How not to be a Wuss?

I think the reason why I never gotten a girlfriend to this day is probably because I don't know how to properly ask her out when it's the right time.

I consider myself as a quiet guy who doesn't like to talk unless it's absolutely necessary. Recently this girl and I started to develop a thing (it appears that way to me at least) and we've been going on little dates for about 5 months now. The last time I was with her, I was at her place and we made eye contact for a while. She looked like she expected something but I didn't wanna go in, incase she wasn't. She probably was because she looked really upset when I left.

Overall, how do I have the balls to make the first move, but not so that I'm gonna regret it if it was a bad move?

I sort of go with the philosphy, "if you feel it go for it". Basically if you see that you have the opportunity and you think that the time is right, then test the waters. When you find yourself in a situation like you did where you were both making eye contact for a long enough time, you just have to take a leap of faith and try something.

No one can tell you when is the right time to do things such as kiss or to hold hands, you just have to feel that it may be the right place/time to do something then take a leap of faith. Honestly even if you fuck up, the biggest thing you can say to yourself is that you tried. Feeling like a wuss or feeling regret comes from not taking that chance.

You may have this happen again and don't beat yourself up for it. Life doesn't come with a manual that says "X is the right time to do Y" and you just learn to live with what you do and change it if it didn't work before. So the next time you are in this situation, either make a move or maybe the girl will help you out some.

I look as instances such as these as "it just wasn't meant to be" and maybe there will be something better down the road. All you can do is hope and it does get easier so don't feel too bad.

I know I got drunk one time and made out with a guy friend. I was a little embarrassed, but I just played it off since it didn't matter to me.... he was actually more freaked out then I was once we talked... though seriously I had to hunt the man down he was so afraid to talk to me thinking he was going to hurt my feelings lol. Luckily that blew over and things were cool, so again don't sweat the small stuff.

Should have kissed her if she didn't like you that way both of you could have laughed it off.

You just be like.

"If I don't do this, then I have to go offer my ass to that hobo behind the home depot."

If you hold yourself to it, then you'll do it.

Or you end up gay.

Win/win either way.

Definately something I wouldn't do LOL. I'd probably t-bag a bear trap first :S

WHAT fuck that I would run around naked and act like a retard in front of a girl I like before I do that

You just have to push through such emotions and deal with the consequences afterwards. You didn't necessarily have to kiss her, but rather talk with her and if things were going well say something like, "you feel like doing something next weekend?"

I think the bigger issue though, is just let it go that you didn't get with this girl and hopefully the next time will be easier/better. You can't cry over spilled milk now since it already happened so best to just forget this and see where life takes you next.

You just gotta pull the trigger, you'll get a result. Be it good or bad at least you have an answer.

The longer it's delayed; the more you think and the more you find excuses to not put in any action. 5 months and just dates... I think you've wasted money.

Go for it.

This not mean to be aggressive, but to be confident. Show her what she means to you. Get your face close to hers and observe her reaction, If she wants a kiss she will follow your approach. If she doesn't want a kiss, don't force it and change the subject and have talk about something she likes. If she feels forced, apologize and you will be just fine (you didn't screw up with just an approach)

Sometimes for us guys we nee to ask more than one. Maybe the first time didn't work so we work to open a second chance and try again.

It's better to regret of what you've done than regret what you didn't do but could.

Just man up and say you two should go out. I stammered out my first confession and it was embarrassing, but somehow it worked and we hit it off pretty well (unfortunately lasting relationships never come my way it seems).

If you don't feel confident, try to build up your confidence. Working out has done wonders for my confidence for example.

You'll grow out of it. Like everything in life, it is practice. Everyone has been rejected or rejected someone. Just practice with yourself, and when the time comes, it will.

From my experience, first times (in anything) are generally awkward, messy and it will always reek of inexperience. You won't suddenly grow balls and act like Mr. Ladykiller, but you can always take baby steps. Try to let's say, kiss her on the cheek or hold her hand or heck even cuddle, if you both seem comfortable, work your way up from there.

Life has no handbook, it's a lot of trial and error.

If the girl really likes you, she wouldn't care if the first time wasn't perfect.
Dating different guys, left me with this reminder for any relationship:"Everyone comes and goes at their own paces." Don't worry, someday, you'll look back and see yourself laughing at that one moment in your life.

Thanks for the help y'all!

So the other day. I was talking to her and I found out that she's staying in Texas for school... But she said she's coming back to Canada to visit in April. Should I basically give up on us at this point? Or should I keep fighting? Cause I feel that even if I do pop the question, it won't be worth maintaining a LDR?

I mean honestly just keep in touch with her and see if you keep friends at the very least. You could try a long distance thing, but chances are even if she says yes it will be too tough to keep committed to one another.

I also think you answered your own question with saying it may not be worth it. If you feel this way, then LDR may not be for you atm. They are pretty tough to do and require full commitment, time and communication.

you just do it. tbh, it probably won't work out for you anyway. 50-50% chances at best really.

id say it's not about chances, it's about will

thewillpower.org will definitely help you out

At the risk of sounding full of myself I shall share with you:

Second Prototype's Dating Protocols:

Subroutine for Expression of Interest:

Upon discovery of romantic interest in a person, express said interest directly within one month of the realisation at the latest. (It may not be feasible to just tell them out of the blue without establishing some form of rapport first, but the sooner you do this the better.)

When expressing interest be direct and firm, but not overbearing.

Casually say: "I like you, go on a date with me!" as if the thought just popped into your head. Phrase the sentence as a statement, NOT a command or a question.

If the subject of your desire answers affirmative... well good luck. Second_Prototype almost never gets to execute this part of the subroutine so yeah.

If the subject says no then move along and put them out of your mind. Remember: rejection is the easiest contingency to plan for. You don't have to do anything, you lose nothing and now you can stop agonizing over asking that person out.

If the subject is unsure of their feelings towards you, break off the interaction politely and put them out of your mind as if you have been rejected. Now that they know you are interested in them they must come back to you if they decide the feeling is mutual. Do not waste your time on people who may or may not like you. This is to preserve your sanity and theirs.

Kissing Subroutine:

While facing her place hands lightly on her shoulders, lean in, closing your eyes as you move your mouth towards hers. Make sure you STOP just short of actually kissing her. Now the ball is in her court.

If she wants to kiss, she will lean in the rest of the way and complete the kiss.

If she doesn't want to kiss she can simply step back or push you away. If she is shy she may do nothing. If nothing happens after 2.3 seconds, open your eyes and step back.

In the event of rejection, it may be a good idea to ask if she'd not into you or just shy, and we've already covered how to deal with rejection.

I know it looks like you've already missed your opportunity with this girl, but this stuff might help you out next time.

I don't disagree with the fundamental's of your "how to" guide, but I'll expand a little on this.

Spontaneous "Lets Go Out!"
Basically you find a girl attractive for whatever reason and you want to date her. You talk with her and see how her body language is. Is she engaging, only looking at you, smiling, making eye contact, leaning in (eventually, some women can be a little nervous at first but they do relax over time), do they laugh, have a cute habit like twirling there hair, are receptive to flattering complements (tell her how nice she looks and see how she reacts). If you find that everything is going well, ask her if she'd like to do something and exchange numbers. Then mention it would be cool to hang out and do something like dinner or lunch. Wait and see if she messages you first, if she doesn't within 24 hours just message her and tell her you had a nice time talking and would love to try and do something again if she is free?

If you're the slow to warm up type
When you ask a girl out, I wouldn't just blurt out "will you go out with me?". It's sort of high school-ish to ask in this kind of way and a bit cheesy. Instead just get to know this girl in the friend sort of way. If you're interested in her, make sure to complement her on things like how nice she looks, or how gorgeous her hair is. You can even say something like, "Are those earrings new?" (she may respond then you say) "they just look great on you!". You can even do cute stupid things like pick up a candy bar she enjoys, etc. There are a lot of small insignificant deeds you can do to flatter a girl, but not seem too creepy (though save the candy bar bit for a little later when you know her better lol).

If you're still interested in her after a short amount of time and she seems pretty chill with you ask her to do something like go out to dinner or go to a movie. If you get a good response/the girl goes and you guys are having a good time, move to phase two and go out for bowling or something. Basically just find social things to do that isn't just taking her to your place (unless your in college, I never cared if I was going back to a dorm, just a person's apartment/home).

There use to be an old rule called the "kiss after three dates". It's the 21st century so you don't have to wait that long, but just know it's okay if you don't kiss on the first date. Just feel the air and if it isn't the right time save if for the next date. Just make sure that you text her that you had a great time.

Also wrote some more stuff here for dating: more dating tips

As for the kissing I actually wrote something about that a while ago so along with Second Prototypes info here is my own take on it as well.
Kiss Tips

---

Just know though that no matter how much info people give you for things like dating, kissing, how to be less shy/insecure, you really just need to find the courage within yourself to get out into the world. I know that it's scary to put your heart and soul out for people to judge and do whatever to, but you just have to think "whatever I go though can only make me stronger". If you think more optimistically/positive and give yourself some time in between, it get's easier little by little. I use to be a sobbing wreck after a relationship ended or I made a fool out of myself with friends/potential romantic partners, but I just looked at it as shit happens and move on.

Over time you realize just how small this is in the scheme of that thing called life and you'll find your way. Just don't give up hope and try to find things that make you happy in life, regardless if its a nice girl or a bunch of crazy friends (^^)