Is it so hard to be committed in a relationship?

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Do you have a hard time being committed to one person?

Total Votes : 54
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This past Sunday I thought about commitment and I wondered about myself. I came to the question as why do people find commitment such a hard thing to do. I can understand if people don't want to commit to a serious relationship but instead of wasting the other person's time why not tell them your intentions from the beginning. I don't want this to seem like I'm looking down on people who don't like commitment or have trouble committing but I want to understand how other people think and feel about this subject.
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I never really thought about because, I've been through all at a younge age, Ive done the Grade school "relationships", the "dating" in college, and throughout all of it I eventually found the woman I'm with now, married even. Its been about 4 years of marriage so far and while we have had our ups and downs...I know that I couldnt be with anyone else the way i am with her.

People nowadays are either testing the waters, seeing whats out there, or are just unable to for reasons which go from just wanting strictly sex, to never wanting to truly settle down with just one person, they may want the companionship of that one person but still have options when it comes to sexual partners and such.

It all boils down to willpower. Some have it, others don't.
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Misaki_Chi Fakku Nurse
There's more to it then just having the willpower to be committed to a relationship.

I think being committed to a person takes a number of things to make it work. The main ones are communication, happiness, trust, honesty, and work. Even with all of that people can and will still cheat.

To me being able to commit to a relationship is to say, "I want to have this person in my life mean something more then anyone else". You are able to talk to them about most anything (100% everything is too perfect and doesn't exist lol), you can trust them with whatever, they are honest with you, they work with you through the good/bad, the easy/difficult, they work on trying to be happy with you, and most of all they talk with you.

The biggest issues to having such a relationship are fear, a lack of desire and comfort. People that have been hurt in past relationships sometimes come to fear being in future ones no matter how good the partner is to them. Once a person let's fear rule there lives it becomes that much more difficult to make something work.

With having a lack of desire, even though some people see how happy a good relationship can be, they don't want to work for it. It's not easy to make a relationship good or to make it work so some people want it to be easy for them. If you don't have the desire to make a relationship work you won't have a relationship. It takes two people to make something special happen.

When I talk about comfort, I more or less mean comfort in others. People who are able to commit to one person feel comfortable with that person. When they don't feel comfortable with that person they may sometimes seek the comfort of another even if it's just for the physical sense. This isn't a lack of willpower, but rather the relationship has become complacent and one or both parties are needing something to feel safe in. That doesn't mean that the arms of another person is the right way to handle it, but for some who find they cannot communicate with there partners, they find another person easier.

Summary: to make a good relationship work you need to personally make the effort to be committed. Having that mindset to commit will make it that much easier to find another person who will do the same. You may not find them right away and you may get hurt along the way, but all you can do is say that the person you tried to be with wasn't the right one and move on with a lesson learned. Once you find someone you can talk to, trust and communicate with, you can try to work on the relationship with them. No one is 100% perfect and shit will happen, but all you can do is try your best. We are human and alive so we try to make the most out of what life has to offer. In the end you will find what makes you happy regardless if it's a lover, friends, children, animals, etc.

Bonus: I think this manga is a good example of how you try to find happiness for yourself Oyasumi Punpun. The story ends well, but it shows that love and happiness is different for us all.
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Misaki_Chi wrote...
There's more to it then just having the willpower to be committed to a relationship.

I think being committed to a person takes a number of things to make it work. The main ones are communication, happiness, trust, honesty, and work. Even with all of that people can and will still cheat.

To me being able to commit to a relationship is to say, "I want to have this person in my life mean something more then anyone else". You are able to talk to them about most anything (100% everything is too perfect and doesn't exist lol), you can trust them with whatever, they are honest with you, they work with you through the good/bad, the easy/difficult, they work on trying to be happy with you, and most of all they talk with you.

The biggest issues to having such a relationship are fear, a lack of desire and comfort. People that have been hurt in past relationships sometimes come to fear being in future ones no matter how good the partner is to them. Once a person let's fear rule there lives it becomes that much more difficult to make something work.

With having a lack of desire, even though some people see how happy a good relationship can be, they don't want to work for it. It's not easy to make a relationship good or to make it work so some people want it to be easy for them. If you don't have the desire to make a relationship work you won't have a relationship. It takes two people to make something special happen.

When I talk about comfort, I more or less mean comfort in others. People who are able to commit to one person feel comfortable with that person. When they don't feel comfortable with that person they may sometimes seek the comfort of another even if it's just for the physical sense. This isn't a lack of willpower, but rather the relationship has become complacent and one or both parties are needing something to feel safe in. That doesn't mean that the arms of another person is the right way to handle it, but for some who find they cannot communicate with there partners, they find another person easier.

Summary: to make a good relationship work you need to personally make the effort to be committed. Having that mindset to commit will make it that much easier to find another person who will do the same. You may not find them right away and you may get hurt along the way, but all you can do is say that the person you tried to be with wasn't the right one and move on with a lesson learned. Once you find someone you can talk to, trust and communicate with, you can try to work on the relationship with them. No one is 100% perfect and shit will happen, but all you can do is try your best. We are human and alive so we try to make the most out of what life has to offer. In the end you will find what makes you happy regardless if it's a lover, friends, children, animals, etc.

Bonus: I think this manga is a good example of how you try to find happiness for yourself Oyasumi Punpun. The story ends well, but it shows that love and happiness is different for us all.


I actually read that manga. Hit close to home many times and made me tear up a few times.
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I swear this section should be "Misaki_Chi corner" or "Misaki_Chi love advice" lol

But just to add on. Committed relationships are not really hard, but there is a fear to it all that makes you think "can you really be with this person forever?" Committed relationships just takes 2 people t work hard at creating an environment that each other enjoy and feel comfortable in. If both don't work then you will run into problems.
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animefreak_usa Child of Samael
It not hard, but then again we aren't suppose to be monogamous anyways. Depends if your into swinging and such. Relationships and sex aren't mutually exclusive. Specially if both of you are bi.
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I haven't found committed relationships to be a difficult thing to deal with. I see attractive women every day, but after a minute or two I'm over them. I do not have enough interest in them to pursue a relationship. I am happy with my current relationship and that is what keeps me from looking for other relationships. I know that relationships may not be that simple for everyone though.
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If it's really easy or too hard to be committed, then you may be doing something wrong.

A commitment involves the fact that there are things you may sacrifice somewhat or completely (depends on the person). However, we don't know how hard it is once time passes and situations arise when our commitment is put into test and we think if we should continue or not.
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I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to "lack of commitment". And i apply it to myself as well.

Now, if a large group of people is planning a one-shot huge cum guzzling orgy from the start, then i shall be the host. Unless im in a relationship at the time. Then its out of the question.
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I think it is easy for a woman to be committed in a relationship.

However, I think it is IMPOSSIBLE for a man to be committed in a relationship forever.

To elaborate, if a woman fell deep in love with a perfect man, there may or may not be a possibility for her to be fully committed to him until death. On the other hand, no matter how perfect of a woman someone is, it is never possible for a man to be fully committed to a single woman until death. I believe this is biologically proven. All male organisms' ultimate goal is to pass down and spread his genes to as many different offspring as possible. In other words, if a man gives birth to a child with his wife, the day will inevitably come when he will want to give birth to a new child with a different woman. Now, I am not saying all men will sooner or later cheat on their wives or get tired of them. I am simply stating that while it may be possible for a woman to give her full love to her husband forever, it is impossible for a man to continue to give the same love that he gave to his wife when he first met her forever.
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Misaki_Chi Fakku Nurse
CaffeLatte~ wrote...
I think it is easy for a woman to be committed in a relationship.

However, I think it is IMPOSSIBLE for a man to be committed in a relationship forever.

To elaborate, if a woman fell deep in love with a perfect man, there may or may not be a possibility for her to be fully committed to him until death. On the other hand, no matter how perfect of a woman someone is, it is never possible for a man to be fully committed to a single woman until death. I believe this is biologically proven. All male organisms' ultimate goal is to pass down and spread his genes to as many different offspring as possible. In other words, if a man gives birth to a child with his wife, the day will inevitably come when he will want to give birth to a new child with a different woman. Now, I am not saying all men will sooner or later cheat on their wives or get tired of them. I am simply stating that while it may be possible for a woman to give her full love to her husband forever, it is impossible for a man to continue to give the same love that he gave to his wife when he first met her forever.


Not really sure how you came to this conclusion.

Doesn't matter the gender, both men and women have the capability to cheat on one another with no one gender beating out the other. The rate may be higher for men only because they get caught easier then women. Believe me women can be more notorious then men in the cheating department (can be rather sad sometimes too).

Also, it's not impossible for a man to be fully committed to one person. I've known quite a few men that have been utterly faithful to there woman without straying (can't say the same for some of the women though).

Your biological reproduction theory has also been proven false. Yes we are organisms that reproduce in order to populate our species, but we are developmentally at a point that this can be challenged. If this were true then monogamy wouldn't have existed in the first place regardless of how or why it came to be. Some people don't see the point in being committed to one person and other's value it. The diversity of our reason is what makes the innate biological theory just that; a theory.

Also keep in mind love is subject and can change over time. Sure the passionate love you have for someone fades over time, but that doesn't mean that you can't stay committed to that person. I know that it's been 2+ years for my bf and myself, but we still love one another. Maybe not as hot and heavy as when we first got together, but that's because we have a friendship sort of love so when the physical aspect dies down the emotional is still there and growing.

Also 2x, it's not easy for a woman to stay in a committed relationship. Take this from a woman herself, we love our eye candy and we love to fantasize. We love to be flattered and hit on. We do stray and we can cheat even if it is the love of our lives. This goes for men as well, basically anyone can cheat, but that's life and you have to live and learn from your mistakes.
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Misaki_Chi wrote...
CaffeLatte~ wrote...
I think it is easy for a woman to be committed in a relationship.

However, I think it is IMPOSSIBLE for a man to be committed in a relationship forever.

To elaborate, if a woman fell deep in love with a perfect man, there may or may not be a possibility for her to be fully committed to him until death. On the other hand, no matter how perfect of a woman someone is, it is never possible for a man to be fully committed to a single woman until death. I believe this is biologically proven. All male organisms' ultimate goal is to pass down and spread his genes to as many different offspring as possible. In other words, if a man gives birth to a child with his wife, the day will inevitably come when he will want to give birth to a new child with a different woman. Now, I am not saying all men will sooner or later cheat on their wives or get tired of them. I am simply stating that while it may be possible for a woman to give her full love to her husband forever, it is impossible for a man to continue to give the same love that he gave to his wife when he first met her forever.


Not really sure how you came to this conclusion.

Doesn't matter the gender, both men and women have the capability to cheat on one another with no one gender beating out the other. The rate may be higher for men only because they get caught easier then women. Believe me women can be more notorious then men in the cheating department (can be rather sad sometimes too).

Also, it's not impossible for a man to be fully committed to one person. I've known quite a few men that have been utterly faithful to there woman without straying (can't say the same for some of the women though).

Your biological reproduction theory has also been proven false. Yes we are organisms that reproduce in order to populate our species, but we are developmentally at a point that this can be challenged. If this were true then monogamy wouldn't have existed in the first place regardless of how or why it came to be. Some people don't see the point in being committed to one person and other's value it. The diversity of our reason is what makes the innate biological theory just that; a theory.

Also keep in mind love is subject and can change over time. Sure the passionate love you have for someone fades over time, but that doesn't mean that you can't stay committed to that person. I know that it's been 2+ years for my bf and myself, but we still love one another. Maybe not as hot and heavy as when we first got together, but that's because we have a friendship sort of love so when the physical aspect dies down the emotional is still there and growing.

Also 2x, it's not easy for a woman to stay in a committed relationship. Take this from a woman herself, we love our eye candy and we love to fantasize. We love to be flattered and hit on. We do stray and we can cheat even if it is the love of our lives. This goes for men as well, basically anyone can cheat, but that's life and you have to live and learn from your mistakes.


I am definitely not saying that women are not capable of cheating. In fact, I would agree that there are cases when women are horribly more notorious than men. What I do not agree, is that men are not equally as likely or possible to cheat as women. They are clearly and without a doubt more likely to be less devoted to women.

My first example of a woman meeting a perfect man and vice versa is my main contention. Hypothetically, if a woman marries a perfect man of her dream (Tall, handsome, rich, healthy, fit, good manners, funny, and having all the best traits a man can possibly have and absolute 0 bad characteristic/weakness), then it is POSSIBLE for that woman to be devoted to him forever. I am, by no means, saying that she WILL. She still CAN cheat on him. But, that is not the case for men. If a man marries a perfect woman of his dream at an age of 20, then by the time he is 85 years old, his devotion would have changed. Again, I am not saying he would cheat on his wife, but in comparison to the scenario with a woman marrying a perfect man, man's commitment is undebatably weaker.
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Misaki_Chi Fakku Nurse
CaffeLatte~ wrote...

I am definitely not saying that women are not capable of cheating. In fact, I would agree that there are cases when women are horribly more notorious than men. What I do not agree, is that men are not equally as likely or possible to cheat as women. They are clearly and without a doubt more likely to be less devoted to women.

My first example of a woman meeting a perfect man and vice versa is my main contention. Hypothetically, if a woman marries a perfect man of her dream (Tall, handsome, rich, healthy, fit, good manners, funny, and having all the best traits a man can possibly have and absolute 0 bad characteristic/weakness), then it is POSSIBLE for that woman to be devoted to him forever. I am, by no means, saying that she WILL. She still CAN cheat on him. But, that is not the case for men. If a man marries a perfect woman of his dream at an age of 20, then by the time he is 85 years old, his devotion would have changed. Again, I am not saying he would cheat on his wife, but in comparison to the scenario with a woman marrying a perfect man, man's commitment is understandably weaker.


The issue though is you think you know a woman's mind. Even when we have it perfect and I do mean perfect we still cheat. Just because we can give ourselves emotionally over to a person doesn't mean that we physically can't seek out more.

I think that men can stay more committed then you think. Just with me saying that women cheat even with perfection, men can be faithful even with imperfection. I've known men who even with the shittest of wives still love there woman enough to be with them. The breaking factor though is usually if they find out they are cheating or if they are carrying another man's baby. To them if they never consented to being in an open relationship and they see that happen they find no value in the relationship.

What I am trying to say is I see where you are coming from that men are more likely to have issues with commitment, but you made it sound like women have an easier time with it then men. You even used the word IMPOSSIBLE in bold letters. Every person and relationship is different and personally I think the issue relating to your own family is affecting this view. As I said in the other thread I can understand why you feel this way or feel more reaffirmed given the circumstances, but that is only one way relationships can go down.

When you have a crazy family of womanizers, swingers, cheaters, devoted happy family members, etc. You start to see a bigger picture to how relationships can work and function. I have a couple people who are completely faithful to one another for 30+ years while other famliy members swingers. There's a few that have divorced and cheated like crazy (both by the men and women depending), even have one where her husbands died (won't say as to why since it's all speculation). So to me your view is a bit skewed and biased because not all women are saints and not all men are dogs.
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Not really... The unique reason I would and I did is for a combination of two factors: I'm not in love with you and I'm in love with the one I cheated you with. Nonetheless, the time I'd cheat I just did hid it a few weeks before admitting it, and I avoided the topic rather lying about it most the time (though not all the time). Today if that situation may arise again I would tell it right away and finish my relationship, too, though that is highly unlikely. Right now I don't accept being in a relationship without loving the person beforehand, I can like that person, but I need to love that person as well. Even if I were failing at doing so for my emotions (quite possible), I felt so bad for cheating I would never repeat it again, telling to my lover I must end my relationship before doing anything.

Now when I'm in a relationship I strongly avoid others in romance. I don't close my heart, though, so if I had feelings for someone, it is unlikely I will just let them go. Just like if someone tries to pursue me, I will try to strongly avoid it, but if that person is able to approaches me even like that and win my heart, well, can't be helped. I don't close my heart, but I will refrain myself from doing anything, even a flirt, so I won't leave someone for other person unless if it is a problem with my relationship itself and not outliers.

Oh, yes, to be committed to a relationship, the best way to archive that is thinking while you are temped on how partner will feel when he/she knows what you did (if you are in love, your heart will shrug and any temptation will die for a time). I know that method does not work if you easily lie to your partner (thus thinking "who does not know does not feel hurt!"), but then, what are you doing in a relationship in the first place if you can't even be honest in the first place!? Mind that. If you are not naturally honest, then make an effort to start being so, geez.

I don't think "cheating" exists on light relationships (not love involved or not focused on love), so I don't mention them. Expecting exclusivity without involving deep feelings is blatantly absurd and retarded.

Note: Girls cheats just as much as guys (if we ignore prostitution). The difference is that guys aren't too embarrassed about it (on average), so they hide it less, while most girls will take that truth to their graves. Thus the current impression.
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I dont find it difficult at all. I mean sure i might look at another girl and there is temptation but all i need to do is to remember the person i love and the fact that they love me to and keep me warm at night, then it stops the possibility of me being unfaithful or haveing multiple partners.
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Misaki_Chi wrote...

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Summary: to make a good relationship work you need to personally make the effort to be committed. Having that mindset to commit will make it that much easier to find another person who will do the same.


While I agree that no matter what, a relationship requires work - much of which you stated (communication, sharing, honesty, etc) but there are some emotional and character issues that can certainly make things easier or harder when we talk about being committed to someone.

I've always been interested in having a small number of very close friends, and I have always wanted and found myself exceptionally emotionally committed in a relationship. I don't have to work at that aspect of it - if I'm with someone that's it for me.

Obviously there are basic relationship things to take care of and work at, but in terms of commitment? I am 100% attached to the person I am with, and that's it. I'm sure there are others like this, and I'm sure there are people that, how they were raised, personal opinions, emotional and psychological development etc. are just simply not as interested or able to commit. We all have different things that require our attention, or we need to develop... one person works on communication while another focuses on staying committed.
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Cruz Dope Stone Lion
CaffeLatte~ wrote...
I think it is easy for a woman to be committed in a relationship.

However, I think it is IMPOSSIBLE for a man to be committed in a relationship forever.

To elaborate, if a woman fell deep in love with a perfect man, there may or may not be a possibility for her to be fully committed to him until death. On the other hand, no matter how perfect of a woman someone is, it is never possible for a man to be fully committed to a single woman until death. I believe this is biologically proven. All male organisms' ultimate goal is to pass down and spread his genes to as many different offspring as possible. In other words, if a man gives birth to a child with his wife, the day will inevitably come when he will want to give birth to a new child with a different woman. Now, I am not saying all men will sooner or later cheat on their wives or get tired of them. I am simply stating that while it may be possible for a woman to give her full love to her husband forever, it is impossible for a man to continue to give the same love that he gave to his wife when he first met her forever.


That's kinda of a messed up and wrong way to look at evolutionary psychology. By that logic wouldn't women be just as unfaithful because from an evolutionary standpoint they're looking for the best suitor? Of course not, there's a lot more to biology.

https://evolution-institute.org/article/on-common-criticisms-of-evolutionary-psychology/?source=tvol

It is true, men are more than often less picky then females when it comes to life partners, or sexual partners. They're not as worried about a women's financial and social status, and are more accepting of their looks. That doesn't mean they're less faithful. That doesn't mean they have no interest in a stable family, or that that they only care about making children and not actually providing for them.

From a evolution aspect I can understand why you think a women would be perceived to be more faithful, women historically had a lot more to lose from infidelity. Pregnancy and child bearing was a huge risk, not having the father of your children and someone to help provide out was crippling. There was also a social stigmas, and the assumption that a single mom was someone who was promiscuous and slept around. Women however are probably more likely to not be faithful.
From the article:

They found women, but not men, were less committed to their current long-term mating partner after being exposed to a high dominance member of the opposite sex; merely being experimentally exposed to a man with very high dominance lowered women’s commitment to their current mate, and did so without consciously asking women about their preferences for dominance


On the other hand:
Similarly, exposure to physically attractive women appears to evoke in men desires to fulfill women’s evolved preferences, such as increasing men’s attention toward and desires to possess resources and to display ambition, creativity, independence, and risk-taking[63] [64] [65]. And when exposed to men who are high in dominance, men tend to rate themselves as lower in mate value[66] and men’s feelings of jealousy are more strongly evoked[67]. All of these cognitive processes occur differently in women and men without explicit, conscious awareness of why they are doing so.

Men get more competitive but not less faithful.
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It really depends on the person and what/who they are committing to.

Commitment is a combination of discipline, personal principles, wants, and several other personal factors.

That applies to more than just romantic relationships -it applies to work, personal projects, family, friends, hobbies, etc.

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Do know this, once you find something or anything that you find yourself wanting to commit to. Do not hesitate and fully engage in it. It does not matter if you have to sacrifice what you are currently doing to pursue it, it doesn't matter if the people around you do not understand it, it doesn't matter if society doesn't agree with it.

All those stories about people who found their dream relationships? dream careers? dream hobbies? These are the same people who found what it was that they wanted to be committed to -then committed to it.
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i think that's depend on your partner, just think like if your partner didn't appreciate you and cheating on you. ofc you didn't like that.
but if your partner is honest and sweet you don't even thinking about this topic.
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My own personal expierence is yes its hard to be in a committed relationship. To put this short and simple, both partners have to be on the same page and level of commitment. If one person is more committed than the other and visa versa things get difficult. In any and all relationships communication is key. If both partners aren't on the same page they better talk and get on the same page or just break up then to save each other the time.
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