How to deal with someone you're not interested in?
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I cosplay so I make lots of friends with random strangers who share the same interests as I do (but, tbh, lately I've been losing some interest in anime and stuff, like it's not my life or my main escape anymore but I still like it). Anyways, I met this guy at a cherry blossom fest but he is sort of socially awkward. He's very nice, but just, awkward... Maybe he feels nervous around me, I can't say for sure. A few days ago I went to watch an ice skating show at my local rink. I made a post about it on facebook, but no one messaged me about accompanying me so I assumed I would be going alone, which is great. But, when I got to the rink, he popped out of nowhere so we watched it together. I didn't feel awkward, but I felt awkward for him. After the show he wanted to exchange numbers so I agreed, and then I told him to leave without me as I will be staying behind to talk to a friend in the show. I just don't know what to do with men who have feelings for me but not the other way around in general. And I feel bad about it too, like I'm taking things for granted because although I'm not in a relationship, I don't want to be in one with just anyone.. I also feel uncomfortable, all different kinds of unease at once. What should I do or say? Thank you for your help~
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
The easiest thing to do is to be honest and upfront about things with this person.
I know that this can be awkward and uncomfortable to do, but if you have no feelings for him then he should know your intentions. I know I use to have this problem with guys before because I didn't want to hurt a person’s feelings, but by letting it go and leading things on it ended up making matters worse and can hurt the other persons feelings.
I don't think you should have given him your number because you may have given him the impression that you may like him. I know that a number exchange shouldn't mean anything, but these small things can and they can make handling the situation worse.
When you do talk to him you just have to tell him something like, "I enjoy being single and want to keep single" or "I have feelings for someone else" or just the blunt "I am not attracted to you". No matter how you handle this it will be tough and he may get hurt, but you have to do what is right for yourself and the other person will have to get over the rejection sadly.
Don't ever stop being who you are and it's okay to be nice, just know that this will be taken out of context from time to time from guys and you'll just have to be open about what you want and don't want. Those who can abide by it are good, those who can't you just have to let go of.
I know that this can be awkward and uncomfortable to do, but if you have no feelings for him then he should know your intentions. I know I use to have this problem with guys before because I didn't want to hurt a person’s feelings, but by letting it go and leading things on it ended up making matters worse and can hurt the other persons feelings.
I don't think you should have given him your number because you may have given him the impression that you may like him. I know that a number exchange shouldn't mean anything, but these small things can and they can make handling the situation worse.
When you do talk to him you just have to tell him something like, "I enjoy being single and want to keep single" or "I have feelings for someone else" or just the blunt "I am not attracted to you". No matter how you handle this it will be tough and he may get hurt, but you have to do what is right for yourself and the other person will have to get over the rejection sadly.
Don't ever stop being who you are and it's okay to be nice, just know that this will be taken out of context from time to time from guys and you'll just have to be open about what you want and don't want. Those who can abide by it are good, those who can't you just have to let go of.
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All I must say is be very blunt, Most guys can be very ..uh hopeful about thinks or not just get it. If your blunt with him about it and that you want to be friends it will be fine. I had the same issue with afew girls and just had to be blunt and not be so nice. I didn't want to hurt there feelings but then I didn't want to give them hope that I would return there feelings one day.
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Thank you both verry much! Your advice have been really helpful. I'll try to do what you guys have suggested then, and I'll also keep those in mind if things like this were to happen again in the future.
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Gravity cat
the adequately amused
Pretty much what the other two said. If you don't establish that you're not interested this will just keep up unless you cut off contact with him.
A majority of problems concerning relationships wouldn't exist if people just spoke up.
A majority of problems concerning relationships wouldn't exist if people just spoke up.
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Drifter995
Neko//Night
Honesty is key.
I'm horrible at it, too. I tell people I'm not interested, and they get the idea, that means I'm not ready, and they persist.
Had a dude try to pick me up, and I was like 'Nah man, I'm not interested in guys. Can't see myself dating a guy for a while'
'OH, I CAN WAIT'
'.. wh- no... I... I'm not into guys...'
Every day, get him trying to sleep with me, and me telling him in a slightly less subtle/ nice way that I'm not interested.
On the fifth day, He finally gets it, and I'm the worst person in the world, because I lead him on. Drama queen.
So, get it done sooner rather than later. If you don't, they'll think you lead them on, and that can get ugly. I'm just lucky people dislike that dude, because of how much drama he likes to stir. If it was somebody else, I'd have been in shit, because lies are a great way to ruin things, and people don't give a fuck about anybody but themselves sometimes.
Being too nice to reject people is the opposite though, but you just have to either friendzone the fuck out of them, and make sure they get it, or tell them 'sorry, I'm not ready for such a commitment right now' and walk away.
I'm horrible at it, too. I tell people I'm not interested, and they get the idea, that means I'm not ready, and they persist.
Had a dude try to pick me up, and I was like 'Nah man, I'm not interested in guys. Can't see myself dating a guy for a while'
'OH, I CAN WAIT'
'.. wh- no... I... I'm not into guys...'
Every day, get him trying to sleep with me, and me telling him in a slightly less subtle/ nice way that I'm not interested.
On the fifth day, He finally gets it, and I'm the worst person in the world, because I lead him on. Drama queen.
So, get it done sooner rather than later. If you don't, they'll think you lead them on, and that can get ugly. I'm just lucky people dislike that dude, because of how much drama he likes to stir. If it was somebody else, I'd have been in shit, because lies are a great way to ruin things, and people don't give a fuck about anybody but themselves sometimes.
Being too nice to reject people is the opposite though, but you just have to either friendzone the fuck out of them, and make sure they get it, or tell them 'sorry, I'm not ready for such a commitment right now' and walk away.
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Drifter995 wrote...
you just have to friendzone the fuck out of themThat comment makes every man on the planet cry inside :D
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
Coconutt wrote...
Drifter995 wrote...
you just have to friendzone the fuck out of themThat comment makes every man on the planet cry inside :D
Better then getting your hopes up and having them crushed by a cock tease.
No girl (or guy) is happy to hurt someone or put them in the "friendzone", but if the feelings aren't there then you just have to respect it.
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Misaki_Chi wrote...
Coconutt wrote...
Drifter995 wrote...
you just have to friendzone the fuck out of themThat comment makes every man on the planet cry inside :D
Better then getting your hopes up and having them crushed by a cock tease.
No girl (or guy) is happy to hurt someone or put them in the "friendzone", but if the feelings aren't there then you just have to respect it.
Yeah i know, i meant my comment as a joke, sorry if it wasnt funny :(.
I agree with you guys/gals that you should let the other person know as soon as possible that you are not interested in dating him/her. Makes everybodys life much easier if everybody did that. Ofcoarse you should also do it in a manner that doesnt like hurt the other persons feelings, or hurts them as little as possible.