I need to change.

I started working part time at a small resteraunt and I was giving back a check to a table and placed it, clearly closer, to the husband even though the wife used her credit card. It wasnt until then did I realize whenever I give the check to a table I always place it closer to the man... So it made me wonder why I subconsciously assume the man is paying for the meal.

I'm sure I don't really think that women can't handle paying for a meal, but I still felt like an asshole and decided that tomorrow when I have work, I'm gonna make sure I put the check in the middle.

Am I subconsciously sexist or do I simply have traditional gender roles engraved into my head...

I never happen to me. None of the girls i took out even offer to split the thing. I still pay for every meal with anyone. Even my parents.

I really don't think it's that big of a deal man. I mean my bf has paid for majority of the meals and I'll usually cover the tip/dessert. When I pay we flip and he'll pay for the tip/dessert. Unless you're being a complete dick about it, I don't think anyone will be offended that the check is closer to the guy, I mean I'd just reach over and pay it without even thinking about the conflicting struggle you're going through lol. All anyone really cares about at a restaurant is good service so if it bothers you change how you place the bill, but I wouldn't go into some deep moral struggle about this shit, way too much thought over something so minor.

First world problems.

I often think like this, but it feels better to see that its not a big deal.

I never worked at a restaurant before, but I pretty much go out to eat with my mom every other day. I would say, about 80% of the time the waiter always brings the check closer to me. I guess you are not alone, and my take on this is that it's hard to place the check perfectly right in middle of two people, so I wouldn't think too deep on it.

I think you need to chillax more often.


The overwhelming majority of the time, the man pays for dinner. I doubt anybody (other than some brain damaged mofo's) would ever take insult to you assuming that the man is paying for dinner, because in most cases he is.

There is no sexism involved in any of this.

I don't think you are sexist just used to the thought of old traditions that are about to break now? o.o I don't think you should be worried about it too much. Also now that you are aware you can change it ^^)/

Though it would be funny to see extreme feminists try to make something out of this. Sad to say I know of people who would (TwT)

Lol seriously? OMG.. Take a chill, they need to know that some people don't do it consciously. Old habits and traditions are hard to break.

Oh, good stuff you did realize it! Though it isn't a big deal, not that it does matter that much, but it's still good you try to be considerate around others. It's a good idea to think from time at time about things you give for certain, and that doesn't apply to sexism alone (in house we realized a better way to use paper and waste less for the same for example~).



What. Even here I seen it's not overwhelming to say at least, not equally, but I passed days on restaurants for special reasons and seen it's around 35-65 here, I bet it's more close in the first world (and it's getting more close here and most likely there, too, each year).



Yeah, I know some would, too, XD. LOL extremists. Aside a few idiots over there (that applies to both sides), I think sexism has been always more an unconsciously problem than anything else, even in the past. It's hard for people to change as they are so used to certain things that they give them for granted (you don't question something you give for granted, like breathing, and I know it well because I don't have it for granted now, breathing), but luckily new generations aren't that used, so changes happens naturally, though it takes times.

If this is what society is worrying about, then we have came a long way from classic sexism.

It has been always about what not worries society rather than the inverse... People wasn't too worried 200 years ago that women were forbidden to work on cities, for example. Though it's still truth we've came a long way from classic sexism, though I always believed the improvement was for natural causes, like the need for more labor (it was an issue that the agricultural female labor didn't passed to other forms of labor), anti-conception, wars being wagged with less people per capita (and now and slowly, by weapons themselves) and so.

Societies lags a bit, though, the practical changes, for a generation or two. For example 75 years ago the number of females paying the food was close to 0, and even though it's more equally now, people stills holds some customs from when it wasn't like that and you see OP that did something lacking logic for today because the custom. Or more importantly, you see someone like King Dingaling who still believes the current ratio is the same as 75 years ago and acts like it is true (for a custom), not even doubting it a second.

This thing itself isn't a big deal, it doesn't matter that much, but you still see things like that with childbearing, dating, hobbies and so that if people think for a second about it, would see that we do some really illogical stuff for the sake of custom (and some are big issues for some people). Though I don't care that much for it, nobody will die for a lag on sexism resolve when things are already somewhat fine, but it does worry me about things who need far quickest reactions than our reproduction rate like global warming (or when quickest would translate to save lives or have profound impacts for the contemporary). We would react and adapt quicker to problems if we think about what we give for granted than think about what we are worrying already.

It's not a big deal, you're overthinking it.

Because the man is paying for the meal most of the time still. It's not sexist if it's true.

Nothing I doubt you even put the thought into how or where you putting the check. For me when a couple walks in our restaurant, not a sit down one, the women almost always places the order so I assume she is also paying.

As a guy, i always want to pay for dinner, or the movie, or whatever. I like treating the girl im out with makes me happy. i dont know if its sexist or not, but ya, men usually like to treat the girl. i dont know if its a social thing, or a natural impulse to take care of the girl, but i dont think its a bad thing neccicarily.

I would say it's that you have gender roles jammed into your head, rather than that you are sexist, but it is still something that you should change, simply because it sends the wrong message.

Even if men still pay for the bill 90% of the time nowadays, it is not something that should be reinforced as a standard. Women can work, women do work, and women can spend their own money. By placing the bill close to the money, it sends the message that the man will be paying, and by doing it, it assumes that the women either cannot or will not pay. Now, this may not be true in most cases, the man may simply pay because he wants to, but it can still be insulting to a woman.

Think about it this way: My girlfriend has cerebral palsy and can only get around in a wheelchair. She can talk and think perfectly fine (better than a lot of people I've met, in fact; she just lacks muscle strength). If we go eat in a restaurant, the waiter may ask me what she wants, the idea being that I will order for both of us. She would get annoyed by this, because she knows that the waiter may be speaking only to me because he/she assumes that my girlfriend cannot speak, simply because she is in a wheelchair. My girlfriend has to be treated differently because she needs to be in a wheelchair, but she does not want people to assume that she is in the most severe condition possible, because when people do that, they assume the being in a wheelchair means that a person is helpless and brainless and useless. When a person assumes that a woman will not pay a bill, it may send a similar message, that the woman either does not have the money to pay or cannot acquire the money or refuses to pay because she is a stuck-up bitch.

If we want to respect other people's wishes, then it's important to not judge. I don't want people to assume that I'm a hippie that smokes weed all day just because I have long hair, and I wouldn't want people to assume that I make more money than my partner simply because I am a man and she is a woman.

Same here brother, even though I don't think I'll be going on dates anytime soon I do naturally feel the need to accommodate women on travels and whatnot.

I always act upon my own rule "I pay only for my own shit", because I'm a greedy asshole.

This is like saying "Oh no! We made the men's washroom a meter closer than the women's from the main entrance!"

But do what you must if it'll make you feel better I guess.