[Winter Contest Non-Entry 2017] The Call of the Tree-maidens

2
Yanker I read hentai for plot
I actually wrote this for another event, but seeing as it follows the theme of this contest I decided to just post it here. I'd originally planned to produce something sooner, but then I got caught up in university and real life.

It's a shame more judges don't write, because I know some of them are quite good.

PS: Since I've ripped into a lot of people's work here, feel free to do so with mine :). I don't like criticizing people without giving them a chance to criticize me.

Spoiler:
Before he knew it, the forest had swallowed him whole.

Lush, thick trees stretched towards the sky, weaving a glittering canopy of emerald. Soft moonlight filtered through, streams of silver that trickled towards the ground. The cool grass caressed his bare feet, wetting them with the evening dew.

He drew to a halt at the centre of the clearing and closed his eyes. The crickets chirped above, their cries echoing among the treetops. He heard the sound of running water in the distance, a soothing melody that tickled his ears. A faint haze crept across his mind, sinking into his senses, gently stroking them, coaxing them. His breathing slowed down to a crawl, his muscles slackening. He smiled as he fell into its embrace, and opened his eyes.

Standing before him was a beautiful maiden, her skin as pale as the moon above, her hair wild, luscious and tangled like the denizens of the forest. Lithe vegetation curled up her naked body, wrapped around her thighs, twisted across her hips, branched into a thousand serpentine vines that covered her breasts. She stared at him with smouldering eyes of onyx, her full lips curling into a mesmerising smile.

“Come.”

Her words brushed against his ears ever so softly, and he found himself following her into the undergrowth. Her hips swung with every step, swaying like stalks in the breeze. The leaves on her body rustled with each movement, mimicking the sound of the wind as it combed through the foliage above. Each swing of her hair brought the scent of damp soil to his nostrils.

He walked and he walked, deeper into the trees, never losing sight of the being before him. His throat grew parched, his eyelids heavy, his feet sore, but he never stopped. The sound of rushing water grew louder and louder until it drowned out the crickets of the night, the rustling of the leaves, the whisper of the wind. It grew louder still, until it was a thunderous roar pounding against his eardrums.

Then, the maiden stopped, and turned to face him. He made his way to her side, watched as the trees gave way to an enormous column of water plummeting down into a violent froth of white. Moonlight scattered the spray into all the colours of the rainbow, casting a prismatic light across the pool. His eyes travelled across the waters to the seven maidens bathing within, each as captivating as the one before. Some were clad in vibrant flowers, some in rounded shrooms, some in simple roots. They fixed their eyes upon him and he felt their longing, their desire, their passion through the intensity of their gaze.

“Come.”

The maiden beside him smiled once more, and stepped into the pool to join her sisters. The crystal waters stopped at her waist, lapping idly against her skin. They turned as one, arms outstretched, eyes smouldering, smiles captivating.

“Come.”

And so he did, wandering into the pool without a second thought, answering the call of the Tree-maidens.


Spoiler:
Forum Image: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bd/Waterhouse_Hylas_and_the_Nymphs_Manchester_Art_Gallery_1896.15.jpg/1920px-Waterhouse_Hylas_and_the_Nymphs_Manchester_Art_Gallery_1896.15.jpg
2
Xenon FAKKU Writer
This is a pretty nice literary extrapolation of the painting, Yanker. It was pretty enjoyable and the descriptions were excellent.

My only criticism is the line "He heard the sound of running water in the distance," since hearing the sound is redundant. You don't hear the sight or the smell of running water in the distance. Merely, "He heard running water in the distance," is sufficient and cuts some unnecessary fluff.

Very nicely done overall.
1
I have to say, even by some of the other works you've written, this really impressed me a lot.

Not that I'm hard to impress but if you believe that your new work will far outshine this, then I eagerly await your next work!
1
The man could be more fleshed out. We don't get any characterization for him at all. The story could be more fleshed out as well. Such as, why is the man in the forest to begin with?

It's pretty much all description of his encounter with the tree maiden and following her to the other ones. It is good description though. There are a few parts where it comes off as too exaggerated though.


Lush, thick trees stretched towards the sky, weaving a glittering canopy of emerald.


Lithe vegetation curled up her naked body, wrapped around her thighs, twisted across her hips, branched into a thousand serpentine vines that covered her breasts.