The lies your parents told you.

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Oh... Not much. Just the fact my daddy is not my biological father because my mom was a cheating whore, (2 diffrent guys , but thats all ill say about that.) which i guess makes me a bastard child. My dad was just as shocked as i was about that news. I've stayed with my dad since.

I just wanted to get that out. Nice to vent stuff sometimes, you know?

But other than that my parents had me convinced that the fairy tails i grew up with were real at one point or another, and that babies come from dancing with the man you are destened to be with forever. Im not talking about sex. Im talking waltzing down the ballroom and the like.
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My parents don't really lie to me, just leave out things they don't want to say or conveniently forget to say something. I never asked where babies come from because I never really cared, and in middle school I got sex ed anyways.

I mean, they told me straight out that the only reason I was born was that my older brother died. Literally my dad had his vasectomy reversed and doctors were worried that my mother being depressed would affect me while she was pregnant.

Neither of my parents have much empathy. I knew I had an older brother who died before I was born but I think I probably would have been better off not knowing that tidbit.
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My dad told me god made the universe and Jesus died for my sins. When I was about ten I came to the realization that santa and god and the easter bunny etc. wasn't real.
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Drifter995 Neko//Night
Doday wrote...
My dad told me god made the universe and Jesus died for my sins. When I was about ten I came to the realization that santa and god and the easter bunny etc. wasn't real.


Inb4 shitstorm and mass derail from creationists.


ot: the normal things:
Santa,
Easter bunny.

Probably mentioned the stalk, but I can't remember that. I don't think I ever really cared, being the youngest
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No, son. I'll only browse in front of the store for a few more minutes. Yes, I'm going to buy something. No, I'm not just looking at the clothes like last time. We'll go home soon.
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When I was younger my mom told me calamari was chicken so that I would actually try it. Not a bad idea in hindsight...calamari is delicious.
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I can't believe so many of you fell for Santa. I sure as hell didn't.
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Shikinokami wrote...
I can't believe so many of you fell for Santa. I sure as hell didn't.


If only we could be as cool as you
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shadowhawk69 wrote...
Shikinokami wrote...
I can't believe so many of you fell for Santa. I sure as hell didn't.


If only we could be as cool as you


Chill bro, you'll get your chance someday.
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In parts of Florida we have this small orange fruit with red seeds in em growing all around in fences, trees, etc. I used to eat them (they were good btw) all the time until my mom told me that they gave you cancer.
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This was probably when I was like 5 years old or something, but at that time I thought girls peed from their butts since they always sat down to do it. Being a boy, I knew that boys only sat down to take a dump so I assumed that piss came out of a girl's butt when she had to pee. Based on that assumption, I came to the false conclusion that the way girls shit and pissed was the opposite of how boys shit and pissed.

So I asked my mom, "If girls pee out of their butts, does that mean that they poo out of their wee-wee?". Of course, I didn't know that girls had vaginas instead of penises. However, my mom said that I was correct.

To this day, I've always wondered why she said that was right.
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erogamer wrote...
This was probably when I was like 5 years old or something, but at that time I thought girls peed from their butts since they always sat down to do it. Being a boy, I knew that boys only sat down to take a dump so I assumed that piss came out of a girl's butt when she had to pee. Based on that assumption, I came to the false conclusion that the way girls shit and pissed was the opposite of how boys shit and pissed.

So I asked my mom, "If girls pee out of their butts, does that mean that they poo out of their wee-wee?". Of course, I didn't know that girls had vaginas instead of penises. However, my mom said that I was correct.

To this day, I've always wondered why she said that was right.


She didn't want you to have sex. Ever.
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"We'll come back to the store and get it next time ok?"
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animefreak_usa wrote...
Actually my dad told me he fucked my mother because she won't blow him. They never did that childhood shit. All truth.


This. And, my grandmother didn't believe in censorship or prohibition. I swore in three languages, drank, and would know how to fuck if I cared to-----by eight.

...Okay...they beat the other two languages out of me by six...but otherwise yeah.

(This is also a good portion of why I have a lasting animosity towards old white women. I swear to god; this old, cancerous (literally), Jewish crone taught my first grade...and she just happened to also speak French. I've still got the marks from my father's reaction.)

Things you probably should lie to your kid about:
- Racism. Try teaching the right values before telling the truth about the entire village hating us.
- Sex. I appreciate the effort, but it could wait until I ASKED ABOUT IT INSTEAD.
- Death/religion. I know everybody is making the creationism jokes, but telling a kid to make up their own mind is like handing them the keys to a Bugatti. Just no.
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If you are a good boy Santa might give you a poppy for Christmas, found two very important lies that year.
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Coconutt wrote...
If you are a good boy Santa might give you a poppy for Christmas, found two very important lies that year.


Forum Image: http://s1.zerochan.net/Poppy.%28Personification%29.600.1068780.jpg
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