ASK JACK

Been a while since we've had one of these things.

Ask away, for I am wisdomful, and ye shall learn great things of little importance maybe.

Where do I get aphrodisiac?

Why can't we cook chicken with squash?

Will this cause an enormous bandwagon once again, filling IB with Ask Me Anything threads?

What is the best way to get Tegumi to show me her feet?

Why is your family white and where my Poutine?

HOW CAN I BE AS CLASSY AS YOU

What is the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything?

Make me a sandwich.

Where is the allspark.

Aphrodisiacs increase sensitivity. They are made by extract of feelings, which we all know women are suckers for.

Grab some rom-coms and chick-flicks (such as Beaches and A Walk To Remember), grind into powder, and go insult an emo for some of their blood. Distill, mix, and mark with your semen, et viola.



Because black people are the proprietors of chicken, and squash is of the injuns.

And we all know that black and red = things of great evil.



-No, because only I have the right answers. And everyone knows it. My Canadianess prevents floods anyways.

Because water does not exist in a liquid state in Canadia.

-Become a shoe. Lots of shoes are made of leather, and leathers are made from skins.

The bonus is that- as a shoe- you get to keep your tongue.



Licky licky.



-They're white because it is the natural camouflage of Canadia. They often adopt coloured children so people can locate each other.

-Poutine is made of fries, cheese, and gravy. It gets devoured as soon as it crosses the border.

Why does my stomach hurt?

And why do I keep procrastinating? I have an essay due by today but I don't even have a topic yet...

Class is defined by what you drink.

It sorta works like Popeye's spinach.

Start off with Glenlivet 12. Intersperse with some Camus.

Whence you reach level two, then we are ready to move on into the big leagues. Return for more tutelage, my apprentice.



"Why is one ball bigger than the other?"



Were you a real man, you'd have a lady to make it, a lady to serve it, and a lady to fetch the beer.

Now piss off.



The center of the universe. It is what prevents it from collapsing in upon itself.



-"A way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

That means some enormously fat chick is trying to get to you, and is simply too fat to fit in.

That's why fat people tend to couple with other fat people. It's a question of compatibility.

-The bigger the load of bullshit. The longer it takes it to crawl through your system.

And it will leave you gaping.

Wherein everyone can see right into you.

Why does 1 + 1 = 1 on a bun?

BECAUSE ONE ON A BUN IS MUCH MORE FUN, SON.

What game consoles do you have,if any?

Why can't I hold all these limes?

ALL KNOWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

TEACUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPS!

Favorite thing about Canada?

You collect guns, right?

Question, which bear is best?