Meeting new friends and girls

How does one like myself go about meeting new people and find new friends and girls?

I've never been one to have a lot of friends, too be honest I've only really had one friend, he got married a couple years ago and has since moved away to another state, so we don't hang out anymore. You could say I'm kinda socially awkward, but once we've gotten to know each other I'm like a completely different person.

Most of my time is spent listening to music, watching anime, playing video games (as I imagine is pretty much the same at this place), or working on my car. So yeah, I don't get out much if at all, and while I have been out a few times with some coworkers but we're like polar opposites. They're all about going to the club or bar, getting wasted or getting high, which isn't really my thing. I just don't like clubs, I can't stand having to shout over loud music to hold a conversation only for them not to hear what I'm say anyway, its always a boring time for me. Not to mention I've got nothing interesting or cool to talk about anyway, at least not to them.

People are always telling me that I gotta get out and meet new people, go to the bar or something. But I don't know how, I'm not a bar a person and yeah a few drinks will open me up a little, but once we get past the initial introductions I run out of things to say and it just gets awkward.

I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 18 which lasted maybe two months, and I'm now 25 soon to be 26. Every girl I met in between there didn't feel the same about me and only wanted to be friends (only to never hear from them again). My brother has tried hooking me up with some of his wife's friends but the results were the same. I've tried and still try online dating sites, but getting someone to meet up has yet to happen, not to mention even getting a girl to message you back is a rarity in Itself.

I just feel like life is quickly passing me by, while everyone else is moving on with their lives and its depressing sometimes.

I suspect there are probably a members here that have been or are in a similar situation, so my question to you is what did you do to fix this?

You sound a lot like me. I hate clubbing because I don't like dancing, the booze is overpriced, the music is often not to my taste/too loud and standing up for long periods of time makes my back ache. I'm quite awkward talking to people unless I have something in common with them, and when I do get talking to someone the pseudo-friendship can either fizzle out within a week, or they become long-term friends. Usually the former.


What I do when I'm out socialising and I run out of things to talk about with people, I just try to make people laugh. Humourous quips, pulling faces, descriptions of disgusting imagery to a hilarious degree (like a midget orgy turning into a bloodbath. Blood everywhere, spines flying around the room, skullfucking), exaggerating a former classmates' habits or physicalities (like this one guy who wore a jacket all year long because the inside of the coat contains the corpses of every dog they've ever owned, or another guy who had a spot on his nose so large it was likened to a pigeon beak and we called him "Pidgeon" ever since and his mating call is "Coo! Coo!") or making animal noises for no reason. That sort of thing.

I don't suggest adopting my kind of humour but I do suggest trying something like that. Push yourself out there a little more and joke around with people. If you discover that people have things in common with you through the medium of comedy, lo and behold you have made a friend.

You won't ever be alone on this subject, a lot of people (not just the ones on this site) feel lonely and want companionship whether it be friendship or intimate. I can relate to you (and Gravity Cat) on feeling awkward socially and a little down from loneliness. I can also be pessimistic sometimes about meeting people and have even had points I would become "stand-offish" since I figured relationships would never work for me (I've changed a lot since these thoughts).

My advice to you is to push yourself a little to keep active in the social, non-cybernetic world. Even if you don't meet anyone, it's good to get some fresh air and to keep hope for whatever happens. You don't have to do things that make you uncomfortable such as parties or clubs. Go to the grocery store, bookstore, videogame store, search online for any events such as conventions or find anything that peaks your interest to get yourself out.

If you have any self doubt or worries, you just need to find a way to accept who you are good and bad. I use to be harsh on myself for all of my faults, but it's neither wise nor healthy to do this for too long. You are who you are, you can work on the things you don't like about yourself, but loving and appreciating the person you are can make you feel good and this can been seen by others. Be yourself and do the things that you enjoy in life (be open to new things as well), you never know what can happen in life.

Also don't feel too bad about your age. 24/25 is not old, there are people in there 30s and 40s that still are looking for love. There is a saying that I always enjoy, "when you look for if you may never find it, it's when you stop looking that things may come your way." I've changed the wording of it over time, but it basically means you don't have to try so hard, you just need to enjoy the small things and over time (no matter how long) things will come to you.

If you ever get too lonley, just talk to any of us here on the site, lots of crazy friendly people here to be your friends and cheer you up :)

Needless to say (yet I feel the need to do it anyway) you're in the wrong public. Misaki_Chi said it best! You need to find an environment that you're most comfortable in. By normal logic people with common interests should be there also. Social anxiety isn't something that can be easily brushed off and I'm not asking you to do so.

What helped me was finding a hobby and finding people that relate to it (projects,training facilities,meetings,seminars,clubs-not the ones with music and and dancing and whatnot,). I do have many of hobbies which I enjoy but only one (a sport) brings me in touch with people. Do to collage I had to move to a different town but the teachers that were there became like family to me.
You yourself have many interests, look for a place where people like yourself gather.

Thanks for the support guys.

I've tried looking into local clubs, but I can't seem to find one that reflects my interest. The closest I can are things related to my car, but most of the people in the car scene around here are a bunch of d-bags and its nothing but a dick measuring contest for the most part.

I've givin some conventions some thought, unfortunately I missed the last comic con here due to car trouble.

I agree, find a group of people with the same interests. Maybe a local comic-book shop or something like that. Or maybe an internet/email group local to your area that meet weekly. Doesn't need to be a big convention

I was like you once. Fortunately that was in my grade school days and I've gotten over it with the help of friends. I now ,though not addicted to it, appreciate the concept of clubbing and getting wasted which has its pros and cons.

I think what you need is to meet people like you. Like a convention or something. To make it easier, go to a place where meeting new people isn't the primary goal. It could be like a festival or some events where you meet up with people who has the same goal as you. You begin introductions, ask non-personal stuff, then you slowly get more and more personal and make friends.

If you're socially awkward, you might wanna go to a park or a bar and just watch how people talk to each other comfortably and how guys talk to girls smoothly. This might seem weird but it works, believe me. I've done some weirder shit.

Bump

Ok guys the Allentown Comic Con is coming up and I'm definitely planning on going. Thing is I wanna make a good impression, and with a hunch of people there with relatively the same interests it should be pretty easy to mingle and make some new friends. But I've never been particularly good at striking up conversation s with people I don't know. I'm just looking for some tips and pointers on being social without looking weird and trying to hard.

Anyone here that's been to a con have any tips on this? This will be my first con so it's all new to me.

My suggestion is go with a unique costume. Most times people will see something unique and approach you to strike up conversation. Other way is to be the approacher and just work your courage up before hand. Good Luck.

Happened to me this very year. I feel you bro, I feel you. I was excited on going on my first convention ever and maybe meet some people and missed it- because the tickets were sold out. Fuck life.

What blinkgirl said. I met some friends because they had a cosplay I found awesome and was sort of rare (BlazBlue) and complimented them on it and then started talking. We ended up hanging out the rest of the con and I even got to be in their hotel group for a different con after. Another tactic might be going to a panel and talking about the panel with someone afterwards and then segueing into conversation.

Rule 1: dress to impress and by this I mean you can either do something cosplay or just wear something awesome and nerdy like an anime/videogame shirt or an anime/videogame hat (bags and accessories are great as well). Something that shows that you are just "that guy" who came to the convention looking to score with a nerdy chick.

Rule 2: I feel like this can also be rule 1, but make sure you actually try talking to people and a lot of them at that. I know you're probably nervous and are worried, especially with this being your first convention, but keep this in mind; quite a few people probably feel this way as well. You are going to meet all types of people at these things. Some will be shy (even shyer then you if you feel you are pretty quiet), insecure folks, rude people, arrogant people, really cool and interesting people, some that may be kinda creepy. It's a whole mix of people that go to these conventions and they can be really enjoyable, so you should try to push yourself a little to talk to whoever you can. Don't just sit in the corner and wait for people to talk to you.

Rule 3: Last but not least, just have fun. The whole purpose with going to any convention is because you love what you love and that should always be the main focus. Anything else that happens is going to be a great bonus.

The last bit of advice I can think to offer is this; when you talk to a nerdy/geeky girl please treat them like you would any girl. Just because we enjoy anime/manga/videogames, doesn't mean that it is our life 24/7 and we don't want to be seen as such. I know I am more comfortable in my own skin then I use to be, but not all girls will feel that way. This isn't to say that you shouldn't talk about nerdy topics, just don't make it obvious that you are hunting down some sort of exotic species (I use to get kinda creeped out by guys that would only talk to me because I was a nerd... made me feel like an object rather then a person sometimes). Every girl will be different and will be nerdy to various degree's so you'll just have to talk with different ones to get a feel for how things are going.