jokes

I'm probably ruining it because I'm not George Carlin, but here's one that I can remember:

Dude's driving with his friend in the passenger seat. He's driving fast and when he gets to a red light, he drives right past it; friend says, "Hey what the fuck man, you ran a red light." Dude replied, "Don't worry, my brother drives like this." Some time later, the dude ran another red light. Friend says, "What the fuck man, you just ran another fucking red light!" Dude replies, "Don't worry, my brother drives like this." After a while, they get to a green light and the car comes to a screeching halt. Friend goes, "Hey, what's up, the light's green." Dude replies, "My brother might be coming the other way."




Here's one that requires more insight to understand:

What did the jewish pedophile say to the 9 yearold girl?
Want to buy some candy!!

Sorry to say this but I don't get it at all.

He's saying that you can't see black people in the dark and that they are most likely burglars.

So there's a black guy and a Mexican guy in a car. Who is driving?

What a perfectly normal cheer.

Little boy: Daddy, is God black or white?
Boy's father: God is both colors son.
Little boy: Daddy
Boy's father: What is it?
Little boy: Does God love everyone?
Boy's father: Yes son, God loves everyone.
Little boy: Even little children?
Boy's father: Yes, even little children.
Little boy: So Michael Jackson is God?

I guess that means I don't understand racism.

this'l do for a laugh

first person who understands this gets rep.

three people walk into a bar. one ducks.

Every day, three nuns had to go through a pet store to return to their rooms. One day the parrot in the store began to say three colors each time he saw the nuns pass, then they discovered that the bird was saying the colors of their panties, To disprove this belief, the next day they passed with white panties, to which the parrot said three times white; angry, the next day they decided to go with nothing underneath, the bird was silent. The nuns were already going to cross the store when the parrot said:
Curly, straight and recently shaved.

Why are French roads lined with trees?

Was it a gay bar?


So Jesus is up in the cross, crucified, and his disciples are at the bottom of the hill. Then, Jesus calls out to one of them. "Peter,Peter!" Peter quickly starts to climb the hill, but a guard stops him and cuts his arm off. Peter goes back down the hill hurt. Minutes later, Jesus calls him again "Peter,Peter!" Though hurt, Peter starts climbing the hill again. And again, the guard stops him and cuts off his other arm and he goes back down the hill hurt. Again and again this happens until he has no limbs left other than his head. Yet again Jesus calls out to him "Peter,Peter!" Peter manages to somehow start propelling himself forward and the guard, moved by his show of loyalty, decides to let him through. Finally, Peter gets to the bottom of the cross and asks "What is it my lord? What is it that you ask of me?" and Jesus replies "Peter,Peter...I can see your house from up here!"

lol nice one.

and nope not a gay bar. ill wait for to more trys before i give out that answer, it took my three days to get it myself lol

I was the one who ducked. I didn't wanna hit my head, after all...


"This hospital isn't very good. There's alot of sick people here."

lol. reps for you when i get it back.

A little bit old.

There was a man visiting a relative in a madhouse when he noticed a man lying on the floor and the others watching him; when he asked the nurse what was happening, she said: That man thinks he is a newspaper, the other ones are reading him.
Next day when the man returned to the madhouse, he saw that the newspaper-man was being chased ; whe he asked again to the nurse, she said:
Well, he is a newspaper from yesterday, so everybody want him to wipe their asses

I heard this from a Jewish guy:

Q: Why do Jewish people wear yarmulkes?

A: Because they don't want to pay for the little propellers.