The joke game

Easy just like the other games here choose between the two people above on who has the better joke then tell your own.(jokes may be fucked up)
Now let's get this started.

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Three Vampires walk into a bar and sit down.

The bartender comes over and ask them what they want to drink
1st Vampire: Give me a shot of blood
2nd Vampire: I want a double shot
3rd Vampire: All I want is a cup of hot water

So the bartender goes and gets the drinks and comes back. He hands them the drinks, but looks kind of confused.

The bartender asked the 3rd vampire why didn't you order any blood? The vampire pulls out a tampon and replies "I'm making tea, bitch".

The latter made me laugh pretty hard

A few weeks after the new school year had started, the teacher noticed a new face sitting at the back of the class, silent with tears running down his face. Now since the attack on the World Trade Center just happened, everybody was emotionally unstable.

Teacher: What's wrong?
Child: I miss my father, the news broadcast last week reminded me of him
Teacher: Oh that's terrible!
Child: He called me before he died from the plane, I'll never forget his last words
Teacher: I'm sure he was a great man. What was the last thing he said to you?
Child: Allah Akbar.

They are both funny fuck
A women goes to her doctor and he notices she has a black eye. He asks her about it and she breaks down crying and says her husband comes home drunk and beats her all the time. The Doctor says well I fix that for you next time he comes home drunk, drink this and gargle it till he goes to sleep. One month later she goes back to the doctor happy and bruise free and asks what was in that mouthwash? Nothing, You just needed to shut the fuck up.

My jokes are usually more racist, but here goes anyways.

How does Moses prepare his coffee?
Hebrews it.

Christopher Walken has a dissociative personality that's an insult comic. What's his name?
Christopher Mockin'. (I got a million of these)

How do you get a depressed person off a tree?
Cut the rope.

No worries, I'm pretty racist in my own right too

What's yellow and black and makes you laugh?
A bus of Africans going over a cliff.

I gotta make Freak proud with my racist diatribes.

What's the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?
An elevator can raise a child.

Difference between a black guy and a tire?
Tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

What's the difference between a seven year old and a driveway?
The cops won't arrest you if they catch you pulling out of a driveway.

Ok but im only half burrito maker.
Seven year old one was funny.

Son ask his father how he slept last night. Father said 'Like a baby.... with your moms tit in my mouth.'

What if Instagram instantly gave you a gram?

So this guy is on speed, which makes him feel really horny, so he walks into a whore house to get himself a good fuck. On the inside he remembers that he's a bit short on cash so he says to the mistress: "Listen, I only have five dollars, can you help me out?" The lady says: "Sure, go up the stairs and go in the door on the right." The guy goes up the stairs and in through the door. He sees a chicken sitting on a table. He is a little disappointed but the speed is kicking in so he figures: "Oh well you get what you pay for!", and he screws that chicken to near death, there are feathers flying everywhere.

So the next day the guy is still a bit high and decides to go back to the whorehouse. He says to the madam: "Listen lady, I've only got two bucks today. Can you do anything at all for me?" "Sure!" says the madam. "Go up the stairs and in the door on the left this time". The guy goes in through the door on the left and finds a bunch of guys staring through a two-way mirror at two beautiful lesbians having sex. "This is fantastic. Only two bucks for this!!" the guy says to one of the other men. The other man says "Yes, but you should have been here yesterday, there was guy in there fucking a chicken!"

Chicken joke was good

A woman goes out clubbing and meets a handsome black dude. They go back to her place after a night of partying and drinking. As they're getting undressed, the woman slides up to the black dude and says, "Go on stud, show me what makes you black guys famous." So he stabs her and runs off with her purse.

[color=#ff69b4]Giving to KP.

Someone is talking to his's black friend night before Halloween. He start going on about how he needs something to put outside the house, he then looks at he's friend and says "You know what really nice?" he's friends reply's "What?" He then reply's back "You, hanging from the tree."

Tsam's made me do that bull exhale through my nose. The one where you find something funny, but don't laugh and instead do that bull snort.

So I was walking down the street and I saw a black guy carrying a TV down the block. So I thought to myself: "Huh, that kind of looks like mine." So I go through the front door, go up the stairs, and my apartment door's unlocked. I pull open the door and rush in to make sure.

Nope. Still there. Shining my shoes.

Zero shin
My best friend got mad at me the other day because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties. It didn't help that she was still wearing them, or that his whole family was there too. It made the rest of his sister's funeral really awkward...

That guy with no shins.

What do you get when you cross a mexican and a chinese person? - A car thief who can't drive.

I like the sister's joke.

Another extremely racist joke, I apologize beforehand.

What do you call a school bus filled with black people?
A rotten banana.

Both were funny. Or at least, they amused me.

Another racist joke for the books.

Why are aspirins white?
Because they work.