Lamest Jokes and Pick-Up Lines

"You're like a compass: without you, I'd be lost."

"Are your pants made of Windex? Cause, baby, I can see myself in them."

"Did you know the word of the day is "legs"? Why don't you and I go back to my place and spread the word?"

"I hope you know CPR, baby, cause when you walked into the room, my heart stopped beating."

"Oh baby, you must be a parking ticket, because you got "fine" written all over you."

=.='

"Am I in heaven? Because I obviously am or else why would an angel like you stand right in front of me"

Jingle boobs, jingle boobs, jingle all the boobs

"do you know CPR, because you just took my breath away..."

you - "Excuse me miss did it hurt...?
her - "what?"
you - "when you fell from heaven..."

"Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here."

"Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes."

"You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room."

you - "Can I have directions?"
her - "To where?"
you - "To your heart."

you - "Ouch! My tooth hurts!"
her - "Why?"
you - "Because you are soooo sweet!"

"Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers."

"Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle. " - awesome... best one IMO...

oh my god.........

One night in a town in the middle of nowhere, as a bartender was closing up, a Mexican ran in. The bartender says to the Mexican, "Sorry pal but we're closed." The Mexican, clearly out of breath, replied, "Te*pant*Te*pant*Tequila*pant pant*." The bartender then says to him, "I told you we're closed, come back tomorrow." The Mexican then shouts at him, "Tequila! Tequila is after me! Tequila's outside!" Thinking that this guy is drunk, the bartender tells him that they're closed and helps him outside the bar. When they go outside, a huge guy with a shotgun blasts both of them several times, obviously killing them. In Heaven, the bartender sees the Mexican and says, "Sorry man, I didn't expect a crazy guy to shoot us." The Mexican shouts back at him, "I SAID TE KILLA'S OUTSIDE! WHAT PART OF DAT DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope you don't multiply.

"I have a feeling that we're gonna get along just like firehoses."

dad + mom + drunk - condom = me

Worst jokes ever. hmmmm was it the bush adminitration?....oops!

:lol:

Ever seen this?

AHAHAHAHAHAH! oh you got my rep for today....ahhh the tears...lol

Hey ladies, I don't wanna get in between you...or do I? (Gotta add the wink with that one, lol)

here it is! ;)

I lost my phone number, can i borrow yours?

Hey babe, you like Italian? I couldn't help but notice your Angel Hair

I got this from Robot Chicken.

"Are you an Angel, 'cause I've got an erection."

"I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?"
"I'm sorry but I have to surrender you to the authorities. Because you're the bomb."