The lies your parents told you.

When I was a kid, I asked mom and dad, "Mommy, Daddy, where do babies come from?"

Daddy replied, "When the boy kisses the girl, a white stork will bring it to them after 9 days," happily.

Mommy said, "But if the girl kisses the boy, a nine-tailed blazing kangaroo will bring it to them after 11 days."

During fifth grade, I was taught about the reproductive system and only realized then that mom and dad lied to me. Additionally, I discovered that nine-tailed blazing kangaroos do not exist.

What lies did your parents tell you?

Just the normal lies a parent typically tells.
-Santa is real
-Easter Bunny is real
-Your brother is smart

Just the normal things I suppose. They may have lied about other stuff as well, but they were minor lies most likely so of no importance.

Actually my dad told me he fucked my mother because she won't blow him. They never did that childhood shit. All truth.

did he also give you weed with that?

He so anti drug he doesn't take pain killers for his back... but was a MAJOR cokehead when i was small. Neither do i.. my cousin grows me that special weed that kills pain but no high.

My mother tried to convince me Santa Clause was real when I was around 7.
Being a cynical, depressed child, I never believed her, so I'd wait at my bedroom door and catch her coming down from the attic with the presents.

I gave her my best "Don't try to pull the wool over my eyes again, I'm so much smarter than you think" look, and she never told me a parental lie again.

Every Asian parent attempting to get you to eat something you don't like: "It'll help prevent cancer/heart attack/etc"

Santa, and my dad being able to cook.


As far as everything else goes, it was given to me straight-up, no bullshit.

[color=#ff69b4]My Dad try to lie about the playboy's in his room one time then the next day he asked me if I wanted a few. That was pretty funny.

Was only lied to about the fact that I have a step sibling until a year or so ago.... Won't go into the details on that though (>_>)

[color=#993300]Seconded
Let's see, oh, that my extended family was a happy little thing
Or that Good things come to those who wait

My mom was one of those crazy parents that said that if you kiss a girl you and her would go to hell. (Did I mention religious. Cause shes super religious)

My mom telling me video games would make me violent, as she publicly beat me for playing video games.

I got an appreciation for irony pretty early in life.

My mother saying if I watched TV too much my eyes would go square.

Also my parents lying about having a second elder sister until I was 16, that was fucking awkward when I had to meet her for the first time.

Any holiday creature/person was real, that if I was bad they would take me back to my cockroach family at the dump (they used to say I was adopted from cockroaches, to this day I still have no clue why??), and most recently they tried to tell me that they no longer have sex.

Tooth fairy and santa. It's impressive how much a single parent can do for their child.

The X-files were real, as well as the martians from the movie "Mars Attacks". I've been scared for years.

That my "dad" went on a very long business trip.

Many things. Not sure which was the worst. Probably the fact that they say they still love each other.

Son, come with us shopping because you're needed.