Dating advice

So im really new in dating and stuff like that. but after reading several forums and people i follow online about people finding the love of their life. i thought maybe it's time for me too.

When i was reading forums on how people met each other i saw there were 3 big ways.

1st was by having a close friend and becoming more than friends. but sadly i rarely hang out with girls.

2nd was by meeting people online but im still not sure how people can connect with each other.

and 3rd was by some sort of con or club. i also saw a while ago that there is a animecon in my area (Netherlands).

so i was wondering if a con is a good way to meet people. And what is a good way to start having a connection with someone?

The reason talking to people and meeting them whenever/wherever is really stressed is because it's more then just trying to meet someone to date. When you find people of any gender and different types you are opening yourself up to experiencing being social. The more people you talk to and learn to deal with (good or bad) the more experience you get. This makes talking to women and dating a bit easier in some respects.

I know that I am one I love to talk to people and I get to meet really awesome and interesting folks just by being social irl and online. Some of my best friends come from meeting them on sites such as this, but nothing is easy. I use to be more shy and introverted but I changed that about myself since it was something I felt like working on.

So if you feel that it is impossible to talk to women, date them or even find them. Try to find ways to change that for yourself. Talk with more fun people online, do things in your area where you can find interesting people to talk to or maybe move someday when you can. Conventions as you mentioned are interesting places to find friends as well since they can be like minded.

So if I had to summarize some key points to dating the best would be:
1. You have to open yourself up some with people, even if its only a couple at first to start getting to the point you can be comfortable with others. This can hurt and suck, but it's better to try then to be afraid all your life.
2. Learn from your experiences with people. As I said people can be really shitty, but if you don't learn you can't grow. I've been hurt by a lot of people over time, but I still try to make friends and have fun. In the end I think I'm doing pretty well for myself and I'm grateful for all of the struggles I've had till now.
3. Never stop working on yourself as a person. Working on yourself and being happy with yourself can really impact how you are with others. I'm not saying that if you have problems or you have to be little miss sunshine, I know I have my issues and I can get depressed/anxious. But you just have to find the inner strength to really see that you can do anything that you put your mind to. As I said experience + self reflection/growth = hope.
4. Make life about being fun and enjoying it, not solely about dating. I know the times I really was looking for someone to date hardcore I never found anything or I was desperate and went after losers. When I wasn't looking and I was just having fun with people I ended up meeting some really awesome people and even starting relationships with some. It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but there is a saying my mom use to tell me and I really do believe in it, "if you are looking too hard you won't find shit, it's when you're not looking that it comes to you when you least expect it."

Anyways hope this helps and just keep trying. When you stop trying and you give up you will find your chances at anything a lot lower. I'll admit that I am awkward and I over-think half of what I do with people, but I'd rather be a hot mess then be completely shut off from the world. I just take breaks when I need to then go back out there and keep meeting new people. So just be yourself and keep strong.

thanks for the advise.
only problem is because i keep my friend circle growing my closer friends start to get further apart.

I would say conventions are the worst place because they are filled with thirsty guys and they're always after women who, obviously see them coming a mile away.

Np and it's fine to have a lot of friends, just decide if your closer friends are improtant to keep or not and make the effort to keep them if they are so. Basically those that you think are your friends won't always be there for you, so best to have ones that mean something in your life and wold be there for you through thick or thin. If you have no one like that then find good people that could do that for you.



Not all of them are bad and honestly bars are worse then conventions lol. I know I will talk with whoever/whenever at conventions but if people get too creepy then I just move on. I look at it more as a fun way to meet people rather then finding a date. If I find someone cool enough and we somehow dated after the fact, it's just a bonus.

Oh and to add, the way you know you are connecting with someone is through two things.

1. You feel something for the person you are talking to whether it be emotionally, physically or whatever else you want to call it. They make you happy and you just want to get closer with them and become a better person with them.
2. They feel the same way and feel the same way. They want to talk with you, they want to be with you, they are happy with you. Now not all people feel this way initially and some that do may back off. You just have to know that life is all about trying and if you are able to find someone to do this with then great, if they aren't into you don't think it's all your fault. Everyone does things for different reasons so you just have to go with the flow and make the effort to establish connections.

Biggest thing is to just make good memories with people. Don't try and make something happen or work that isn't and don't be desperate for others. You need to be happy with who you are and hope that the next person you talk to will make things awesome in your life. If not then buy a puppy or a daki. Believe me I've dated a few people and have been in relationships on/off, they can be awesome but they can also suck. That's just life though so just be open to the idea of life and love, hopefully you can go out with some nice people and you can find some that are really awesome.

In my experience a lot of women look down on me if I am their friend, like I am less of a man or something, I donno...
I have never tried the friends first because, it always goes sour in the friends part.
Neither of the girls I am intimate with were friends first, (dating site thing) the idea was there from the start.
Maybe friends fall for friends but that's not how it works in my life.
A lot of women, and I hate to say this, but in my experience, are pretty lousy friends.

There are as many ways to connect with people as there are stars in the sky. Everyone is different so the best thing for you to do when initiating conversation with people you want to make a connection to, is to just be yourself. Put yourself out there, what you like, what you like to do, what they like, what they like to do. And when you find those few people that can actually keep up the flow, that it feels natural to converse with. Those are the ones. The most basic and natural connection humans can have. Basically, there isn't a specific way to find significant others. You can find them anywhere, but the key is, in any way that you do meet people, Is to put yourself out there.

Unless yourself is a weird, rather socially awkward guy who collects ball jointed dolls then maybe being myself is bad advice...
Being someone else is why I have a sex life lol
I let myself show more here and there, but I can't be myself all the time because I am a weirdo.
You become really strange when you spend so much time by yourself and grew up having no friends and shit.

Nothing feels natural, I've never had any level of connection, all pretend and fake.
I have friends and we get along well enough, mostly because we don't see eachother more then a few times a month.

So, I don't know if I even should give advice about dating since I never had any longlasting relationships and am pretty single myself -.- .. But I think what I can say is that every social interaction and every effort you give to meet or talk or interact with people (not only with the intention to date) is a step forward. Life is a process and with every experience you make you'll grow. And probably grow closer to your 'goal'.
I think as long as you're not stepping out everyday with the only thought on your mind to 'finally find THAT person TODAY' but to 'enjoy this beautiful day and see what happens' you should be fine :) As long as you do get out and have fun enjoying your life!

I don't know if that made any sense at all but I hoped it helped? ^^'

That's great advice to give don't doubt yourself (^^)b

You need a reason to be out and interacting with strangers. I'm not an amazingly social dude but when I moved to Korea I had to establish a new circle of friends from scratch so I came up with some ways to get myself out there. Unfortunately many of them revolved around language exchange so I could learn Korean (and meet Koreans that spoke English so I could actually talk to them). But I also went out to tourist spots and tried to find new restaurants and whatever.

So basically if you're in the same physical location you've always been in my advice isn't very good, lol.

To generalize it though, find reasons to be out of your house and talking to people. Depending on how uncomfortable you are talking to people working yourself up to just getting beyond a single question is a start. Start off with some simple metric like saying "Sure is a sunny day!" to a few people. Then try and move up to "I'm trying to watch some new movies these days but I dunno where to start. What's your favourite movie?" or something lame like that. Even if it sounds and feels super awkward you just need something to talk about that can be both turn into a real conversation or be aborted as fast as possible. Mostly it's just a confidence building measure.

Once you're open to talking to people then you can use the advice I started with: just go to random places and talk to people. Don't try and build up every interaction into "Do you wanna go on a date with me?" because that's weird and also it closes a lot of doors. As does only talking to one gender. Even if you're straight it pays to make new acquaintances since their friends can be your friends and their friends might be sexy and single.

I guess this is just rambling and general, nonspecific advice (that is actually a huge life project) but if you can follow it it's really nice. I only really did it for a few months in Korea (and even then I wasn't out doing stuff every day and meeting people constantly) and I found an amazing girlfriend (and some very shitty to very nice dates) and made some great friends.