Mahou's Haven
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Great, thank you! I knew it was a bit rough. I could feel it as well, but couldn't tell where it was coming from. I completely see what you mean now. I know now that the line about Susan should have included some additional info to make it tie better to the character and the situation, otherwise it comes off as irrelevant because you can't understand the side thought or why it would come up for the character.
As for the choppiness, I am aware of it, and hope to over come it. I think at it's root it comes from how my method came to me. Intailly, as I was finding my writer's voice, I practiced with a few poetic type lines, expressing emotion. From there I converted the lines to small passages. I am coming from a background of cobbling together bits and pieces of thought.
As a result, stories are somewhat new to me, and some choppiness seems to come through. Also, as I write based a great deal on inspiration colored with expression, it can often be tough to tailor my passages properly. It's a lot different that writing line by line and seeing how they fit together. Rather, it's scenes that evolve as you write, and you have to both keep momentum and make judgement calls as to wither you drive the story or let it take the wheel at each part.
A smoother story base is a step I am working toward as I grow as a writer, and I am very grateful for your analysis. I hope you will continue to look after my pieces and post your insight.
As for the choppiness, I am aware of it, and hope to over come it. I think at it's root it comes from how my method came to me. Intailly, as I was finding my writer's voice, I practiced with a few poetic type lines, expressing emotion. From there I converted the lines to small passages. I am coming from a background of cobbling together bits and pieces of thought.
As a result, stories are somewhat new to me, and some choppiness seems to come through. Also, as I write based a great deal on inspiration colored with expression, it can often be tough to tailor my passages properly. It's a lot different that writing line by line and seeing how they fit together. Rather, it's scenes that evolve as you write, and you have to both keep momentum and make judgement calls as to wither you drive the story or let it take the wheel at each part.
A smoother story base is a step I am working toward as I grow as a writer, and I am very grateful for your analysis. I hope you will continue to look after my pieces and post your insight.
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Are stories new for you? Thats surprising...a lot of people can write their whole lives and still never achieve the level of integration you display...if you really are a relatively new writer, you're showing some incredible talent
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Tch...we'll see who's jelly when I make my trip to Japan...sometime in the future. One of these days.
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Really? lol, that's pretty flattering.
I just love expression, and always have these scenes swirling in my head, and I'm a pretty emotional person. I want to be able to express those feelings, to make a mark however small, and share what I see. To inspire people and be there to support them in some fashion. The world can be a cold dark place, but it can also be a wonderful bright place.
So often I feel people fall short of themselves or their dreams because they thought the way others told them to see was the only way, that there was nothing else to life but the expectations of the masses. A life they can't escape, one they can't truly give their all to. And they don't know that not only is it okay to think for yourself, to be yourself, but to forge your own road.
It's hard, true, because so few people really try it, but if that's what your heart tells you to do, you have to go for it with all you've got, understood or not. To do anything else is live a hollow life. When I write, I'm telling people there is more out there. I am broadening their view, and hopefully by showing them the colors of my mind, they find a connection of their own. Something that inspires them, brightens their day as they escape into what I have crafted.
I think it's that desire to express such deep emotion, such scenes I wish I could know, these scenes that I wish could see, that pushes me to write in that fashion. Perhaps that's the talent you speak of? All I know is I want to make a difference, that I want to show others. It's hard to keep it to myself. lol
I just love expression, and always have these scenes swirling in my head, and I'm a pretty emotional person. I want to be able to express those feelings, to make a mark however small, and share what I see. To inspire people and be there to support them in some fashion. The world can be a cold dark place, but it can also be a wonderful bright place.
So often I feel people fall short of themselves or their dreams because they thought the way others told them to see was the only way, that there was nothing else to life but the expectations of the masses. A life they can't escape, one they can't truly give their all to. And they don't know that not only is it okay to think for yourself, to be yourself, but to forge your own road.
It's hard, true, because so few people really try it, but if that's what your heart tells you to do, you have to go for it with all you've got, understood or not. To do anything else is live a hollow life. When I write, I'm telling people there is more out there. I am broadening their view, and hopefully by showing them the colors of my mind, they find a connection of their own. Something that inspires them, brightens their day as they escape into what I have crafted.
I think it's that desire to express such deep emotion, such scenes I wish I could know, these scenes that I wish could see, that pushes me to write in that fashion. Perhaps that's the talent you speak of? All I know is I want to make a difference, that I want to show others. It's hard to keep it to myself. lol
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Well, I think I understand what kind of a writer you are...One thats more fit to be a poet. Stories tend to have a harder time in terms of expressing emotions, while poems are subtle enough to accomplish that emotional aspect...
As for your views on life and the world...well, I don't want to be a wet blanket, so I'll hold my views still.
I dunno if thats how all writers think, but its pretty clear that you're a good writer, at any rate, and if your motivation is why, then by all means, keep up the excellent work.
@tooge
Lets have a race...see who gets there first
XD
As for your views on life and the world...well, I don't want to be a wet blanket, so I'll hold my views still.
I dunno if thats how all writers think, but its pretty clear that you're a good writer, at any rate, and if your motivation is why, then by all means, keep up the excellent work.
@tooge
Lets have a race...see who gets there first
XD
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Yes, poems are more my style I suppose, but they take knowledge of certain styles to create and while awesome in there own right, I don't think they paint a scene the way a story does. They express emotion, simple as that. And if I can do that great. But why stop there?
Why not have a person's head swimming with a true sense of expression? Build them a world, paint it for them, show them the world in a way they may not have thought. I am often seeing all sorts of details in my mind's eye that I know people would enjoy if they could see it too.
It's a freedom of sorts, and won't it be neat if I can share that with others? By having a story, I get the whole package, not just emotion. With a story, I can paint a picture of a wonderful sky, awash with golden hues so vivid you swear it could be the true golden glory of the world. That in itself could be inspiring. It goes beyond a simple poem.
Why not have a person's head swimming with a true sense of expression? Build them a world, paint it for them, show them the world in a way they may not have thought. I am often seeing all sorts of details in my mind's eye that I know people would enjoy if they could see it too.
It's a freedom of sorts, and won't it be neat if I can share that with others? By having a story, I get the whole package, not just emotion. With a story, I can paint a picture of a wonderful sky, awash with golden hues so vivid you swear it could be the true golden glory of the world. That in itself could be inspiring. It goes beyond a simple poem.
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Maholix wrote...
Why not have a person's head swimming with a true sense of expression? Build them a world, paint it for them, show them the world in a way they may not have thought. I am often seeing all sorts of details in my mind's eye that I know people would enjoy if they could see it too.
It's a freedom of sorts, and won't it be neat if I can share that with others? By having a story, I get the whole package, not just emotion. With a story, I can paint a picture of a wonderful sky, awash with golden hues so vivid you swear it could be the true golden glory of the world. That in itself could be inspiring. It goes beyond a simple poem.
A picture speaks a thousand words.
This would be your picture.
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Looks like the bird will take residence here.
Naturistic things. The view of the vast world, and enjoyment of silence and nature. Hunting down beasts to control population is optional.
Naturistic things. The view of the vast world, and enjoyment of silence and nature. Hunting down beasts to control population is optional.
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The haven is a place to appreciate the beauty of the world, especially that of nature and music. It's also got a fantasy style RP which I haven't had a lot of opportunity to focus on since I am in the middle of moving. All in all, it's my chat thread, but I welcome guests.
People are encouraged to socialize, and post pictures, poems, music etc.
As for how I am, I am actually in a great mood right now. ^^
People are encouraged to socialize, and post pictures, poems, music etc.
As for how I am, I am actually in a great mood right now. ^^
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Thats good to hear Mai, how happy are you?
~:V
I see...
Sounds like my kind of place.
i will leave a nest somewhere in here as well then.
i like it so far.
:V
~:V
I see...
Sounds like my kind of place.
i will leave a nest somewhere in here as well then.
i like it so far.
:V
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Well, I am listening to up beat songs, hanging out with friends here on Fakku. It's the first true rested day I've had in awhile, and I'm learning a lot today, so I'm quite happy atm. ^^
Great. I will add you to the OP residential list. What title would you like?
Great. I will add you to the OP residential list. What title would you like?
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Oh that's good.
What kind of songs "as in artist or actual songs"
Ahhh....Title...
Can I be the Fluffy Bird of the skies? ~:V
What kind of songs "as in artist or actual songs"
Ahhh....Title...
Can I be the Fluffy Bird of the skies? ~:V
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Well, sounds like you're passionate, which is good. It means you'll stick by it. I think its pretty awesome, trying to express it via writing. Good poems are worth a thousand pictures.
You're as sunny as ever
Hey Waffles
You're as sunny as ever
Hey Waffles
