Dishonesty, do you still practice it?

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bakapink wrote...
Not all decisions are made consciously, or should I disregard the unconscious mind for this conversation.


Regardless of whether the decision to lie was conscious or unconscious, the intentions can still be there.

bakapink wrote...
To protect without being asked of, is to impose one's own opinion of "necessity for" onto another, while may seem noble, it really doesn't involve consideration of the others opinion in the matter.

Even the "I don't want them to be sad" is a desire that only encompasses one person's feelings and desires (depending on context). Rather their happy or sad, it is theirs to feel. Any attempt to manipulate has self interest in it.

(Side note, all of which I don't see as inherently good or bad. Taking care of others is as much for ourselves as it is for others, imo.)


But the outcome is not what I think matters, but the intention. So whilst I agree that you would impose your own opinions onto them, I think that fact is irrelevant to the situation.

Either you're thinking 'I don't like the fact that this person is sad', in which case you're thinking about the other persons mental state, or you're thinking 'I don't like the fact that I am witnessing this person being sad', in which case you are thinking about the repercussions the others mental state has on your own.

The intentions within these thought processes are subtly different, and whether or not either is 'bad' is another question. But I would definitely say the former is the better of the two.

bakapink wrote...
The final moments would have been a lie then. Is a fake truth worth more than a harsh reality, or does truth outweigh fantasy? For me, this was the dilemma. Does lying, so that I can feel good that she dies happy, count as an acceptable answer. Or does telling the truth out of a desire of making her last moments alive sincere, really makes her last moments significant enough to outweigh the added pain she may die with.


- "all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other." -H.P.Lovecraft, The Silver Key (1926)

No I would not say truth outweighs fantasy. Ultimately, there is no meaning to life, so what does sincerity matter? Really, everybody's goal in life, in the end, is to be happy. Believing this, it is obvious to me that a lie for the sake of happiness is by far a better option than truth for the sake of... what exactly?

The reason you put forward for truth is essentially that you don't feel guilty about lying, or so her final moments are sincere.

In which case it would be 'truth for my own feeling of well-being', in my mind a selfish option, or 'truth for truth's sake', in my mind a pointless option.

bakapink wrote...
As an added idea, as an stoic person, indifferent to the emotions of one's self and others, the answer would always be the truth. Though emotions are inherent in humans, though that doesn't trow the balance into the other scale.


Referring to what I said above, a stoic person may tell the truth, because he doesn't care for the other persons happiness.
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Silence of the Yanderes wrote...

Referring to what I said above, a stoic person may tell the truth, because he doesn't care for the other persons happiness.


And the other person's happiness is fed by their perceptions and reactions on the matter of truth and deception. Nearly all of our actions, thoughts, and feelings in reality can draw their origins from simple differences in personal perception. Now, there is obvious, intended signals for those "perceptive" enough to notice them (like if someone makes it clear, through statements or otherwise, that they wish to be left alone) that can be respected with clear intent and little consequence. However, there are situations that exist because one person thought they were committing a "good deed", while another person or group perceived it as "malice" and "arrogance". Anything can become anything with the right set of eyes in the right mind.
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Taltharius wrote...
And the other person's happiness is fed by their perceptions and reactions on the matter of truth and deception. Nearly all of our actions, thoughts, and feelings in reality can draw their origins from simple differences in personal perception. Now, there is obvious, intended signals for those "perceptive" enough to notice them (like if someone makes it clear, through statements or otherwise, that they wish to be left alone) that can be respected with clear intent and little consequence. However, there are situations that exist because one person thought they were committing a "good deed", while another person or group perceived it as "malice" and "arrogance". Anything can become anything with the right set of eyes in the right mind.


Very true. I understand that, and that's part of the reason I base my perceptions on which lies are 'good' or 'bad' on the intentions rather than the outcomes.

I don't see any point in punishing someone for doing something they thought was right, even if they unintentionally caused harm/distress to other people. Explaining to them why things went wrong is more useful, although you have to be careful, because it can easily feel like you're lecturing someone, which they would view as a punishment in and of itself. Punishing them would simply put negative reinforcement on it, and encourage them to ignore what they feel is right, and possibly even make them do what they think is wrong.
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I almost never lie anymore, either in conversation or online. I've made it a practice to be trustworthy, not just because of the Scout Law I've pledged my life to, but because it is good practice in general.
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I'm... not entirely sure if what I do is lying. I'll explain, tell me if I do or not, I think I technically do, but really, overall, it's... a helpful lie?

Japanese people will often say "It's cold, isn't it?" in winter when it's... 8 degrees outside. That is like... spring where I'm from, but if I tell them this, it takes three minutes of explaining. And both people involved are busy. If we're sitting down at a company dinner or something, that's one thing, but when we both have other things to do... sure, it's cold. How about those Hanshin Tigers?
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ecchigaijin wrote...
I'm... not entirely sure if what I do is lying. I'll explain, tell me if I do or not, I think I technically do, but really, overall, it's... a helpful lie?

Japanese people will often say "It's cold, isn't it?" in winter when it's... 8 degrees outside. That is like... spring where I'm from, but if I tell them this, it takes three minutes of explaining. And both people involved are busy. If we're sitting down at a company dinner or something, that's one thing, but when we both have other things to do... sure, it's cold. How about those Hanshin Tigers?


I feel like that doesn't count since the term cold is subjective. Plus if you just say something like "sure" it could simply mean you are acknowledging their opinion and not necessarily agreeing with it. Just my two cents.
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jmason Curious and Wondering
Only if it's necessary, like if the fastfood lady asks if I want to upsize my meal - I really really want to, but I have to be dishonest most of the time. Other than those, just be honest.
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jmason wrote...
Only if it's necessary, like if the fastfood lady asks if I want to upsize my meal - I really really want to, but I have to be dishonest most of the time. Other than those, just be honest.


I would think that's being less dishonest, and more health conscious. Turning down an upgrade for an already less-than-healthy meal that would make it a perfect artery clogging tray. Just my perspective, anyway.
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Taltharius wrote...
jmason wrote...
Only if it's necessary, like if the fastfood lady asks if I want to upsize my meal - I really really want to, but I have to be dishonest most of the time. Other than those, just be honest.


I would think that's being less dishonest, and more health conscious. Turning down an upgrade for an already less-than-healthy meal that would make it a perfect artery clogging tray. Just my perspective, anyway.


It's kind of an ambiguous situation, because you can both want and not want the upsize. I.e. you want more food, but you also want to remain healthy and know this could damage your health.

So 'yes' or 'no' are both half-truths (which some count as lies), and a full explanation is unnecessary, and probably annoying to the person at the counter and the people queueing behind you.
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I "market" a lot.
Half-Truths and all.
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Revelation Defender of DFC
I lie about certain things because in that certain situation, it would be better those involved not to know. I have lied about little bullshit to and I regret it almost immediately.
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I guess you can say that it runs in the family and I intend to try not to run it on me. I think dishonesty comes in many forms, in ways you wouldn't even believe. I would go far to say that it's something useful but it pays the price of whatever you're going to lose. Like a close friend or someone you're having a relationship with. It's anyone or anything, really. I've lied many times and don't even think, not even the slightest that you are not a liar. We all have been down that road before and I think it's only human to do so. It's up to you on how you perceive it. If you feel bad about it then you should. If you didn't then, I think, there's something wrong about you. I try to not lie most of the time because it gives me the sick feeling in my stomach, every time I dare to try to. I really don't know how others who are compulsive about it, live their lives like that. Take my aunt, for example. She's been doing it for years, even before her first born. Now, the three of my cousins have the ability to do the same thing my aunt does. Maybe by influence? Or because that's how they see it, on how it works in this world? As Dr. Gregory House would usually say: "Everybody lies."
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lol everyone is dishonest (at least "professionally") cause when someone asks you "how are you?" people often say "I'm good, hbu?" even when they are not cause it's bad etiqutte to talk about personal problems.

+ people don't really care / want to hear about your problems, and if they can't help, you're wasting both your and their time.

Note: I know I'm generalizing, and some people who are close actually do care about your well-being, but I'm considering situtations where people would be dishonest
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I was always lying about things since i was a child as to not get myself or other people in trouble yet I gradually started lying about random things I had no reason to, it had gotten to the point where even i started to believe in them and couldn't remember what was the truth or a lie. Recently I have stopped being dishonest to everyone especially myself and I just feel worse than when i was lying. I might just start being dishonest again even thou i know there is no point in it.
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Hentaijackal wrote...
I was always lying about things since i was a child as to not get myself or other people in trouble yet I gradually started lying about random things I had no reason to, it had gotten to the point where even i started to believe in them and couldn't remember what was the truth or a lie. Recently I have stopped being dishonest to everyone especially myself and I just feel worse than when i was lying. I might just start being dishonest again even thou i know there is no point in it.


Surely if it makes you feel better, then there is a point. If it makes you happy (or at least less unhappy) then just do it. But do try to avoid harming others.
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Maqad wrote...
lol everyone is dishonest (at least "professionally") cause when someone asks you "how are you?" people often say "I'm good, hbu?" even when they are not cause it's bad etiqutte to talk about personal problems.

+ people don't really care / want to hear about your problems, and if they can't help, you're wasting both your and their time.

Note: I know I'm generalizing, and some people who are close actually do care about your well-being, but I'm considering situtations where people would be dishonest


I don't think the problem is a generalization, I think the problem is that a question such as «How are you» can sometimes be a simple formality as is saying «I'm good». The same way saying «Bless you» after one sneezes, in no way entails religious rituals of purification. So I don't think there is dishonesty there because of the nature of the question and because, as you say, the person asking doesn't often care about an objective answer.

I do agree, though, and I think it was Louis C.K. who said it, that talking about personal problems in such context is bad etiquette. People ask it to be polite and start conversation, not to be happy hour subway psychologists.
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nateriver10 wrote...
I do agree, though, and I think it was Louis C.K. who said it, that talking about personal problems in such context is bad etiquette. People ask it to be polite and start conversation, not to be happy hour subway psychologists.



Said people should talk about the weather or something else which does not given an express opening to answer with your problems/feelings. There are plenty of other topics for polite conversation that do not leave the door open for people to whinge about what's bothering them. There are tons of options - given that you actually pay attention to the weather or current events where you live - that do not use the lazy opening "how are you?".
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ecchigaijin wrote...
Said people should talk about the weather or something else which does not given an express opening to answer with your problems/feelings. There are plenty of other topics for polite conversation that do not leave the door open for people to whinge about what's bothering them. There are tons of options - given that you actually pay attention to the weather or current events where you live - that do not use the lazy opening "how are you?".


My point was that the question was a formality, just a pleaseantry. So you have to answer based on the person asking, not based on your literal interpretation on the string of words that happens to end with a question mark. I'm almost 100% sure you will reply saying I misinterpreted your comment but it seems as though you want to avoid confusion by arguing that people should stop opening with «How are you» and instead go with something along the lines of «Geez, it's raining cats and dogs out there. Tell me, good sir or madam, what is thy opinion regarding such a climate?»
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nateriver10 wrote...
ecchigaijin wrote...
Said people should talk about the weather or something else which does not given an express opening to answer with your problems/feelings. There are plenty of other topics for polite conversation that do not leave the door open for people to whinge about what's bothering them. There are tons of options - given that you actually pay attention to the weather or current events where you live - that do not use the lazy opening "how are you?".


My point was that the question was a formality, just a pleaseantry. So you have to answer based on the person asking, not based on your literal interpretation on the string of words that happens to end with a question mark.


No, the thing is, if you ask a question, you leave yourself open to it being answered fully and honestly. So if you honestly don't want to hear about someone's life, ask something else. Or nothing at all! There's nothing wrong with giving a greeting and going on to do your work.

"Pleasantry".
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ecchigaijin wrote...
No, the thing is, if you ask a question, you leave yourself open to it being answered fully and honestly. So if you honestly don't want to hear about someone's life, ask something else. Or nothing at all! There's nothing wrong with giving a greeting and going on to do your work.

"Pleasantry".


I find it amazing how you start with a categorical «no» and then go on to add nothing new... By your logic, sir, if someone sneezes and I say «bless you» I also leave myself open to give him a religious ritual. In social contexts, the question «how are you» is often interpreted as a standard conversation starter or polite expression. The only cases in which they should answer with a proper answer is if the question is being asked by someone who cares like a romantic partner or a doctor.

If you think people who ask «how are you» as a conversation starter deserve to have someone run through their life's story, then you are talking about idiots who don't know basic social etiquette.

And you keep saying «if you ask a question». Did you fail to realize that my whole point is that it is not REALLY a question? At least not the same way «How many pages does the Odyssey have?» is a question? Jeez...
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