Problematic young guy I am
0
I saw everyone is so friendly and kind on this forum so I will be honest about my life.
I am actually 23 year older now. I only had a girlfriend once in my whole life.
We were great in our relationship at beginning. Then she changed, everything became bad and she left me.
Actually, it was problematic because of me, too. I some kinda think. If there are problems, it always have 2 sides.
First problem,
Her personality is nearly opposite of me. I was calm, she was not. I was patient, she wasn't. I was satisfied about my life, she wasn't etc.
Then our sex life. I believe I should say something about it because every problem happens because of sex life a little bit.
We were young. I was 20 she was 17 at first. Then 21, 18. It lasted like a year. But we never had real sex. I mean we tried, but at first I could not do it. What can I say? I could not do it because of I was so worried that she will not be happy. We tried again and I could not do it again. We tried like 3 times.
She came and told me that then, she wanted to leave. I said "why don't you trust me? I will do it. I will sure do it."
Actually I know what you are going to say. My worries are actually because of her impatience. I thought she won't love me. I thought she will leave me. My thoughts made the situation even worse. But actually my thoughts were little bit true as I look at them now. She was not loving me in real way. If you love a person, you gave him/her nearly full support, don't you? You trust, don't you?
She was not doing a thing. She was just waiting for something to happen for loving me all the time. I was sick of it because I really really was a good man about other things. I cared about her, I helped her, I listened her, we spent good time. We had sex too (oral etc). But never a real sex.
After she left, she told me that she was loving me like first 6 months. then other 6 months she was not loving me. But she said "I was liking you as a person so I could not leave you like that because I knew that you would be very sad after it" She said "she saw me just as a friend."
I said inside, "how can you see a person you give a blowjob as a friend (or you say that you wanted to kiss like a couple)?" I could not understand it still. But one thing I am sure about, she never loved me in REAL meaning. She just spent the time and we were like little bit friendish-fuck buddies to her. I am sure of it.
Then after being alone, I am still worried about my life. I mean I cannot be sure if I become a real man. I don't live like a man. I don't have girlfriends. Yes I have friends as a girl, they are good people. I mean I'm not so alone in life. I can at least find people to talk about problems. I am telling them the situation I am in. They always say "you are not bad person, you are not ugly, too. It was only about your chance that your first girl in your life was not truly good for you. Jump above it and just live the life."
I am actually 23 year older now. I only had a girlfriend once in my whole life.
We were great in our relationship at beginning. Then she changed, everything became bad and she left me.
Actually, it was problematic because of me, too. I some kinda think. If there are problems, it always have 2 sides.
First problem,
Her personality is nearly opposite of me. I was calm, she was not. I was patient, she wasn't. I was satisfied about my life, she wasn't etc.
Then our sex life. I believe I should say something about it because every problem happens because of sex life a little bit.
We were young. I was 20 she was 17 at first. Then 21, 18. It lasted like a year. But we never had real sex. I mean we tried, but at first I could not do it. What can I say? I could not do it because of I was so worried that she will not be happy. We tried again and I could not do it again. We tried like 3 times.
She came and told me that then, she wanted to leave. I said "why don't you trust me? I will do it. I will sure do it."
Actually I know what you are going to say. My worries are actually because of her impatience. I thought she won't love me. I thought she will leave me. My thoughts made the situation even worse. But actually my thoughts were little bit true as I look at them now. She was not loving me in real way. If you love a person, you gave him/her nearly full support, don't you? You trust, don't you?
She was not doing a thing. She was just waiting for something to happen for loving me all the time. I was sick of it because I really really was a good man about other things. I cared about her, I helped her, I listened her, we spent good time. We had sex too (oral etc). But never a real sex.
After she left, she told me that she was loving me like first 6 months. then other 6 months she was not loving me. But she said "I was liking you as a person so I could not leave you like that because I knew that you would be very sad after it" She said "she saw me just as a friend."
I said inside, "how can you see a person you give a blowjob as a friend (or you say that you wanted to kiss like a couple)?" I could not understand it still. But one thing I am sure about, she never loved me in REAL meaning. She just spent the time and we were like little bit friendish-fuck buddies to her. I am sure of it.
Then after being alone, I am still worried about my life. I mean I cannot be sure if I become a real man. I don't live like a man. I don't have girlfriends. Yes I have friends as a girl, they are good people. I mean I'm not so alone in life. I can at least find people to talk about problems. I am telling them the situation I am in. They always say "you are not bad person, you are not ugly, too. It was only about your chance that your first girl in your life was not truly good for you. Jump above it and just live the life."
0
So now let's go to the real problem.
I really wanna live like a man. I mean I am not ugly. I am really not ugly. Even I had some girls (after she left me) which were interested in me(like 3 girls) but I turned them down. They were not pretty yes, but that was not the real answer. I turned them because I wasn't in good mood. Something inside still feels like I am worried about sex life. "What if I could not make happy other girl or girls which I love? So they would leave me? And I will be sad like last time?"
I must clear that my birth was not true and one of my arms is disabled because of doctor's fault(I cannot use it so well. it is little bit small and skewed.)
Actually this arm problem was not big for me. I mean even my friends sometimes forget about it while we have fun. I never worried about my arm after my childhood went out. When I was child yes I was worried because girls won't love me. But I see the fact that most of the girls do not care about these type of things.
So I wanna live like a real man. I could not do it. I mean everything in my life seems ok, my only problem is lack of sex life and girls to have fun, make love, spend time.
I cannot act like a wanker which behaves girls bad. That's not me. I was always honest and justice supporter guy(in real meaning, I always was like this) in my whole life. I will not change it. That is me.
I am little bit shy about getting near to other girls because I cannot understand if they do not want me around them. I hate the fact that today's girls are mostly do not have self confidence than they make fun of you if they don't like you or like you. It is hard to find out.
I cannot allow anyone to do this, so I behave tough and solid to them if they do what I don't like, and most of them think I am not enjoyable or entertaining. They think that I am bad guy because I do not allow them to do what they wanted to do, to me. And yes I will never allow.
I sometimes asked myself, "what if I just go and behave good to whores who do not deserve to be treated like this?"
Maybe this is true. But if it is true, %85 of girls are just whores. And I don't like em.
And I must say in the end, I will not marry, ever, in future.
I just wanted to live like a man which I cannot find a way to do.
[As you can see in my words, I don't really talk like 23 year older. That's a problem too. Lots of people have these kind of problems in their early ages but I am late so I feel like a kid still. I am at university now, I am going to graduate from it soo bigger problems will come (finding a job)]
I really wanna live like a man. I mean I am not ugly. I am really not ugly. Even I had some girls (after she left me) which were interested in me(like 3 girls) but I turned them down. They were not pretty yes, but that was not the real answer. I turned them because I wasn't in good mood. Something inside still feels like I am worried about sex life. "What if I could not make happy other girl or girls which I love? So they would leave me? And I will be sad like last time?"
I must clear that my birth was not true and one of my arms is disabled because of doctor's fault(I cannot use it so well. it is little bit small and skewed.)
Actually this arm problem was not big for me. I mean even my friends sometimes forget about it while we have fun. I never worried about my arm after my childhood went out. When I was child yes I was worried because girls won't love me. But I see the fact that most of the girls do not care about these type of things.
So I wanna live like a real man. I could not do it. I mean everything in my life seems ok, my only problem is lack of sex life and girls to have fun, make love, spend time.
I cannot act like a wanker which behaves girls bad. That's not me. I was always honest and justice supporter guy(in real meaning, I always was like this) in my whole life. I will not change it. That is me.
I am little bit shy about getting near to other girls because I cannot understand if they do not want me around them. I hate the fact that today's girls are mostly do not have self confidence than they make fun of you if they don't like you or like you. It is hard to find out.
I cannot allow anyone to do this, so I behave tough and solid to them if they do what I don't like, and most of them think I am not enjoyable or entertaining. They think that I am bad guy because I do not allow them to do what they wanted to do, to me. And yes I will never allow.
I sometimes asked myself, "what if I just go and behave good to whores who do not deserve to be treated like this?"
Maybe this is true. But if it is true, %85 of girls are just whores. And I don't like em.
And I must say in the end, I will not marry, ever, in future.
I just wanted to live like a man which I cannot find a way to do.
[As you can see in my words, I don't really talk like 23 year older. That's a problem too. Lots of people have these kind of problems in their early ages but I am late so I feel like a kid still. I am at university now, I am going to graduate from it soo bigger problems will come (finding a job)]
1
Hey kim,
I think you may have an odd idea of what being a man is really about. Are men just good at sex to you? I don't really follow. To me, a man is someone who takes care of others, and keeps his opinions open with people, listens, and makes decisions with backing.
Also, life does not revolve around romance and sex all the time; if you aren't having fun and enjoying yourself outside of a relationship, you shouldn't rely on one to bring you happiness either. I think you should first spend some time and think about the past couple years, because it seems like you're still brooding over your ex with your complains, even though it's been a couple of years already. It isn't healthy. Don't just jump into relationships for the sake of being in one or to just move forwards, but do so on your own. It feels like you still have strong feelings for her. Let love find you, sometimes the harder you search for love, the more it will hide.
As for the last part, don't try to hard to get into a relationship, you should build strong foundations first; like common interests and activities that you share. Sex is literally 10% or less of a healthy relationship imo. You can have the best sex in the world, but can't bare to be in the same room as your partner. As for technique, just ask her what feels good and where, there's no shame in asking. She would probably think you're thoughtful for trying to please her. Whenever I take the lead, I always just let my hands move to places where I find my girl most attractive, brushing around the legs, hold her close from the back, brush through her hair and down her face, etc. It doesn't really matter what you do in bed, as long as your emotions show through your actions how much you love your partner. Don't worry about messing up, just do what you feel is comfortable, not going all the way is fine, just take your time until both of you feel comfy enough to move further.
I think you may have an odd idea of what being a man is really about. Are men just good at sex to you? I don't really follow. To me, a man is someone who takes care of others, and keeps his opinions open with people, listens, and makes decisions with backing.
Also, life does not revolve around romance and sex all the time; if you aren't having fun and enjoying yourself outside of a relationship, you shouldn't rely on one to bring you happiness either. I think you should first spend some time and think about the past couple years, because it seems like you're still brooding over your ex with your complains, even though it's been a couple of years already. It isn't healthy. Don't just jump into relationships for the sake of being in one or to just move forwards, but do so on your own. It feels like you still have strong feelings for her. Let love find you, sometimes the harder you search for love, the more it will hide.
As for the last part, don't try to hard to get into a relationship, you should build strong foundations first; like common interests and activities that you share. Sex is literally 10% or less of a healthy relationship imo. You can have the best sex in the world, but can't bare to be in the same room as your partner. As for technique, just ask her what feels good and where, there's no shame in asking. She would probably think you're thoughtful for trying to please her. Whenever I take the lead, I always just let my hands move to places where I find my girl most attractive, brushing around the legs, hold her close from the back, brush through her hair and down her face, etc. It doesn't really matter what you do in bed, as long as your emotions show through your actions how much you love your partner. Don't worry about messing up, just do what you feel is comfortable, not going all the way is fine, just take your time until both of you feel comfy enough to move further.
0
To be honest it seems like fairly normal issues, though perhaps compounded in your case.
What exactly do you think 'being a man' entails? To me it has connotations of self-sacrifice for family and community and careful planning for the future at at least some leadership qualities, even if only on a small scale (you can lead and organize a group to get things done if needed, even if you normally wouldn't)
Nothing I view as being a man has anything to do with anything you posted as far as I can tell, especially when you say you can't see yourself married.
I agree that how you talk is more like a teenager than a 23 year old, but it's good you've already noticed that and I'm sure you're making some efforts to get some priorities and grow up a bit. It really does sound like you have a tonne of potential to be a strong man and a boon to your woman once you get past the things holding you back.
What 'love' is is something to think about a lot. Passion and heat don't constitute real love, commitment to to the best for some one and look out for them and to be ready to self-sacrifice for them is the real deal. If she didn't have that then you're right about her not having real love. But that is hard to find.
If a girl loves you in that way you won't be able to be nervous or have reservations around her even when going to have sex, because you know she won't cause an issue for you if you screw up. That's the thing to look for, and hopefully you can find it.
What exactly do you think 'being a man' entails? To me it has connotations of self-sacrifice for family and community and careful planning for the future at at least some leadership qualities, even if only on a small scale (you can lead and organize a group to get things done if needed, even if you normally wouldn't)
Nothing I view as being a man has anything to do with anything you posted as far as I can tell, especially when you say you can't see yourself married.
I agree that how you talk is more like a teenager than a 23 year old, but it's good you've already noticed that and I'm sure you're making some efforts to get some priorities and grow up a bit. It really does sound like you have a tonne of potential to be a strong man and a boon to your woman once you get past the things holding you back.
What 'love' is is something to think about a lot. Passion and heat don't constitute real love, commitment to to the best for some one and look out for them and to be ready to self-sacrifice for them is the real deal. If she didn't have that then you're right about her not having real love. But that is hard to find.
If a girl loves you in that way you won't be able to be nervous or have reservations around her even when going to have sex, because you know she won't cause an issue for you if you screw up. That's the thing to look for, and hopefully you can find it.
1
Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
Okay after reading all of this I am going to give this to you straight. Sorry this is so long, I had too much to say lol.
You don’t seem like a bad guy, but you are worrying way too much about what other people think.
With your ex you have to look at the age here. She was 17-18 at the time and most young women will not be patient when it comes to sex. Aside from this you two were together for a year and in the last half of the year she pretty much gave up or lost the love for you. I can understand her feelings on this sorry to say. She probably really tried to put the effort into the relationship and made an effort the best she could (even if she was complaining and such), but wasn’t sure what to do. She may have felt like she wasn’t good enough or that something was wrong with herself for you to not be able to stay hard and not perform to the best of your ability. I know that it was shitty of her to leave for such a reason and there was probably more to the story, but she stayed with you for a year man. She had to have cared about you to have stayed with you in the beginning. I know things turned sour, but you have to give her some credit for trying.
I know I personally went through something similar with an ex of mine. I was young like your ex and he was my first love. I really cared about him in the beginning and we had fun, but he had some issues in his life. Things went downhill when we had sex. It was okay (my first time so it was hard to judge back then). Afterwards he wouldn’t do anything more with me. I freaked out and thought that I had did something wrong or that I was bad. He wouldn’t talk to me about it, he just told me that we should wait. After that things turned bad, we would fight constantly. He even told me I was a slut and a whore (he thought all I wanted was sex). In the end, I broke it off.
In the end, she broke off the relationship because you couldn’t become intimate with her, she is still young (much younger and impatient then you which I don’t see as a bad thing, just not the right thing for yourself), and it just wasn’t meant to be. Don’t think about her in too harsh of a manner for what she wanted. I know that it shouldn’t matter with physicality in the bed room, but it is an ego bruiser (for both persons) when intimacy can’t be performed. So don’t just think that you were hurt, she must have felt pretty hurt as well, because I can relate to that myself.
The way you are reflecting upon this problem is that you don’t want to be wrong in this situation and you want to find fault in the people you have relationships with. You understand that you have your own issues to deal with, but you aren’t trying to look at the other person’s perspective and you come up with your own personal assumptions for them. Some of them may be right, but when you start to “assume” things you start to cut yourself off from the possibilities that could be out there.
For instance when you say that 85% of women are whores, you may be right, but if you start to guard yourself from women you’ll never find that small percent of good wholesome women that are out there. And honestly I go with the saying that “everyone has their own story” so try to be less judgmental openly.
Here is my advice for you.
A true man is the man you wish to be not just for yourself, but for someone you could someday love and care for. You try to be a good person or a person who you can become proud of and when you meet someone special you hope that they will do the same. The big thing is to work on yourself to make yourself feel more confident and happier about you and life as a whole.
You need to become more open to people. As I said, you are who you are and you just have to own it. If people think you are weird then you just have to brush that off (or get pissed about it later and then let it go). People will always be shitty and mean to one another, but you just have to hope that by being something others are not that you will in turn find good people for yourself. I know when I started to change my attitude (I use to be pretty pessimistic and guarded) I found a good group of friends and even a guy who found me to be special and loves me like no other.
The last thing is that you need to let go of your past. You seem to still be haunted by your ex and what she did to you. I think at this point you need to start to think about it less and less. You’ve analyzed this to death and I am sorry that you were hurt through all of this, but you need to start to move on. There are a lot of fish in the sea and even if they may only be tile fish or eels you’ll never know when or how, but you could meet your angel fish.
Also when I said that you are thinking in a selfish manner, I wasn’t trying to be mean. It’s just that when you say that “this is my side of things” and “I am good and honest, etc” you remind me of some ex’s and guy friends I have had that don’t have much confidence themselves. They usually say that they are this and that and find fault in others (even if the faults are true) and they don’t like being faulted themselves (they usually already know they have faults and don’t wanna hear it). I won’t say that this is you, because I don’t know you personally and you can disregard this statement if it’s false. I just say it because this is what I have known, experienced, and have seen and this form of selfish and guarded thinking can make any relationship fail.
Think less about your faults, your good points, and about what everyone else thinks about you and whatever. Just focus on the things you need to do in life and give other’s consideration and kindness, regardless of how they act towards you. I live by the motto “kill them with kindness” where even if I don’t like a person very much, I just remain calm and kind to them. Words are only words and it is only when someone acts physically (like trying to punch you) can you react differently.
Lastly I will end with intimacy. Your biggest issue with keeping it up is that you were too worried and over-thinking sex. You got so worked up that your guy couldn’t keep strong. You have to let some of your fears and worries go when you go to have sex because these will weigh you and your member down. I will have to admit that a year in a relationship without sex is a pretty long time and unless you have an erectile dysfunction this shouldn’t happen. Just sounds like the chemistry wasn’t good between you two, so you just need to find one that can keep you aroused. Condoms can desensitize your member as well so you should try different condoms out to see which ones work the best. Try masturbating with them on to see if this helps (I know a friend of mine did that and it worked for him). Also see a physician if you do suspect that you have any form of issue with keeping your wood hard, because there may be something more to the issue. In all honesty though I still think that it is your nerves that are getting the better of you. Communication with your partner is also important. Don’t say things such as “don’t worry we just have to be patient!”, because that doesn’t help things out (you are saying that there is a “to be continued…” that the end of a book that never gets published). You need to tell your partner exactly what you are feeling and what you are thinking when you have these issues and maybe they can help you out. Believe me, when you find the right girl they will want to get you off so communicate with them and they will talk back.
This is coming from a girl, we don’t give as much thought to dicks as you guys do. We just want them hard and to cum and when that doesn't happen we feel insecure with ourselves because we feel like we weren't good enough (yes we do think this so it isn't all about you). So keep this in mind for the future.
To summarize everything I have just said because it is a lot you need to let go of your past and start to work towards the future, you need to keep working on yourself and be less judgmental (or stop assuming thing and experience them, because the world is full of impossibilities), and try out different things in the physical department (stop worrying so much) to keep your erection and orgasm.
Also you are pretty young at 23 so enjoy life, friends and school. You don't have to be focused on a relationship at the moment. Take time to let this ex of yours go and have fun with your life.
You don’t seem like a bad guy, but you are worrying way too much about what other people think.
With your ex you have to look at the age here. She was 17-18 at the time and most young women will not be patient when it comes to sex. Aside from this you two were together for a year and in the last half of the year she pretty much gave up or lost the love for you. I can understand her feelings on this sorry to say. She probably really tried to put the effort into the relationship and made an effort the best she could (even if she was complaining and such), but wasn’t sure what to do. She may have felt like she wasn’t good enough or that something was wrong with herself for you to not be able to stay hard and not perform to the best of your ability. I know that it was shitty of her to leave for such a reason and there was probably more to the story, but she stayed with you for a year man. She had to have cared about you to have stayed with you in the beginning. I know things turned sour, but you have to give her some credit for trying.
I know I personally went through something similar with an ex of mine. I was young like your ex and he was my first love. I really cared about him in the beginning and we had fun, but he had some issues in his life. Things went downhill when we had sex. It was okay (my first time so it was hard to judge back then). Afterwards he wouldn’t do anything more with me. I freaked out and thought that I had did something wrong or that I was bad. He wouldn’t talk to me about it, he just told me that we should wait. After that things turned bad, we would fight constantly. He even told me I was a slut and a whore (he thought all I wanted was sex). In the end, I broke it off.
In the end, she broke off the relationship because you couldn’t become intimate with her, she is still young (much younger and impatient then you which I don’t see as a bad thing, just not the right thing for yourself), and it just wasn’t meant to be. Don’t think about her in too harsh of a manner for what she wanted. I know that it shouldn’t matter with physicality in the bed room, but it is an ego bruiser (for both persons) when intimacy can’t be performed. So don’t just think that you were hurt, she must have felt pretty hurt as well, because I can relate to that myself.
The way you are reflecting upon this problem is that you don’t want to be wrong in this situation and you want to find fault in the people you have relationships with. You understand that you have your own issues to deal with, but you aren’t trying to look at the other person’s perspective and you come up with your own personal assumptions for them. Some of them may be right, but when you start to “assume” things you start to cut yourself off from the possibilities that could be out there.
For instance when you say that 85% of women are whores, you may be right, but if you start to guard yourself from women you’ll never find that small percent of good wholesome women that are out there. And honestly I go with the saying that “everyone has their own story” so try to be less judgmental openly.
Here is my advice for you.
A true man is the man you wish to be not just for yourself, but for someone you could someday love and care for. You try to be a good person or a person who you can become proud of and when you meet someone special you hope that they will do the same. The big thing is to work on yourself to make yourself feel more confident and happier about you and life as a whole.
You need to become more open to people. As I said, you are who you are and you just have to own it. If people think you are weird then you just have to brush that off (or get pissed about it later and then let it go). People will always be shitty and mean to one another, but you just have to hope that by being something others are not that you will in turn find good people for yourself. I know when I started to change my attitude (I use to be pretty pessimistic and guarded) I found a good group of friends and even a guy who found me to be special and loves me like no other.
The last thing is that you need to let go of your past. You seem to still be haunted by your ex and what she did to you. I think at this point you need to start to think about it less and less. You’ve analyzed this to death and I am sorry that you were hurt through all of this, but you need to start to move on. There are a lot of fish in the sea and even if they may only be tile fish or eels you’ll never know when or how, but you could meet your angel fish.
Also when I said that you are thinking in a selfish manner, I wasn’t trying to be mean. It’s just that when you say that “this is my side of things” and “I am good and honest, etc” you remind me of some ex’s and guy friends I have had that don’t have much confidence themselves. They usually say that they are this and that and find fault in others (even if the faults are true) and they don’t like being faulted themselves (they usually already know they have faults and don’t wanna hear it). I won’t say that this is you, because I don’t know you personally and you can disregard this statement if it’s false. I just say it because this is what I have known, experienced, and have seen and this form of selfish and guarded thinking can make any relationship fail.
Think less about your faults, your good points, and about what everyone else thinks about you and whatever. Just focus on the things you need to do in life and give other’s consideration and kindness, regardless of how they act towards you. I live by the motto “kill them with kindness” where even if I don’t like a person very much, I just remain calm and kind to them. Words are only words and it is only when someone acts physically (like trying to punch you) can you react differently.
Lastly I will end with intimacy. Your biggest issue with keeping it up is that you were too worried and over-thinking sex. You got so worked up that your guy couldn’t keep strong. You have to let some of your fears and worries go when you go to have sex because these will weigh you and your member down. I will have to admit that a year in a relationship without sex is a pretty long time and unless you have an erectile dysfunction this shouldn’t happen. Just sounds like the chemistry wasn’t good between you two, so you just need to find one that can keep you aroused. Condoms can desensitize your member as well so you should try different condoms out to see which ones work the best. Try masturbating with them on to see if this helps (I know a friend of mine did that and it worked for him). Also see a physician if you do suspect that you have any form of issue with keeping your wood hard, because there may be something more to the issue. In all honesty though I still think that it is your nerves that are getting the better of you. Communication with your partner is also important. Don’t say things such as “don’t worry we just have to be patient!”, because that doesn’t help things out (you are saying that there is a “to be continued…” that the end of a book that never gets published). You need to tell your partner exactly what you are feeling and what you are thinking when you have these issues and maybe they can help you out. Believe me, when you find the right girl they will want to get you off so communicate with them and they will talk back.
This is coming from a girl, we don’t give as much thought to dicks as you guys do. We just want them hard and to cum and when that doesn't happen we feel insecure with ourselves because we feel like we weren't good enough (yes we do think this so it isn't all about you). So keep this in mind for the future.
To summarize everything I have just said because it is a lot you need to let go of your past and start to work towards the future, you need to keep working on yourself and be less judgmental (or stop assuming thing and experience them, because the world is full of impossibilities), and try out different things in the physical department (stop worrying so much) to keep your erection and orgasm.
Also you are pretty young at 23 so enjoy life, friends and school. You don't have to be focused on a relationship at the moment. Take time to let this ex of yours go and have fun with your life.
1
Thanks for your kind words. You made my mind warmer.
@Silentforest I did not jump into a relationship as I already stated. :)
I agree with you about it because I really loved her and I wasted like a year to forget the pain. I really SHOULD return to myself. And I don't need any other girl to this, I can do this alone, myself, just for me. only me. not a selfish but self confident way.
As I read from your third paragraph, I now feel I did not do something wrong. I mean maybe our sex was not that "colorful" but other things were great. Now I sat and remember things I sacrificed for her, which she never did. I am not regretful about it, I just wanted to clear my mind.
A memory:
Even if I or she was busy, we were meeting once in a 2 days at least. It was like our rule. Even if we are really busy, we were spending 30 minutes-1 hour at least.
Once I was sick, I just said her to come near to my house. (I mean she should have walk like 10-15 minutes more than regular.) She said to me that I am trying to use her and make her to come at my feet. Oh, I could not believe it. I am so stubborn so I take off home and went to show myself to her. It was really painful but I really wanted her to see. She saw me and she apologized so many times.
But these apologizes never changed her. She was doing these kind of thing all the time.
@JGPS
You are really right. I have tons of memories I did graceful things which she never even tried. Maybe I really needed to accept the fact that she was not loving me like the way I do. I actually did just after breaking up but it was late now I am sure. Maybe I was so confused about the love I have and forgot to think logical? Really. I never think like this before but loving someone sometimes makes you like a blind person.
Passion and heat. Yes! Now I remember that she WAS the person thinking these things are real love. I never was. I was looking for a girl who trusts me, never betrays, and capable of self-sacrificing.
I was so blind then I was even thinking and behaving like her. Look, I seem like teenager to you. Because of her actually. I even accepted her immaturity because I really really loved her.
I must thank you guys. I will try hard to change the things in my life now my mind is more clear. I was right all the way then, why would she affected me so much? I don't know. But she is now long gone.
@Silentforest I did not jump into a relationship as I already stated. :)
I agree with you about it because I really loved her and I wasted like a year to forget the pain. I really SHOULD return to myself. And I don't need any other girl to this, I can do this alone, myself, just for me. only me. not a selfish but self confident way.
As I read from your third paragraph, I now feel I did not do something wrong. I mean maybe our sex was not that "colorful" but other things were great. Now I sat and remember things I sacrificed for her, which she never did. I am not regretful about it, I just wanted to clear my mind.
A memory:
Even if I or she was busy, we were meeting once in a 2 days at least. It was like our rule. Even if we are really busy, we were spending 30 minutes-1 hour at least.
Once I was sick, I just said her to come near to my house. (I mean she should have walk like 10-15 minutes more than regular.) She said to me that I am trying to use her and make her to come at my feet. Oh, I could not believe it. I am so stubborn so I take off home and went to show myself to her. It was really painful but I really wanted her to see. She saw me and she apologized so many times.
But these apologizes never changed her. She was doing these kind of thing all the time.
@JGPS
You are really right. I have tons of memories I did graceful things which she never even tried. Maybe I really needed to accept the fact that she was not loving me like the way I do. I actually did just after breaking up but it was late now I am sure. Maybe I was so confused about the love I have and forgot to think logical? Really. I never think like this before but loving someone sometimes makes you like a blind person.
Passion and heat. Yes! Now I remember that she WAS the person thinking these things are real love. I never was. I was looking for a girl who trusts me, never betrays, and capable of self-sacrificing.
I was so blind then I was even thinking and behaving like her. Look, I seem like teenager to you. Because of her actually. I even accepted her immaturity because I really really loved her.
I must thank you guys. I will try hard to change the things in my life now my mind is more clear. I was right all the way then, why would she affected me so much? I don't know. But she is now long gone.
0
@Misaki_Chi You sent your reply just before I sent mine so this is coming new :)
In my last post I really talked about my goodness and her badness. But you are right, too. It has 2 sides. I behaved her bad, too. Lots of time. I will hate to say that but one time she sweared to me like 15 minutes screaming on street and I did not even say "a bad thing" to her. But in the end, I could not control myself and I even slapped her cheek once.
I feel like just after this "slap" her caring behaviours and love went away. It might be this way really. I must say that slap was shittiest thing I ever did.
Just before breaking up I did some bad things, too. I thought she cheated on me etc. I really behaved her bad and I'm sorry about it.
I could not accept the fact that she continued to relationship without loving me 6 months.
I was so sad then I tried to get her "heart" back so many times after leaving. I wrote her, I called her and she forgave (even we made love [which I was thinking we are gonna be together again but she said this is just sex for to her, she said i must be sure that she does not love me. So that made me even more confused and helpless]) and I did same thing again and again. I was in so bad mood on those days. I was feeling like alone in prison.
Actually I will be honest, I think I tried so many times to get her "heart" back and disturbed her too in all these years. And just before I sent this thread to this forum, I tried to write her the good things about her just to make "peace". I said in text message: I am so happy to see her happy after the months we never contacted(she called me and said she hates me last time), I think that she was one of the best parts of my life etc.
But her reply to me was, she is so happy and she had sex 3 months ago for the first time and said "you did not even do it still". It was heart-breaking. It was really. I mean I broke her heart so many times but I never be this harsh, cruel.
But I somekinda deserved to treated like this after all. I never behaved like self-confident guy(as you mentioned). I behaved like a jealous kid whose toy is went to another's.
This is the best thing about girls I learned after all.
In my last post I really talked about my goodness and her badness. But you are right, too. It has 2 sides. I behaved her bad, too. Lots of time. I will hate to say that but one time she sweared to me like 15 minutes screaming on street and I did not even say "a bad thing" to her. But in the end, I could not control myself and I even slapped her cheek once.
I feel like just after this "slap" her caring behaviours and love went away. It might be this way really. I must say that slap was shittiest thing I ever did.
Just before breaking up I did some bad things, too. I thought she cheated on me etc. I really behaved her bad and I'm sorry about it.
I could not accept the fact that she continued to relationship without loving me 6 months.
I was so sad then I tried to get her "heart" back so many times after leaving. I wrote her, I called her and she forgave (even we made love [which I was thinking we are gonna be together again but she said this is just sex for to her, she said i must be sure that she does not love me. So that made me even more confused and helpless]) and I did same thing again and again. I was in so bad mood on those days. I was feeling like alone in prison.
Actually I will be honest, I think I tried so many times to get her "heart" back and disturbed her too in all these years. And just before I sent this thread to this forum, I tried to write her the good things about her just to make "peace". I said in text message: I am so happy to see her happy after the months we never contacted(she called me and said she hates me last time), I think that she was one of the best parts of my life etc.
But her reply to me was, she is so happy and she had sex 3 months ago for the first time and said "you did not even do it still". It was heart-breaking. It was really. I mean I broke her heart so many times but I never be this harsh, cruel.
But I somekinda deserved to treated like this after all. I never behaved like self-confident guy(as you mentioned). I behaved like a jealous kid whose toy is went to another's.
Misaki_Chi wrote...
Communication with your partner is also important. Don’t say things such as “don’t worry we just have to be patient!”, because that doesn’t help things out (you are saying that there is a “to be continued…” that the end of a book that never gets published). You need to tell your partner exactly what you are feeling and what you are thinking when you have these issues and maybe they can help you out. Believe me, when you find the right girl they will want to get you off so communicate with them and they will talk back.This is the best thing about girls I learned after all.
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
It looks like both parties were at fault with this relationship and that the break up was meant to be.
It wasn't cool of her to act the way she did and you didn't do too well yourself, but with what you both had to go through it isn't surprising.
As I said in my long winded post, you just have to let this relationship go and move on. You need to refrain from talking to this women because what's done is done and wipe your hands clean of this situation. Learn from your mistakes and work harder to make the next relationship more meaningful. I never say this to my exes because those relationships are over, but I always wish for them to find happiness and for them to find love. I do get mad or upset with them for how our relationships went, but I don't wish for their relationships to fall into ruin for the next person, I have learned to not let hate rule my life. Forgiveness within yourself is a good quality to learn.
You seem to be going on the right path so take my words and the words of others who give you advice on this with a grain of salt and continue to make yourself a better person from all of this. We all go though our ups and our downs with relationships and no one will tell you that they are ever easy. It doesn't matter what you look like or what your story is because life will always be a struggle. It is your choice to make something of it and all you can do is try your hardest. If that doesn't work then take a break and try again.
I wish you the best in finding someone who you can love and for them to be able to do the same. Don't give up hope my friend (^^)
It wasn't cool of her to act the way she did and you didn't do too well yourself, but with what you both had to go through it isn't surprising.
As I said in my long winded post, you just have to let this relationship go and move on. You need to refrain from talking to this women because what's done is done and wipe your hands clean of this situation. Learn from your mistakes and work harder to make the next relationship more meaningful. I never say this to my exes because those relationships are over, but I always wish for them to find happiness and for them to find love. I do get mad or upset with them for how our relationships went, but I don't wish for their relationships to fall into ruin for the next person, I have learned to not let hate rule my life. Forgiveness within yourself is a good quality to learn.
You seem to be going on the right path so take my words and the words of others who give you advice on this with a grain of salt and continue to make yourself a better person from all of this. We all go though our ups and our downs with relationships and no one will tell you that they are ever easy. It doesn't matter what you look like or what your story is because life will always be a struggle. It is your choice to make something of it and all you can do is try your hardest. If that doesn't work then take a break and try again.
I wish you the best in finding someone who you can love and for them to be able to do the same. Don't give up hope my friend (^^)
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kimochi500 wrote...
I was looking for a girl who trusts me, never betrays, and capable of self-sacrificing.Well, you're definitely looking for the right things. I hope you find them one day. It is hard because most people are not really like that, but many are.
why would she affected me so much?
Because physical contact releases bonding hormones (Oxytocin) and sexual contact releases more. The things you did with her tell your body and mind that you want to be with her. In your case you probably interpret that at the protective feelings that are helpful to real love.
Time is the healer now, and if you are fortunate a good relationship can easily wipe her from your mind.