I don't know anymore

I got into a fight with my BF earlier about minding other people's physical personal space. and then it spiraled into all of the things about him that made me feel like he was just insensitive and it all just rushed out at once. I spilled my grade school trauma (was held down and beat up on the ground in front of a crowd of other kids who were out there playing 4-square, and then instead of my assailant getting a heavy consequence, I was the one who got the heavy punishment with solitary suspension. all because when I ran off crying i pushed past someone who happened to be a minority and the school thought it was discrimination or something and pushed 2 days and 2 weeks suspension/isolation onto me. the guy who beat me up only got a few days of solitary school.) at him and he didn't feel anything for me or at least showed no reactions towards me. i've been mad at him and avoiding him since, and i don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I can keep on feeling for him if he's like this. he has access to my apartment since my apartmentmates will let him in even without the key. i'm just stuck out at the 24 hour library trying to keep my distance until i figure out how to deal with all of this.

he calls me cute and adorable and compliments me all the time, but now when i look at it it all feel like complete BS and pandering. just to make me wanna let him do me. i don't know what the fuck to think about him. we've been going out for 2 years and planned a future but now it feels like it's all a lie.

Being assaulted with a whole load of new information during an arguement like that would be enough to make anyone's mind go blank. Can you really say that he's in the wrong there?

Once you clear your head, talk things through calmly with him. The way you've worded your opening post this has been a long time coming, so now might be the time to decide where to go from here. Do you stay together and work through the issues, or do you go your seperate ways?

Maybe stop avoiding him and start talking about the fight after you've both had the chance to settle down from the argument?

I wouldn't fault your partner for not being empathetic towards your story. You sort of put it on him at a bad time and it was out of left field so he probably didn't know how to react to it. Guys can also be insensitive because they don't know how to respond to partners, just like how women can be emotionally selfish at points. I know my guy tries to gauge how I feel and respond accordingly but when you're an emotional mess with anger, sadness, happiness, etc all at once your partner can't be perfect. So just cut him some slack he wouldn't be with you for 2 years if he didn't care.

I would first getter your thoughts and think about why you care for your partner and what you feel is lacking. I'd also self reflect and see where your shortcomings are since he may feel he lacks something as well. Once you've given everything some real thought and know what it is you want to discuss, calmly talk with him about the things you are feeling and apologize for being so distant/the fight. Talk about everything good and then talk about things you both need from one another. Ask him if he is happy with things and wants to continue on if you feel this way.

After you guys are done talking you'll need to make a decision to either end things or to let bygones be bygones. It's important to let these type of talks go rather then hold it over your partners head since they can become resentful over time or the argument can repeat ten fold. Your wont have everything back to 100% and it'll take time to get normal again, but don't throw away two years if you two have had good memories through it all.

Thats the thing with relationships. You just gotta talk things through. It must have shocked him being hit with that all of a sudden but im sure if you guys just sat down and talk things out, that may smooth things over.

Can't really blame him that much. It was grade school, right? And how old are you now? I know you said it was traumatic, but from an outsider's perspective looking in, it might be one of those things where you feel like the person would have gotten over it by now. Maybe that's why he didn't react as much as you expected. But, hey, I also could just be super insensitive. That's what the other responses are for.

we've kind of worked it out by now... but idk still if he's taking it really all that seriously.

I would just say give it time and really evaluate what it is you want out of a person, what it is you really need and can this person give it to you. No matter how much you talk or how much you two love each other, there comes a point you have to decide if there is a way to work on things or if this is the limit.

All you can do is your best and hope that you two will be together for the long run and if you are questioning it then figure out what the next step is whether it's talking with him or moving on. You'll know when you can't do it anymore, but don't give up till then.

Love and life are not easy, so keep at it and know that you'll figure it out in time. Talk to a good friend or family member to help you out in the hard times. Even a pet can be your rock if you need something to lean on. Best of luck to both of you.