Heartbroken with Big Mouth
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shinji_ikari
Mustn't Run Away...
Girlfriend just came into my house ,and gave me an ultimatum (again) , of being with her or continuing my "extreme"(martial arts, free running, base jumping, SCUBA DIVING,and even my god damn motorcycle) lifestyle so I told her if she was gonna make me choose between the things I love doing ,and her then she obviously didn't want to be with me...She just took an cab to the airport...smooth move on my part...well theirs 3 years in the crapper
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Well, I dont know how to voice in on this one. Seems like the love you have between each other wasnt able to break the ice over materialistic things.
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shinji_ikari
Mustn't Run Away...
JuniorAfro wrote...
Well, I dont know how to voice in on this one. Seems like the love you have between each other wasnt able to break the ice over materialistic things. I wouldn't say that I did give up a lot of things to be with her (smoking,facial hair,bed,recycling,and only eating "gentle" kill meat) she just wanted to take the things that REALLY make me happy I mean I could have given up the cycle and gotten a car , but that wasn't enough she wanted me to quit the things she knows ment everything to me..I just don't see that as something you'd do to someone you love
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shinji_ikari wrote...
JuniorAfro wrote...
Well, I dont know how to voice in on this one. Seems like the love you have between each other wasnt able to break the ice over materialistic things. I wouldn't say that I did give up a lot of things to be with her (smoking,facial hair,bed,recycling,and only eating "gentle" kill meat) she just wanted to take the things that REALLY make me happy I mean I could have given up the cycle and gotten a car , but that wasn't enough she wanted me to quit the things she knows ment everything to me..I just don't see that as something you'd do to someone you love
Now I can see the bigger picture. So basically, she was slowly 'carving' you into a man she feels is ideal for her. I understand there was love from your part, seeing as how you gave up habits here and there. You said you were dating for 3 years? I find it hard to think that she didn't fully come to accept you as you are.
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Why don't you suggest she do some of these "extreme lifestyle" activities with you? From what little scenario you gave us it sounds like it might just be an issue of time management where you are spending more time doing your leisure activities in lieu of spending it with her. This could be entirely wrong, but it seems plausible from the situation posed.
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shinji_ikari
Mustn't Run Away...
akichuu wrote...
Why don't you suggest she do some of these "extreme lifestyle" activities with you? From what little scenario you gave us it sounds like it might just be an issue of time management where you are spending more time doing your leisure activities in lieu of spending it with her. This could be entirely wrong, but it seems plausible from the situation posed. I suppose you could be partially right I mean I invited ,and tried to get her interested in all aspects of my life , but she honestly just wasn't a big "risk" taker ,and wouldn't wanna do it..i mean on everything else we got along well (music, anime , religious view, taste in clothes , taste in food, and even sex drive) , but when it came to risk or high adrenaline she stuff just didn't like it..i guess she was possibly tired of me doing things she didn't like and distracted me from her
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shinji_ikari wrote...
i guess she was possibly tired of me doing things she didn't like and distracted me from hermaybe she was worried about you getting hurt or killed.
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I can understand the being hurt fear, but I mean martial arts, free running, scuba diving and even base jumping aren't notoriously known for having high death rates.
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Regardless of her motivation for wanting Shinji to give up all of his hobbies, it's clear that the two of them aren't right for one another. Sometimes the strength of two peoples' feelings for one another simply aren't enough to overcome gaps in interests, beliefs, etc... Shinji could have given in to her demands but would that have made him happy? He'd still be together with her but there would be feelings of boredom and probably bitterness between them now.
Shinji, regardless of how they were said, the words you told her weren't incorrect. If she had loved you enough, she would have understood how important all those things you do are to you. Nobody who really loves you would ask you to give up the things that make you who you are. You don't ask someone that you love to change into someone that they're not. Despite how shitty you might feel right now, I think you're probably better off not being with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are. The fact that she's laid down ultimatums before is just proof positive that she's had doubts already. In spite of all the things you did have in common, it's apparent that the two of you just don't match up deep down.
These are all just my opinions based on what you've said. Feel free to ignore it or listen to it as much as you like. Just remember that no time spent loving someone is wasted time. Even if it didn't work out, that doesn't mean that it wasn't worth devoting yourself to it. Good luck from now on.
Shinji, regardless of how they were said, the words you told her weren't incorrect. If she had loved you enough, she would have understood how important all those things you do are to you. Nobody who really loves you would ask you to give up the things that make you who you are. You don't ask someone that you love to change into someone that they're not. Despite how shitty you might feel right now, I think you're probably better off not being with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are. The fact that she's laid down ultimatums before is just proof positive that she's had doubts already. In spite of all the things you did have in common, it's apparent that the two of you just don't match up deep down.
These are all just my opinions based on what you've said. Feel free to ignore it or listen to it as much as you like. Just remember that no time spent loving someone is wasted time. Even if it didn't work out, that doesn't mean that it wasn't worth devoting yourself to it. Good luck from now on.
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SunQuan wrote...
Regardless of her motivation for wanting Shinji to give up all of his hobbies, it's clear that the two of them aren't right for one another. Sometimes the strength of two peoples' feelings for one another simply aren't enough to overcome gaps in interests, beliefs, etc... Shinji could have given in to her demands but would that have made him happy? He'd still be together with her but there would be feelings of boredom and probably bitterness between them now. Shinji, regardless of how they were said, the words you told her weren't incorrect. If she had loved you enough, she would have understood how important all those things you do are to you. Nobody who really loves you would ask you to give up the things that make you who you are. You don't ask someone that you love to change into someone that they're not. Despite how shitty you might feel right now, I think you're probably better off not being with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are. The fact that she's laid down ultimatums before is just proof positive that she's had doubts already. In spite of all the things you did have in common, it's apparent that the two of you just don't match up deep down.
These are all just my opinions based on what you've said. Feel free to ignore it or listen to it as much as you like. Just remember that no time spent loving someone is wasted time. Even if it didn't work out, that doesn't mean that it wasn't worth devoting yourself to it. Good luck from now on.
i totally agree. you might love someone, but that doesn't mean that they are the one for you. it sounds like you compromised quite a bit for her, but there comes a point where she is just trying to change you to someone that's not you. no matter how much you love a person, the differences can make you very unhappy. using ultimatums is not a good way to compromise and it just shows that she wasn't happy and couldn't overcome the differences between you guys.
been through something similar myself, and the hardest part is accepting you two are better off with other people, regardless of how much you might care for that other person.
