User Posts

FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
accelheim wrote...
Yes, dramatically. Before hentai, I thought anime girls to be cute and innocent. Especially sexually innocent. That is because anytime sexual or dirty topics would come up, the anime girls would get embarrassed and dismissive and act like they were something better, like they were superior to natural things. Also I grew up with mainstream TV and movies and females were often portrayed as just that. After many years of hentai, I realized the truth, that anime girls are nothing but nasty biological seedbeds made for primal and vulgar fucking aka fertilization and that the blissful and perverted faces they were making while getting used as cum dumpsters and getting their twitching fuckholes/assholes penetrated were clear signs of them enjoying being as pussy toilets for men's sexual relief, anime girls ultimately enjoying getting reduced to primitive apes with primal instincts. In other words, they went from my romantic idealization to pissing, shitting and humping sperm sniffing sows. It was hard to realize and it was a huge emotional pain, but all the doujins and r34 were solid proof of this being harsh reality.

Truth almost always hurts. And I don't know if this realization was good or bad.


I really enjoyed reading this response. Even though I didn't actually take that stance to that level, I did appreciate the alternative hentai presented in contrast to the norm of anime I also grew up with. This is in relation to anime and other 'wholesome' shows that vaguely touched upon sexual norms and practices with humor and satire as the focal point. Especially Love Hina, one of the first harem animes I was exposed too. As much ecchi scenes they had in this show, I honestly didn't like the female lead's attitude towards the MC. And even though I laughed through the classical satire based on accidental setups leading to sexual fanservice moments, I didn't really appreciate the setups enough to accept them for what they were put there for. After chuckling after the first few setups, whenever it was met with violence from the females who go there without even giving the mc time to apologize, I end up hating those types more and more.

Not because I related to that in any type of way, but because these types of situations do end up happening in social environments among males and females to where unjustifyable acts of slander towards the opposite sex is met on grounds that are unfounded. I never looked for things related to drama when I took up a personal hobby of people observation at a very young age, but when drama on the level of sexual harrassment did occur, and I payed enough to attention to what led up to that moment, if it clearly seen as an accident from my outsiders perspective, but the misunderstanding was not seen as such. More often than not, the person who caused that accident would get slapped first, then slandered afterwards. No explanation necessary or accepted. No matter how I saw it as an unfortunate accident where no one was really to blame, it was only met with curiousity from real life situation being turned into a fictional account of a story's timeline. In addition to the curiosity of even unfortunate accounts of fictional stories on the level of violence being immitated in reality as a means of inspiration to make a bold yet deadly statements of personal injustice. In relation to both on a level of basic curiosity, I would always stop to think what type of situation did an author subject himself to or was exposed to unintentionally irl that was used as material for a story? I think about other people's accounts in terms of content creation now more than ever since I've stepped into that world of content creation for the sake of it becomming a profession. Life has always be a marvel to me despite the good and bad times I've experienced. So even though I am able to separate between reality and fiction, I do acknowledge that each of them can collaborate in the form of drawing inspiration to be either a story element, or a grounds to start a cause or movement, whether personal or social in real life situations.

I accidently derailed from the original topic, which is actually the second time after deleting a lot of material. Writing has been such a big influence for me, that it's become not only tool I use to create a world that I make up, but also a natural and hopefully healthy coping mechanism to stressful situations relating to society woes.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
8/10 - It would've been a 10 if the shading looked better.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
This seems cool, if you're a poet, and you know it, then definitely give this a shot. I finished my entry and submitted it a few days ago. If you decide to enter, I hope you get an extra sense of enlightenment by writing it, like I did. Good luck artists.

Link
----------
After The Parade Contest
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Today is Indepence day in my country, although, at this point in my life, I'd rather celebrate Earth day instead.

Regardless, I do have a few words of inspiration for those struggling to find their place in the world.

No matter what you take from your job, give it 110% until you're ready to move on to the next phase of your life.

That's my motto I've adopted even more so as a full time Caregiver. I don't even look at it as working for a company. I've dedicated my life towards making a difference to each client I work with. I feel all caregivers must look it that way as a prerequisite towards providing quality service. Unlike my previous job at instacart (Or UPS before that). I'm working with human beings like myself. Effort must be maintained and at times overexerted for the sake of being genuine on the level of one human to another.

If I showed any less than the standard, then what would that say about me if I were to become a husband, or a father sometime near in the future? It's basically the same principles, just I'm getting paid for my time and effort. August will be my 1 year anniversary working in the field. I didn't think I'd like the job tbh, but it ended up becoming a passion on the same level as my Content Creator aspirations. Unfortunately, this career is temporary, until my true passion as an owner of a Software Company (Startup) starts making revenue. If it wasn't for the factor of flexibility, I'd still be on the fence about choosing which career to go with.

With that said, I'd like to just close off with this:

Whatever your dreams and aspirations in life is, don't give up, until you find something better to replace it. As soon as you fall into the trap of mediocrity due to comfort and convenience, that's when that attitude ends up showing in every aspect of your life. Never settle for less, no matter what you hope to achieve in life. Take care, God Bless you all.

----------------------

tl;dr version:

FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Here's my answers for the sake of providing an example:

Forum Image: https://images4.imagebam.com/20/13/ae/ME9FXG3_o.png
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
I personally never had an actual spiritual event, or any exposure to miracles. However, I am around friends who have a highly sensitive sixth sense, and I give their stories the benefit of the doubt, no matter how farfetched they are. I sometimes wonder why God doesn't give me that type of insight or awareness as my friends, but then I keep in mind how paranoid and easy to scare I am when I encounter things I don't have a clear understanding of. So, I concluded that I don't have a strong sixth sense because I don't have the mental fortitude to use it to the best of my abilities. I believe God doesn't give us anything we can't handle.

I ended up devising for myself a simple breakdown of spirituality and how it applies to each and every individual. My new take on spirituality is this: Everyone has spirituality regardless of how they view God and to what extent he plays a role in your life.

Eventually, I broke Spirituality down into 6 separate categories:

Positive-Personal Spirituality: Usually falls under the title of Monotheistic Principles. This type of spirituality involves placing God as the top priority in your life. Everything you do in life revolves around what you feel God has planned for you. Normally, you'd live to form an active personal relationship with God in the sense of worship, seeking spiritual guidance, and the pursuit of emotional security.

Positive-Impersonal Spiritualty: Basically, this means that one believes in a higher power, but in the sense that there is more than one who holds power and authority over mortals. Due to this type of thinking, the idea of prayer is split among different types of Gods based on context and what they are capable of. More often than not, this eliminates the notion of forming a personal bond with that of a higher power. This principle is usually called Polytheism.

Neutral-Personal Spirituality: An individual is aware of God's existence, but only from a naturalistic point of view. The supernatural aspect of God is stripped away which also eliminates a need to label God's nature as either good or bad, or they feel that God doesn't hold sentient beings by a certain moral standard and treats them without bias to anything else that makes up existence. Pantheism comes to mind when thinking about this category.


Neutral-Impersonal Spirituality: This particular concept revolves around individuals who refuse to take a decisive stance as to whether God exists or not, or they lean more towards one possibility, but doesn't commit to following the lifestyle that goes with that particular stance. Agnostic is a label that most closely matches with this type of spirituality.

Negative-Personal Spirituality: A person who falls under this type of spirituality acknowledges that God exists, but believes that the entity operates with bad intentions towards mortals and the existence that the entity may or may not have created. I heard some wild theories in this category, but ultimately the most used label to describe this type of spirituality is Anti-theist.

Negative-Impersonal Spirituality: Usually, there isn't a clear distinction between an Anti-theist and an Atheist. However, the two labels are different from each other in the sense of whether or not they believe in the existence of God. For Atheists, they simply don't believe in God or the supernatural, and they live based on separating themselves from anything that may have to do with God. That isn't to say they don't practice good ethics, or aren't good people. They just don't tie God into their decision making. My dad is an atheist, but he is the greatest example of a model citizen and moral person to follow. He just doesn't believe that God is real or has any actual impact towards existence.




To start off this conversation, I'd like for readers to participate in a copy-pasta questionnaire:

-----------------------------Copy and Paste------------------------------------------

1) Do you believe in God?
a) Polytheism, Monotheism or Pantheism? (google is your friend here...)
b) What role does God play in regards to your relationship with him? [Atheist ('Negative-Impersonal relationship'), Antitheist ('Negative-Personal relationship), Agnostic (Neutral-Impersonal relationship), Monotheism ('Positive-Personal relationship'), Polytheism ('Positive-Impersonal relationship'), Pantheism ('Neutral-Personal relationship')
c) What name does God go by according to your level of faith or religious affiliation (Past or Present)?
d) Does God have a beginning and end?
If Yes) Can God reincarnate?
e) Is God perfect (All knowing, All loving, All powerful)?
f) Does God have emotions?
g) Does God follow his own rules? Is it justifiable?
2) Do you believe everything has a purpose and reason?
3) Do you believe you have free will?
4) Do you believe in Karma?
5) Do you believe in the Trinity?
6) Do you believe in reincarnation?
7) Do you believe in spirits?
8)Do you believe in demons?
9) Do you believe life is a test?
10) Do you believe in Heaven? Hell? Purgatory?
11) Do you believe Jesus is the son of God?
12) Do you believe in Sin?
13) Do you believe there is an answer to any mystery?
14) Do you believe in miracles?
15) Do you believe in the second coming of Christ?
16) Do you believe in the anti-Christ?
17) Do you look for answers to questions revolving around faith, or leave everything up to God?
18) Have you ever converted anyone to your spirituality or religious affiliation?
19) Have you been converted by anyone, anything, or event to a different form of spirituality or religious affiliation?
20) How would you feel if there was empirical evidence for or against your beliefs?
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
DrFrost wrote...
FinalBoss wrote...
Hey guys, I hope all is well with everyone? I'm doing fine, but also conflicted. I really like both of my professions as a software engineer and a caregiver. But I know I can only choose one otherwise I'll drive myself insane. So, I'm giving myself a deadline. If my software company doesn't make any revenue in three years, caregiving wins and I'll sell off Project FinalBoss Corp. I have no real favorite rn, but caregiving has a place in my heart right next to content creation. So may the best passion win.

What about you guys? Are there issues with where you want to be in life? Do you have dreams, have achieved them or found something better than what you originally pursued? Let me know what your path in life is, will be or unsure of.


Hi,

If you're still here, I commend you for your path, I also Software Engineer by profession, and already work at it. I was starting with totally different background, I was from Psychology grad, had 2 years of HR related, then change course to Software Engineer.

I had my drive, which is my sister, (she's passed away 1 month ago). Now I feel kinda conflicted, about my job right now.
My job right now was pretty good and I had best team, and healthy-balanced works.
But now, idk about this, I still need the money to raise and immigrate somewhere on Europe or Canada. So I keep moving on, in life for me it's not only about the passion, I mean don't get me wrong, but passion will be chip bit by bit by reality, if the pay is good ? can you life out of it ? and sometimes, it's fine if you give up and choose the realistic one.

But if you commit to the path, I think you also gonna need "drive" beside the passion, my drive after my sister pass away, was getting out of my country and had a family.

Cheers !


Hello, first of all, my condolences for your loss. Reading your background information reminds me of my humble beginnings in college. I too was a Psychology major, however, unlike you I never got a degree for that. In fact, I ended up dropping out my senior year the month before I was due to graduate. So I guess you can compare me to the likes of a runaway bride, except I'm the runaway graduate. I drifted a few years during my ronin days spent at home with my mom. I didn't have a clear path as to what I wanted to do with my life, but I did know it was in the direction of content creation. Eventually I established my startup company in 2018 while going back to school for web development. I initially wanted to go for a certification for game develop via C++ credentials, but felt like I should definitely get my feet wet and expand my library of knowledge in many different branches of software engineering. For now I am settling for my title as a game designer/web developer. Eventually I want to find the time to truly master C++ alongside Unreal Engine's Blueprint system.

Fast forward to the present where I am juggling my passion for software engineering and a new found passion for caregiving. I originally took on caregiving as an opportunity to support my business financially, I had no idea I would like the field as much as I do now.

At this stage in my life, I like both of my professions as a caregiver and software engineer/content creator. However, as I stated in the initial post, I'm eventually going to have to choose one.

I discussed this with my love interest in Kenya, Africa the other day, and she helped me reach a decision towards favoring one over the other. After telling her how I felt, I broke down my decision into three main categories:

1) Financial Stability - Earn enough to make ends meet.
2) Quality of Living - Satisfaction towards the nature of the job
3) Flexibility - Balance between personal and professional lifestyles.

After going over each category, it ended up a tie between the two...for now. Each one is missing a criteria to make a final decision. However, in terms of my future goal as a family oriented individual, my content creation career has more potential (So long as it remains a remote type of profession.). Even though right now, my caregiving job is kicking my profession as a software engineers ass in terms of earning revenue, that can easily change in the future if I continue to be diligent with my projects and ambitions. Unlike my SE career, caregiving lacks flexibility, which is very important to me in order to maintain a balance between my personal and professional life. So, unless something drastically changes that may hinder my goal towards raising a family, I'm going to continue to use caregiving as a means to support my current lifestyle in addition to investing in my startup company.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Here's a funny end of Easter story:

it was a decent Sunday overall for me and the two clients in my primary care. We went to a nearby church for service. Had to cut it short for the nonverbal client's sake. He took one look at the holy water and freaked out. I kid you not: I've never seen him move so fast out of a building before.
I couldn't help but to make a connection between that moment, and the time of Halloween where we dressed him up as a vampire :rofl:
At least we got a chance to give our offerings, but I couldn't help giving him the sus look on the way to the mall....
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Forum Image: https://thumbs4.imagebam.com/78/28/fd/ME90BOO_t.jpg

I think I lost some weight from this Oatmeal diet I've been consistent with.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Ok, so I've heard of Kodak moments, but this is definitely not one of em, lol.



Forum Image: https://thumbs4.imagebam.com/a8/1e/25/ME90BNP_t.png
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Why do people in general make fun of anything? The answer to that is more often than not because they don't know anything about it. Any kind of idea or concept that is outside of the norm can either be looked at as crazy or genius depending on how many people climb on board that thought.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Second Cuming wrote...
FinalBoss wrote...
Hey guys, I hope all is well with everyone? I'm doing fine, but also conflicted. I really like both of my professions as a software engineer and a caregiver. But I know I can only choose one otherwise I'll drive myself insane. So, I'm giving myself a deadline. If my software company doesn't make any revenue in three years, caregiving wins and I'll sell off Project FinalBoss Corp. I have no real favorite rn, but caregiving has a place in my heart right next to content creation. So may the best passion win.

What about you guys? Are there issues with where you want to be in life? Do you have dreams, have achieved them or found something better than what you originally pursued? Let me know what your path in life is, will be or unsure of.


I think you giving yourself a deadline was a very wise and smart decision. You never know your company may pay off, maybe with the additional money you make if proven successful. You can invest or donate into a separate or existing company that leans towards caregiving. It might not be as hands on but maybe it’ll satisfy that side of you.

As far as me goes. I’m an upcoming artist. People know me locally in my region more so for beats. But I’m trying to prove myself as a rapper, and that I have what it takes to do both. The issue is, I am not worried that I’ll make it or not in the industry. Because whether I do or don’t make it I will always be doing what I do. Im just worried I’ll never prove to at least my region that I’m just as dope of a rapper as I am a producer. It sucks doing day to day jobs. Im hoping I can either get to a point where I’m consistently making money off of my music, and not struggling with these basic jobs, or finding a really good side hustle that can maintain everything despite my devotion in music. I know my path though… it’s just fighting to prove myself at this point, and executing these opportunities.



Thanks, that's some good advice there. It's cool that you're into the music industry. I have a good friend who is also an upcoming artist, so I know a little bit about what you're going through. I tried my hand at learning music composition, but I have to put those lessons into the backburner. In any case, I'm glad you've already found a passion for something, and I hope it never burns out.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Hey guys, I hope all is well with everyone? I'm doing fine, but also conflicted. I really like both of my professions as a software engineer and a caregiver. But I know I can only choose one otherwise I'll drive myself insane. So, I'm giving myself a deadline. If my software company doesn't make any revenue in three years, caregiving wins and I'll sell off Project FinalBoss Corp. I have no real favorite rn, but caregiving has a place in my heart right next to content creation. So may the best passion win.

What about you guys? Are there issues with where you want to be in life? Do you have dreams, have achieved them or found something better than what you originally pursued? Let me know what your path in life is, will be or unsure of.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Regardless what your spirituality is, God is on your side. I believe you will make it through and recover. Congratulations on the milestone and God speed.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
I had an interesting conversation with my colleague the other day, I was doing maintenance on her pc to help it run faster and we were discussing strong work ethics and how it ties to positive spirituality. She mentioned something to me that I never knew in relation to the gospel. According to the word of God, we all need at least 7 areas of revenue in our lives. When she told me that, I started to panic at first, because I could only think of three. But she reassured me that I definitely have 7+ based on the expertise I've obtained over the years of my life. So when I got back to the main work house, I took a piece of paper, and jotted them all down and categorized them based on personal preference. This is what I ended up with:

Content Creator
------Software Engineer
---------1) Game Developer
---------2) Web Developer
------3) Fictional Writer ("Greedy Salvation", hello me?! Lmao)
------Artist
---------4) Game Designer (Yep, there's a difference between a game developer and a game designer. I try my hand at both fields.)
---------5) Graphic Artist
---------6) Sketch Artist
---------7) Animator

Others (The 7+)
8 ) PC maintenance (I prefer software over hardware, but if I really needed that side hustle....
9) Professional Game Streamer
-------Twitch/Youtube Personality (Tiktok? Maybe, I'll have to look into it more, lol)
10) Caregiving (It seems like a good fit for me after trying it for 6 months. But it's not exactly something I want to pursue unless I have no choice. These 24hr shifts are turning my brain into mash potatoes...)
11) Family Business (I'll always be grateful for my father, Brian Clayton Sr, for giving me a good head start at developing a strong work ethic through Clayton's Clothing. His mother passed the torch to him, and he passed it to his children. However, he always encouraged me to spread my wings and express my individuality. After spending many years at the fam biz, I can safely say that if worse comes to worse, and I am in some way unable to pursue my above passions, then I will come back to my roots with the full intentions of fully committing to the family business(es). That is if by that point, my father is willing to even take me back. lol


So, fellow Fakkuzas, I'm curious to know what your top 7 areas of revenue are? If you don't have up to 7, my advice to you is to go out there and explore your options. You are talented and gifted no matter what your shortcomings are. Never make excuses, and always strive for greatness. God bless you all.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
No, but is possible I did at one point but never noticed.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
I think it's been a year since I last posted in this thread, so I guess it's a good time than any to talk about what I've been up to since 2021 to present. But before that I'd like to share a few things about myself. I'll break it down into two parts. This is very tldr; material, and I honestly don't think it'll do me or you any justice if I summarize it, lol. But do know that there is a method to my madness.:

Personal Life


Things have been going very well for me in terms of various aspects of my life. I think that has to do with the therapy regimen I've been practicing since my last and hopefully final visit in the psych hospital back in 2015. Around that time, I was going through a transition that would either lead to my destruction, or salvation. I say it in that dramatic manner because I consider myself a spiritual person no matter how much I once struggled with the Christian faith. From the point I got out of the hospital 7-8 years ago, I made a decision to turn my life around and focus on treating my Schitzoaffective disorder. Upon going over things I needed to do in order to gain control over my sanity, I drew the conclusion that I was missing a few things in my life that the average person already has. The first was a social life. I had no real friends. I tend to blame my melancholic, yet gradually destructive childhood for being so self reserved and overly comfortable in keeping my own company. I was what you may have guessed a loner in school, the stereotypical quiet kid. Luckily, i was never severely bullied. Tomboys who might have had a crush on me were my biggest irritation back then. But other than that, kids left me to my own devices and acknowledged me for my mild mannered attitude in school. Not to brag, but I was proud of the fact that my parents could breath easy knowing that I was the model student in school. However, while my mom never openly expressed any worry for my self reserved personality, my dad was very concerned with my overall social growth and development. He always let me know during our quality time together that "No man is an island" and if I continue down the path of social isolization, I will have to find out the hardway that it is not a path meant for social creatures like us. I always agreed, but never practiced it. At the time, I just wanted to focus on my schoolwork in hopes that the results would eventually lead me into a secure future of hardwork and independence You know, the American dream.


Eventually, it got so bad, that I didn't know how to interact with people irl. I developed social anxiety, even though people in my life just brushed it off as me being a shy loner. I only spoke when spoken to, and when I did try to form sentences, I would stutter or mumble over my words. This lead to a lot of misunderstandings and lost context between finding common ground and understanding among myself and others. I eventually all but gave up on trying to understand people. But then I made it to my senior year in highschool, I gave up on my original dream to become an Astronomer simply because I sucked at math. So, I decided to try pursuing Psychology. I did this career choice for two main reasons.: 1. To understand other people better 2.To better understand myself. This career path was going to be my final attempt at developing a healthy outlook on social relationships and communication. Unfortunately, by the time I reached college, I didn't really change while going to lectures and interacting with my peers. During my time in college, the impression people had of me, particularly my roomates was the complete opposite of the impression I was getting in public school. Instead of being looked at and acknowledged as a model student, I was seen as someone who is socially immature. I hung out with my roomates, but I rarely ever talked to them or participated in social conversations about the usual things college kids talk about. Even when I joined an anime club with the hope of being accepted due to having at the subject of anime in common, I ended up being socially obstracized and eventually made into a real life 'meme'. It wasn't bad to the point of verbal abuse, but it ended up being discouraging to know that I didn't belong in a social circle where I truly believed I'd be accepted as 'one of them'. Looking back, I can't blame any of my college peers for percieving me in a negative light. If someone doesn't make an attempt to reach out and connect, then it's only natural that I would end up a social outcast wherever I go. Relational activities can only go so far in regard to social interaction and bonding. I failed to understand that, so I became even more self reserved. It led up to the point where I developed a lifestyle that cattered to my comfort zone...or as what some people would call a safe space. I ended up being an internet warrior. Which I find to be hilarious to this day, because in many cases during my days browsing forums like Fakku, I would be the pot calling the kettle black. Gradually, I spent more time learning skills on the pc, than learning skills and concepts in my courses. I ended up having to repeat a few years to my parents discouragement. They had hopes for me as the oldest to break the mold and serve as an example for my siblings. To be the first in the family to not only go to college, but to graduate and become a normal yet outstanding citizen.

That dream I held on too felt further away the more I went to take courses in contrast to staying in my dorm and doing the usual hermit shit like watching porn, debating on the internet and developing a computer related skill. In the end, I came to the conclusion that I didn't really want to deal with people on a professional level, or even personal level. I don't know how I eventually made it to my senior year with that mindset, but around the time before graduation was setting in and I had to turn in my thesis, I ended up having the first biggest mental breakdown in all of my school career. I didn't want to graduate college, at all. So I stopped doing my last bit of work, threw my half finished thesis in the garbage, and proceeded to play Tekken 5DR in my dorm room all day every day. This led to me missing my graduation and having to stay over the summer to complete my credits and thesis. I said in my head, "lol, nope.". In fact, whenever I would attempt to do any meaningful school work that summer, I couldn't even manage to form one single sentence or formula. I would stare blankly at the work, then I would laugh and put it aside in order to browse the web or play video games. Eventually I had enough, I called my dad to come pick me up. Without saying a word to each other, he took me home and I never went back.

Flash forward a few years later, I continued my self reserved nature at full throttle. I was the embodiment of a man child still living with his mama, a virgin, diagnosed with a mental illness, and gave no two shits about anyone or anything. I was full blown desensitized before I even reach 30. I left college around 2007, so the following year, I made an account at Fakku. Eventually, it became the norm to go there as a regular, but due to my social awkwardness, people here only vaguely knew of me. No matter what I attempted to do in order to socially interact with this group, it ended up either being seen as I was trying too hard, or I was out of touch with human relationships. Which was very true, but I was too stubborn to admit that at the time. I'm sure some veteran Fakuzas here remember the moment I finally snapped and caused a shitshow between me and the moderater Waar (RIP). At the time I was being trolled by a member, and I started acting passive agressive towards him in response. My energy and attitude was cocky, pompous, self righteous, defensive and condescending all in one neat little package. Eventually the back and forth between me and that member attracted attention to me. Which ironically was the most attention I recieved in this forum, ever. It was attention I lacked all throughout my life due to being so self secluded. I was coming across as a person I never wanted to be, but in reality was a part of myself that was hiding in the subconsciousness of my mind. If you believe in the principles of Sigmund Freud, it was the Id that took over that fateful day. Since I'm a Persona fan, I like to go back to the moment and say that my shadow side reared its ugly head, lol. In any event, my 15 minutes of fame here took off, and took a turn for the worse when Waar said one little sentence to me in response to me going back and forth with that member and other members who wanted to have some fun and participate in interacting with me. I'll never forget the statement because it was something I didn't want to hear, but evidently had to hear in order to change my ways. Waar simply said: "You don't belong here."


Needless to say, I was pissed (...or would the term 'Butthurt' be more appropriate in this setting?) So, my attitude shifted from the member who was trolling me and redirected towards Waar. At the time I didn't realize he said those words to me in a different context than I assumed he meant. I simply misunderstood the meaning behind it and correlated it with my life as a self inflicted social outcast. The shitshow went from funny, to hilarious, to ugly, and then just plain scary. All of my pent up emotions I kept bottled up was being let out towards someone who didn't deserve it. Members knew he didn't deserve it so I ended up being the villain used as a means to justify cyber bullying. My mind fizzled out then I started making random threads with incoherent babbling in order to get more attention. And they were mostly in the section called Incoherent Babbling. I had my second nervous breakdown which led me to the hospital when the mods had enough of my bs and gave me a time out from the forums. I lost access to the one place that was giving me attention I was too stubborn to admit I always desired, and I lost my shit, went out into town, lost my shit there, cursed out a cop who immediately pepper sprayed me, and I got sent to the psych ward for the second time. Yes, second time. Little did anyone here know, I was already diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder after an incident somewhere in between 2010 which led me to believe I was the Anti-Christ in addition to truly believing I was an Asexual. About the anti-christ bit, thats a funny story I might go into someday. I'll just say during my vagabond days I wanted to have some sort of connection with God, but didn't like Christianity...or physical sex despite never having that, lol.

When the shit hit the fan after my second trip to the psych ward, I spent some time there while going through looney thoughts in my head. From there, I met someone who was going through his own struggle. And that interaction was the start of paving the way towards having real discussions with people in a natural way. He eventually became my first real friend as an adult. Unfortunately I lost touch with him. I didn't see him again until my third and final visit to the psych ward, and he was so far gone, that I decided to leave him alone to focus on recovery. Hopefully he's doing well somewhere out there, and that he is as blessed as I am today.


From then on out, I decided to focus on a new path. Treat my mental illness while recieving treatment through therapy and medication, find meaning in my life and live it, treat my body with the intention of growing old with grace and not disgrace, learn how to socialize and develop relationships with people, and finally find a spirituality that I can be comfortable with and practice. During this treatment process, I continued to believe in a few things that were misguided, and eventually I was set straight by a group of people I met in Tekken 7 that eventually led to me making noticeable progress. One person in particular, who happened to be the leader of that group, ended up becoming a beacon in my life that I will be forever in dept to. He goes by the name of WeaponUnder. He himself was a legend in the Tekken online community. It turned out we had an encounter before we got reunited. In fact, he was already on my psn friends list while I was playing Tekken 5DR in college. I don't remember how we interacted back then, but it must of been on a positive note since we were on each other's list. Anyways One fateful day while playing the earlier seasons Tekken 7, one of my psn buddies wanted me to help him teach Weapon and his friend a lesson. Not to boast, but in the tekken fgc scene I was and still am highly regarded as an underground, dangerous yet unorthodox Ling Xiaoyu main. My only real flaws are that I never developed crucial fundamentals, and I have a flowchart. So while I do have a high win count, I have an equally high (if not higher) loss count. However, people who know of me in the online scene regard me as
someone who is easy to talk to, mild mannered and fun to play against. I do have my pop off moments where I talk head like any other degenerate, but only if I'm being talked crazy to first...or I'm dealing with some bs wifi player who likes to lag switch when I launch them in the air with Mistrust...but let's forget all that and move on. I digress.

Moving on with the story, I meet Weapon and his clan member/friend in the lobby. My own friend is boasting to them about my skills as a Ling player and how I could mop the floor with both of them. Weapon scoffs and allows his boy to have a few sets with me in the lobby. I won the first match, but then, he switched to his main which at the time was Dragunov. I got messed the fuck up, I was not ready to face that kind of skill level. Weapon knew right away that I had a flowchart because I wasn't adapting to anything his homie was doing to me. But in the end, he was still impressed with how I played (For example, I'm one of the few Ling players out there that mastered the backturn parry mechanic, I've never seen any other Ling player use that as much as I do, but overtime it became a double edged sword once solid players start predicting when I use it. Which is one of the reasons why I am known to have a complex unorthodox playstyle yet at the same time have a studyable and predictable flowchart. My growth as a person and player of Tekken is a work in progress.). He mentioned that there was something about me that seemed nostalgic, and I had the same feeling when I first stepped into the lobby. There was definitely something familiar about him, but neither of us could pinpoint what the source of that nostalgia came from. It wasn't until we realized we were already psn friends that it clicked that we had small, yet impressionable interactions before on Tekken 5DR. We both started laughing at the coincidence of it all. Or, maybe it was fate that lead me to forming a true social bond with Weapon. Whatever it was, he invited me into his circle, at first it was because he was interested in my playstyle and he wanted to know more about me. Eventually, the more we interacted, the more he drew the conclusion that other people in the past drew. That being I am socially awkward, weird and was hiding behind a facade of trying to be different from the norm. He also enjoyed the fact that I was 100% honest/transparent with everything regarding myself and my intentions. However, because I am a weirdo and socially awkward, there were a lot of moments where he had to step up and set me on the proper path towards talking to people. Eventually we grew from past acquaintances, to good friends who share the love of Tekken. Unlike me, I highly regarded Weapon as a genius who would secure a path towards success no matter what he decided to do for a living. I wasn't the only one who thought so. Almost everyone who interacted with the guy was touched in some way shape or form. His fellow members looked up to him with admiration and respect. Of course there were always bad seeds out and in the circle that would portray Weapon in a negative light, either due to jealousy, misunderstanding or just simply intolerance of how he is. What I took from staying in this fgc with Weapon is that everyone has their own struggle to deal with, I'm not the only one who has to go through hardship. I'm not special.

Having this type of realistic social circle in my life was crucial for me to have if I had any hope of developing into a person I can be proud of. The year before the Pandamic, I traveled outside of my state by myself for the first time. I headed to Las Vegas to meet weapon and the crew that I also regard as friends in person. We were there to compete in Evo. I participated, and completely drowned in the pools lol. And as you might have suspected, while staying in the airbnb Weapon rented out, I was everything the crew expected me to be in realife. Quiet and socially awkward. However, the difference between my time in Las Vegas and the time I spent in other social situations with people I regarded as acquaintances, was that I was accepted for who I was. Was I roasted? Hell yeah, but it was a warm feeling to know that I was apart of something and it was absolutely ok for me to be myself. We left off on a very wholesome note. But its embarrassing for me to say that I was not financially prepared for the trip despite volunteering to pay extra for the house. I ended up dead broke halfway through the trip, and on the last day, I didn't even have enough money to catch an uber to the airport. Weapon realized this and he stepped up to cover for me. Me, Weapon and another member hung out at a hotel after wrapping things up at the airbnb. We played with some foreigners until it was time for me to catch my flight. Before heading out, I told Weapon at the door of the hotel room: "This was the greatest experience of my adult life, thank you.". I could see in his eyes that he was holding back tears, and he gave me a bro hug and I went on my way back home.

That experience alone left a deep impression on me. it was a good vibe that gave me hope that I will be able to overcome my social anxiety and become not a different person, but a better version of myself. Not only that, but despite being desensitized, there were moments were I would end up crying after finding missing pieces in my life and the key to bringing those pieces together. Waar dying was one of those triggers. I will always regret never bringing myself to giving him a formal apology, but I'm sure he never took it that seriously to begin with. So the closure would be more for me than for him.

Now for closure in my personal life, I will fast forward all the way to the present. Currently, I am on the road to recovery from my mental illness. In fact, I got a letter from the gov back in december that I am no longer legally mentally disabled. My doctor says that if I continue to develope as I have done since my last incident, then by 2023, I won't need medication anymore. However, I feel the importance of having both meds and a healthy lifestyle regimen is important for my overall mental health. Although I am doing much better, I will always be someone with Schitzoaffective tendencies. Those tendencies can be controlled now, but there is always uncertainty for the future as I continue to pursue other aspects that I want to have in my life. I may come across stress inducing situations that I don't know how to cope with, and I may eventually relapse back into that dark place. So I suggested that instead of getting rid of meds altogether, that I should instead take an injection that will keep those tendencies in check for the whole month. I was told it was pretty expensive, but I think the convenience of only taking one injection a month due to my now busy schedule in the workforce would outweight the cons.

I ultimately owe my recovery to making proper health decisions for my body and having a much stronger social presence than i had as a child and young adult. Developing healthy relationships with people was indeed more important than I originally thought. Streaming on Twitch and Youtube was unintentionally good practice in getting rid of habits like stuttering and using terminology that didn't get the point across. It also helped in developing empathy towards other people and what they are going through. All of these factors played a role in my transition from being an introvert, to an ambivert. I can now talk like an extroverted person while being an introvert whenver I see fit. I find it to be very convenient and comforting to be able to switch between the two social constructs. After having a heart to heart talk with my father, he remembered a time when I was a child where I was very talkative. However, when I got hit by a car at the age of 7, I eventually changed in attitude and demeanor. It makes me wonder if that moment where I got injured messed with me in terms of trauma. And that I gradually became this person afraid to take risks in life. I'll just throw that up in the air as a possible factor, but not a definitive reason for why I turned out the way I did. I found a report card dating back to my years in preschool. I found it funny that I got an A+ for independence, and a very low grade for teamwork. So I guess even from way back then I had an ambiverted nature leaning more towards introverted.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
People like to say that 13 is an unlucky number, but since I'm optimistic by default, and the 13th happens to be my birthday, I flip it around and say I broke the cycle of what appears to be a cursed number. Been here for 13 years, but now I only pop my head in every once in awhile just to catch up with the fakku content and see what's going on in the community. Hope you all have a good day.
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Hey guys, came across this tweet a few days ago and it made me curious as to who fixed up that fightstick using Metamorphasis as a theme. It also made me think of this site and my roots in this community as a fellow pervert and Infamous Fakuza. I bought the series a few years back and its one of those stories that legit gave me a depressing boner. If I were to see this person in the fgc community, I would defiitely ask him for sets and have a nice long conversation with him regarding the wonders of NTR. Have a good day, guys.

Forum Image: https://images4.imagebam.com/2d/9e/69/ME7G3XB_o.png
FinalBoss #levelupyourgrind
Happy father's day to all, even those who aren't fathers but want to/will be eventually. We make up the past, present and future. Reflect on the past to guide the present, focus on the present to secure the future generation. God speed.