I know nothing about dating,I beseech aid!

So...how to put it?
I'm not really bold when it comes to meet new people.
In my entire life I met only one true friend (and I'm grateful for that),
I travelled a lot in the past,changing many schools,cities and countries...
And it was not so nice,to constantly lose friends...
Slowly I began to isolate myself more and more,
to the point that I became unreasonably nervous around people...
Now that my friend has moved to another city I haven't got anyone to hang out with!
Until recently it was fine,I can still hear my friend on Skipe...But...
Now it has come to my attention that I never ever had a girl in my life!
NEVER...EVER!.....
Once,in the past,I have tried to befriend a girl...but it was Disastrous,when she said that she wanted to be my girlfriend she was joking...and she left me wait for her for hours,only to laugh at me the day after...hahaha,so much fun...(not really)

So what should I do?...Were to start?...How to start?...
I have no idea whatsoever.

Misaki's Tips For Dating:

1. Focus on yourself first - first and foremost you need to always work on yourself. This means working on your confidence and self worth and overall esteem. You need to try to see your good qualities because everyone has them and the things that you aren't fond of you slowly work on changing. Striving to be the best you possible gives off a good image to people (including women); it shows potential. Also try to learn to accept those things that you cannot change within yourself (for me it's being a nerdy person or being a woman lol), those things only make you different and they are never to be seen as a bad thing.

2. Get out of your comfort zone - this step is basically telling you to work on getting yourself out of your place. You can try to find someone to socialize with, but honestly just try to get out in general. Go to a bookstore, a game store, or even a local grocery store; find any place with people in it that you can go to. The more you are around people, the less difficult you will find it to be out and about. When you are out try to strike up conversations where you can. I know a lot of people give the, "fuck off" attitude and you may not find anyone who will be your friend, but it will give you social experience of some kind; everyone's gotta start somewhere.

3. Start from scratch with women - I am so sorry to hear what happened with your one date, because people can be that shitty. Also sad to say that life doesn't get any easier. All that aside though, don't let this be the end all for you in the dating scene. When you meet new people including women, don't let your experience rule how you are with women. It's alright to be a little more guarded, but don't completely shut people out. You'll have to accept that there is always the chance you may be hurt again. If it means something to you though, then believe it is worth the risk.
**NOTE: get to know a women slowly. You don't have to date right away. Just starting out as casual friends for a little bit can be a good thing. Sort of a, "look before you leap". Can also be a comfort to have an actual girl to talk to even if romance never arises from it.

4. Don't look too hard - there is a saying my mother use to tell me, "if you look too hard for something, you probably won't find it, but if you stop looking and just go with the flow, it will come to you." I never really understood her words until I met my boyfriend. I always pursued my relationships hardcore and they ended miserably, but my current boyfriend was a good friend of mine for a short time and then he kissed me. Basically all this boils down to is don't make your life based on finding a girl to love. Enjoy life and what it may bring you. Do things you want to do, make some friends along the way and if you see girls you are interested in just talk to them.

5. Take a risk and kiss de girl - you don't have to actually kiss her (reference to a song from the little mermaid lol), but don't be afraid to talk to a woman and to ask her out. I know guys get intimidated or fearful to be rejected, but honestly if you don't take any risks you are not gonna get anywhere in life. Girls do not fall from the sky into your lap, though dakimakuras or a onaholes might with some coin. There is no shame or harm in talking to a nice looking girl and asking her out for coffee or lunch. If she says to, "fuck off" don't think you did something wrong, she's probably just a bitch. Anyways, I know this is easier said then done and you may get rejected 100 times, but you cannot complain when you haven't even tried to ask a girl out let alone haven't talked to one. Also, it's fine to get hurt by rejection (many people do including myself), so if you do take some time to heal and then when you are ready get back out there!!

Extra notes:

Thank You very much for having taken the time to read my questions and for having answered in a serious and complete way.
After having read Your answers several times,I think that I fully agree on the points that You have made,but as they say "There's many a slip 'twixt cup and lip"...
I fear that when the moment of truth will come I will panic and just run for the hills...
(figuratively speaking...well,perhaps not,here there are many hills to run of to...)
And besides...
In my town there is nothing,I live in the middle on nowhere!
(actually I live in the middle on Italy,between Florence and Arezzo..But still!)
The most exciting thing about my town is a bunch of old guys that laugh at each other in the main street...Oh,and the hills are pretty exciting too...
And as always I can only see problems,
did I mentioned that I am a bit of a pessimistic person?
Speaking of point five...I think that if I tryed to put that in practice I would likely explode,
or melt...or both!(can you explode and melt at the same time?)
Cheap humor aside,I understand what I should do...the problem is that when I have to put knowledge in action,I begin to overthink,stuff like "what If run out of stuff to say?".."what if I stammer?"...."Oh God!..I'm stammering!...I should stop immediately!"...
and then I just stop talking...
Even though I'm far from confident I shall put Your advices in action.
Thank You again for the time You have spent,
I'm glad that a person with a brain Has Answered.

I put these steps in an order that have no definite timeline. Just work on doing each one at your own pace and you may still need to work on one as you get to the next phase and such. Also, my words are not laws to be abided, they are just some helpful hints and tricks I have picked up over the years and they may or may not help. Use them as you wish; you may even find better ones along the way.



Sounds nice actually, I come from a large city (believe me when I say it is never easy in any setting to meet people lol). The thing with a quiet and/or small town is that you may need to consider the idea of either moving or making what you have there worth while. You never know when a girl could randomly show up or you may meet people or decide one day to travel out some.



I think most people have a percentage of pessimism to them. I use to be a lot more pessimistic a few years back, but it was something I disliked about myself and I worked pretty hard to become more optimistic. The thing about us humans is that we have the ability to adapt and change, we just gotta work at it. Those who stay pessimistic tend to wanna wallow in it rather then work at it. Life isn't easy for anyone so just keep working on yourself and try to see the good sides of life even if they are far and few. I know for me, a nice meal to eat and a roof over my head let me see that I have it good. You can't let life or yourself get you down.

What do you do if you are unable to..."communicate who you are"...
I often fear that people get the wrong impression about who I am,for instance:
I like to dress in an old fashioned way,not because I pretend to be nicer or stuff,
It's just the way I dress!,
But at school many think that I pretend to dress in such a way just to show off...
(I know that it sounds illogical,but that's what they said)
And my face isn't the friendliest,when I'm relaxed it looks like I'm angry for some reason,to top it all I'm almost 1.90 m tall,so I guess that I give the "fuck off!" impression
unintentionally,to make matters worst I don't share many common interests with my peers,I don't enjoy football,I don't enjoy going out at night,I'm a morning person...
The only one who enjoyed talking about history during interval is about to relocate to another town...paradoxically there are very few people who enjoy talking about
"school matters" at shool....

I felt the same way when I was younger. I didn't like to drink, I didn't like sports (though I did dance.... but the dancing world is for of catty narcissistic people so no friends there) I was pale as a bloody ghost, I liked reading comics and didn't really have any friends.

I knew that there was a side of me willing to go out and have fun, but I felt like people always were stereotyping me or misunderstanding me. The thing about that is one, it is human nature and two, just have to go through a lot of people to find ones that will accept you for who you are.

I didn't have a good relationship personally till this past year and a half. A lot of the guys I dated were jerks or just didn't get me. The guy I have now things I am something special and get's me to a T. The same thing applies to friends. I know quite a few more people now and a lot of them are pretty awesome. Surprisingly most of them are from this site lol.

Just learn to look at your circumstances in a way that makes you feel better about yourself. Just because you've known people that don't understand you doesn't mean that you are not a good person. Just means you may have to work on some things and eventually you'll find people who will think your nice.

In the end you have to be who you are. Don't go and change yourself to fit other people's desires, that's just one big lie in itself. If you do decide to change, make it about wanting to do so for yourself and not others.

Thank You for sharing with me Your experience,knowing that others have passed what I'm going through is reassuring.
so that's a step of life eh?
I guess that I'll roll up my sleeves and try to get more confidence...
By the way,it was really nice talk to someone insightful as You,I hope that we may indulge into further discussions in the future.

You are most certainly not alone in what you are going through, but it's hard to relate to others; I mean we are technically selfish beings at heart (not to be seen as a bad thing though). You'll have your ups and your downs, but it is all up to you in how it goes. I mean, you can curse your family or a higher power all you want, but all you are doing is just bitching and not changing anything... I feel like one of those motivational videos now lol.

And I'm friendly enough so just msg me if ya ever feel like it, I don't mind.

dude i feel you, never had a gf, lack confidence.

once i asked a girl out got rejected, said she dosnt want to see anyone right now, a day later who i thought was my friend asked her out, and she said yes

That sucks man, sorry to hear :/

Gotta look at it that she wasn't right for you if she's not upfront about stuff like that. I use to hate telling guys the truth, but it's better then saying something like that. Also be proud that you had the guts to ask her out regardless, it isn't easy to do.

Give this some time and don't loose hope in trying again at some point.

Thanks Misaki, and your right, I lost hope and that's why I'm scared to ask again.

Plutonium Rainbow Lets do our best to get a girl friend, I'll be rooting for you. Give us feedback and tell us how your doing <(o_o<)

This is completely off topic, but I just wanted to comment that I think it's awesome you used the word beseech in the title of this.

On a more serious note both you and kevblaze situations with women really freakin suck, but I agree with ever-insightful Misaki that the best way to handle that is saying "glad I didn't date that bitch."

I also have no girlfriend and the only girl I bothered to ask out (or was ever interested in, to be honest) rejected me. This was due to my intense shyness that my friends have since help me overcome. My scenario is weird however, because I had a class with her a year later and we bonded to the point where I probably could've asked her out again and she would've said yes. I didn't however because I was still fighting the shyness I mentioned earlier.

Since then, due to friends I made leaving my comfort zone (highly recomend it), I'm no longer shy, more out going, and according to some male and female sources, capable of getting a girlfriend. I've become so outgoing, infact that I managed to make friends I plan to hang out with in college (I leave for tomorrow as a freshman, btw) at the orientation.

So I guess the point I'm trying to make here is your probably way more awesome then you think you are and the more true to yourself and open to the public you are, the better your life will become. Some may judge you for who you are, but those people are normally pricks and way so fuck them.

Finishing where I started (on a completely unrelated note) this is my first time using the forms and I must say this is kinda awesome.

My heartfelt thanks to the ones who shared with me their experiences.
I have been pondering for quite a while "what to do" and I came to a conclusion.
Mere words cannot express what I feel the urge to say.
But perhaps a crappy poem can!

"Today I'll go...
Where?
I don't know...
Perhaps I'll fail,
Thus fall in despair...
But I know well...
If I won't act,
I will regret,and that's a fact.
My youth is now,I shall be Brave!
Or I'll regret it in the grave...
And thus I tell,to You my friends,
I wil go out,
and get a Girlfriend!"

Yeah...that summons up my plan for the day.
Wish me luck!

Lol this just made my day xD

It's awesome to see that you are keeping your spirits high and I still continue to support you on your heroic quests comrade. You remind me of one my of friends that's it's quite entertaining. Anyways, hope you have been doing well and message or post if ya ever need to \(^O^)/

My thrilling adventure has come to an end.
I have failed.
Which is an improvement since I'm used to "fail miserably".
Following,a most exciting account of my deeds:

After having lost a train due to the unbearably slow and confusing tiket machine,
(which I HATE) I finally reached Florence,once there,many things happened...
For instance,literally EVERYONE thought that I was english,
because of my appearance I suppose,which was not so bad...
Bad was the part when I realized that I'm forgetting how to speak italian,
the only time that I had to use my native lenguage ( to buy an ice cream),
I stammered like hell....Which is a problem if I will have to talk.
Anyways...
After some hours of aimles wandering,I was walking alongside the arno
(a huge river),and than....
I saw a super cute girl in a green dress,standing in the shadow of a tree,
suddenly she turned her head,our eyes met and...
And I just fled.
To think about it....Shame on me,I'm such a coward....
Similar encounters happened through the rest day,
many were the times that I chickened out,out of fear...
Depressed,I went to home...defeated.

my advice.

give up. focus yourself on getting tons of money. Then you can buy happiness.

So this is beginning to entertain me to the point where I'm using this site just for the forums. (Which is saying somthing seeing as how I moved in to college today knowing I'd have to stop "reading hentai"). Also I have been there. I'm not sure Id consider myself a good person to consult on meeting people outside of school, seeing as how at school every one is willing to meet everyone since they have something in common (going to the same school), so I guess I would establish some friends in general to bounce back when your feeling down as well as breaking your shyness (that's what happened to me and I'm happy. Single, but happy). Id like to help With meeting people outside of school but I dont think I've ever made any friends outside of school because its hard for me to establish conversations without common points of interest to get their attention. So on that same train of thought, perhaps you should just pursue somthing your interested in that has social gatherings for people who are interested in that. (Rock concerts and video game release parties for example). Also the pain you feel now freakin sucks, but it's not so bad. You just have to know that rejection is possible, but not guaranteed. In fact if you do get rejected, (I don't know how this will work, seeing as how I've only ever asked out a single girl in my life) I would ask why. Because some girls already have boyfriends or are just judgemental and need to fuck off. Also, confidence is key. Your probably fucking awesome, but no one knows because you never talk. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Good luck broseph

P.s. I enjoyed the poem.

Mmm.. dating? Well, just don't over-work yerself off aaaand try to be as sweet as possible :D




YOU CAN DO IT!

Thank You,what you say heartens me.
But I fear that to put in action your advice will reveal problematic,
The problem is that in my town girls are an urban legend,
I had to go all the way to Florence to verify their existence!
In regard of the school...
I tried to establish friendships,I really did!
But I guess that my interests are just too uncommon,no one seems interested in history.
Even the teacher shrugged me off once when I asked an in-depth explanation,
saying "why do you ask?,you won't need it for the exam!"...well,teacher,perhaps I take intrest into learning?...is that SO uncommon?
Anyways,I shall not surrender!
By the name of my ancestors,I will meet a girl!
Even though I'm not certain how I will go about it.