Did I do the right thing?
0
I started to develop feelings for a friend some months ago. As I always had low self esteem when it comes to relationships (never had a serious relationship before, only times I dated someone it was the girl that took initiative, never had success when taking the initiative), I didn't ask her out or something like that.
One day, she got together with another friend of mine at her cousin's house (I was there too) and all that shit started.
Two weeks later, finding strange the fact of none of them showing they were on a relationship, I've decided to ask my (male) friend if they were still together. I found that he liked her a lot too and that she didn't want a serious relationship with him (something like friends with benefits, nothing more, nothing less). He then realized I liked her too and said he was sorry for not noticing I was into her too. He even asked if I wanted him to break up with her so that I could try something, but I didn't want it and said he probably liked her as much as me and I knew he would be sad if he did it.
A month has passed (i thought about her all days during that time, which made me feel worse day after day, was planning to go at some places here to meet new people but I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of liking somebody else while having feelings for her and hiding it all), and last weekend we all returned to our friend's (the girl's cousin) house, where it all started. There they had a discussion but were still together.
After he left, people at some point started to talk about relationships and I started to feel really bad again for hiding my feelings from her while we were talking.
A moment later, when we were alone, I confessed my feelings to her explaining that I wanted to find someone as heartwarming as her and that I didn't feel free to find that person while I was thinking about her and hiding my feelings. She hugged me, and said that nearly all men on our friendship circle tried something with her, despite the fact she wasn't seeking a serious relationship. Said also that, despite liking and respecting him a lot, she didn't see a future on their relationship and it would probably end soon. A few hours later, I started to feel guilty on doing this while my friend was into her.
One day later, some friends were going to Starbucks after our jobs and they invited both me and my friend who is with her. After that, when we were going home, I was honest and said everything to him about what happened 1 day ago. He wasn't angry apparently and we had a very long conversation about her. Highlighting some points, he said I was one of the few person who liked her that didn't start to ignore him after the moment they got together, and he said he didn't expect she were a cold person in relationships (totally different from what she was with friends), and that only because he likes her a lot he was enduring some situations between them (he's not the first person that says it about her, so probably he didn't talk this to make me go away from her).
After all that happened, I really don't know if I want a serious relationship with her. Yes, she's VERY beautiful (maybe one of the most beautiful people i met irl, no exaggerations), japanese (a turn-on for most people here for obvious reasons), has hobbies in common (games in general, a little anime, etc.), until some time ago her presence alone were enough to make my day a lot better, and she turns me on, really hard. But after all the tears, the drama and probably after ruining some of the fun my friend had with her, I started to think if it all worth the very slim chances I have now to being something more than a friend to her. We're still good friends, I'm happy with this, and realized that maybe this is the best thing I can get from her and I won't be that happy if I know that other, cold side of her.
I don't say my chances with her are zero because, moments before I was going home, she asked me what time I'm usually free from my job (during that, I felt something on her eye contact that may mean she has some interest on me). We live in different cities but work at the same city, and my friend was meeting her after their work sometimes. Maybe she asked it having intentions to do the same with me someday.
Yeah, I probably would be very happy if it happened, but I'm trying to don't hold expectations about her. Saturday I'm going to a club here and if I find someone interesting, I won't hold back because of her.
If you reached here, thank you very much for taking time to read it all. Needed to write about it somewhere.
One day, she got together with another friend of mine at her cousin's house (I was there too) and all that shit started.
Two weeks later, finding strange the fact of none of them showing they were on a relationship, I've decided to ask my (male) friend if they were still together. I found that he liked her a lot too and that she didn't want a serious relationship with him (something like friends with benefits, nothing more, nothing less). He then realized I liked her too and said he was sorry for not noticing I was into her too. He even asked if I wanted him to break up with her so that I could try something, but I didn't want it and said he probably liked her as much as me and I knew he would be sad if he did it.
A month has passed (i thought about her all days during that time, which made me feel worse day after day, was planning to go at some places here to meet new people but I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of liking somebody else while having feelings for her and hiding it all), and last weekend we all returned to our friend's (the girl's cousin) house, where it all started. There they had a discussion but were still together.
After he left, people at some point started to talk about relationships and I started to feel really bad again for hiding my feelings from her while we were talking.
A moment later, when we were alone, I confessed my feelings to her explaining that I wanted to find someone as heartwarming as her and that I didn't feel free to find that person while I was thinking about her and hiding my feelings. She hugged me, and said that nearly all men on our friendship circle tried something with her, despite the fact she wasn't seeking a serious relationship. Said also that, despite liking and respecting him a lot, she didn't see a future on their relationship and it would probably end soon. A few hours later, I started to feel guilty on doing this while my friend was into her.
One day later, some friends were going to Starbucks after our jobs and they invited both me and my friend who is with her. After that, when we were going home, I was honest and said everything to him about what happened 1 day ago. He wasn't angry apparently and we had a very long conversation about her. Highlighting some points, he said I was one of the few person who liked her that didn't start to ignore him after the moment they got together, and he said he didn't expect she were a cold person in relationships (totally different from what she was with friends), and that only because he likes her a lot he was enduring some situations between them (he's not the first person that says it about her, so probably he didn't talk this to make me go away from her).
After all that happened, I really don't know if I want a serious relationship with her. Yes, she's VERY beautiful (maybe one of the most beautiful people i met irl, no exaggerations), japanese (a turn-on for most people here for obvious reasons), has hobbies in common (games in general, a little anime, etc.), until some time ago her presence alone were enough to make my day a lot better, and she turns me on, really hard. But after all the tears, the drama and probably after ruining some of the fun my friend had with her, I started to think if it all worth the very slim chances I have now to being something more than a friend to her. We're still good friends, I'm happy with this, and realized that maybe this is the best thing I can get from her and I won't be that happy if I know that other, cold side of her.
I don't say my chances with her are zero because, moments before I was going home, she asked me what time I'm usually free from my job (during that, I felt something on her eye contact that may mean she has some interest on me). We live in different cities but work at the same city, and my friend was meeting her after their work sometimes. Maybe she asked it having intentions to do the same with me someday.
Yeah, I probably would be very happy if it happened, but I'm trying to don't hold expectations about her. Saturday I'm going to a club here and if I find someone interesting, I won't hold back because of her.
If you reached here, thank you very much for taking time to read it all. Needed to write about it somewhere.
2
Gravity cat
the adequately amused
So basically you're in a love triangle. I hate those. They always make me feel like shit and I'm never usually the first (or final) choice lol
Anyway if she's not interested in a serious relationship then going out and looking elsewhere was the right decision. Nobody should be hung up on someone who gives mixed signals about what they want.
Anyway if she's not interested in a serious relationship then going out and looking elsewhere was the right decision. Nobody should be hung up on someone who gives mixed signals about what they want.
0
Sgt.broski
Where's the futa Jacob
Try out the relationship. If it fail, then look for someone else who caught your attention. You cant go off others words until you find out yourself.