-1
In regards to anger, or blind rage. I've had two particularly bad episodes, with the second being several levels worse than the first, which both occurred early last year. The first time had the police taking me to the Jubilee Hospital mental ward in handcuffs. The second time, I lost nearly all sense of rational thought, judgment, and capacity for restraint, and started tearing the house apart while my parents were still at work.
My dad came home first, and I was still seething with an overwhelming desire to release the last internal "shackle" that was just barely holding me back from actually lunging at him. I continued to smash objects onto the floor until they broke, and smashed two windows. Mom arrived second, and upon seeing her, I started to approach her with the initial intent to reach out and grab her neck to throttle her.
It was at that precise moment, with my hand literally inches from her neck, that my last psychological restraint kicked in, and stopped me. The sensation literally felt like someone had taken hold of my arm, and held me there, unable to grab at my mom. I hesitated for a few seconds as my overwhelming rage attempted to fight and bypass the restraining mechanism, but my sanity was already beginning to retake its hold on my mind.
The only thing I was able to do at that point was collapse onto my knees, exhausted from the strain. Around this moment, the police had arrived. I had no intention of fighting them at that point, and simply kept still while they handcuffed me. I found myself at the mental ward of the hospital yet again, and that time, I actually remember hearing the yelling and screaming of a girl who was clearly struggling with herself far more than I was.
I ended up staying there over the weekend; Saturday and Sunday. The realization I had in the aftermath that I clearly had the capacity for violence and aggression far worse than what I had just come out of frightened me greatly, and I put more effort into trying to find ways to increase overall stability and devising reliable means of keeping myself in control, and mitigating stress encountered in everyday life.
A lot has happened since then, and now, I seem to be enjoying a sense of stability that I don't think I've ever actually been able to know, or simply remember. I feel calmer, and I've been able to reduce the prescription medications I take from 4 down to 2. My weight has gone down as well, partly thanks to weaning myself from the hunger-inducing anti-psychotics I used to take, as well as moderating what I eat, and simply being constantly broke so I can't pile the junk food on.
But yeah, that's just a small bit about how far my anger has gone. Do the rest of you have stories you might wish to share?
My dad came home first, and I was still seething with an overwhelming desire to release the last internal "shackle" that was just barely holding me back from actually lunging at him. I continued to smash objects onto the floor until they broke, and smashed two windows. Mom arrived second, and upon seeing her, I started to approach her with the initial intent to reach out and grab her neck to throttle her.
It was at that precise moment, with my hand literally inches from her neck, that my last psychological restraint kicked in, and stopped me. The sensation literally felt like someone had taken hold of my arm, and held me there, unable to grab at my mom. I hesitated for a few seconds as my overwhelming rage attempted to fight and bypass the restraining mechanism, but my sanity was already beginning to retake its hold on my mind.
The only thing I was able to do at that point was collapse onto my knees, exhausted from the strain. Around this moment, the police had arrived. I had no intention of fighting them at that point, and simply kept still while they handcuffed me. I found myself at the mental ward of the hospital yet again, and that time, I actually remember hearing the yelling and screaming of a girl who was clearly struggling with herself far more than I was.
I ended up staying there over the weekend; Saturday and Sunday. The realization I had in the aftermath that I clearly had the capacity for violence and aggression far worse than what I had just come out of frightened me greatly, and I put more effort into trying to find ways to increase overall stability and devising reliable means of keeping myself in control, and mitigating stress encountered in everyday life.
A lot has happened since then, and now, I seem to be enjoying a sense of stability that I don't think I've ever actually been able to know, or simply remember. I feel calmer, and I've been able to reduce the prescription medications I take from 4 down to 2. My weight has gone down as well, partly thanks to weaning myself from the hunger-inducing anti-psychotics I used to take, as well as moderating what I eat, and simply being constantly broke so I can't pile the junk food on.
But yeah, that's just a small bit about how far my anger has gone. Do the rest of you have stories you might wish to share?
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Never went close to the extreme you have been to.
The few times I lost my cool was just arguments and you really just walk away so it doesn't get even bigger. Also since I deal with talking with customers at my job there have been times when they have just been major pain in the asses and I get fed up with it, but that only happened when I first started the job really and now I just almost laugh at them.
The few times I lost my cool was just arguments and you really just walk away so it doesn't get even bigger. Also since I deal with talking with customers at my job there have been times when they have just been major pain in the asses and I get fed up with it, but that only happened when I first started the job really and now I just almost laugh at them.
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The worse I've had was when I was still in secondary school, I think I was about 13 at the time, this boy had bullied my brother and he was about 1.8m and I was about 1.5m, my brother being aged only 7 told me about it about a month after the actual incident happened. I talked to the boy and warned him not to do it again, he became all cocky and racially insulted me (I'm asian he was white) and as I was leaving for home, we had our lockers, he slammed my head into the locker and at that moment I lost it. I remember vaguely punching his face and shattering his glasses but after that I blanked out and knew my Dissociation identity disorder kicked in because the boy had lost a couple of teeth, wouldn't be able to reproduce, had half a face which was recognizable as i smeared his face across the ground and 3 broken ribs. I was cuffed to the bed of a mental hospital for 3 days straight with 2 cops guarding me.
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aznkevy wrote...
The worse I've had was when I was still in secondary school, I think I was about 13 at the time, this boy had bullied my brother and he was about 1.8m and I was about 1.5m, my brother being aged only 7 told me about it about a month after the actual incident happened. I talked to the boy and warned him not to do it again, he became all cocky and racially insulted me (I'm asian he was white) and as I was leaving for home, we had our lockers, he slammed my head into the locker and at that moment I lost it. I remember vaguely punching his face and shattering his glasses but after that I blanked out and knew my Dissociation identity disorder kicked in because the boy had lost a couple of teeth, wouldn't be able to reproduce, had half a face which was recognizable as i smeared his face across the ground and 3 broken ribs. I was cuffed to the bed of a mental hospital for 3 days straight with 2 cops guarding me.I can understand the sentiment on why you snapped so violently (an idiot who bullied your younger brother AND was verbally racist towards you definitely warrants retaliation), but I don't know if crippling him in that manner wasn't over the top, either.
I do give you credit for supporting your younger brother like that in that circumstance, however, and had the guy not been arrogant out of his freakin' mind and a bloody idiot, he probably would have backed off before all of that happened. Hospital visits under law enforcement supervision is definitely NOT fun, either. I do hope your brother appreciates having a big sis who cares about his well being, :)
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I've only ever lost it once (that I can remember) and it was incredibly mild compared to what some of you guys have experienced.
It was back when I was around 14. A bunch of my friends were having a water fight, as it was quite a warm summer day. I had specifically told everyone that I didn't want to be involved (can't remember why). One friend came up and pointed his water bottle at me and smiled trollishly. I looked at him and said seriously "don't, please." He waited a couple second, so I let my guard down. Then he squirted me. I was frustrated, and simply punched him as hard as I could in the small of his back after he turned around.
It's a good thing I'm a wimp, or I could have seriously hurt him.
You guys had much less 'friendly' circumstances than that, and having never experienced anything like that, I can't really say what I would have done. But you sound like nice people, so don't let those lapses define your life.
It was back when I was around 14. A bunch of my friends were having a water fight, as it was quite a warm summer day. I had specifically told everyone that I didn't want to be involved (can't remember why). One friend came up and pointed his water bottle at me and smiled trollishly. I looked at him and said seriously "don't, please." He waited a couple second, so I let my guard down. Then he squirted me. I was frustrated, and simply punched him as hard as I could in the small of his back after he turned around.
It's a good thing I'm a wimp, or I could have seriously hurt him.
You guys had much less 'friendly' circumstances than that, and having never experienced anything like that, I can't really say what I would have done. But you sound like nice people, so don't let those lapses define your life.
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
I'm more anxious then I am mad, so not really.
The only times I can think I lost any form of control in this respect is when I was provoked by another party and they tried to hurt me physically.
One instance this happened was in elementary or middle school (can't remember at the moment which). A girl tried to take a swing at me in the girl's bathroom and I punched her back. She was a school bully and I was sadly in the wrong place at the wrong time. She never messed with me again.
I get mad and upset from time to time, but I'm not fond of anger so I've learned to just let it go. It's too much work to stay mad at things, people, situaitons because it can eat you alive and it's wasted energy. I would rather be happy and enjoy life then be pessimistic and angry all the time. I've known too many angry people in my lifetime and I don't wish to be like them. I have too much to be thankful for to be angry.
The only times I can think I lost any form of control in this respect is when I was provoked by another party and they tried to hurt me physically.
One instance this happened was in elementary or middle school (can't remember at the moment which). A girl tried to take a swing at me in the girl's bathroom and I punched her back. She was a school bully and I was sadly in the wrong place at the wrong time. She never messed with me again.
I get mad and upset from time to time, but I'm not fond of anger so I've learned to just let it go. It's too much work to stay mad at things, people, situaitons because it can eat you alive and it's wasted energy. I would rather be happy and enjoy life then be pessimistic and angry all the time. I've known too many angry people in my lifetime and I don't wish to be like them. I have too much to be thankful for to be angry.
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Taltharius wrote...
aznkevy wrote...
The worse I've had was when I was still in secondary school, I think I was about 13 at the time, this boy had bullied my brother and he was about 1.8m and I was about 1.5m, my brother being aged only 7 told me about it about a month after the actual incident happened. I talked to the boy and warned him not to do it again, he became all cocky and racially insulted me (I'm asian he was white) and as I was leaving for home, we had our lockers, he slammed my head into the locker and at that moment I lost it. I remember vaguely punching his face and shattering his glasses but after that I blanked out and knew my Dissociation identity disorder kicked in because the boy had lost a couple of teeth, wouldn't be able to reproduce, had half a face which was recognizable as i smeared his face across the ground and 3 broken ribs. I was cuffed to the bed of a mental hospital for 3 days straight with 2 cops guarding me.I can understand the sentiment on why you snapped so violently (an idiot who bullied your younger brother AND was verbally racist towards you definitely warrants retaliation), but I don't know if crippling him in that manner wasn't over the top, either.
I do give you credit for supporting your younger brother like that in that circumstance, however, and had the guy not been arrogant out of his freakin' mind and a bloody idiot, he probably would have backed off before all of that happened. Hospital visits under law enforcement supervision is definitely NOT fun, either. I do hope your brother appreciates having a big sis who cares about his well being, :)
Yeah but when you have both schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder, you kind of lose it and not care what you do, more over the fact when I did have my order personality on, all I know from what my friends witnessed is that I was like an animal when I was painting the floor with the boy's limp body.
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aznkevy wrote...
Taltharius wrote...
aznkevy wrote...
The worse I've had was when I was still in secondary school, I think I was about 13 at the time, this boy had bullied my brother and he was about 1.8m and I was about 1.5m, my brother being aged only 7 told me about it about a month after the actual incident happened. I talked to the boy and warned him not to do it again, he became all cocky and racially insulted me (I'm asian he was white) and as I was leaving for home, we had our lockers, he slammed my head into the locker and at that moment I lost it. I remember vaguely punching his face and shattering his glasses but after that I blanked out and knew my Dissociation identity disorder kicked in because the boy had lost a couple of teeth, wouldn't be able to reproduce, had half a face which was recognizable as i smeared his face across the ground and 3 broken ribs. I was cuffed to the bed of a mental hospital for 3 days straight with 2 cops guarding me.I can understand the sentiment on why you snapped so violently (an idiot who bullied your younger brother AND was verbally racist towards you definitely warrants retaliation), but I don't know if crippling him in that manner wasn't over the top, either.
I do give you credit for supporting your younger brother like that in that circumstance, however, and had the guy not been arrogant out of his freakin' mind and a bloody idiot, he probably would have backed off before all of that happened. Hospital visits under law enforcement supervision is definitely NOT fun, either. I do hope your brother appreciates having a big sis who cares about his well being, :)
Yeah but when you have both schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder, you kind of lose it and not care what you do, more over the fact when I did have my order personality on, all I know from what my friends witnessed is that I was like an animal when I was painting the floor with the boy's limp body.
But you care again when control is regained; the fact that you still feel regret afterwards is a testament to that. Nobody ever ends up doing things flawlessly, hence how ironic it is when people react on the expectation that you handle yourself without error. Apparently, they forgot that being human makes you error-prone all the time, in different ways for different people.
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Acknowledgement of those error still is important for every party.
And at least retaining some knowledge from them/those for improvements is important too.
Then should come some acceptance/"forgiveness" of the facts and maybe (hope...) some peace.
And at least retaining some knowledge from them/those for improvements is important too.
Then should come some acceptance/"forgiveness" of the facts and maybe (hope...) some peace.
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Taltharius wrote...
aznkevy wrote...
Taltharius wrote...
aznkevy wrote...
The worse I've had was when I was still in secondary school, I think I was about 13 at the time, this boy had bullied my brother and he was about 1.8m and I was about 1.5m, my brother being aged only 7 told me about it about a month after the actual incident happened. I talked to the boy and warned him not to do it again, he became all cocky and racially insulted me (I'm asian he was white) and as I was leaving for home, we had our lockers, he slammed my head into the locker and at that moment I lost it. I remember vaguely punching his face and shattering his glasses but after that I blanked out and knew my Dissociation identity disorder kicked in because the boy had lost a couple of teeth, wouldn't be able to reproduce, had half a face which was recognizable as i smeared his face across the ground and 3 broken ribs. I was cuffed to the bed of a mental hospital for 3 days straight with 2 cops guarding me.I can understand the sentiment on why you snapped so violently (an idiot who bullied your younger brother AND was verbally racist towards you definitely warrants retaliation), but I don't know if crippling him in that manner wasn't over the top, either.
I do give you credit for supporting your younger brother like that in that circumstance, however, and had the guy not been arrogant out of his freakin' mind and a bloody idiot, he probably would have backed off before all of that happened. Hospital visits under law enforcement supervision is definitely NOT fun, either. I do hope your brother appreciates having a big sis who cares about his well being, :)
Yeah but when you have both schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder, you kind of lose it and not care what you do, more over the fact when I did have my order personality on, all I know from what my friends witnessed is that I was like an animal when I was painting the floor with the boy's limp body.
But you care again when control is regained; the fact that you still feel regret afterwards is a testament to that. Nobody ever ends up doing things flawlessly, hence how ironic it is when people react on the expectation that you handle yourself without error. Apparently, they forgot that being human makes you error-prone all the time, in different ways for different people.
Yeah I guess, though I don't think there is a way in controlling when another personality will break out randomly.
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How far I lost control of my anger you say? Lets just say I nearly destroyed my apartment and all it's contents with it, and if that wasn't enough, I flipped over my Dad's small car and it took 3 men to flip it over.
I am sure I lost control that day, that anger released all my physical limits and set me in a adrenaline state that I was almost immortal. You can say that anger really amplifies your strength by A LOT but in the process your mind just goes blank, and by the time you are done you ask yourself how the hell did you do all that.
I've had some serious issues with anger, and after that I always maintained my cool, even if the worst happens to me.
I am sure I lost control that day, that anger released all my physical limits and set me in a adrenaline state that I was almost immortal. You can say that anger really amplifies your strength by A LOT but in the process your mind just goes blank, and by the time you are done you ask yourself how the hell did you do all that.
I've had some serious issues with anger, and after that I always maintained my cool, even if the worst happens to me.
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I remember a year ago, at my house party on St.Patricks day, a girl who I liked was crying surrounded by her friends.
When I went over to ask what was wrong I saw she was holding tissue paper to her crotch. 2 drunk assholes had accidentley cut her trying to pull off her skirt and pants.
My parents had allowed me to have the party as they thought no horrible shit like that would happen.
So I went up to these guys and asked them to gtfo or I'd call the police.
They tried to attack me but they could hardly stand up and after awhile I was seating on one guys chest punching his face in.
I can't remember why i did something so unnecessarily violent but I just did.
Then someone grappled me and pulled me back and I bite into their arm.
I remember the taste of the blood, it was disgusting.
Everyone screamed when I did that and their faces were disgusted, I hated how their eyes look at me.
Then I panicked, I was so scared that I ran out of my house and down to the river at the end of the river to get the taste away.
The police were called and the three of us were question and sent home after a hospital visit.
I still can't get the taste of blood out of my memory.its horrible.
When I went over to ask what was wrong I saw she was holding tissue paper to her crotch. 2 drunk assholes had accidentley cut her trying to pull off her skirt and pants.
My parents had allowed me to have the party as they thought no horrible shit like that would happen.
So I went up to these guys and asked them to gtfo or I'd call the police.
They tried to attack me but they could hardly stand up and after awhile I was seating on one guys chest punching his face in.
I can't remember why i did something so unnecessarily violent but I just did.
Then someone grappled me and pulled me back and I bite into their arm.
I remember the taste of the blood, it was disgusting.
Everyone screamed when I did that and their faces were disgusted, I hated how their eyes look at me.
Then I panicked, I was so scared that I ran out of my house and down to the river at the end of the river to get the taste away.
The police were called and the three of us were question and sent home after a hospital visit.
I still can't get the taste of blood out of my memory.its horrible.
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Soledge wrote...
I remember a year ago, at my house party on St.Patricks day, a girl who I liked was crying surrounded by her friends.When I went over to ask what was wrong I saw she was holding tissue paper to her crotch. 2 drunk assholes had accidentley cut her trying to pull off her skirt and pants.
My parents had allowed me to have the party as they thought no horrible shit like that would happen.
So I went up to these guys and asked them to gtfo or I'd call the police.
They tried to attack me but they could hardly stand up and after awhile I was seating on one guys chest punching his face in.
I can't remember why i did something so unnecessarily violent but I just did.
Then someone grappled me and pulled me back and I bite into their arm.
I remember the taste of the blood, it was disgusting.
Everyone screamed when I did that and their faces were disgusted, I hated how their eyes look at me.
Then I panicked, I was so scared that I ran out of my house and down to the river at the end of the river to get the taste away.
The police were called and the three of us were question and sent home after a hospital visit.
I still can't get the taste of blood out of my memory.its horrible.
I won't say the drunken fools didn't have that punishment coming, but I won't say that you didn't use too much force, either. But then again, feeling regret afterwards is a good sign; that you don't want to be that kind of angry again.
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Taltharius wrote...
Soledge wrote...
I remember a year ago, at my house party on St.Patricks day, a girl who I liked was crying surrounded by her friends.When I went over to ask what was wrong I saw she was holding tissue paper to her crotch. 2 drunk assholes had accidentley cut her trying to pull off her skirt and pants.
My parents had allowed me to have the party as they thought no horrible shit like that would happen.
So I went up to these guys and asked them to gtfo or I'd call the police.
They tried to attack me but they could hardly stand up and after awhile I was seating on one guys chest punching his face in.
I can't remember why i did something so unnecessarily violent but I just did.
Then someone grappled me and pulled me back and I bite into their arm.
I remember the taste of the blood, it was disgusting.
Everyone screamed when I did that and their faces were disgusted, I hated how their eyes look at me.
Then I panicked, I was so scared that I ran out of my house and down to the river at the end of the river to get the taste away.
The police were called and the three of us were question and sent home after a hospital visit.
I still can't get the taste of blood out of my memory.its horrible.
I won't say the drunken fools didn't have that punishment coming, but I won't say that you didn't use too much force, either. But then again, feeling regret afterwards is a good sign; that you don't want to be that kind of angry again.
What I regret isn't those assholes but the guy I bite, he was just trying to stop me from beating that guy to death.
He was not involved but I lost myself, I completely disregarded him and almost caused him to bleed to death.
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Holoofyoistu
The Messenger
one time, after being heavily provoked, i chased down some asshole and had to be restrained by my friends so i wouldn't attack him.
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Holoofyoistu wrote...
one time, after being heavily provoked, i chased down some asshole and had to be restrained by my friends so i wouldn't attack him.My friends ALWAYS hold me back .. even if I was against a huge guy who nobody else could beat. My anger has a reputation, but I am glad those days are over .. or aren't they?
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DatYuriThough
Goddess of Nature
Only ever once and when I look back on it it was pretty stupid. A friend of mine (About 1 year ago now) kept telling me I couldn't protect myself in a fight and I rely on others all the time even though I've taken self-defence classes and was practising kick-boxing at the time, so I started to kick him and he tried to hit me back. In the end it was broken up by one of my friends. I'm now a little embarrassed/guilty over the idea that I could get provoked so easily but he did bring it up out of nowhere and it was uncalled for since I had never done anything to provoke him (The guy did have a track record of getting involved in fights with the other people we were friends with and it wasn't the last time he got involved with something similar that year).
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Power-Senpai
This is very custom.
Hmm, i am easily irrated, but i don't really lose myself to my anger. If i were to say the worst i have done, then it would be something as boring as me just punching the wall to calm myself, not anyone else.
The only times I can think I lost any form of control in this respect is when I was provoked by another party and they tried to hurt me physically.
One instance this happened was in elementary or middle school (can't remember at the moment which). A girl tried to take a swing at me in the girl's bathroom and I punched her back. She was a school bully and I was sadly in the wrong place at the wrong time. She never messed with me again.
I get mad and upset from time to time, but I'm not fond of anger so I've learned to just let it go. It's too much work to stay mad at things, people, situaitons because it can eat you alive and it's wasted energy. I would rather be happy and enjoy life then be pessimistic and angry all the time. I've known too many angry people in my lifetime and I don't wish to be like them. I have too much to be thankful for to be angry.
Punching that girl seems to be for the better in that situation, and I find your vision to be very correct.
Misaki_Chi wrote...
I'm more anxious then I am mad, so not really.The only times I can think I lost any form of control in this respect is when I was provoked by another party and they tried to hurt me physically.
One instance this happened was in elementary or middle school (can't remember at the moment which). A girl tried to take a swing at me in the girl's bathroom and I punched her back. She was a school bully and I was sadly in the wrong place at the wrong time. She never messed with me again.
I get mad and upset from time to time, but I'm not fond of anger so I've learned to just let it go. It's too much work to stay mad at things, people, situaitons because it can eat you alive and it's wasted energy. I would rather be happy and enjoy life then be pessimistic and angry all the time. I've known too many angry people in my lifetime and I don't wish to be like them. I have too much to be thankful for to be angry.
Punching that girl seems to be for the better in that situation, and I find your vision to be very correct.
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I witnessed someone losing it today.
I won't go into too much detail, but basically this guy had been annoying this girl for quite a while now, and this time she blew a fuse and tried to attack him. He managed to get on the other side of a door to her, and she eventually calmed down enough to walk away.
I can certainly understand why she blew up, the guys a real dick. And sadly I don't think this will stop him. It might actually have been for the better if she did manage to do some damage to him, because it might have made him think about his actions. Nothing major, just a black eye and some bruises would do.
I won't go into too much detail, but basically this guy had been annoying this girl for quite a while now, and this time she blew a fuse and tried to attack him. He managed to get on the other side of a door to her, and she eventually calmed down enough to walk away.
I can certainly understand why she blew up, the guys a real dick. And sadly I don't think this will stop him. It might actually have been for the better if she did manage to do some damage to him, because it might have made him think about his actions. Nothing major, just a black eye and some bruises would do.
