Over a year passed. Worry becomes memory. Memories forgotten. I've never pondered about the reality of this world anymore. Perhaps that scroll is indeed the way back to my own world. I still haven't understood why does this world decides to erase the history of Ilya's death but it no longer mattered to me. I'm grateful at the second chance bestowed upon me, the chance to be with her again.
I've been trying to teach Ilya magic but it seems like she's unable to do it. She doesn't have any mana at all... as for the others, I've never talked about magic at all. This is a world without magic, so I suppose it's better if I don't reveal its existence. I've been attending school as usual. My life is very normal now, and very happy. Nothing has actually changed from the past, Ilya's home still feels much more like a home than my own, but I don't care about it. If there's anything different from my memory it'd be... in this timeline I've promised Ilya that we'll try to get along with my family someday.
"The stars are really beautiful huh," I say absentmindedly while staring out of the window. She is reading a book, my head is on her lap. She looks up and nods.
"Well, they're not all that beautiful up close. Just a blob of plasma, that's all," I smirk. To that she hits my head lightly. "Don't ruin the good mood you set up yourself."
"But it's true," I return the favor with a lick flick on her forehead. "They appear beautiful because we're so far from it. If we're close then we'd be roasted by the radiation."
"Yeah yeah, Mr Aspiring Physicist. You need to be more dreamy to enjoy life you know," she shrugs and returns to her book. "Gee, what a bleak way to think about a star... and I love it too," she mumbles, barely audible.
"So says a girl who always shuts herself in her room. Any dream in that?" I poke her thigh. She doesn't reply. Silence fills the room for a while. It's somewhat awkward.
"I don't need-" "That's because-" we say at the same time, only to be stopped by each other. Suddenly I feel blood rushing to my face. "You first."
"No way, you first, Aize," she says. I'm not looking at her, but from the slight tremble of her lap, Ilya's probably blushing as well.
"Fine. Don't change what you were about to say, promise?" I say, hesitating a bit. I can feel my heart beating like crazy.
"You too."
"I don't need any dreams. My current reality is better than any dream can be. I have you," I say, turning away so she wouldn't see my face.
"That's because my dream came to me. You accept and love me as I am, and you're so wonderful that I'm helplessly in love with you despite my autism..." she says, the trembling of her lap becomes a bit stronger.
Uh, this is far more awkward than the previous silence. I'm totally out of words when Ilya confesses like that... damn it. I feel like distancing myself from her because I'm embarrassed but her lap is so comfortable...
Suddenly drops of water fall on my hair. "You're crying, Ilya?" I could tell since she cries easily when her emotion gets too intense but the question slipped out of me anyway.
".........spitting on idiot Aize," she answers. That's my reward for asking the obvious. Ilya's really Ilya after all.
I turn and face her. Her crying expression is... I don't know how to describe it. I don't like to see her crying but at the same time I'm very happy because the tears came out because of me. I pinch her cheek softly and say, "No need to be dreamy then. We both have each other."
"But I'm scared... I don't think I can take it if you leave me..." Ilya holds my hand. Her tears fall on my forehead. They're warm.
"We'll always be together Ilya. I will never leave you," I get up and kiss her cheek. "So don't you worry about that."
"Really? You promise, Aize?" she asks, looking straight into my eyes.
"Yes. But I want you to promise that you'll never leave me as well."
"I won't! I'm Aize's forever!" she says with a smile, hugging me tightly.
***
Another month pass by. We are going on a date. We are chatting as we decide where to go next. Suddenly as we cross the road, a vehicle goes out of control and comes our way. By reflex I take Ilya and leap to safety. "Weird... at that range, my shields should block it..." I say to myself. I check on my shield only to know that they're fully operational. There's nothing wrong with my magic at all so... why?
A strange horror intensifies in me. The memories I thought I've forgotten come back to me one after another. The memory of me and Ilya. How I've been reliving the times in my memory without realizing it all this time. The memories of the void in the scroll. The intense light that revealed the world I'm currently in. And most importantly... the memory of Ilya's death. The view of her being crushed right in front of the helpless me. The sensation of her blood as she- AJSUHDOQJJLSAJU!@)(JOSJNQNLK!)O!M<><:LMJUAHIUahA HER BLOOD.
I shout. As hard as I can, I shout. Out of fear that the torrent of memories is giving me, I shout. To convince myself that those memories are not my own, I shout. I shout, ignoring everything around me. Ignoring 'Ilya' beside me.
"Aize? What happened? Aize!?" she panics and hugs me tightly. "Calm down, Aize! I'm here with you! Pull yourself together, Aize!"
She shakes my body strongly, but I'm still unable to stop screaming. It's too scary that I don't notice her at all. Then suddenly I feel a strong force on my right cheek. A strength unlike the usual Ilya I knew. Ah... I see... she slapped me as hard as she could, huh...
"Aize... what happened? Relax Aize, I'm always here with you. Don't be afraid... just calm down..." she hugs me even tighter than before. I feel her tears on my head again. "Please... Aize? Please be alright..."
"..................." it all comes into place now. She may not be the real Ilya, but she is real. As I accept that fact, I also know what must follow.
"Ilya... do you remember that there was something I didn't tell you? Wanna talk about it now?" I ask, ignoring the fact that we are on the road. This world cannot harm us.
"The thing from last year right? Tell me, Aize," she nods solemnly as if she's able to read my feelings.
"I'll be honest. You're actually not the real Ilya. You're a soul created from my memories. The real Ilya was... dead. Right in front of me, in order to save my life."
"Eh... what? What are you talking about, Aize? I'm here right now! We're together!" Ilya says, confused with my words. "Do you want me to die? You even promised you'd never leave me... was that all a lie!?"
"That's not it, Ilya. Have I ever lied to you before? I haven't and we both know it's true. Just as what I've said earlier is true," I want to cry when I look into her confused expression. I hug her. "Please... believe me."
A lorry comes crashing on us. Just like in the past, I can't see it coming at all. I'm still hugging the small girl lovingly. That's when she suddenly pushes me. I can only look at her as the force send me some meters away from her, just enough to be spared from the collision. It's as if time is stretched into infinity when we look into each others' eyes. She seems to be saying something but I can't hear her at all. All I can see is her beautiful final smile. The smile that I tried so desperately to erase from my memory...
Ahh, I was such a foolish one. To think that I tried to erase this precious a memory from myself...
The world is collapsing, leaving only me and the dying Ilya in my arms. She's trying to feel my skin for the last time. Her hand is soaked with her blood and it's covering my face. I look at her with a strong determination. I would never repeat the utterly foolish mistake that I did. I would never look away, I would never refuse to hold her in her final moments. I'll witness this to the very end so... rest in peace, Ilya.
The woman that appeared with the scroll comes behind me. "The dark..." she begins, "...is not the opposite of the light; the dark is an immense, all-encompassing power that devours even that which opposes it. Within the darkness, differences fade and everything is one and the same: obscure. In achieving Magia Erebea, the biggest threat is that even the mage himself can be swallowed by the darkness. In that respect, there's no other soul that is more suited to the darkness than yourself. You've learned to accept every single thing that comes your way. The fact that you're able to absorb the scroll within yourself, albeit temporary, is the best proof of that. Not even something of that level could harm your self, but that is only because you have no self to begin with. Ever since that day, you've discarded even yourself and treated it as if it's another thing that is outside of you. That is a contradiction, and it is that contradiction that helped you came so far. It is not an exaggeration to say that you've achieved Magia Erebea even before you take hold of that scroll."
She walks to my front and continues. "However, that is not how real power should be. A real power is not aimless. It must have a purpose, a sense of being. Should you try Magia Erebea before you realize that fact, you would simply disintegrate into the pure element you're trying to absorb and permanently become a magical being. The power should be absorbed into the soul, not absorbed alongside the soul. The previous you were incapable of that, I believe you're aware of that fact now. That's why it's imperative to prevent you from using Erebea before you regain the soul to contain all the power in."
"So this is a test all along..." I say. Ilya's body is slowly disappearing in my arms.
I feel the woman's gaze on me. "Now you understand what the Darkness is, I suppose."
I remove the ring from Ilya's finger. The ring pair that we made together... and hold it in my fist. Both it and my ring shine brightly.
Before she disappears completely, I kiss her forehead one last time. "Ilya... van futare parge iem... melenas." As if responding to my words, the two rings merge together. The gem gives off a psychedelic radiance, one that soothes the soul.
The birds that fly without stopping are going towards the sunlight,
and Inside the overflowing light
their wings are carrying the light of feelings
The world is collapsing. The woman smirks at me. "Heh, to think that there is someone like you in this world... interesting. My real body would be delighted to meet you."
"............." I just look at her silently. I feel a lot of power in me. Even though I wasn't told about Magia Erebea at all, I know how to use it. This is... power.
I'm going to Ostia and maybe other cities to fulfill my objective; finding a way back. As I leave the cave, I heard Ilya's voice saying,
I'm very happy to sing my song of rebirth for a life.
