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Funny naughty stories/ Funny sexual experiences
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After reading through some of the other stories here, I think the thread deserves a necro post. Unfortunately, I'm not sure anybody will ever best OP's first post. I haven't had many crazy experiences myself, but I guess I do have a few stories I could share here:
Besides being accidentally pissed on once and being caught by a girlfriend's little sister, I've supposedly told my girlfriend to "Stop fucking touching me, nigga. I'm trying to sleep." From what she's told me, that was the result of her trying to put the moves on me after getting home late from work while I was already half asleep, but I don't remember that whatsoever. I'll admit that I did get a good laugh outta it when she told me about it the following morning.
There was also a time when I got down on my knees while we were showering together and started giving her oral, but she decided to lean backwards after a few moments and leaned far enough back to have a stream of water run down her body and directly into my mouth! I could've drowned and she was just standing there laughing hysterically!
Besides being accidentally pissed on once and being caught by a girlfriend's little sister, I've supposedly told my girlfriend to "Stop fucking touching me, nigga. I'm trying to sleep." From what she's told me, that was the result of her trying to put the moves on me after getting home late from work while I was already half asleep, but I don't remember that whatsoever. I'll admit that I did get a good laugh outta it when she told me about it the following morning.
There was also a time when I got down on my knees while we were showering together and started giving her oral, but she decided to lean backwards after a few moments and leaned far enough back to have a stream of water run down her body and directly into my mouth! I could've drowned and she was just standing there laughing hysterically!
Spoiler:
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I already mentioned it somewhere but here it is again in an abridged form
Cherry and I were bored one day cuddling on the couch watching TV. I kiss her, so she pauses and kisses me. We start making out a bit, and that got us horny. She then starts rubbing my wetted panties and I reach up to unhook her bra and try and take off her shirt. We were going to have sex on the couch...
That is until we started getting suggestions like "Now spank her sweet ass!" and "Pull down the skirt!" from the twins. We completely forgot whe invited them over, and it looked like they were starting to get off to watching us about to do it. I know at least one of them had their hands down their pants. Getting caught though kinda ruined Cherry's mood. She even apologized for forgetting they were there, but I guess that's what 2 hours of watching How it's Made from sheer boredom does to you.
On the plus side, considering I was on top I now know they think my butt is cute.
Cherry and I were bored one day cuddling on the couch watching TV. I kiss her, so she pauses and kisses me. We start making out a bit, and that got us horny. She then starts rubbing my wetted panties and I reach up to unhook her bra and try and take off her shirt. We were going to have sex on the couch...
That is until we started getting suggestions like "Now spank her sweet ass!" and "Pull down the skirt!" from the twins. We completely forgot whe invited them over, and it looked like they were starting to get off to watching us about to do it. I know at least one of them had their hands down their pants. Getting caught though kinda ruined Cherry's mood. She even apologized for forgetting they were there, but I guess that's what 2 hours of watching How it's Made from sheer boredom does to you.
On the plus side, considering I was on top I now know they think my butt is cute.
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Tsujoi
Social Media Manager
Shikinokami wrote...
I was having sex with a mare in a friends barn and it pooped on my penis.you're a fucking weirdo
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Tsujoi wrote...
Shikinokami wrote...
I was having sex with a mare in a friends barn and it pooped on my penis.you're a fucking weirdo
hold off on your recriminations and libel until you first see a picture of said mare.
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Shikinokami wrote...
I was having sex with a mare in a friends barn and it pooped on my penis.Karma I guess. I don't like that you preformed sex with an animal.
2
Holoofyoistu
The Messenger
Ok, I was not there for this, but a few years ago in high school, two of my friends went to the house of a third friend of mine. So they go to her house, and call her from the doorstep, but they don't tell her that they are at her house. She tells them she is buys, and to go away, but them, being 17 year old boys, and total idiots, ( I wasn't there to control them) decide to break into her house and scare her. So they circle the building until they find a bathroom window that is open. They climb in, and are in the bathroom, than they walk out into the bedroom it joins onto, and walk in on two people they have seen having sex in a room that is not in her house. They flip out, and get chased out of the house by the people. They escape out side, and call back my friend, and she's like, " you idiots, my house is a fucking duplex."
Was a pretty funny story, especially when we were eating lunch in her front yard, (all four of us,) a few weeks later, and the couple walks our of the house, sees my friends, and go back inside. Still one of the funniest moments in my life.
Was a pretty funny story, especially when we were eating lunch in her front yard, (all four of us,) a few weeks later, and the couple walks our of the house, sees my friends, and go back inside. Still one of the funniest moments in my life.
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From last night to this late afternoon, Cherry and I were cuddling compleley in the nude. It was so nice, all the kissing and gentle cuddling and sweet heartfelt pillow talk, and I even got a massage for once after giving one out. It was so nice, it felt like the night went on forever (well, that, and the alarm clock was unplugged and I blocked out light from the curtains and stuff)
But then at some point I farted and it stank really bad. It lasted like 20 minutes because of the poor airflow inside my love fortress. The smell was so bad that Cherry and I hid under a throw blanket and it was really embarrassing because, well, when isn't it embarrassing to have a really bad fart next to a friend?
Wasn't all bad though. While stuck under that throw blanket she kissed me over and over while going on about how i was a "filthy little girl" and started playfully stating just how "dirty pile of mud" I was... And then she started whispering "oink oink" and quoting the Big Bad Wolf from the 3 little pigs while teasing me with her fingers. And you know what, the whole dirty talk got me really turned on and I got into being the "mud covered piglet" during the gentle sex we had...
"Oh little piglet, you dirty little piglet, let me come in"
"Um, Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin ... You pedo wolf you!" (she did keep calling me a piglet. I think it was a jab at my short and young appearance)
"Then you'll huff, and you'll puff, as I blow my way in!"
And then sex...slow gentle sex under a hot throw blanket with an emphasis on kisses and to how the "Big Bad Wolf" wanted to eat me up... And so she did eat me
But yeah, I got laid because of a stinky fart...
But then at some point I farted and it stank really bad. It lasted like 20 minutes because of the poor airflow inside my love fortress. The smell was so bad that Cherry and I hid under a throw blanket and it was really embarrassing because, well, when isn't it embarrassing to have a really bad fart next to a friend?
Wasn't all bad though. While stuck under that throw blanket she kissed me over and over while going on about how i was a "filthy little girl" and started playfully stating just how "dirty pile of mud" I was... And then she started whispering "oink oink" and quoting the Big Bad Wolf from the 3 little pigs while teasing me with her fingers. And you know what, the whole dirty talk got me really turned on and I got into being the "mud covered piglet" during the gentle sex we had...
"Oh little piglet, you dirty little piglet, let me come in"
"Um, Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin ... You pedo wolf you!" (she did keep calling me a piglet. I think it was a jab at my short and young appearance)
"Then you'll huff, and you'll puff, as I blow my way in!"
And then sex...slow gentle sex under a hot throw blanket with an emphasis on kisses and to how the "Big Bad Wolf" wanted to eat me up... And so she did eat me
But yeah, I got laid because of a stinky fart...
