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Aren't high pride and calling a suicide hotline without intention to commit suicide just to get food completely incompatible? Unless... Did you actually think of killing yourself...?

I was.

If I didn't think I'd be able to bounce back, I'd rather off myself than be a leech.

Maybe take a few days to figure out who gets what, or just burn all my stuff or something.

It's bound to happen, nothing is 100% stable in society and we can easily lose what we've gained.

I'll never get my castle at this rate.

It gets me by, It's not a career. So I hope I don't do it all my life. However its better than minimum wage.

I don't really get the extreme bits of what you care about, but I also understand.

I could be living with a much bigger budget, but I decided to take only work I am qualified for (working food service for minimum wage again now), and I moved out of my parents' place the first chance I had years ago.

Being a productive member of society is important, but don't push yourself too far and do something drastic.

We'll miss you, or at least most of us will. Your life is the most important thing.

But, I'm glad you were able to figure things out and get back in the groove, on your own hard work, even. That's really admirable.

I hope you keep up this streak of success.

That's where we disagree.

I don't know why nor when- but I simply never felt validated.

I'm always helping out whatever I find- but my sense of self-worth is still pretty much zero.


Pardon the cliché, but I do feel incredibly hollow.

The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town.

By the way- don't tell anyone about my emo-ness. I try to keep that a secret, usually.

Have you considered caring for a pet? I've heard countless stories about how having someone that needs you can help with both low self-worth and suicide temptations.
From personal experience, they can really add a lot of value to your life, because of the strong bond and connection that forms between you. Although they might add to the stress of not having enough money, they can also help to provide quite a strong motivation if things turn sour.

Had a cat. When money became an issue, I gave her away to one of my neighbours.

Dude talk to someone, a psychiatrist preferably. Honestly I'm sure there are services like that available that don't require money.

Been to both psychologists and psychiatrists throughout the years. From 10 to 23.

Didn't really help. I do have clinical depression, but the pills didn't help.

Anyways, I'm in the clear now- so no more talk about me.

Enough about me- how you doin'?

I guess a change of topic was in order, shit's gotten WAY too serious for Incoherent Babbling, everyone stopped posting right after that though...

Dawww- just for l'il ol' me?

You flatterer.


Really though- no more bumping.

EDIT: My most successful topic in a long whiles and it's in regards to me nearly losing everything.

You sadistic mofos.

I like Linkin Park and Evanescence, actually.


I AM NOT ASHAMED.

They're not bad but overrated. I'm adding more songs to my post to be honest.

They were overrated.

With how much derision they've garnered throughout the past decade or so- I think the default attitude towards them trends towards "Shit".

Same with Nickelback. Subject to so much ridicule- I hardly think "overrated" is an applicable term.

Interesting.

I go to work at 8:30. Lunch is at 11:30 until 1:00 and then I leave at 5:00. So I work about 7 hours a day.

I get weekends off. Every month we get an extra 2 days off as well. Every federal holiday I get off as well.

I get 30 days of leave a year.

During block leave period of time, which is during summer and christmas time periods for about 2 or so weeks each we go to half day schedules, so I really only work about 3 hours those days.

So I average about 16 to 17 out of the 30 or so days of work a month.

I'm salaried at 2000. But with the additional bonuses I make around 3k, about 1k of it being tax free.

My apartment and all utilities except internet is paid for as well.

And I get free health insurance and dental. My wife has free health insurance and her dental runs like 10 dollars a month.

That covers pretty much everything.

And I'll get Tuition Assistance that will cover all but about 200 dollars a semester for when I start my Masters.

So what do you do?

I recall you going off for BT some time ago, so where you at now?