Strange/crazy masturbation stories

So i have been talking to some friends for awhile, and every now and then we get on the topic of masturbation. Some stories are pretty normal, some not so much. I just wanted to see if anyone here is willing to share their or a friend's crazy story.

I decided to try experimenting with different things so I bought some vibrating anal beads. So I load up Fakku and try them out. It was a weird feeling, then I turned on the vibration and that's where things went downhill. It started vibrating my bowels and that must have loosened up something cause when I took out the beads (after I finished) a stream of shit followed. It went everywhere, luckily I was on the floor and not my bed but that doesn't mean it was easy to clean up. I cleaned it all up and got rid of the towels. I told my grandparents I threw away the towels after the toilet overflowed and I used them to clean up feces (not completely a lie). I'm too scared to use the beads again.

>>>/Random/

Masturbated on the roof of a 9 story construction sight that me and a friend climbed after getting drunk. We had to climb onto someone elses balcony to get there which was sketchy as fuck because we where in the middle of the city centre, with people everywhere (thank god for it being dark, and for us being fast climbers).

Then we had to climb the frame that they make around buildings that are in progress of being built (forgot what that shit is called). Once we got to the roof, there were plenty of awesome beach style chairs (the one that you just lie down on), and we drank some more, then decided to have a good celebratory fap to mark our victory over the building.

i came on my mom's eye