0
POCKETKING
Faptastic Fapper
They say talking about how you're feeling is a great way to help yourself out a bad place. So why not talk it out with some like minded individuals on your favorite Hentai Site? Depression is real, we don't have to go through it alone.
2
Some of you may approve or disapprove below. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Sorry if I appear to be selfish. This is out of my own heart.
I became friends with this person at work when she opened up her problems to me. Over the
span of somewhat 6 months, I became her confidant whenever she gets a problem with her family or boyfriend. I supported her in situations when she was being left alone or when she is going up against the world. Her boyfriend is an egotistic man which also makes things on her side difficult. I also offered financial support to her where the bf can't. (and I don't know why...) She's been thankful for all of my efforts which his boyfriend can't give. We'll talk day and night about how are things going on on our sides. I have never cared so much for a person who isn't blood-related.
I have told to some of my close friends about this problem and they state that we seem to be like a couple. I mentioned to them that we are just friends and while we go to much personal topics, there is no romantic inclinations between us... in which I lied on my side. I fell in love in her. I acknowledged this feeling and promised myself that this is only one-sided. I do not expect her to love me back. Not to mention, she keeps on saying "you shouldn't fall to the likes of me" and such. One can say that I'm really friendzoned. "And it was okay", I told myself. But it seems I was wrong :(
Now, it seems her problems are slowly diminishing. And we're no longer talking that much. I really miss those times when she would tell me all her problems. We no longer have the usual 24/7-ish talk. And it's killing until now. You can pretty much say I am wrecked in the head. Confused. Sad. Frustration is always coming at me and I keep on suppressing it. I didn't want to be angry to the person whom I promised my loyalty and trust. Whom I promised that I will always be her ally even in the toughest times. Truly, it feels like being tested...
It feels like I'm a parasite for wanting her attention and being her confidant so much. It feels like I was thrown away. I'm doing my best to keep myself busy but the thought easily rushes back.
Thanks to OP for starting this thread. It feels nice to get a bit of it out of the chest.
I became friends with this person at work when she opened up her problems to me. Over the
span of somewhat 6 months, I became her confidant whenever she gets a problem with her family or boyfriend. I supported her in situations when she was being left alone or when she is going up against the world. Her boyfriend is an egotistic man which also makes things on her side difficult. I also offered financial support to her where the bf can't. (and I don't know why...) She's been thankful for all of my efforts which his boyfriend can't give. We'll talk day and night about how are things going on on our sides. I have never cared so much for a person who isn't blood-related.
I have told to some of my close friends about this problem and they state that we seem to be like a couple. I mentioned to them that we are just friends and while we go to much personal topics, there is no romantic inclinations between us... in which I lied on my side. I fell in love in her. I acknowledged this feeling and promised myself that this is only one-sided. I do not expect her to love me back. Not to mention, she keeps on saying "you shouldn't fall to the likes of me" and such. One can say that I'm really friendzoned. "And it was okay", I told myself. But it seems I was wrong :(
Now, it seems her problems are slowly diminishing. And we're no longer talking that much. I really miss those times when she would tell me all her problems. We no longer have the usual 24/7-ish talk. And it's killing until now. You can pretty much say I am wrecked in the head. Confused. Sad. Frustration is always coming at me and I keep on suppressing it. I didn't want to be angry to the person whom I promised my loyalty and trust. Whom I promised that I will always be her ally even in the toughest times. Truly, it feels like being tested...
It feels like I'm a parasite for wanting her attention and being her confidant so much. It feels like I was thrown away. I'm doing my best to keep myself busy but the thought easily rushes back.
Thanks to OP for starting this thread. It feels nice to get a bit of it out of the chest.
3
Depreciated wrote...
Some of you may approve or disapprove below. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Sorry if I appear to be selfish. This is out of my own heart. I became friends with this person at work when she opened up her problems to me. Over the
span of somewhat 6 months, I became her confidant whenever she gets a problem with her family or boyfriend. I supported her in situations when she was being left alone or when she is going up against the world. Her boyfriend is an egotistic man which also makes things on her side difficult. I also offered financial support to her where the bf can't. (and I don't know why...) She's been thankful for all of my efforts which his boyfriend can't give. We'll talk day and night about how are things going on on our sides. I have never cared so much for a person who isn't blood-related.
I have told to some of my close friends about this problem and they state that we seem to be like a couple. I mentioned to them that we are just friends and while we go to much personal topics, there is no romantic inclinations between us... in which I lied on my side. I fell in love in her. I acknowledged this feeling and promised myself that this is only one-sided. I do not expect her to love me back. Not to mention, she keeps on saying "you shouldn't fall to the likes of me" and such. One can say that I'm really friendzoned. "And it was okay", I told myself. But it seems I was wrong :(
Now, it seems her problems are slowly diminishing. And we're no longer talking that much. I really miss those times when she would tell me all her problems. We no longer have the usual 24/7-ish talk. And it's killing until now. You can pretty much say I am wrecked in the head. Confused. Sad. Frustration is always coming at me and I keep on suppressing it. I didn't want to be angry to the person whom I promised my loyalty and trust. Whom I promised that I will always be her ally even in the toughest times. Truly, it feels like being tested...
It feels like I'm a parasite for wanting her attention and being her confidant so much. It feels like I was thrown away. I'm doing my best to keep myself busy but the thought easily rushes back.
Thanks to OP for starting this thread. It feels nice to get a bit of it out of the chest.
It's just normal, even if you want to make yourself think differently, the truth is when you share that level of trust with someone, love might come knocking. And even if you don't want to interfere and you just think it's one-sided, I think it's just normal for you to want the same back, I mean, you weren't talking to her just so she could relieve stress and stuff, it's bidirectional, she should do the same for you, you are not a punching bag or anything, you are a friend and deserve being treated like that.
Wish you the best luck.
0
POCKETKING
Faptastic Fapper
Depreciated wrote...
Some of you may approve or disapprove below. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Sorry if I appear to be selfish. This is out of my own heart. I became friends with this person at work when she opened up her problems to me. Over the
span of somewhat 6 months, I became her confidant whenever she gets a problem with her family or boyfriend. I supported her in situations when she was being left alone or when she is going up against the world. Her boyfriend is an egotistic man which also makes things on her side difficult. I also offered financial support to her where the bf can't. (and I don't know why...) She's been thankful for all of my efforts which his boyfriend can't give. We'll talk day and night about how are things going on on our sides. I have never cared so much for a person who isn't blood-related.
I have told to some of my close friends about this problem and they state that we seem to be like a couple. I mentioned to them that we are just friends and while we go to much personal topics, there is no romantic inclinations between us... in which I lied on my side. I fell in love in her. I acknowledged this feeling and promised myself that this is only one-sided. I do not expect her to love me back. Not to mention, she keeps on saying "you shouldn't fall to the likes of me" and such. One can say that I'm really friendzoned. "And it was okay", I told myself. But it seems I was wrong :(
Now, it seems her problems are slowly diminishing. And we're no longer talking that much. I really miss those times when she would tell me all her problems. We no longer have the usual 24/7-ish talk. And it's killing until now. You can pretty much say I am wrecked in the head. Confused. Sad. Frustration is always coming at me and I keep on suppressing it. I didn't want to be angry to the person whom I promised my loyalty and trust. Whom I promised that I will always be her ally even in the toughest times. Truly, it feels like being tested...
It feels like I'm a parasite for wanting her attention and being her confidant so much. It feels like I was thrown away. I'm doing my best to keep myself busy but the thought easily rushes back.
Thanks to OP for starting this thread. It feels nice to get a bit of it out of the chest.
First of all thank you for posting on this thread. My hope is that we can all help each other at least a little by talking it out.
I understand where you're coming from almost exactly. The frustration, the anxiety, the sadness, even the guilt of thinking you're making life harder for the person you've fallen for, just by falling for them. You are not alone my friend.
I have a very similar situation at my own workplace. In the last 2 years I've become friends with a coworker who is married and has a daughter. When I started working there I was attracted to her almost immediately, but I knew she was married (for all I knew, happily) so I didn't try to pursue anything with her. Nothing much happened for about a year, we talked occasionally, and eventually became friends. I still liked her but it was just a background thought because I didn't think anything could ever become of it. Then one night at work she told me that she was getting a divorce, and that was it, the wall came down. I had planned to wait until the divorce had been finalized to make any moves on her, but I couldn't help myself from spending more time with her when we worked together, and the more time we spent together, the more I fell for her. As time went on I became more obvious in my intent towards her and eventually I told her how I felt. Her answer was less than satisfying. Even though their marriage had been a loveless one for long before divorce had ever been brought up. She said "I can't bring myself to like anyone else while I'm still married, even if he doesn't deserve it". And when I asked if there was hope for the future, she told me she didn't know yet.
So I decided to wait and hope. We remained friends, she eventually got a more permanent position at our workplace, so we began to see each other more often, the nights we both worked we pretty much spent the entire shift together, talking, watching movies, joking around (occasionally smoking pot after work). All in all, we've become much closer, but even so, the question of our relationship was left unanswered. Now I've been dealing with depression for a long time on and off, but it had always been fairly mild, as the waiting stretched into months however, it became much much darker. All the stress and anxiety from all the aspects of my life seemed to pile up onto this one issue. It was all I could do to keep my "mask" on in front of friends and family. This is when I decided to seek professional help, which has made a difference, although I'm still a work in progress. Now the situation still hasn't been resolved, but I asked her if we could sit down and talk the next time we see each other, so for better or worse, hopefully the situation will soon be resolved.
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POCKETKING wrote...
Depreciated wrote...
Some of you may approve or disapprove below. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Sorry if I appear to be selfish. This is out of my own heart. I became friends with this person at work when she opened up her problems to me. Over the
span of somewhat 6 months, I became her confidant whenever she gets a problem with her family or boyfriend. I supported her in situations when she was being left alone or when she is going up against the world. Her boyfriend is an egotistic man which also makes things on her side difficult. I also offered financial support to her where the bf can't. (and I don't know why...) She's been thankful for all of my efforts which his boyfriend can't give. We'll talk day and night about how are things going on on our sides. I have never cared so much for a person who isn't blood-related.
I have told to some of my close friends about this problem and they state that we seem to be like a couple. I mentioned to them that we are just friends and while we go to much personal topics, there is no romantic inclinations between us... in which I lied on my side. I fell in love in her. I acknowledged this feeling and promised myself that this is only one-sided. I do not expect her to love me back. Not to mention, she keeps on saying "you shouldn't fall to the likes of me" and such. One can say that I'm really friendzoned. "And it was okay", I told myself. But it seems I was wrong :(
Now, it seems her problems are slowly diminishing. And we're no longer talking that much. I really miss those times when she would tell me all her problems. We no longer have the usual 24/7-ish talk. And it's killing until now. You can pretty much say I am wrecked in the head. Confused. Sad. Frustration is always coming at me and I keep on suppressing it. I didn't want to be angry to the person whom I promised my loyalty and trust. Whom I promised that I will always be her ally even in the toughest times. Truly, it feels like being tested...
It feels like I'm a parasite for wanting her attention and being her confidant so much. It feels like I was thrown away. I'm doing my best to keep myself busy but the thought easily rushes back.
Thanks to OP for starting this thread. It feels nice to get a bit of it out of the chest.
First of all thank you for posting on this thread. My hope is that we can all help each other at least a little by talking it out.
I understand where you're coming from almost exactly. The frustration, the anxiety, the sadness, even the guilt of thinking you're making life harder for the person you've fallen for, just by falling for them. You are not alone my friend.
I have a very similar situation at my own workplace. In the last 2 years I've become friends with a coworker who is married and has a daughter. When I started working there I was attracted to her almost immediately, but I knew she was married (for all I knew, happily) so I didn't try to pursue anything with her. Nothing much happened for about a year, we talked occasionally, and eventually became friends. I still liked her but it was just a background thought because I didn't think anything could ever become of it. Then one night at work she told me that she was getting a divorce, and that was it, the wall came down. I had planned to wait until the divorce had been finalized to make any moves on her, but I couldn't help myself from spending more time with her when we worked together, and the more time we spent together, the more I fell for her. As time went on I became more obvious in my intent towards her and eventually I told her how I felt. Her answer was less than satisfying. Even though their marriage had been a loveless one for long before divorce had ever been brought up. She said "I can't bring myself to like anyone else while I'm still married, even if he doesn't deserve it". And when I asked if there was hope for the future, she told me she didn't know yet.
So I decided to wait and hope. We remained friends, she eventually got a more permanent position at our workplace, so we began to see each other more often, the nights we both worked we pretty much spent the entire shift together, talking, watching movies, joking around (occasionally smoking pot after work). All in all, we've become much closer, but even so, the question of our relationship was left unanswered. Now I've been dealing with depression for a long time on and off, but it had always been fairly mild, as the waiting stretched into months however, it became much much darker. All the stress and anxiety from all the aspects of my life seemed to pile up onto this one issue. It was all I could do to keep my "mask" on in front of friends and family. This is when I decided to seek professional help, which has made a difference, although I'm still a work in progress. Now the situation still hasn't been resolved, but I asked her if we could sit down and talk the next time we see each other, so for better or worse, hopefully the situation will soon be resolved.
How long ago was this? Let us now if it comes to a conclusion.
0
POCKETKING
Faptastic Fapper
fallenwing13 wrote...
POCKETKING wrote...
Depreciated wrote...
Some of you may approve or disapprove below. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Sorry if I appear to be selfish. This is out of my own heart. I became friends with this person at work when she opened up her problems to me. Over the
span of somewhat 6 months, I became her confidant whenever she gets a problem with her family or boyfriend. I supported her in situations when she was being left alone or when she is going up against the world. Her boyfriend is an egotistic man which also makes things on her side difficult. I also offered financial support to her where the bf can't. (and I don't know why...) She's been thankful for all of my efforts which his boyfriend can't give. We'll talk day and night about how are things going on on our sides. I have never cared so much for a person who isn't blood-related.
I have told to some of my close friends about this problem and they state that we seem to be like a couple. I mentioned to them that we are just friends and while we go to much personal topics, there is no romantic inclinations between us... in which I lied on my side. I fell in love in her. I acknowledged this feeling and promised myself that this is only one-sided. I do not expect her to love me back. Not to mention, she keeps on saying "you shouldn't fall to the likes of me" and such. One can say that I'm really friendzoned. "And it was okay", I told myself. But it seems I was wrong :(
Now, it seems her problems are slowly diminishing. And we're no longer talking that much. I really miss those times when she would tell me all her problems. We no longer have the usual 24/7-ish talk. And it's killing until now. You can pretty much say I am wrecked in the head. Confused. Sad. Frustration is always coming at me and I keep on suppressing it. I didn't want to be angry to the person whom I promised my loyalty and trust. Whom I promised that I will always be her ally even in the toughest times. Truly, it feels like being tested...
It feels like I'm a parasite for wanting her attention and being her confidant so much. It feels like I was thrown away. I'm doing my best to keep myself busy but the thought easily rushes back.
Thanks to OP for starting this thread. It feels nice to get a bit of it out of the chest.
First of all thank you for posting on this thread. My hope is that we can all help each other at least a little by talking it out.
I understand where you're coming from almost exactly. The frustration, the anxiety, the sadness, even the guilt of thinking you're making life harder for the person you've fallen for, just by falling for them. You are not alone my friend.
I have a very similar situation at my own workplace. In the last 2 years I've become friends with a coworker who is married and has a daughter. When I started working there I was attracted to her almost immediately, but I knew she was married (for all I knew, happily) so I didn't try to pursue anything with her. Nothing much happened for about a year, we talked occasionally, and eventually became friends. I still liked her but it was just a background thought because I didn't think anything could ever become of it. Then one night at work she told me that she was getting a divorce, and that was it, the wall came down. I had planned to wait until the divorce had been finalized to make any moves on her, but I couldn't help myself from spending more time with her when we worked together, and the more time we spent together, the more I fell for her. As time went on I became more obvious in my intent towards her and eventually I told her how I felt. Her answer was less than satisfying. Even though their marriage had been a loveless one for long before divorce had ever been brought up. She said "I can't bring myself to like anyone else while I'm still married, even if he doesn't deserve it". And when I asked if there was hope for the future, she told me she didn't know yet.
So I decided to wait and hope. We remained friends, she eventually got a more permanent position at our workplace, so we began to see each other more often, the nights we both worked we pretty much spent the entire shift together, talking, watching movies, joking around (occasionally smoking pot after work). All in all, we've become much closer, but even so, the question of our relationship was left unanswered. Now I've been dealing with depression for a long time on and off, but it had always been fairly mild, as the waiting stretched into months however, it became much much darker. All the stress and anxiety from all the aspects of my life seemed to pile up onto this one issue. It was all I could do to keep my "mask" on in front of friends and family. This is when I decided to seek professional help, which has made a difference, although I'm still a work in progress. Now the situation still hasn't been resolved, but I asked her if we could sit down and talk the next time we see each other, so for better or worse, hopefully the situation will soon be resolved.
How long ago was this? Let us now if it comes to a conclusion.
This is still ongoing. Next weekend is when we'll have another conversation about it. I will definitely keep you posted!
0
POCKETKING wrote...
This is still ongoing. Next weekend is when we'll have another conversation about it. I will definitely keep you posted!Yeah, I mean when did it all start.
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POCKETKING
Faptastic Fapper
fallenwing13 wrote...
Yeah, I mean when did it all start.I first told her that I liked her in April, so 5 months ago.
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POCKETKING wrote...
fallenwing13 wrote...
Yeah, I mean when did it all start.I first told her that I liked her in April, so 5 months ago.
Well, good luck, man, best wishes for you.
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POCKETKING
Faptastic Fapper
fallenwing13 wrote...
POCKETKING wrote...
fallenwing13 wrote...
Yeah, I mean when did it all start.I first told her that I liked her in April, so 5 months ago.
Well, good luck, man, best wishes for you.
Thanks man, I appreciate it.
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fallenwing13 wrote...
POCKETKING wrote...
fallenwing13 wrote...
Yeah, I mean when did it all start.I first told her that I liked her in April, so 5 months ago.
Well, good luck, man, best wishes for you.
I also wish the best for you OP! I hope she sees the light in you. It's nice to hear that professional help is working out for ya.
0
Gravity cat
the adequately amused
I'm always feeling depressed and having anxiety doesn't help.
I wish I could pinpoint when exactly I started feeling depressed or why, but I know it's been a few years now. I think it's a bunch of things ranging from relationships - most of the romantic ones ended horribly and many people I considered friends screwing me over big time - and low self esteem which I've always had anyway thanks to dickhead family members bullying me as a child for years and my mum sitting back and watching rather than intervening. Said family members are dead or taken a more passive stance now that I'm an adult, but that shit stays with you.
tl;dr My experience with people hasn't been a great one.
I wish I could pinpoint when exactly I started feeling depressed or why, but I know it's been a few years now. I think it's a bunch of things ranging from relationships - most of the romantic ones ended horribly and many people I considered friends screwing me over big time - and low self esteem which I've always had anyway thanks to dickhead family members bullying me as a child for years and my mum sitting back and watching rather than intervening. Said family members are dead or taken a more passive stance now that I'm an adult, but that shit stays with you.
tl;dr My experience with people hasn't been a great one.
1
Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
Been a while since I posted on the forums but hey still do stuff here so why not? :D
I still deal with depression and anxiety. Started in college for me and even now I still have my bad moments. I've had some pretty low points and I am still scared I'll go back to being severely depressed, but I have good family and friends in my life that keep me going. Even met a wonderful man who I am coming to care for dearly that has pushed me to better myself. The depression never fully goes away but I am continuing to live life and work hard to be th best me I can be.
I guess the biggest thing I can say to ppl suffering from anxiety and depression is to keep living and hope for better days. I had nearly 2-3 years of hell but it got better over time and I just kept doing my best. Haven't been perfect and have done some questionable things during my low points, but as I said still alive and I'm grateful for the good moments that come my way. Too easy to game over so I figure why not try to play the game?
I still deal with depression and anxiety. Started in college for me and even now I still have my bad moments. I've had some pretty low points and I am still scared I'll go back to being severely depressed, but I have good family and friends in my life that keep me going. Even met a wonderful man who I am coming to care for dearly that has pushed me to better myself. The depression never fully goes away but I am continuing to live life and work hard to be th best me I can be.
I guess the biggest thing I can say to ppl suffering from anxiety and depression is to keep living and hope for better days. I had nearly 2-3 years of hell but it got better over time and I just kept doing my best. Haven't been perfect and have done some questionable things during my low points, but as I said still alive and I'm grateful for the good moments that come my way. Too easy to game over so I figure why not try to play the game?
0
Depreciated wrote...
Some of you may approve or disapprove below. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Sorry if I appear to be selfish. This is out of my own heart. I became friends with this person at work when she opened up her problems to me. Over the
span of somewhat 6 months, I became her confidant whenever she gets a problem with her family or boyfriend. I supported her in situations when she was being left alone or when she is going up against the world. Her boyfriend is an egotistic man which also makes things on her side difficult. I also offered financial support to her where the bf can't. (and I don't know why...) She's been thankful for all of my efforts which his boyfriend can't give. We'll talk day and night about how are things going on on our sides. I have never cared so much for a person who isn't blood-related.
I have told to some of my close friends about this problem and they state that we seem to be like a couple. I mentioned to them that we are just friends and while we go to much personal topics, there is no romantic inclinations between us... in which I lied on my side. I fell in love in her. I acknowledged this feeling and promised myself that this is only one-sided. I do not expect her to love me back. Not to mention, she keeps on saying "you shouldn't fall to the likes of me" and such. One can say that I'm really friendzoned. "And it was okay", I told myself. But it seems I was wrong :(
Now, it seems her problems are slowly diminishing. And we're no longer talking that much. I really miss those times when she would tell me all her problems. We no longer have the usual 24/7-ish talk. And it's killing until now. You can pretty much say I am wrecked in the head. Confused. Sad. Frustration is always coming at me and I keep on suppressing it. I didn't want to be angry to the person whom I promised my loyalty and trust. Whom I promised that I will always be her ally even in the toughest times. Truly, it feels like being tested...
It feels like I'm a parasite for wanting her attention and being her confidant so much. It feels like I was thrown away. I'm doing my best to keep myself busy but the thought easily rushes back.
Thanks to OP for starting this thread. It feels nice to get a bit of it out of the chest.
I'm pretty much an expert in this type of relationship. What you need to do is abandon any thought that you are important to her. Your entire relationship is based upon her feelings. If you ever try to talk about your feelings, she'll counter you by bringing up some problem or just ignore it altogether.
1
FinalBoss
#levelupyourgrind
I don't get depressed that much, probably because I don't have a social life. Normally, not having a social life would depress an average person, but I embrace solitude. I do get depressed though. Usually its due to my overthinking things regarding the harshness of reality, the fact many animals are going on the brink of extinction (mainly due to human interference) or my loved ones' eventual demise. I always keep myself busy with hobbies, so I don't think about such things so often, but sometimes its just unavoidable (like when I'm driving or taking a shower). I try to cheer myself up by saying a quote from my favorite Red hot chilli pepper song: Californication ("Destruction leads to a very rough road, but it also breeds creation" or something like that).
2
To be honest, writing this is really hard, but I just feel like I need to do it.
I'm a guy from Spain, studying last year of university in Madrid (the capital). I'm studying about 500 km away from my hometown, first year I had a grant, so I could live by my own, I was 18 at that time and I spent most of the money of the grant that year (about 1500€) so my parents had to send me money every month. At that time, both my parents were working, so there was no problem with that, but the next year, my dad lost his job, and then started the problems. My parents had saved some money, so we could still maintain a simmilar economic level, we've never had a lot of money, so we have a simple life, but the money didn't last too much. Then my mum decided to find a second job, but It didn't last, both my parents are trying really hard to give me a future, my mother is losing her health for my sake. I can barely visit them once a month or every two months. They still give me the same money as the first year, and It makes me feel really guilty, I don't go out at weekends or waste any money, I try to save as much as I can, but everytime I buy anything I don't really need (like a videogame or stuff like this), later I regret It, even if it cost 1€, I feel really guilty. This weekend, I went to visit them, they didn't had almost no food at the fridge, and even like this, they wanted to give me some money, I just couldn't accept it. I just feel like I'm a burden to them, and even like this, I can't do anything, my career isn't compatible with work right now so I can't completely emancipate. And then, when I talk with close friends and they talk about theirs lives, I feel really envious, even knowing they have their problems, I just hate It. For example, today I was talking with two really close friends about what we did this weekend, and they were talking about what they did with their girlfriends, and all I could think was that I've never had one nor even have my first kiss. This made me feel really alone, I've never tell anything of this to anyone, I don't want to make them feel worry about me, so I try to maintain a second face to everyone, and this makes a gap between them and me, despite they might not realise this. I just don't want to make no one worry about me, and then, when I think about this, I feel egoist, because I'm not that important to tell myself that "I just don't want to make no one worry about me", and then I feel pathetic. This is a loop which I cannot exit. I'm always trying to see the good things that I have, like great roommates, good friends and this stuff, but those thoughts don't make me feel anything, and then, again, I feel egoist abut this, It's like as if I'm not able to feel well with myself, to be honest, I don't really know what could It be. Everyday I just feel depressed, and when night comes and I'm alone in my room I just can't avoid to cry.
Sorry about the big post, but It's hard to sort everything I feel. English It's not my mother tongue so I don't know if I wrote this well or I've made mistakes, but thank you all, just writting this made me feel better.
I'm a guy from Spain, studying last year of university in Madrid (the capital). I'm studying about 500 km away from my hometown, first year I had a grant, so I could live by my own, I was 18 at that time and I spent most of the money of the grant that year (about 1500€) so my parents had to send me money every month. At that time, both my parents were working, so there was no problem with that, but the next year, my dad lost his job, and then started the problems. My parents had saved some money, so we could still maintain a simmilar economic level, we've never had a lot of money, so we have a simple life, but the money didn't last too much. Then my mum decided to find a second job, but It didn't last, both my parents are trying really hard to give me a future, my mother is losing her health for my sake. I can barely visit them once a month or every two months. They still give me the same money as the first year, and It makes me feel really guilty, I don't go out at weekends or waste any money, I try to save as much as I can, but everytime I buy anything I don't really need (like a videogame or stuff like this), later I regret It, even if it cost 1€, I feel really guilty. This weekend, I went to visit them, they didn't had almost no food at the fridge, and even like this, they wanted to give me some money, I just couldn't accept it. I just feel like I'm a burden to them, and even like this, I can't do anything, my career isn't compatible with work right now so I can't completely emancipate. And then, when I talk with close friends and they talk about theirs lives, I feel really envious, even knowing they have their problems, I just hate It. For example, today I was talking with two really close friends about what we did this weekend, and they were talking about what they did with their girlfriends, and all I could think was that I've never had one nor even have my first kiss. This made me feel really alone, I've never tell anything of this to anyone, I don't want to make them feel worry about me, so I try to maintain a second face to everyone, and this makes a gap between them and me, despite they might not realise this. I just don't want to make no one worry about me, and then, when I think about this, I feel egoist, because I'm not that important to tell myself that "I just don't want to make no one worry about me", and then I feel pathetic. This is a loop which I cannot exit. I'm always trying to see the good things that I have, like great roommates, good friends and this stuff, but those thoughts don't make me feel anything, and then, again, I feel egoist abut this, It's like as if I'm not able to feel well with myself, to be honest, I don't really know what could It be. Everyday I just feel depressed, and when night comes and I'm alone in my room I just can't avoid to cry.
Sorry about the big post, but It's hard to sort everything I feel. English It's not my mother tongue so I don't know if I wrote this well or I've made mistakes, but thank you all, just writting this made me feel better.
2
Right now, while not depressed, I do feel more than a bit disappointed in myself.
I had some rough times as a child, nothing epic but I still feel the aftershock to this day, some twenty-five years later - the luck of being both meek and extremely sensitive to emotions and having a very crude person for a father among other things (it's no exaggeration that we started understanding each other when I was in high school).
As of this October, it's been almost ten years since I finished high school. Tried uni and failed spectacularly after only a few months, and since then I've been trying to find my way in life to no avail and... that's it really. I spend my days staring at my monitor for hours, sometimes doing nothing at all, and DO NOT feel the urge to, say, go for a walk, or visit the local bar to chat a bit with fellow townsfolk, or maybe try to catch up with some of my old friends from when I was actively involved in weekend activities. In short, while not a full blown shut-in (thankfully) I am socially isolated and dependant from my pc, and it doesn't help that I've been under counseling and psychiatric care for almost fifteen years.
So yeah, this is my current, awfully bland life, and this is why I'm disappointed in myself. And the worst thing is, I've spent so much time living like this that not only I'm not wanting of change, I fear change, because with change comes risk, and with risk comes the possibility of failure. It's a neverending cycle, and while I'm trying to break out of it, believe me when I say that it's very difficult.
Feel free to comment if you wish, I'm well aware being a NEET at almost thirty is beyond pathetic.
I had some rough times as a child, nothing epic but I still feel the aftershock to this day, some twenty-five years later - the luck of being both meek and extremely sensitive to emotions and having a very crude person for a father among other things (it's no exaggeration that we started understanding each other when I was in high school).
As of this October, it's been almost ten years since I finished high school. Tried uni and failed spectacularly after only a few months, and since then I've been trying to find my way in life to no avail and... that's it really. I spend my days staring at my monitor for hours, sometimes doing nothing at all, and DO NOT feel the urge to, say, go for a walk, or visit the local bar to chat a bit with fellow townsfolk, or maybe try to catch up with some of my old friends from when I was actively involved in weekend activities. In short, while not a full blown shut-in (thankfully) I am socially isolated and dependant from my pc, and it doesn't help that I've been under counseling and psychiatric care for almost fifteen years.
So yeah, this is my current, awfully bland life, and this is why I'm disappointed in myself. And the worst thing is, I've spent so much time living like this that not only I'm not wanting of change, I fear change, because with change comes risk, and with risk comes the possibility of failure. It's a neverending cycle, and while I'm trying to break out of it, believe me when I say that it's very difficult.
Feel free to comment if you wish, I'm well aware being a NEET at almost thirty is beyond pathetic.
0
FinalBoss
#levelupyourgrind
pihip wrote...
Right now, while not depressed, I do feel more than a bit disappointed in myself. I had some rough times as a child, nothing epic but I still feel the aftershock to this day, some twenty-five years later - the luck of being both meek and extremely sensitive to emotions and having a very crude person for a father among other things (it's no exaggeration that we started understanding each other when I was in high school).
As of this October, it's been almost ten years since I finished high school. Tried uni and failed spectacularly after only a few months, and since then I've been trying to find my way in life to no avail and... that's it really. I spend my days staring at my monitor for hours, sometimes doing nothing at all, and DO NOT feel the urge to, say, go for a walk, or visit the local bar to chat a bit with fellow townsfolk, or maybe try to catch up with some of my old friends from when I was actively involved in weekend activities. In short, while not a full blown shut-in (thankfully) I am socially isolated and dependant from my pc, and it doesn't help that I've been under counseling and psychiatric care for almost fifteen years.
So yeah, this is my current, awfully bland life, and this is why I'm disappointed in myself. And the worst thing is, I've spent so much time living like this that not only I'm not wanting of change, I fear change, because with change comes risk, and with risk comes the possibility of failure. It's a neverending cycle, and while I'm trying to break out of it, believe me when I say that it's very difficult.
Feel free to comment if you wish, I'm well aware being a NEET at almost thirty is beyond pathetic.
It is true that with risk comes the possibility of failure. Not only that, but change doesn't always mean improvement. You may just be replacing old problems with new ones. What you have to do, is measure whether the you now is better or worse than the person you want to be. Being a NEET is a social stigma that is only bad if the person doesn't want to do it. Even beggars have the right to be prideful if they're desperately clinging to life.
0
Best wishes, prayers, and hugs to everyone here going though a difficult time right now. I read your stories and my heart goes out to you.
I also wanted to get something off my chest as well. I broke up with my boyfriend about a week and a half ago. We were together about 3.5 years (we did break up once for about 6 months). Long story short- He's become cold, bitter, and rather angry this past year. We keep having the same problems, we talk about, we fix it temporarily, and than we go back to square one. He is the closest person to me and I don't have many friends. Even thought things were getting bad I miss him. Well, the old him I guess. I've heard from a mutual friend that he is saying awful things about me and ranting and making their other friends really uncomfortable. Also I have developed the most pointless crush on a friend of mine (an ex from many years ago). He's already engaged and lives in another state. For right now I'm just going to talk to him less so hopefully those feelings go away. So I've been stressed sorting out these feelings. I can only take it one day at a time. Lately I haven't pursued my usual hobbies of drawing and writing. I'm hoping in time I feel better and might make new friends.
Also I need to get my life together in general. I was so caught up with the drama of my ex-boyfriend I kind of forgot myself.
I also wanted to get something off my chest as well. I broke up with my boyfriend about a week and a half ago. We were together about 3.5 years (we did break up once for about 6 months). Long story short- He's become cold, bitter, and rather angry this past year. We keep having the same problems, we talk about, we fix it temporarily, and than we go back to square one. He is the closest person to me and I don't have many friends. Even thought things were getting bad I miss him. Well, the old him I guess. I've heard from a mutual friend that he is saying awful things about me and ranting and making their other friends really uncomfortable. Also I have developed the most pointless crush on a friend of mine (an ex from many years ago). He's already engaged and lives in another state. For right now I'm just going to talk to him less so hopefully those feelings go away. So I've been stressed sorting out these feelings. I can only take it one day at a time. Lately I haven't pursued my usual hobbies of drawing and writing. I'm hoping in time I feel better and might make new friends.
Also I need to get my life together in general. I was so caught up with the drama of my ex-boyfriend I kind of forgot myself.
1
blueteacup wrote...
Best wishes, prayers, and hugs to everyone here going though a difficult time right now. I read your stories and my heart goes out to you.I also wanted to get something off my chest as well. I broke up with my boyfriend about a week and a half ago. We were together about 3.5 years (we did break up once for about 6 months). Long story short- He's become cold, bitter, and rather angry this past year. We keep having the same problems, we talk about, we fix it temporarily, and than we go back to square one. He is the closest person to me and I don't have many friends. Even thought things were getting bad I miss him. Well, the old him I guess. I've heard from a mutual friend that he is saying awful things about me and ranting and making their other friends really uncomfortable. Also I have developed the most pointless crush on a friend of mine (an ex from many years ago). He's already engaged and lives in another state. For right now I'm just going to talk to him less so hopefully those feelings go away. So I've been stressed sorting out these feelings. I can only take it one day at a time. Lately I haven't pursued my usual hobbies of drawing and writing. I'm hoping in time I feel better and might make new friends.
Also I need to get my life together in general. I was so caught up with the drama of my ex-boyfriend I kind of forgot myself.
I feel you. That feeling when you break up with a partner you've been with for so long, you are just used to it, it's completely normal to miss that. Also, for some reason, your now ex-partner suddenly starts talking shit about you just because, that's awful. Same thing happened to me, though she was the one who left me.
But yes, time heals everything, hope you can have fun and be distracted in the meantime, cause I think that's the best you can do right now. I'm sorry to hear about your problems, hope you get better soon. Hugs.