Defining the relationship

Hi, Shiki here.
Haven't posted anything on forums in over two years now just about. But I was going through an old thread of mine and was reminded that some of you people give some pretty solid advice.

I got out of a relationship about two months ago and have been talking to someone who I used to talk too a few years back. My relationship beforehand didn't last because my boyfriend was 17 years older than me and despite what everyone told me I stayed with him for a year just to find out everyone was right and he was way too old for me.

Anyway this new guy is only 7 years older than me so I think that should be better. However, we've been having sex and have established we won't have sex with others while were physically intimate.

So....are we a thing? We have failed to have the defining the relationship conversation and im pretty ready to have it. I just am unsure of how to go about it. I don't want to come off clingy and I certainly do not wish to overwhelm him.

Any suggestions???

You're not a thing. If all you guys do is just bang and talk a little, doesn't matter if you don't bang others, you're not really a couple. Just exclusive fuck buddies.

Sex alone doesn't define a relationship, you need more communication, passion, trust, and actual feelings for each other. It's the kind of stuff that makes you think shit like "can I see myself in the future with this person in my life, sometimes just cuddling and sweet talking all day with no problem at all".

At least, that's what I think should be how you define a relationship at a base level. It's more complex than that, but not something I can go deeper into.

Well there's more to it than that actually. You see, about a year and a half ago we almost got into a serious committed relationship but due to complications on my end it didn't happen. We have feelings for each other and don't have sex every tine we see each other. Hes a nice guy and were talking to see if we can get back to where we once were. Threes trust issues though because of the complications on my end that caused us to not be in a relationship in the past.

There's also one problem i didn't mention.

Im training to become a professional dominatrix. He supports it but I don't know if he really understands what ill be doing. Of course I wouldn't be having sex with my slaves/subs/pets but there's touching and stuff that I don't think he understands.

Basically, I don't know how much I really should invest in this guy when im really not too sure on if he can accept my lifestyle.

If you have doubts like that already, then yeah, you DEFINITELY aren't a thing. Good luck with everything working out for the best though, regardless of if that means he'll be your boyfriend or not.

Thank you :)

Going with art on this, at the moment it sounds more like partners with benefits then an established relationship. I look at it if you even have to question it then you aren't there yet. I'd just see how things play out and if it bothers you too much talk it out.

Talk to him about it, doesn't sound much like a relationship but if youre thinking about making it more serious then there's no way other than sitting down and asking him what you guys are doing, what's your relationship with each other and explain to him exactly what your new profession is gonna involve.