Funny Day

1. You smell like a pair of armor trousers after the Hundred Years War.
2. Cover your face, you're scaring the horses.
3. When you were born, the midwife slapped your mother.
4. You must have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
5. When you were a kid, your mother had to tie a leg of mutton around your neck to get the dog to play with you.
6. Whoa! Either the plague wagon just drove up, or you really need a bath.
7. Your parents tried to throw you to the wolves. But the wolves threw you back!
8. Is that your face, or are you eating a mincemeat pie?
9. When you were born, the midwife saved the bathwater and threw YOU out the window!
10. If you were on fire, I wouldn't lay an egg on you to put you out.
11. Is that your nose, or are you eating a turnip?
12. Most babies are found under a cabbage leaf. You were found under a stinkweed.
13. You smell so bad, even the pig boy avoids your company.
14. You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on a glass of water!
15. Was your mother frightened by a warthog when she was carrying you?
16. Did your parents lose a bet with an evil magician?
17. You're so dumb, the village idiot won't ask you for directions.
18. Only your varicose veins save you from being completely colorless.
19. You're so dull, you can't even entertain a doubt!
20. You light up the room, whenever you leave it.
21. You're almost as exciting as a fat lapdog right after dinner.
22. Your mouth is so big, you can whisper in your own ear.
23. You're so boring, your own shadow won't keep you company.
24. The only thing that can stay in your head for more than an hour is a cold.
25. You can't count to twenty without taking your shoes off.
26. The only way you can broaden your mind is to put it under a wagon wheel.
27. When there's an idea in your head, it's in solitary confinement.
28. If you had a little more sense, you'd be a half-wit.
29. When you walk in a room, the mice scream and jump on chairs.
30. The day your arrived, your father went out and shot the stork!
31. You have the face of a saint. A St. Bernard!
32. You have a very striking face. How many times have you been struck there anyway?
33. You must not be two-faced, because if you had two, why would you be wearing that one?
34. Why don't you send your wits out to be sharpened?
35. Are you going on a trip? You sure have big bags under your eyes!
36. I never forget a face. But in your case, I'll make an exception.
37. I've got two minutes to kill, tell me everything you know.
38. You have a pretty little head. For a head, it's pretty little!
39. When your time comes, thousands of people will attend your funeral. To make sure you're really dead!
40. Is that your head, or is your neck blowing a bubble?
41. When you arrived, the stork flew around your house for a week before he had the nerve to drop you off!
42. Be careful not to let your mind wander. It's too little to go out alone!
43. You have a face like a flower. A cauliflower!
44. I feel sorry for your little mind. All alone in that big, fat head!
45. Are those your ears, or fly swatters?
46. Your parents almost lost you as a child. Unfortunately, they didn't take you far enough into the woods!
47. Didn't I meet you in a nightmare?
48. Why don't you go hang around with the village idiot so you have someone to look up to?
49. You must be a big cheese. You certainly smell like one!
50. Keep those legs covered, the chicken peddler is in town!