[Summer Contest Entry 2015] The Late Summer Newborn

Marcus shoved the mass of people apart, all of their faces once kind and familial yet now cold and hateful. Almost everyone had turned up from the village to oppose him. But no matter how much he cared for them or how much they had once cared for him, his crimes were, in their eyes, inexcusable.

“Brothers, sisters, we have allowed a great evil into our midst!” the village priest, Bernard, preached in front of the crowd. “We were blind and foolish! Our eyes were covered by the scales of mercy and compassion. But I say to you now that in our well-meaning grace we have fostered an abomination of the worst kind!”

Marcus moved through the horde swiftly and purposefully. He was already late and he didn’t need the villagers delaying him even further. Most of the people moved fearfully out of his path but those who did not were impatiently pushed out of the way. Their moans and curses were met with nothing but his icy silence. As he cleared them he came across Bernard, the last man blocking his path to his cottage at the summit of the gently inclined hill.

The two stared at each other for a brief moment and years seemed to pass.

“Move, old man.” Marcus finally said.

“No, Marcus,” Bernard replied. “You have been like a son to me for all these years, like all the other children that grew up in the village. I cannot let you throw your life away like this! That thing is an atrocity of nature, boy! Can’t you see that?”

The steel sang as Marcus drew his sword from its sheath. The blade halted abruptly, its edge grazing the old man’s cheek.

“She is my wife now, Bernard! You will call her by no other name!”

The two stood in silence, each one’s eyes staring deeply into the others as if they were reading each other’s souls. At last Marcus removed the blade from its threatening position and slid it back into the safety of its sheath. He walked past Bernard, who could do nothing but watch as the man he had once known abandoned all that made him a part of their community.

Bernard ran his finger against the small cut on his cheek and rubbed the blood between his thumb and index finger. “So this is your choice then? You would walk away from all of us so lightly?”

Marcus answered without turning back. “You were the ones who walked away from me. All of you need to leave right now! Leave and don’t come back!”

The mob erupted into chaos behind him while he pressed onward toward his cottage. As he hurriedly opened its thick wooden door he heard the unmistakable clamour of a bawling baby. A wave of joy welled within him and he excitedly made his way deeper inward towards his bedroom. Nearing his destination, a new obstacle presented itself to him.

The woman was almost half his height, the purity of her raven black hair disturbed by lines of silver which seemed to increase daily. Her skin however was only lightly wrinkled making her appear far younger than she actually was.

“How did it go, Mother?” Marcus enquired nervously. Beads of sweat gathered on his forehead. “How is Stella? And what about my child?”

Margery studied her son as she cleaned her bloody hands with a cloth. “The delivery went surprisingly well… even though you weren’t here to help.”

“I’m sorry,” Marcus said with his head hung low. “I tried to get back as fast as I could.”

“None of that matters now, Child. You already know how I feel about this woman. She is not good for you, Marcus! You must see that! Humans were never meant to come into contact with her kind! She will spread misery wherever she goes!”

“Mother, please…”

“I know you won’t listen to me, Boy. You were always far too stubborn. Just like your grandfather. But if there were ever a moment that you would actually heed what I said let this be that moment. You must get as far from this woman as possible. You will never know peace otherwise.”

She dropped the cloth on a nearby chair and made her way toward the door.

“I’m sorry, Mother. When I married Stella I promised I would always be by her side to protect her. Forever. You need to get yourself to safety. The villagers have lost patience and there’s no telling what they’re capable of.”

“As if they would ever do anything to me. Worry about yourself, Son.” The expression on her face grew troubled. “Will I ever see you again?” she asked.

“Maybe,” Marcus answered. The lie was all he could give her.

She gave him one last look and disappeared out of the cottage.

Despite the darkness of the night encroaching on the evening sky the cottage remained a stuffy prison of summer heat. He followed the warmth to its source and gazed upon the reason for all his troubles as well as all his happiness. Stella sat upon the bed with her back against the wall. Her fair, ebony skin was lightly illuminated by her flowing hair which radiated the colour of living flames. Among all of the Sun’s sacred children Marcus found her to be the most beautiful. He sat beside her on the bed and gently kissed her forehead.

“How are you doing? Are you alright? You’re not hurt are you?”

“No, not at all, love.” She replied. “Your mother really knew what she was doing. If it weren't for her we might have lost her.”

“Her?” Marcus asked unraveling the crying bundle in Stella’s arms. He marveled at the sight of his daughter. “She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Here, you can hold her if you want to,” Stella said handing their child to him.

As he took her in his arms she stopped her crying to curiously stare at her father whom she had never seen before. She reached out a tiny hand and wrapped it around the finger that Marcus presented to her. He bobbed his finger up and down in a humorous little handshake.

“Hello there,” he said to the little girl who had left her crying behind to instead wear an expression of bewilderment. Her skin was the same tanned shade as that of her mother and her hair too shone with the colour of the sun’s flames. The child babbled happily while tightening her weak grip on his finger.

“What shall we call her?” he asked Stella.

He turned to her and found her smile disappearing. “We’re not going to survive are we?” she suddenly said, seriously. “I can hear those people outside. They’ve come for me and her. I don’t care what they do to me, Marcus, but you can’t let them hurt her!” Tears began to well in her crimson eyes. “She’s just a baby but they won’t think twice about killing her. You have to leave me here and get her to safety.”

“Nobody is going to die, Stella. Neither you nor me and especially not our child.” Another lie. One that tasted like venom on his tongue. He could see that Stella saw through it just as his mother did. The villagers had his cottage surrounded. They were armed with all manner of makeshift weapons and their attitude toward him outside was anything but pleasant. There was no true escape for any of them and the thought of what would be done to the two most important women in his life made his guts twist.

And then they smelled the smoke. Plumes of the threatening haze sank slowly from the thatch roof, their vile contents sending the three of them into spats of coughing.

“Marcus, the roof is on fire! I…I don’t have enough power left to stop the flames!” Stella shouted.

The blaze rapidly devoured the roof sending chunks of burning debris hurtling toward the floor. Chants could heard from outside, barely audible over the raging bonfire that was once his home. He held onto Stella and his daughter tightly as he fought hard not to weep.

“Marcus, please run! You have to escape!”

“I’m not going anywhere, love. If we go, we’ll go together.”

They could hear the wooden supports twisting and snapping as the fire burned through and weakened them causing them to collapse under their own weight.

“We still haven’t decided on a name for her,” he said with a weak smile.

“I was thinking of the name †˜Solana’,” Stella replied with tears streaming down her cheeks. “It means †˜sunlight’ in the language of the stars.”

“Solana. I like it. From now onward your name will be Solana. Do you like that name?”

As the angry inferno chewed through the last of cottage's strength with its fiery fangs and the structure collapsed into a hellish pile of charred rubble, the little newborn would never get the chance to answer.

Haven't read it yet, but I think the rules were strict about it being under 1500 words. You should double check before your submission is rejected, Tau.

Thanks for the tip. I should have read those rules more carefully.

When you've trimmed it down, tell me. I'll give it a read.

While I would like a fuller explanation of why Stella and Solana were considered abominations, the story certainly moved me.

Most of the entries for contests like these feel like excerpts of a story rather than an entire story due to the word limit. Some of them come across as purely descriptive with motivations, background and context not made clear. I could have disliked your story if it were purely about the characters being burnt to death and the anguish they felt as they were being hounded.

What I think made me like your entry is most certainly the attempts to give a bit of background information of which the dialogue between Marcus and his mother accomplished. It gave me something to sympathise with.

I have 3 questions:
1. What made Solana and Stella abominations?
2. Did Margery die as well?
3. Will you read my entry? (I decided to tell a full story so you will see the problems of trying to tell everything within 1500 words)

A Trip Up the Mountains

It's already been trimmed so give it read whenever you feel like it :D

Let me start by saying that I’m glad that somebody liked this. I wasn’t actually going to enter this piece but then I watched the final episode of Marvel’s Daredevil and the key one-liner “Take your shot!” kind of resonated with me and I started applying it to all sorts of everyday scenarios. But none of that nonsense matters. The point is that as long as piece was liked by someone out there my work was done. So I guess thanks are in order! Now to answer your questions.



To answer this question outright would kind of spoil the fun.

I tried to write the piece in a way that would make it enjoyable to both people who would read it once and take it at face value and those who would read through it over and over to try and piece together a larger story behind the surface. World building is very difficult to do with such a small number of words to work with so my focus was on telling the story while dropping hints all over the place that suggest a larger plot.

I would ask you to read the story again, paying special attention to the way in which Stella and Solana are described as well as the dialogue that Stella gives us. Hell, even their names count as a clue. Feel free to post any theories that you might have about exactly who (or what) they are.

Also, the term †˜abomination’ is very subjective in the context of this story. I’d encourage you to pay special attention to who is using this word as well as which characters support this view



In the passage we see that she is confident that she will not be harmed. This could suggest that she might be a person that garners some respect from the villagers or it could be a simple bluff to ease her son’s worries. Even if she was of some importance to the people outside, would they spare the life of someone who aided the †˜abomination’ they had come to kill. A case could be made for both a †˜yes’ and †˜no’ answer. What do you think happened to her?



I had already read and enjoyed your submission about a day or two after it was posted! The twist at the end was pretty sweet, I must admit.

Oh, a story I have to piece together myself! This reminds me of an old work by Xenon. This was very moving and I'm happy to see that they stayed a loving family until the end. I predict that Margery is lying unless she is some kind of doctor for the village. If that's the case, they'll definitely keep her alive.

With names like Stella and Solana, I highly doubt they're abominations. Maybe to our eyes, but they sound more like deific beings that correlate with the cosmos. Stars to be more specific. This story does show a good bit of human nature, however. Whether they were divine or devilish, the populace will shun them for being different.

This was a good read that covered lots of topics with regards to the human being. Good job, Tau. With that being said, reread it a few times. You'll catch some errors I'm not supposed to help you with because it's a competition and the rules state so. Hahaha!

A story with a very intriguing and attractive background. At first I believed the women to be nymphs or dryads or some sort, perhaps even djinn. However, they could be outright aliens, and honestly, it's even possible for them to be akin to the Irish, but with dark skin and worship the stars. People have been witch hunted for less. I'm sure you have your intentions, but thought I'd simply let you know my suspicions. I'd like to think they were just dark-skinned Irish heretics because then it makes their deaths seem based entirely on worthless racism, and that idea is so stupid and yet so true to human history.

The story struck me as a very contained short story that served as a tragedy with a simple plot rather than a fully developed mystery story with a complex plot. It wouldn't spoil things I think if everything were revealed. In fact, I think it would make me appreciate the story even more. If Stella and Solana were really dangerous beings it would make the story all the more tragic.

I can't help thinking that some readers might arrive at the conclusion that this story would end badly just by the tone of the first few paragraphs. I remember analysing a tragic story in Literature class a while ago. I came off with the impression that sad short stories usually reveal everything at the start so that the readers can indulge in the misery of the rest of the story.

PS: The mother was named after the stars while the daughter is named after the sun. Strange names for creatures of the night if you ask me.



Not as confident as her or you. She aided and abetted very dangerous people. Being an accomplice to a crime is punishable by law in most places. I think it would be even worse if you replace law with lynch mobs.

The more I think about it, the stranger it feels. She knew that her son was about to die and yet she was very composed. Makes me wonder Margery is really Marcus' mother.



Now I consider my entry to be a prank rather than a story, though I tried to make it comedic. It almost falls under the mystery genre but I didn't indicate that they are riddles to solve!

Then it has struck you correctly. This was meant to be a brief telling of a defining moment in Marcus' life in which he decides that his love for Stella trumped any loyalty that he had once held toward his village. The story is meant to be a self- contained short. The only intended mystery element was in figuring out exactly who (or what) Stella truly was.



It is interesting that you would mention this. One of the things I tried to avoid was making either side of the conflict 'right' because then the audience would have the freedom to decide for themselves. If the villagers were correct in their desire to kill Stella, Marcus would technically be the one at fault but his love for her would keep him by her side despite this. If Stella was a misunderstood being and the villagers acted out of ignorance Marcus would still do his best to stay by her side and protect her even in the face of overwhelming odds. In both instances the events lead to the same tragic conclusion.




I'm not sure if I wanted people to assume it was going to end badly but I definitely wanted to capture a sense of foreboding that would get the reader interested.



Very strange, indeed. I seem to remember something about the term 'abomination' or 'atrocity' being subjective. I'm interested to know how you came to think that they were creatures of the night.




This is entirely my fault. The word limit butchered any chance of me giving her the character I had in mind. When I created Margery's character I imagined her as a very strong woman. The type of person who had seen some shit throughout the span of her life. She's the type of person who believes that everybody should be able to make their own decisions provided they are willing to deal with the consequences of those decisions. That's why she doesn't try to take any action against Marcus' decision. All she does is try to steer him on what she deems to be the right path. Whether he chooses to heed her or not is entirely up to him. At the end I believe she buried the feelings of despair deep within her to make herself appear composed. She felt that if she showed her true emotions her son would waste his last moments worrying about her.



Those are some pretty fun theories! I'm interested to know whether the story encouraged those ideas or you were just taking random shots in the dark. I agree that humans can come up with stupid reasons as justification for horrific actions. I would like to give you a nudge in the direction of speciesism rather than racism though.



I think your idea is the closest to what I had intended so far!



Thanks!

I enjoy the idea of the reader being able to formulate their own theories as to the mystery behind Stella but (if you guys are interested) perhaps I should just lay all my cards on the table and post the complete rundown of who these people are and why this is happening. As I've said before, the story's focus has always been on the tragic events that befell a man who fell in love with the wrong woman. Everything else is really just extra trivia.

Mmmm… there’s a popular Filipino film that has almost the same premise (The title is Corazon: Ang Unang Aswang). However, reading the story and watching it are totally different experiences. The way you build this world and the characters is well-balanced, despite hiding the story’s background. Not only is this engaging, this is also a well-written story, making it a strong contender in this competition.

I kinda know where the story is going, but I kept reading anyway, and I don’t regret that I did. Great work, Tau.

My guess is Stella is some kind of sorcerer or a member of a race with a strong connection to magic. The fact that her appearance is notably different and her hair color is reflective of her powers (or a portion of her powers) makes me lean toward the latter.

Whether or not Stella's actually a threat, she has powers normal humans don't, and that's what's got the villagers up in arms. The situation reminds me a lot of the witch hunts.

My question is how powerful is a half-human/half-whateverthehell, and how long does it take for them to come into their powers? Stella can't save them because she's weakened (I'm assuming from childbirth), but I can't help but wonder if the baby could do something subconsciously in a moment of need. If not, you're a bastard.

The villagers wanted them dead and I don't associate with red eyes and pale skin with angelic beings, quite the opposite. Reading through again, I see that Marcus found them angelic. I would cynically say that he might be bound by some kind of spell.

When I was still toying with various ideas before writing this piece I had always intended for Solana's latent power to bubble to the surface. But as I was writing the ending a thought occurred to me.In tragedies life just isn't that convenient.So I then sought to implement Solana's power in a far more tragic way. But, given the word, limit doing so would have fundamentally changed the piece into something that didn't resonate well with the themes of the competition. So I opted for the current ending. I guess that makes me a bastard, huh?




Thank you for the praise! I don't think I've ever seen a Filipino film but I think that at the very least this warrants a google search.

Your interpretation is beautiful, sir. That cynical outlook has given you a completely different vibe for Stella compared what other readers might have experienced. This is exactly why I didn't want to make any particular side of the conflict 'right'. This is also the reason why I wanted to leave Stella's identity at least partially up to the reader. As I suspected, its far more fun to allude to who she could have been and then watch others come up with totally different ideas for the character.

I must, however, point out that her skin is not pale. Its dark.

I mistook "fair, ebony skin" for "fair, ivory skin". I thought 'fair' meant 'fair complexion' not 'beautiful complexion'.

I apologise for coming off as a pessimist or a wet towel. A very snide or sarcastic way of looking at things seem to agree with my sense of humour.

Have you read crazr's "Flight of Stairs"? To make it more entertaining, I pictured the two female lovers as an old lady and a seductress. The seductress of course would like to con the old lady into letting her inherit her wealth after the old lady dies.

This of course is not how crazr envisioned his story.

This line doesn't work for me because of the 'and.' It's usually used to add another, similar quality to the first one, but that's not the case here. There's nothing grammatically wrong with using 'and,' but it feels off because the feeling of years passing is the opposite of a brief moment. That's a roundabout way of me saying you should change 'and' to 'but' or something else.



Period at the end of the dialogue should be a comma.



The bold part comes off less like something someone would actually say and more like a piece of info on the setting for the sake of the readers.



I like how you don't do anything to describe the dialogue. It's clear enough from Marcus's words and the paragraph that came before it that he's pissed.



Can I take this sentence to mean that since getting with Stella, Marcus has more or less withdrawn from life with the rest of the village?



Should be 'was'



Speaking of which, I'm surprised Marcus isn't acting a little more urgently.



I'm guessing not everyone sees them as sacred children or Marcus wouldn't be in this predicament.



Same as before. Replace the period with a comma, and then 'She' should be lowercase.



Missing 'be' between those



I'd put a comma there.



The comma goes inside the quotes around Solana as well.

Overall, I'd say I didn't have too many problems with your prose. Most of the things I pointed out above are pretty minor. Some of them are probably just typos. I have some questions about the plotting though.

Why did the villagers wait so long to burn the house down? Unless, the time it takes for Stella's race to have a baby is drastically smaller or something, they've had months to act.

Another issue I have with this is that Marcus kinda just takes all the stuff the villagers have to say about Stella. I mean, he defends her, but doesn't really argue against them. I guess that kind of stuff could have already happened before the story begins, but still. It's a little disappointing for me to not get to read about it.

Lastly, where was Marcus coming from at the beginning? Where'd he have to be that was so important he had to miss the birth of his child?