[Summer Contest Entry 2015] A Flight of Stairs

Here, here, here it is!~

Don't bash too hard, guys.



Sam clutched at her chest as she stared with dread at the daunting obstacle that stood before her. It was the stairs that led up to the second floor of the dormitories. Normally, she would take the elevators to reach the top. Unfortunately for her however, the elevators were out of commission. “Of course they’d be under maintenance right when I feel better…” Sam said with discontent. She looked at the cane that the nurse had given her and cursed quietly. It made her reminisce about the set of events that led to the situation she found herself in.

Unbeknownst to anybody, Sam had a minor attack that left her short of breath earlier in the morning. She struggled through the pain to get out of her bed, fighting the agony in her body to reach the dorms' infirmary. Luckily for her, she managed the trip without too much trouble. Upon seeing her sorry state, Sam noticed that the nurse was in a panic. She was quickly sat down and inspected with astounding haste. After about an hour of checkups, pills, and being forced to lie about, the nurse finally gave her the okay. “Your heart’s stable now, Samantha,” she recalled the nurse telling her. “Next time, make sure to inform your roommate or girlfriend so that they can bring you down here. Putting that kind of stress on your body is not recommended.”

“I don’t want them to worry,” Sam remembered her reply. “Both of them are really busy. The last thing I want them to do is have another thing to be stressed about. Also, please don’t call me Samantha.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to have forgotten,” the nurse apologized. “I sometimes forget in my worries. It would happen less often if you weren’t so stubborn, Miss Miles.”

“I know, but I’d still prefer to be called Sam,” said Sam. “Anyway, is it okay if I head back to my dorm room now?”

“It should be fine,” the nurse answered. “But I suggest being in a wheelchair to prevent any more stress towards your body.”

“A fucking wheelchair?!” Sam scoffed. “Fuck that! I said I don’t want anyone worrying. What does a wheelchair say if either my roommate or girlfriend sees me in it?”

“Samantha…”

“No! No exceptions!” Sam yelled. “I’m not sitting on a damn wheelchair! There has to be some other way.”

“I can give you a cane, but you really should…”

“A cane it is,” Sam stood up from the bed. “At least that’s easy to hide. Give it to me and I’ll be on my way.”

“Samantha…”

“Stop worrying and just give it to me!” Sam insisted. She saw the reluctant look on the nurse before she retrieved a cane for her. “Thanks,” said Sam upon being handed the cane. She stepped out of the infirmary and made her way back to the elevators. As she walked down the hall, she looked out the windows to see all the other students enjoying themselves. With summer drawing in, it became too hot for Sam to step outside with her heart condition. She was reduced to being a recluse who hid inside her dorm. The only company she got most of the time was from her roommate coming home from work or school. It saddened her as she continued to observe. Today was a particularly lovely day. She wished with every fiber in her being that she wasn’t so sickly. Her jealousy came close to a boiling point with each view outside.

Sam’s attention was brought back to her body when she felt one of her legs give out for a moment. She fell to a knee and clutched at her chest. Sam looked around and reached out for her cane after figuring where it slipped to. She took it in her hands and used it as support to get back up. “Damn these attacks…” Sam swore. “Why does it always make me so fucking weak…?” The pain was long gone, but her body was still not in the most stable of states. What was a hallway that should have taken no more than a few minutes to walk became a fifteen minute journey. Sam had to constantly stabilize herself against the walls of the hallway as well as take breaks to lower the rapid beating of her heart. “Just a little more and I’ll be at the elevators…” Sam assured herself. “Just a little more…”

After a bit more torture, Sam reached the elevators only to learn that they were now under maintenance for the day. She stared at the sign for a few minutes before exploding out of anger. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” she jabbed the cane against the sign, almost losing her balance. She looked back down the hallway and sluggishly made her way towards the stairs. It took another few minutes of trudging and cursing before she did.

Sam stared at the stairs after finally recollecting what led her to them. She let out a deep breath and leaned on the railing against the wall. Weakly, she lifted up her leg and placed it on the first step. She repeated the process for her other leg, allowing her to climb up the first of many steps. Normally, climbing stairs wasn’t a daunting challenge. The thought of how pathetic she must have looked filled Sam with rage. As she fought against the weakness in her body to climb one step after another, she recalled all the students who were joyfully enjoying their time outdoors. With the memories in mind, Sam’s anger dissipated. Rather than being replaced by a positive attitude, it just made her mopey. As she reached the halfway point on the stairs, she sat down on the steps and buried her head in her hands. She started to weep, her tears running down her palms. “Why… why me…?” Sam sniveled. She reached for her cane and threw it down the steps out of resentment. She wasn’t that high up, so it shocked her that it did not hit the floor yet. Sam removed her face from her palms when she heard no noise from the cane. She was surprised to see the cane in the hand of her girlfriend, Bridgette Dackerman. “Bridgette?” Sam asked. “You’re supposed to be in a meeting right now…”

Bridgette said nothing and simply walked up the steps to reach Sam. Upon reaching her, she picked her up and carried her like a princess. “Let’s get you to your room…” Bridgette finally spoke.

“I… I can do it myself…” Sam’s sentence was cut a little short as Bridgette planted a soft kiss on her lips. It was a quick peck that silenced Sam. Her girlfriend effortlessly carried her up the rest of the stairs until she reached the second floor. Rather than putting her down, Sam noticed that Bridgette continued to walk. “I don’t need help anymore after the stairs! Please, Bridgette, you’re supposed to be in a meeting right now…”

“A meeting can be rescheduled. Your life can’t,” said Bridgette. “I saw how you looked earlier today, I’m so thankful that I decided to check up on you.”

“Wait… you mean you came back… just out of a hunch?” Sam asked.

“Yes. Apparently, it was good that I did,” answered Bridgette. She opened the door to Sam’s dorm and laid her on the bottom bunk. “I can’t carry you up to your bunk, so lie down on Jessi’s for now. I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“Bridgette… I’m sorry for worrying you... I’m sorry for being sickly and being such a hassle…” Sam started to tear up. “I don’t mean to be… honest!”

“I know, Sam. I know…” said Bridgette as she rubbed Sam’s cheek. “Just rest up for now, okay? Jessi will be home to take care of you soon. Once I’m done with my meeting, I’ll be here too.”

Sam started to moan as her tears flowed out of her. “Thank you! Thank you so much for loving me!” she wailed. “Bridgette, I love you! I love you so much!”

Bridgette felt her own tears begin to well inside of her. Seeing how weak her girlfriend was always made her feel so helpless. Rather than crying, she held it in to keep Sam from falling apart any more than she already was. Bridgette embraced Sam and collected her thoughts so that she could speak without sounding like she was breaking inside. “I love you too, Samantha.”

What a touching chapter to this couple's life. My favorite aspect of this is the way you genuinely write their emotions. It's a good story and world you're crafting, crazr.

Thanks, Xen, you always give me such high praise that I don't believe I deserve. I hope that if you're submitting something, it's equally good if not better than what you've written previously.

I'm definitely getting a lot of character emotion as well. It's clear at every step what Sam is thinking and how she feels about what's going on, and it pays off at the end when she goes from being so worried about others finding out about her condition to being a little more open.

I like the concept of centering the story around the main character struggling to climb a flight of stairs. It's simple, which lends itself well for a short story, but it also offers a good opportunity to show off this problem in Sam's life.

I think this story could use some more polishing though, but I won't say any more because this is a contest.

Salty Sam's day out?

Oh, thank you for the kind words! Yes, yes, I believe this story feels quite unpolished as well. In fact, I could probably put those extra words I haven't used to make it more polished, but I'm satisfied with this for now. I'm glad you and Xen think there's emotion in it, d. I said I'd make it super romantic, and that's what I strived to do, but I personally think it fell short though... Hahaha!


Basically, yeah! Hahaha!

Hooray for yuri!

It's amazing how you were able to convey so much emotion in the story. From Sam's insecurity with the wheelchair situation to Bridgette's concern for her girlfriend, the dialogue was written very realistically. Good job!

PS: Is it just me, or does anyone else sense yandere potential in Sam? haha!

Hehehe, I was hoping I'd have read your work before you read mine, but I guess that isn't the case. Anyway, thanks for giving my work a read. It always fills me with joy when people give my works a chance. Much like everyone else, thanks for the undeserved praise. I always write emotionally(or so people tell me), but I myself can never see it.

If you're curious to learn more about Sam's personality, I suggest reading the work she originated from. This submission is a side story based off of one of my actual stories here on Fakku! Any new readers and reviews are always appreciated.

What I liked most about your entry, crazr, is on how deep emotions play for this very simple premise. At the surface, this story is just about a sick girl climbing the stairs and was later aided by her girlfriend. But when once this story is carefully chewed and digested, one might feel that this is actually a heavy meal.

Samantha looks like a character I might like reading a YA novel: strong-willed, independent, yet damaged. She’s a character that beggars love from her readers despite her strong personality.

I just worry about some readers who would find this, mmmm, boring? Slow-paced? As some people like more action and plot twists. This story is built on description on a character’s emotion and feelings - which you have done quite well.

Finally got a chance to say thank you for the kind words. I would also like to say that I agree that many would find this story boring since it's a slice of life. The slice of life genre really isn't for everyone after all. I write all sorts of stories, but I've been sticking to these more grounded ones as of late.

Finally, like I said to Raven, Sam plays a bigger part in one of my stories linked in my signature. If you want to see more of her, feel free to read it if you have the time. I'm just going to warn you now that it is an erotic story.

You should be careful when you describe dialogue. Make sure the way you describe it actually adds something to it. You should avoid telling readers something that's obvious in what the character says. Saying Sam said this one line in particular with discontent isn't a bad example, but I'd argue readers can pick that up on their own. However, I'm just one guy, and in the end, it's your call.



When you say 'Upon seeing her sorry state,' I expected the name to come up after that to be the person doing the seeing.



You may have noticed that some writers don't put a lot of variance in their dialogue tags. Instead, they use said all the time. When this is done, your brain will filter it out as white noise or something like that. Essentially, it allows readers to get through conversations faster. I'm not saying you should avoid switching it up at all costs however. This is just something to keep in mind, and you may or may not want to test it out.



This paragraph adds a little bit of information, but when you think about it, it doesn't really do anything to advance the story. We already know what happens with the elevator.



I don't think giving us Bridgette's name here is unnecessary since Sam does it immediately after.



About point of view, until now, the story has been told from Sam's perspective. This last paragraph breaks away from that and switches to Bridgette's perspective. There's nothing wrong with that per say, but if you wanted to tell this story purely from Sam's perspective, then you should change this last paragraph.

One other thing I want to bring up is that while you get into the emotions the characters are feeling, you could do more with their senses. Sight, sound, etc.

Good point. I've already done my part by describing how she's feeling, so there's no need to describe it in the way she speaks. I tend to have a problem with adding in one too many filler words.


I see. Yes, now that I look at it, this sentence is a bit vague and confusing.


I have heard mixed things about this one. I try to vary it up, but I also like to stay the same. Some say using variances makes for better word choice while others say it is unnecessary. There is also the opposite where some say sticking with similar dialogue tags makes for better flow while others claim it is redundant. This one is a bit tricky and I am quite unsure how to approach it.


Ah... I see. Now that I'm looking at it, this has already been explained. It has a few new revelations, but nothing that can't be pieced together by the reader when they read it.


Now that I look at it, this is also another case of filler. I agree that Sam says her name so it's unnecessary, but I also noticed the error of giving out Bridgette's full name since it has little significance with anything in regards to the situation.


This is similar to my concern in your submission when the perspective shifted from third and first person. Like you, my brain wanted to write it one way, but it came out another. It was supposed to be in the perspective of Sam seeing Bridgette doing her best to not fall apart, but I somehow just switched to Bridgette's perspective and never bothered to change it. I am actually unsure whether it was out of laziness or because I never noticed it. Thanks for making a mention on this.


I'm not too good at incorporating other senses. It's definitely something I need to work on. Thanks for the insight.

I've been so swamped, but I can finally reply to this awesome wall of text! Thanks so much d for giving me criticism. Most people tend to just tell me the good and a few gripes and not much else, but you took the time to cover a bunch of problems. I am very, very grateful!

I think it really comes down to personal choice for the most part. However I can see where people are coming from. Like, if there was some story and every time a character spoke, they used a different word to describe it and it was some outlandish thing, it would start to get ridiculous. And at the point, it's probably more a case of the author trying to sound smart by using as many big words as they can.



I actually usually do give out both of a character's first and last name, but I also usually am not having someone call out to them immediately after.



Maybe try thinking about what happens when something gets brought to a character's attention. What is it about the thing that catches their attention? No idea if this will actually be of help. I just made it up.



No problem.