Is Female & Male Friendships Possible?

When you are really young you are friends with both boys and girls and you may “play date” someone. As you get into middleschool/highschool you go through the whole “who am I friends with and who do I date”. Basically it’s a confusing time for anyone because one minute you are friends, the next you are hooking up. College is just an extension of highschool shenanigans in my opinion. Still dealing with the whole “who is your friend, who is your lover, and who can’t you stand to be around”.

Personality is a big factor with friendship. Some people are lonely and will try to date whoever regardless of the relationship status. Others wait for prime opportunities to date others when they are single, unless something better comes along in the meantime. Then you just have people that you can be friends with and neither person cares about dating each other. With the last one, they may consider the person attractive, but the friendship may mean more to them then actually pursing anything.

Emotions are the hardest thing to get past with any friendship and especially with those of the opposite sex, but you just go through a bunch of people till you get to ones that work for you. I know I lost a lot of my guy friends over the years for various reasons, but I learned that you try your best to make the relationship work and if it doesn’t then you move on. No use crying over spilt milk lol.

There’s an establishment phase with new people where you are learning who this person is and are trying to figure out where they fit in the schema of things for you. You base them on their looks (this one sucks, but it happens sadly), personality, likes, dislikes, relationship status, how you get along with them, etc. Then you continue to sort them into the proper schema for you and then decide how to act with them accordingly. Sometimes you may put them in the wrong schema (i.e. they are a friend but still an option in case shit goes down and they need a shoulder to cry on!), but over time you just have to see where things will go. Everyone is different on how they do this so you just have to meet different people and experience different things till you find what works.

I would never get mad at guys that were too busy with their acquired girlfriends because I would be happy for them and work on finding my own happiness. I did use to hate when friendships ended over a guy having feelings for me and I couldn’t’ return those feelings, but you just have to be honest and if it’s too hard for them to respect your wishes then it was just meant to happen.

When it comes to taking your friendship to the next level, it just depends on where you are at with that person. If you find that you are beinging to like someone and feel like they like you as well, you can try talking about doing things one on one such as going out to dinner or having a nice night together and saying, “cool, it’s a date then!”
** with this I can honestly say that when it is the right person, you will know. Even though I didn’t have feelings for my boyfriend till half a year after being friends with him, once we got to really know each other and weren’t chasing after other people, we sort of had mutual affections for one another. We both made moves and we both felt comfortable with it (some butterflies mind you lol). But it felt right at the time and it paid off in the long run. Neither of us knew if we could make it work, but it’s been great ever since and we were happy to have taken the risk.

1) Be honest with your friend and have them be honest as well
2) Be clear about things if you don’t feel something for your friend (only if things get too awkward and don't get better in due time)
3) Not let your feelings get in the way of said friendship (think of them as your sister or your cousin)
4) If you feel like being friends is too hard then it’s okay to have things end naturally
5) Don’t be afraid to live and learn with your friends because sometimes you have to take some risks in life…. Just weigh your options first lol.

I believe that friendship is possible with the opposite sex, but it takes the right people to do it with. Some people are able to do it better than others, but you usually have to go through a lot of people (good and bad experiences) to find people who you can be good friends with. Being clear and communicating with your friends is something that you shouldn’t be afraid to do.

And I will say this; there are SOME things that you don’t have to say to a person. By this I mean, if you really value your friendship with a person and you don’t want to fuck it up, then weigh the options before you confess to them, especially if they are not in a place to be confessed to (aka with another person or they’ve made it very clear that they are not into you).