Messed up joke thread.
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I'll start:
A boy's parents are in a horrible accident. He goes to the hospital to check on them and he talks to the doctor. The doctor says, "Your parents are fine, my boy. They aren't in any pain." The boy is relieved, "So what happened to them?" he asks.
"Well, your father bit down and bit off his tongue, your mother lost both her eyes and they both have their intestines hanging out." the doctor tells him. The boy is confused. "So then why don't they feel any pain?" he asked. The doctor looks at him and says "BECAUSE DEAD PEOPLE RARELY DO!"
*mARK HAMill's Joker laugh here*
A boy's parents are in a horrible accident. He goes to the hospital to check on them and he talks to the doctor. The doctor says, "Your parents are fine, my boy. They aren't in any pain." The boy is relieved, "So what happened to them?" he asks.
"Well, your father bit down and bit off his tongue, your mother lost both her eyes and they both have their intestines hanging out." the doctor tells him. The boy is confused. "So then why don't they feel any pain?" he asked. The doctor looks at him and says "BECAUSE DEAD PEOPLE RARELY DO!"
*mARK HAMill's Joker laugh here*
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This happened earlier.
My friend was driving me and two other friends to a movie, it was night time. So he drove and one friend yells "WHOA SHIT" and we make an immediate brake at a light. That same friend asks "Dude, why didn't you see that guy crossing the street?", and he replies "I couldn't, it was like he just came out of the shadows."
The pedestrian was black African-American.
My friend was driving me and two other friends to a movie, it was night time. So he drove and one friend yells "WHOA SHIT" and we make an immediate brake at a light. That same friend asks "Dude, why didn't you see that guy crossing the street?", and he replies "I couldn't, it was like he just came out of the shadows."
The pedestrian was black African-American.
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Two men, well into their 80's, were sitting on a park bench discussing the recent loss of the second mans wife.
The First man said. "I understand you have a new girlfriend."
Second man says "Yes Indeed! She is wonderful."
First man says "Tell me a little about her"
"Well" says the second man "She is tiny about 5 ft tall, Long blond curly hair and the bluest eyes you have ever seen"
Really? says the first man "And how old is she?"
The second man says "She just turned 17"
The first man gasps and says " Its really none of my business, But don't you think she is a little young for you?"
'Not really" says the second man,
She is exactly the same age as my late wife was when I first met her"
[Works for me]
The First man said. "I understand you have a new girlfriend."
Second man says "Yes Indeed! She is wonderful."
First man says "Tell me a little about her"
"Well" says the second man "She is tiny about 5 ft tall, Long blond curly hair and the bluest eyes you have ever seen"
Really? says the first man "And how old is she?"
The second man says "She just turned 17"
The first man gasps and says " Its really none of my business, But don't you think she is a little young for you?"
'Not really" says the second man,
She is exactly the same age as my late wife was when I first met her"
[Works for me]
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two people went to a pit to get water, but there was anything, when one of them tried to take a look in to the pit he fell down:
- Dude are you alright!!, how deep it is!!?
- I DON'T KNOW, I'M STILL FALLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII..........
- Dude are you alright!!, how deep it is!!?
- I DON'T KNOW, I'M STILL FALLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII..........
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A jew, a kike, and a hebrew walk into a bar. They burned it down because the ingredients used in all of the alcohol were thought to be of inferior quality to their own alcohol, and by extension, that bar was also inferior. Their ultimate goal was to burn/destroy all inferior bars. As the jew/kike/hebrew armies did the dirty deed, the rest of the world watched in awe, and sat in the background allowing these purification burnings to occur. As the last bar was destroyed, time appears to slow down, and in a flash, young Adolf Hitler wakes up. Thinking about the weird dream he had earlier, Adolf goes up to his window and yells out to his jewish neighbor, who also happens to be his friend. His friend opens his window and Adolf asks, "Hey, uh, I have too much german beer in my house, you want the excess?" His friend replies, "No thanks, how can you even stand drinking that crap? I mean, it sucks, bro. No self-respecting jew would touch that." Adolf quickly shuts his window, sits on his bed, and contemplates on how to best murder his former jewish friend.
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animefreak_usa
Child of Samael
A vampire walks in to a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks" why a cup of hot water'. The vampire whips out a bloody tampon and said, ' i'm making tea bitch'.
__________________________________________________________________________________
A little boy walks into a whore house with a $100 bill and a dead frog. He goes to the pimp and asks for the ho with the most venerial diseases. The pimp is surprised but gives the boy his ho.
After the boy does his deed, the pimp asks why he wanted the ho with all the venerial diseases.
The boy answers:
When I go home, I will get a babysitter while my parents go out to eat and I’ll fuck her. When my parents get home, my dad will drive the sitter home and screw her in the car. Tonight, my parents will fuck. Tomorrow, after my dad leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman,
AND THATS THE SON OF A BITCH WHO RAN OVER MY FROG !!!!!
__________________________________________________________________________________
A little boy walks into a whore house with a $100 bill and a dead frog. He goes to the pimp and asks for the ho with the most venerial diseases. The pimp is surprised but gives the boy his ho.
After the boy does his deed, the pimp asks why he wanted the ho with all the venerial diseases.
The boy answers:
When I go home, I will get a babysitter while my parents go out to eat and I’ll fuck her. When my parents get home, my dad will drive the sitter home and screw her in the car. Tonight, my parents will fuck. Tomorrow, after my dad leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman,
AND THATS THE SON OF A BITCH WHO RAN OVER MY FROG !!!!!
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What screams more the smaller it gets?
A baby in a car compactor
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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby?
One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer and the others just a watermelon
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What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit
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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
O don't have a Porsche in my garage
A baby in a car compactor
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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby?
One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer and the others just a watermelon
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What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit
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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
O don't have a Porsche in my garage
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Billboard standing in a graveyard: "Your grave could be here."
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
When a banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the money is.
I have a drinking problem, I can't afford it.
and the last,
"If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
When a banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the money is.
I have a drinking problem, I can't afford it.
and the last,
"If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
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For all the media hype over the end of the recession, we're still in a period of economic turmoil, and something that would undoubtedly help is more trade between nations. That's why, and I think this is quite ingenious, I'm proposing the creation of a World Trade Centre. Now, I know what you're thinking - "A World Trade Centre, that'd have to be pretty big" - don't worry, there'd be two of them.
What's Ethiopia's national dish? Empty.
My mate told me that cigarettes seriously harm children. So I've started using an ashtray.
You know they tell you to turn off all electrical sockets when you go on holiday?
There are two you shouldn't: The fridge, and the life support machine. Either way, you're wasting vegetables.
It's just a bit stupid beating your wife, I mean she's YOUR wife. That's like going out and keying your own car!
I saw on the news the other day that there had been a fire at the homeless shelter and it burned down.
I thought: "What are they NOW... homelesser?!"
I'm joking! ...They were trapped inside, they're all dead.
I bought some Viagra, read the instructions. It said: 'Keep away from small children.' I thought 'what kind of man do they think I am?'
What's Ethiopia's national dish? Empty.
My mate told me that cigarettes seriously harm children. So I've started using an ashtray.
You know they tell you to turn off all electrical sockets when you go on holiday?
There are two you shouldn't: The fridge, and the life support machine. Either way, you're wasting vegetables.
It's just a bit stupid beating your wife, I mean she's YOUR wife. That's like going out and keying your own car!
I saw on the news the other day that there had been a fire at the homeless shelter and it burned down.
I thought: "What are they NOW... homelesser?!"
I'm joking! ...They were trapped inside, they're all dead.
I bought some Viagra, read the instructions. It said: 'Keep away from small children.' I thought 'what kind of man do they think I am?'
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animefreak_usa
Child of Samael
Bytesexual wrote...
Lolicons are actually pedophiles.their aficionado of flat chested prepubescents
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animefreak_usa
Child of Samael
Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A. A love call.
Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room
Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.
Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
A. A love call.
Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room
Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.
Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
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animefreak_usa wrote...
Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?A. a gay
Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. they are worn out
Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. his back.
Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. an Orgy.
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. saying " I'll be back "
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. to burn witches
Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. nothing, as long as you keep on cumming
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and you were busted by your grandma
fix'd
