fixed unions

one of our guys suddenly shows up in my house where the rest of us were making our thesis papers with a cute girl and introduces her to us as his fiance (or is it called that when in arranged unions?).

since we were cool with it because they both quickly made terms (and surprisingly are so lovey dovey already) at their planned union, we both individually asked them at the sudden announcement. the answers from both of them were the same: they never met each other until their parents said that they were to marry when the time comes.

so guys, what are your thoughts about planned unions? one day your parents tell you that you will be marrying this said person whom you yourself has never met before, will you accept it? or reject at the absurd idea of them planning who you love?

[size=6]also... did anyone post a similar topic? if so pm me for deletion[/h]

I would tell my parents that they could suck a dick if they tried to tell me who to marry.

Planned unions are ridiculous, finding love and the possibility of marriage is entirely up to the individual. Sure, advice on love and marriage is always welcome from an outside source, but when a third party tries to force you to wed a specific person, its crossing the line. I would never enter a planned union, nor would I ever enter someone into one.

I don't really care. If I'm single at the time, I'll see who that girl is. Maybe we can get along well, who knows? If no, then no. Planned or no, if I like it I take it if I don't no thanks.

A lot of times they work out!

In most cultures that have historically practiced arranged marriages, now, parents suggest a match and the child can choose whether to accept it or not. Sometimes your parents *do* know what's best for you, but if not you still have choices.

That is the sort of system I'd approve. If one had no say and was forced (with no choice, even from within a fixed group), I don't think that would be fair to either party.

i would meet the girl first before i make any decision if she seems nice to me then ill go through with it

I would first like to meet the guy and maybe go out on a date, if I'm single.
If I'm not single.. I'd have to tell my parents good-bye and leave.

I'd tell my mother to fuck off and let me love anyone I want to love, D<. Luckily, she's somewhat free-minded, :D.

I understand the forced vs. encouraged marriage dilemma.
my problem is that the PARENTS are pushing the children toward someone. I mean is it more romanticized to look for your one by yourself? is romance dead? the fact that your parents control you even in marriage when will you become your own identity!!! sorry i have over controlling parent issues... i am just figuring out how to rebel.

I know two different people who had arranged marriages. They seem very happy with their marriages to be honest. I could be wrong, but I also think that statistics show that the divorce rate for arranged marriages is either lower or at the very least just the same as "romanced" marriages. Many times, the couples sort of "grow up" together in the marriage. They learn about each other and how to love one another as newlyweds.

Sometimes, married couples will get married then stop the romancing. It is as if they think, "Okay, I'm married. I got THAT out of the way... Now I can stop doing stupid things like making a fool of myself acting romantic all the time..." For arranged marriages, it is not UNTIL you are married that you start acting romantic towards one another. Heck, you JUST MET this person, so at the very least you are doing everything you can to get them to just like you. When both sides do this, you can potentially have two people that end up very much in love.

Or not. It can end up badly, but marriages that aren't arranged end up badly all the time.

Alright I been at my Aunts place for a week and I just got back a few days ago.

The thing that bothers me the most is....
that why does traditions when it comes to marriage have to be so forceful and cheap?

There are many traditions out there that involves the rules of marriage and in my homeland it's that the parents search for your bride and not YOU.

A lot of guys find this method of being with a girl very amusing ( obviously) and that the girl marries the guy the parents approve which leaves the bride and the groom with no option of objecting.


So all my fellow Fakku-ers I wanna ask you this..
is it the right thing to have such a tradition in our modern day society?

Doesn't this method in our tradition weaken the social skill between Men and Women?

Do you believe that such traditions should exist?

And...
Will both the bride and groom be happy with each other in the future since they had no connections before the engagement or wedding?

Tell me what you think Fakku-ers because I'm in a kind of a pinch here.

Just curious, where is your homeland?



there's no such thing as right or wrong, only thinking makes it so.

beyond that, i don't have much of an opinion. i've heard both sides. some say it works, others don't.

will they be happy? up to them.

weaken soicial skill? i don't see how, either way, they still have to deal with each other.

traditions is traditions.

When it comes to traditional marriages, I don't think it really makes much of a difference in modern day society. Tradition aside, I have a really low opinion on marriage anyways. Not because I don't think marriage is a good thing, but because of how stupid most people are when it comes to marriage. People get so rushed into the relationship thing that they hardly stop to think a bit. They just automatically assume they know exactly what they want and need and never really take the time to learn from their mistakes. Just move on to the next one. What ends up actually happening is they end up severely unprepared. People walk into marriages thinking it's going to be an easy street walk to fairy tale land from now on. But it's not and it's never gunna. As soon as there is a fight, they've lost all patience and they're done with it. Neither wants to put any effort towards a compromise. So in my honest opinion, the value of marriage in this day and age is about the same, if not much worse, than earlier in history.

My opinions on traditional marriage is about the same as "normal" ones. Usually, they choose it for your sake or for the whole family's. Money, power, politics, they do it because they think it's best for you. It's a "good" strategy but even if the two are okay with it, it's a restriction of their rights. No matter how much the family will insist, they know no better of what's best for the couple than the couple do. And who is to say that the couple is even prepared for the marriage, whether it be emotionally, physically, financially... Anyways, both have a mixed "success" rate, so again I don't really think it matters. I've never been good at concluding my paragraphs, so just pretend I said something awesome.

[quote="Mr.Shaggnificent"]Just curious, where is your homeland?

I am from the southern part in Albania and my family came from a village there.

I don't see it as having a right or wrong.

Traditions tend to last because they work or people have put enough faith in it to keep them going.

As for modern society, I have seen friends choose partners, get divorced and such. There's no formula to love and relationships. The best thing to do with most situations is to stay objective and keep open mind.

Pretty sure we already have an arranged marriage topic but seeing as how the SEARCH is down, I cannot look for it. However if this thread disappears later it means it was merged.

It is up to you, certainly it would be nicer if your family liked the girl youre marrying but in the end the most important thing is that you're comfortable with it, what they think comes in second. I consider tradition a good thing but honestly, having your ears pierced and putting heavy earrings so your skin stretches 10 inches and creates a huge hole in your ear is a tradition in some primitive tribes, do you find that good tradition? Its up to you who you marry, if you let your parents influence it its your own fault and tradition has nothing to do with it. You decide what is right and what is wrong, its a tradition for your parents to choose, not a law or necessity.

Alright I understand Tegumi... thanks.

Well you have to ask yourself, how important do you hold the tradition to yourself. Marriage should be for love but that's not always the case. As rubberrazors said, some people marry for terrible reasons or are just too caught up in the idea of marriage that they aren't willing to make the necessary sacrifices to maintain it. In this sense, arranged marriage may be best, it simply depends or your maturity and ability to make decisions that better you in life.



I can't really say whether arranged marriage traditions are right or whether they should exist because traditions are such a difficult thing to overcome. I live in America where you have a free choice which is nice but considering my country also has the highest rate of divorce, it's probably not my place to say.



I can imagine it may put a hinder on your understanding of the opposite sex, especially if an attempt is never made because you know it will all be arranged anyways.



It's not impossible for them to achieve happiness. Though, it is somewhat selfish by the parents, I'm sure they honestly want whats best for their children so I can only imagine their choice would be a nice, well mannered person. The chances of getting along could be high, the chances of actually falling in love are unknown.