle another betrayal?
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The short answer? No, you didn't.
The normal reaction would have been to say "If you honored our relationship, and by extension, myself.. you wouldn't have been seeing the other man. Let alone having sex. Let alone enough sex to conceive."
The exceptional reaction would have been to say "If you honored our relationship, and by extension, myself.. you wouldn't have been seeing the other man. Let alone having sex. Let alone enough sex to conceive, however I will help get you a safe enough distance away from your ex, and provide you the resources you need to get on your feet and perhaps a restraining order, should you feel it's appropriate"
By agreeing to take her back, you are nonverbally communicating to her that you love her, and still wish to have a monogamous relationship with her, despite her indiscretions.
I'm not saying that taking someone back is wrong, but it's not something that should ever be done as a snap decision. She broke your trust, which happens to be the foundation a healthy relationship is built on.
The only honorable thing to do here is be honest, but assure her health and safety as an expectant mother.
The normal reaction would have been to say "If you honored our relationship, and by extension, myself.. you wouldn't have been seeing the other man. Let alone having sex. Let alone enough sex to conceive."
The exceptional reaction would have been to say "If you honored our relationship, and by extension, myself.. you wouldn't have been seeing the other man. Let alone having sex. Let alone enough sex to conceive, however I will help get you a safe enough distance away from your ex, and provide you the resources you need to get on your feet and perhaps a restraining order, should you feel it's appropriate"
By agreeing to take her back, you are nonverbally communicating to her that you love her, and still wish to have a monogamous relationship with her, despite her indiscretions.
I'm not saying that taking someone back is wrong, but it's not something that should ever be done as a snap decision. She broke your trust, which happens to be the foundation a healthy relationship is built on.
The only honorable thing to do here is be honest, but assure her health and safety as an expectant mother.
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I'd say that you chose a forgiving path because obviously you still have feelings for her. I prefer giving a second chance to most things even if everyone looks the other way. But sometimes that can be used against you and sometimes you have to do things that you REALLY don't want to. Back on topic, I think you made a right decision. But what someone already said, make her earn your trust again. Let her know that she has been given a second chance and let her know that she needs to work for your trust again. Clearly show that she made ONE of the biggest mistake in her life.
If I was in your situation I would've probably done the same did you have done despite the fact that she cheated on you and is pregnant. But I won't show any direct affections just some actions that will seem cold and heartless but yet loving.
If I was in your situation I would've probably done the same did you have done despite the fact that she cheated on you and is pregnant. But I won't show any direct affections just some actions that will seem cold and heartless but yet loving.
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Well it all depends on your own opinion. I honestly would have told her "good bye", and left. I had a situation like that a few years back, my D-bag friend (not much of a D-bag anymore) was dating my ex (who I was dating at the same time). So she cheated on me, I left, never looked back. Also, the occasional random dumper on her door step really got my point across.
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artcellrox wrote...
Honestly? If it were me, I wouldn't have taken the bitch back, and would have just let her suffer. She cheated while she was still in a relationship, and that's one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.Like brgdragon said, you acted nice and forgiving, but you probably should have thought a little more on the matter. Sounds like the tramp would go back to that asshole soon.
This to a tee ^
Helpful questions of selfishness:
1. Can I trust her to not cheat on me again, given the current happenings?
2. Am I (you in this case) able to care for her if her ex does come back?
3. Am I able to support and nurture this girl and her child?
4. Am I ready to be a dad, even if the child is not mine?
5. Can I accept that I may always be in danger of her ex, and/or other exs?
6. Can I live with the fact that the child is not mine, and the real father may have some part in the childs life (meaning the ex will always be in the picture no matter what)?
IMO I wouldn't have taken her back. She broke your trust by:
A. sleeping with someone else
B. having unprotected sex with someone else
C. getting pregnant with someone else
D. not being honest with you
She has already taken you on an emotional roller-coaster ride. And if she's already gotten weak and gone back to her ex once, I don't really see what's stopping her from doing it again. My point is, I think that by letting her back in your life, you asking for trouble and heart ache. But like Lollikitty said, do make sure that if you do leave her, make sure she is safe with friends and family when you say goodbye (If that's what you do, because if not Kudos for being a brave!)
