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I'm often calm & collected, I've been driven to points of losing myself (fucking jerks at school) but I walk away so no I've never 'lost' it.
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I don't think I've ever "lost control" in terms of my anger. I've definitely let it go too far on a number of occasions, however I can't ever pinpoint a time where I felt I was completely out of control of it. I usually regain my senses pretty quick with anger.
On the other hand I definitely feel I've lost control of myself in terms of depression and sadness several times. I can remember crying violently on the floor and wanting to take my own life, and once my senses started to come back I felt like a complete idiot... though I did feel better once all the things I had bottled up had finally been released. I think a huge problem to losing control of emotions is bottling things up for too long.
On the other hand I definitely feel I've lost control of myself in terms of depression and sadness several times. I can remember crying violently on the floor and wanting to take my own life, and once my senses started to come back I felt like a complete idiot... though I did feel better once all the things I had bottled up had finally been released. I think a huge problem to losing control of emotions is bottling things up for too long.
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mdarkanima wrote...
I don't think I've ever "lost control" in terms of my anger. I've definitely let it go too far on a number of occasions, however I can't ever pinpoint a time where I felt I was completely out of control of it. I usually regain my senses pretty quick with anger. On the other hand I definitely feel I've lost control of myself in terms of depression and sadness several times. I can remember crying violently on the floor and wanting to take my own life, and once my senses started to come back I felt like a complete idiot... though I did feel better once all the things I had bottled up had finally been released. I think a huge problem to losing control of emotions is bottling things up for too long.
The problem with venting, however, is that I've found many people in general seem to frown upon ANY sort of release, no matter how controlled and/or harmless. To most "fodder" these days, angry and/or violence in real life = you're a bad person for doing that, regardless of the circumstance(s) and/or method(s) used.
Under these conditions, people often feel cornered into trying to keep it bottled, with a set cap on it and knowing what sets them off. Unfortunately, when the inevitable day comes when ALL of their triggers hit them at once, it's going to be like dropping a pound of cesium into water (Cesium is an element similar to sodium, but it oxidizes MUCH more violently than sodium does when it touches water. It becomes more akin to an explosion than simple oxidization).
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SneeakyAsian
CTFG Vanguard
[color=#993300]I've attempted suicide, I've thrown a knife at someone (not directly at them, I'm handy enough to miss close to them), I've flipped tables, I've made messes, I've sent people to counselors for verbally breaking their conscience and beliefs (I actually did that yesterday, long story). I'm vengeful, I can't deal with some situations as a result of bad parenting (though self-reflection lets me be better then them and my past self). So yes, I think I can go pretty far. Though I've never hit someone directly, that's what especially differentiates me from my parents. I'm better when I have control over myself or more importantly the situation,
However, I must say, catharsis is a fallacy. In the Western (and to be frank individualist, don't ask me, ask global surveys), we place the blame on the self and have the self deal with the problem more than Eastern cultures, which is why we think venting "works". However, it actually promotes stronger outbursts of violence and aggression.
However, I must say, catharsis is a fallacy. In the Western (and to be frank individualist, don't ask me, ask global surveys), we place the blame on the self and have the self deal with the problem more than Eastern cultures, which is why we think venting "works". However, it actually promotes stronger outbursts of violence and aggression.
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W.O.C183
always fapping
I was blessed with interacting and people reading skills (I won't go into details, it's a long journey) so to better assist people with their emotions and psychological struggles. However, it does turn into a vicious thing when I'm irritated or lost my conscience. I had (convinced or manipulated) two of my friends, once, to hold down a kid, who continuously ticked me off in middle school, while I verbally exposed, demeaned and "break" him in front of class during recess, and I would sometimes cue my friend to be a little loose to give him hope, then pin him down again. After a while my friends didn't have to hold him anymore, the boy was "broken" and we realized then what we just did. I was kinda traumatized after that and I could never brought myself to be that evil again.
Hhhhhhhhhhhhh Urgh!
Hhhhhhhhhhhhh Urgh!
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The only time I almost lost myself to repressed anger would have been the literal end of me, luckily sanity shot me with a sniper rifle just in time. Nowhere near as bad as some on this post, but still worth mentioning.
I won't go into details, but I had a very abusive childhood, psychologically speaking that is, no actual physical violence; note that it can be just as bad. The only way I could survive was internalizing my anger, and finding outlets for before it overwhelmed me. Unfortunately I wasn't always able to do so, so just once, it almost got someone killed.
My anger, rage, and depression had been building for quite some time, until sometime around my 14th year. As a loner teenager, I had no one to talk to, and no physical outlets at the moment. So, the person most directly responsible for my rage hands me a hammer and asks me to hold it while they set up a bathroom ornament. They turned their back towards me, and at that particular moment I saw red. I raised the hammer high over my head, gripped the handle with both hands, and brought it down with as much strength as I could muster, directly aiming for the person's head. No doubt the blow would have cracked their skull wide open.
However, my sanity kicked in just in time, redirecting my blow towards the bathroom mirror, shattering it with a loud crash. Said person was startled and asked what I had just done. With my blood raging, I said I saw a fly and tried to kill it, I just didn't think about how I was doing it. I gave them the hammer, put on my sweats and did 10k. It could be said that the abuse got laxer, but didn't go away. We both knew what I was capable of should I pushed to said extremes once more. Took me many years and more than a few therapy sessions to completely control my anger, but luckily it's all water under the bridge now.
I won't go into details, but I had a very abusive childhood, psychologically speaking that is, no actual physical violence; note that it can be just as bad. The only way I could survive was internalizing my anger, and finding outlets for before it overwhelmed me. Unfortunately I wasn't always able to do so, so just once, it almost got someone killed.
My anger, rage, and depression had been building for quite some time, until sometime around my 14th year. As a loner teenager, I had no one to talk to, and no physical outlets at the moment. So, the person most directly responsible for my rage hands me a hammer and asks me to hold it while they set up a bathroom ornament. They turned their back towards me, and at that particular moment I saw red. I raised the hammer high over my head, gripped the handle with both hands, and brought it down with as much strength as I could muster, directly aiming for the person's head. No doubt the blow would have cracked their skull wide open.
However, my sanity kicked in just in time, redirecting my blow towards the bathroom mirror, shattering it with a loud crash. Said person was startled and asked what I had just done. With my blood raging, I said I saw a fly and tried to kill it, I just didn't think about how I was doing it. I gave them the hammer, put on my sweats and did 10k. It could be said that the abuse got laxer, but didn't go away. We both knew what I was capable of should I pushed to said extremes once more. Took me many years and more than a few therapy sessions to completely control my anger, but luckily it's all water under the bridge now.
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Anger is a pretty heavy thing, not gonna try and dispute that.
My father's side of the family is filled with guys whom get angry at the drop of a hat, be it if they don't get their beer or if the computer starts to act up (we all have been there before). As for me, I have gone a fair ways along the line of "loss of control". I have come to blows with my father because of his....unreasonable attitude and demands, and I have also pulled a knife (threateningly, I haven't actually used the damn thing) in the presence of several people, including my mother, because I simply could not take their stupidity any more.
My real loss of control though is not so much a "physical" loss of control, but a mental one. I've used words to fuck some people up in the head and laughed while doing it. I guess I do snap a bit too easily, but at least i'm still functional, and I've only been put in some psych evaluation sessions a few times, not into an actual institution (thank god..).
My father's side of the family is filled with guys whom get angry at the drop of a hat, be it if they don't get their beer or if the computer starts to act up (we all have been there before). As for me, I have gone a fair ways along the line of "loss of control". I have come to blows with my father because of his....unreasonable attitude and demands, and I have also pulled a knife (threateningly, I haven't actually used the damn thing) in the presence of several people, including my mother, because I simply could not take their stupidity any more.
My real loss of control though is not so much a "physical" loss of control, but a mental one. I've used words to fuck some people up in the head and laughed while doing it. I guess I do snap a bit too easily, but at least i'm still functional, and I've only been put in some psych evaluation sessions a few times, not into an actual institution (thank god..).
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I remember a time when I was around 14 years old that my older brother had some friends over. One of his friends (a girl) had a younger brother who was kind of a rat(he would come over to the house just to steal stuff like cards and toys, we found out about this later). I am not sure what started it, but for some reason we were play wrestling and he shoved me which made me lose my balance and fall into the TV. Once that happened I got up, and I was completely out of control, it felt like I had a huge burst of adrenaline so I ran at him and the second he saw my face charging at him, he booked it into the room my older brother and his friends were hanging out in. I picked up a broom that was nearby and chased him, he slammed the door behind him and I waited until it opened up again. It was his sister who opened the door, and I nearly lunged the Broom at her face. She was like "what the fuck are you doing" and by this point I was coming to my senses and my anger was subsiding.
I forget what happened after that point, but no one seemed to ask me what happened or what was going on, as if they didn't care or didn't realize I got to that point. Everything was back to normal, as if nothing happened but that girls younger brother never came again (to my knowledge).
I forget what happened after that point, but no one seemed to ask me what happened or what was going on, as if they didn't care or didn't realize I got to that point. Everything was back to normal, as if nothing happened but that girls younger brother never came again (to my knowledge).
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I don't really 'lose it' and physically lash out at people as extremely as some of you guys do, but when I'm past boiling point my sociopathic/psychopathic tendencies emerge and most are quite shocked at how heartless of a person I can be, though anyone who knows about my utter indifference to animal cruelty should know better. It usually comes out as a statement though it is surprising enough for anyone listening in to freak out, given that I usually come across as a likable and charismatic guy.
It's not as if I feel no empathy or remorse just that I don't really care about others to the extent to which other people do. Even my mum has been disturbed at some of the stuff I come out with, which are extremely rare. I've had physical outbursts too, such as after an insult I decided to smash a chair onto a classmate of mine (when I was about 11) completely without warning. I also surprised people during fights as I didn't look like your typical jock yet I'm filled with raw rage when I lose it. So I'm careful not to lose control because I can't guarantee what the consequences of it will be.
It's not as if I feel no empathy or remorse just that I don't really care about others to the extent to which other people do. Even my mum has been disturbed at some of the stuff I come out with, which are extremely rare. I've had physical outbursts too, such as after an insult I decided to smash a chair onto a classmate of mine (when I was about 11) completely without warning. I also surprised people during fights as I didn't look like your typical jock yet I'm filled with raw rage when I lose it. So I'm careful not to lose control because I can't guarantee what the consequences of it will be.
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I punched a hole in my wall once. And one time when I was a kid, I made myself a huge bowl of cereal with a ton of milk, and my mom yelled at me. I got irrationally mad and just threw the bowl and it's contents at the wall.
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I'm not even sure I should be bothering to post this, especially after seeing all the other posts here, but I tried repeatedly to off myself with knives, a shotgun (turned out the shells didn't fit), ODing on Advil PM or something like that, and simply running off into the street. The OD attempt had me sent to a hospital and, later that night, a mental health "hospital". Doesn't help that I'm diagnosed with AS, blessing me with such potential, but the social skills of a six year old. I found out later that I had accidentally screwed up my meds (miss even one day and you have to start with the lowest dosage and work your way back to the prescription) and could've died for trying to start back on the full dose.
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allen757 wrote...
I'm not even sure I should be bothering to post this, especially after seeing all the other posts here, but I tried repeatedly to off myself with knives, a shotgun (turned out the shells didn't fit), ODing on Advil PM or something like that, and simply running off into the street. The OD attempt had me sent to a hospital and, later that night, a mental health "hospital". Doesn't help that I'm diagnosed with AS, blessing me with such potential, but the social skills of a six year old. I found out later that I had accidentally screwed up my meds (miss even one day and you have to start with the lowest dosage and work your way back to the prescription) and could've died for trying to start back on the full dose.I'm a dual-sufferer of Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD myself (I was diagnosed between 2-5 years old), so I can understand those feelings quite well, friend. The only advice I could give you from my relatively uninformed standing point, is that until you die, you haven't lost at the "game of life"; you're still in a good position to be strong in life as long as you remain alive.
I've been through several uncertain periods in my own life (I passed my 21st birthday last May), and I nearly hurled myself into oblivion several times when my will faltered. I'm a damn lucky bastard that my friends and family were still willing to throw the life raft of sanity my way; they could have easily abandoned me during the difficult times.
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Taltharius wrote...
allen757 wrote...
I'm not even sure I should be bothering to post this, especially after seeing all the other posts here, but I tried repeatedly to off myself with knives, a shotgun (turned out the shells didn't fit), ODing on Advil PM or something like that, and simply running off into the street. The OD attempt had me sent to a hospital and, later that night, a mental health "hospital". Doesn't help that I'm diagnosed with AS, blessing me with such potential, but the social skills of a six year old. I found out later that I had accidentally screwed up my meds (miss even one day and you have to start with the lowest dosage and work your way back to the prescription) and could've died for trying to start back on the full dose.I'm a dual-sufferer of Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD myself (I was diagnosed between 2-5 years old), so I can understand those feelings quite well, friend. The only advice I could give you from my relatively uninformed standing point, is that until you die, you haven't lost at the "game of life"; you're still in a good position to be strong in life as long as you remain alive.
I've been through several uncertain periods in my own life (I passed my 21st birthday last May), and I nearly hurled myself into oblivion several times when my will faltered. I'm a damn lucky bastard that my friends and family were still willing to throw the life raft of sanity my way; they could have easily abandoned me during the difficult times.
No freaking way. I don't think I've ever met anyone that had the same "mental" things that I do. It sounds like you took things a little more harder than I have but... I know how you feel, though...
In regards to my own anger... Comparing mine to some of the other incidents, my problems seem tame. The worst I've done is kick my door of it's hinges and punch holes in the wall. I'm usually a pretty calm guy, but when I snap, I hope you have earplugs in.
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JustinLyn wrote...
No freaking way. I don't think I've ever met anyone that had the same "mental" things that I do. It sounds like you took things a little more harder than I have but... I know how you feel, though...
In regards to my own anger... Comparing mine to some of the other incidents, my problems seem tame. The worst I've done is kick my door of it's hinges and punch holes in the wall. I'm usually a pretty calm guy, but when I snap, I hope you have earplugs in.
By the same, do you mean both Asperger's and ADHD? Or just one of them? Either way, I'm not surprised to find more people who suffer (relative to who you ask) as I do and he does; Asperger's Syndrome is more common than a lot of people might realize or want to believe.
What's interesting about Asperger's Syndrome, is that you almost never find it simply "on its own" as a diagnosis; it tends to pair itself with other "disorders" (like my dual-diagnosis). My grandfather apparently had the exact same conditions as I do (if my parents and relatives are to be believed), but much less severe than what I have now.
Which also lends credibility to the theory that disorders under the "Autism Spectrum Disorder Umbrella" are heavily influenced by genetic factors; they can inherited quite easily, but not in the most predictable of ways (it almost seems to manifest on a whim, shortly after birth). Seeing as my mother didn't have my grandfather's (her dad's) condition, but I ended up inheriting it in a more pronounced form as her child only further lends credit to the "random family gene" factor.
And contrary to popular belief (and utterly disgusting, misinformed science, for that matter), you cannot "catch" Asperger's Syndrome or any of the ASDs (Autism Spectrum Disorders); the psychological mechanisms that allow them to manifest are already set in stone after the fetus finishes basic brain development in the uterus during pregnancy, so there is literally NOTHING a person can do to "prevent" it, except have understanding and patience (something the general populace has been severely lacking, as of late).
We could speak more in private messaging if you wish; I'm not sure how much I would accomplish by posting even more details in public view (a lot of people bash me for that fact, especially in online games).
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Taltharius wrote...
JustinLyn wrote...
No freaking way. I don't think I've ever met anyone that had the same "mental" things that I do. It sounds like you took things a little more harder than I have but... I know how you feel, though...
In regards to my own anger... Comparing mine to some of the other incidents, my problems seem tame. The worst I've done is kick my door of it's hinges and punch holes in the wall. I'm usually a pretty calm guy, but when I snap, I hope you have earplugs in.
By the same, do you mean both Asperger's and ADHD? Or just one of them? Either way, I'm not surprised to find more people who suffer (relative to who you ask) as I do and he does; Asperger's Syndrome is more common than a lot of people might realize or want to believe.
What's interesting about Asperger's Syndrome, is that you almost never find it simply "on its own" as a diagnosis; it tends to pair itself with other "disorders" (like my dual-diagnosis). My grandfather apparently had the exact same conditions as I do (if my parents and relatives are to be believed), but much less severe than what I have now.
Which also lends credibility to the theory that disorders under the "Autism Spectrum Disorder Umbrella" are heavily influenced by genetic factors; they can inherited quite easily, but not in the most predictable of ways (it almost seems to manifest on a whim, shortly after birth). Seeing as my mother didn't have my grandfather's (her dad's) condition, but I ended up inheriting it in a more pronounced form as her child only further lends credit to the "random family gene" factor.
And contrary to popular belief (and utterly disgusting, misinformed science, for that matter), you cannot "catch" Asperger's Syndrome or any of the ASDs (Autism Spectrum Disorders); the psychological mechanisms that allow them to manifest are already set in stone after the fetus finishes basic brain development in the uterus during pregnancy, so there is literally NOTHING a person can do to "prevent" it, except have understanding and patience (something the general populace has been severely lacking, as of late).
We could speak more in private messaging if you wish; I'm not sure how much I would accomplish by posting even more details in public view (a lot of people bash me for that fact, especially in online games).
I have both. Unfortunately, because I'm a little older than you, the I didn't get the proper diagnosis until late middle/early high school. I've actually taken one of the medications you listed in one of those posts.
But why people would bash you for explaining your problems, the way I see it is that they either don't care, or don't want to hear it. Because we are "different" some people just don't want anything to do with us. Or vice-versa.
EDIT:
If you want to talk more in detail about anything but don't want to post it here, feel free to message me, I don't mind and it would be nice to hear another opinion on how it feels to live with this "shit" we have.
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i sadly lose it WAY too easily and i have gotten into multiple fights because someone decided that its a good idea to bully mentally unstable person in a hallway every week and start a fight, and try again next week because they lost(getting thrown against walls and hitted by desks isnt healthy) and they did it from 5th to 9th grade. thank god i now have actually good people around me that dont try to screw around and understand me and my problems (pros of having adult classmates with kids and jobs)
but even when i havent gotten into fights or lost it for long time it scares me every day that something happens and i just punch someone because of some small things like stealing or few bad words.
but even when i havent gotten into fights or lost it for long time it scares me every day that something happens and i just punch someone because of some small things like stealing or few bad words.
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More than a few times, I have snapped at my brother. He is constantly harassing me about one thing or another and just being a pretty negative influence on my life.
He is quite a bit older than me so it is natural that we clash often, but there have been a few instances where it was too much.
I'd demeaned him verbally several times, but nothing really too bad physically. One evening, he pushed me past my breaking point. Won't get into specifics, but I couldn't handle him bothering me anymore. I started yelling at him, and when he persisted in being a prick, I grabbed a pocket knife I have on my desk. He was laying in bed and I was standing a bit away from him (we share a relatively small room), I moved closer to him and drew out the knife with the intention of stabbing him. I started using quotes from movies and plays, a lot of West Side Story, to scare him. The whole thing felt kind of like an act to me - when I get that angry I feel like I'm playing a character. I held the knife close to his throat/face which freaked him out. It escalated and he was threatening to hit me with a skateboard. Instead of actually stabbing him, I just punched a wall and then went outside to wander the streets for a few hours.
That's the farthest I've ever been pushed. I got in a few fights in grades six through eight, but I've calmed down a fair bit.
He is quite a bit older than me so it is natural that we clash often, but there have been a few instances where it was too much.
I'd demeaned him verbally several times, but nothing really too bad physically. One evening, he pushed me past my breaking point. Won't get into specifics, but I couldn't handle him bothering me anymore. I started yelling at him, and when he persisted in being a prick, I grabbed a pocket knife I have on my desk. He was laying in bed and I was standing a bit away from him (we share a relatively small room), I moved closer to him and drew out the knife with the intention of stabbing him. I started using quotes from movies and plays, a lot of West Side Story, to scare him. The whole thing felt kind of like an act to me - when I get that angry I feel like I'm playing a character. I held the knife close to his throat/face which freaked him out. It escalated and he was threatening to hit me with a skateboard. Instead of actually stabbing him, I just punched a wall and then went outside to wander the streets for a few hours.
That's the farthest I've ever been pushed. I got in a few fights in grades six through eight, but I've calmed down a fair bit.
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So far the only nastiest thing I've ever done is to lash out at my teacher. A year ago, during History class I was scolded by my teacher for doing something I did NOT fucking do. My seatmates should have been the ones to be scolded since they were the ones talking while I was reading the chapter of the lesson but for some unknown reason my teacher just went ballistic on me. She asked me why I was disturbing her class and I should be ashamed of myself for being such a nuisance. After that, I felt so humiliated and bullied that I told her that she should get her eyes and ears checked, of course she gave me another scolding and what I did was I stood up and kicked my chair and went out. Oh God, I sure had another visit with my ol pal, Mr. Principal hahahaha
Looking back now, I shouldn't have done that even if I was in the right. I should've corrected her politely and made no more fuss. Good thing I transferred to another school without any difficulties later that month. So yeah, its really scary to lose your control and all (:
Looking back now, I shouldn't have done that even if I was in the right. I should've corrected her politely and made no more fuss. Good thing I transferred to another school without any difficulties later that month. So yeah, its really scary to lose your control and all (: