A list of things

The funny part is just the titles not what's in the lists since they don't exist.

- Top 7 public places I've exposed my genitals at
- Top 5 household items I've inserted into your mom's rectum
- Top 10 things I've muttered in the shower while having sex with a jar of mayonnaise
- Top 3 endangered animals I have beaten to death and eaten on the spot

- Top 10 threads that aren't funny

You asked for it.


Top 7 public places I've exposed my genitals at

-Daycare centre
-Church
-American Idol
-Hotdog eating contest
-Exhibitionists Anonymous convention
-Fishery
-Kansas

Top 5 household items I've inserted into your mom's rectum

-Suppository
-Pen (to get the suppository right up there)
-Flashlight (trying to find the pen)
-Salad scoop (guess what happened to the flashlight)
-Stereo (gave up on retrieving stuff- turns out acoustics are pretty nice)

Top 10 things I've muttered in the shower while having sex with a jar of mayonnaise

-"If only Kate knew why her salad starting tasting funny".
-"A sandwich just isn't a sandwich without Miracle Whip".
-"When she told me that you spread easy, she weren't kidding".
-"Such a dirty l'il slut that we screw before we even take your top off.".
-"Sometimes I'll even be banging you hard over the counter in the kitchen- OH YEAH YOU LIKE THAT DON'T YOU, DON'T YOU".
-"NOW SCREAM FOR ME AS I SCRAPE YOUR INSIDES WITH MY CARROT STICK, YOU WHORE".
-"OH YEAH HOW YOU LIKE ME DEEP INSIDE YOU, HUNH. DEEP, INSIDE, YOU".
-"STIRRING UP YOUR INSIDES- FULL OF THAT SKUNKY, SMELLY, CREAMY WHITE SPUNK, BITCH".
-Was gonna try to finangle some pun with "condom" and "condiment"- but I think I kinda got past that point by now.
-...Heh.... dip.

Top 3 endangered animals I have beaten to death and eaten on the spot

-Dinosaurus Rex
-Virgin who is at least 14
-Captain Morgan- yes, I do have a little of the Captain in me.

Was not expecting this, kudos on the creativity I actually got several good laughs out of it.

- Top 7 public places I've exposed my genitals at
1. School
2. Your mom's house
3. The mall
4. The bank
5. Spongecola concert
6. A 7-11
7. My old church

- Top 5 household items I've inserted into your mom's rectum
1. Batteries
2. A Frying pan
3. The kitchen sink
4. Your dad's tool set
5. A door

- Top 10 things I've muttered in the shower while having sex with a jar of mayonnaise

1. "It's a shameful thing, LOBSTERHEAD!"
2. "I think I'll call you... Karen."
3. "OH GOD THIS IS SO WRONG."
4. "Meh."
5. "I need a bigger jar."
6. "I need more mayonnaise."
7. "This is so totally gay."
8. "fapfapfapfapfap"
9. "OHGODWHYDIDSHELEAVEME!"
10. "Oh do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man..."

- Top 3 endangered animals I have beaten to death and eaten on the spot
1. Komodo Dragon
2. Bengal Tiger
3. Mew

- Top 7 public places I've exposed my genitals at
Bathroom
My bed
In front of a toilet
In front of my laptop
Public urination
For a girlfriend I was about to fuck
In her toilet afterwards

- Top 5 household items I've inserted into your mom's rectum
My dick
Deoderant can
Rubber fist dildo
A blender (it did blend)
Air freshener

- Top 10 things I've muttered in the shower while having sex with a jar of mayonnaise
"Feels cold",
"You fucking whore, you creamed all over my dick!"
"I forgot to wear a condiment condom. FUCK IT I'M GOING IN RAW."
"I'm gonna mix my dick cream with yours... hurr hurr."
"I'm going to slam you on the kitchen counter after this. *wink*"
"TASTE MY DICK MILK"
"I need to get out more."
"OH GOD WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! WRYYYYYYYYYYYY DID SHE LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"Where's all the Mayo gone?"
"You're about to break bitch! I'm going to make you break!" *glass smashes*

- Top 3 endangered animals I have beaten to death and eaten on the spot
A swan
Someone on the internet that wasn't an idiot
Nyan cat