No girlfriend, no crush, no sex. Still happy though. Or...?

Yo! So here's the thing. I've never had a relationship, never had sex, I don't have any girl in particular I'd love to date. (or even fantasize about if anything) I see no future where I'll ever be in a relationship. Hell, I'm perfectly happy working my butt off all day long and making money. Still, why is it that I'm missing someone important in my life? How is it possible for a person to miss something they'd never had? (no offense, but I'm not gay by the way, of that I'm certain)
I know this sounds stupid, i'm only 21 anyways... but it still bothers me at times. I'm sure other people have experienced this before. And please don't tell me to go to a prostitute or something, I'm talking about missing a soulmate, not a fckbuddy. If you catch my drift. Reason I'm posting this here? Hell, where else do you go with this?

Well I think I can understand it being somewhat the same. It is partially because humans aren't solitary creatures, having friends, talking to people, these types of things are very important to many people. Even if you never have had a relationship you often see things on television or other media like music(something about filling the world with silly love songs). Besides that human beings are still biologically a type of animal and still wish for a mate to pass on genes XD, but that is a bit of science that really seems to make the whole process seem less emotional.

After hearing so many times that it is a great experience, I suppose you can't help but wonder about it and why you haven't been as lucky. It can be for a multitude of reasons, but none of which I would say is not validated/a good reason. I don't think it is stupid to be honest since I also am in the same situation where you miss something that you really haven't had, and really don't see that much of a future/ending where I do get a significant other.

Best you can do is just continue with your everyday life whether it be college or work. Try to meet new people I suppose.

I have two responses. One comes from a left-brained perspective, the other from my spiritual, whimsical side. Both are my opinions, and both are valid.

1. [Left Brain] What you are experiencing is a completely normal longing. We all feel it. We as humans, our most basic primal fear is loneliness. [Well, that and the unknown, but.. largely the former.] Having a mate ensures perpetuation of our race, and thus represents survival - life. Companionship and petty sex are great for their own reasons, but it is obvious that you would only truly give yourself [i.e. breed with] a person you honestly, truly, madly love.

I would also like to state that this feeling typically dissipates after having had sex at all. The yearning for love can, [in males] typically be temporarily sated by sexual activity. It is the act of breeding [without the consequence, provided you use protection and common sense] which can lessen the major existential fear.

Failing that... you simply want what we all want; love. It's completely typical.

2. [Right Brain] You may be feeling that you have a soulmate out there. I personally feel that everyone has one. Counselors and those licensed in the field of psychology urge that a 'single person' is an unhealthier notion than believing that there are a handful of people you can truly connect with, enough to foster a lifelong companionship. I believe either can be true; it's a matter of choice.

It is entirely possible that you may be one of the few exceptions to the typical heterosexual male psyche build, and both believe in something greater [whether that is a god, or simply a larger universal plan, or destiny, or any combination of them] and feel a magnetic pull towards something beautiful. An inner compass, if you will.


Either of these result in the same universal advice:

Get over it.

Rather, don't pretend that feeling doesn't exist. Live around it. Life will lead you to the people and places and events that shape you into who you'll end up to be. Whether that is a blissfully married man or not.. only time will tell. For now, all you can do is work on bettering yourself. I'd even suggest counseling -- the best thing for love, is to learn how to live without the romantic kind. How to be happy, on your own. When you're truly secure in yourself, happy with your own company, that's when you can bring the most to a relationship.

Harsh as usual huh kittie? I'm not so sure that it is as simple as "just get over it", often times I would think it is more complicated than the whole "Life will lead you to people". Also, I feel it is simply more complicated than just "better yourself" and somehow you will find somebody. If you better that self that doesn't mean you will connect with people in any meaningful way. Simply being better at your work or studies, is that really the reason that separates being in a relationship from not? Work is work, personality, relationships with people, and emotions are their own thing that is separate from that.

I think that while learning new things might be good for him and is always interesting in its own way. I don't think being forced to better himself is at all justified since you don't know much besides that he works, and he is single. Trying to say "be happy with your own company" in my opinion doesn't work for everybody since some people just love romantic things and are that type of person. It obviously won't dictate their happiness 100% but it is an important part of them that I don't think they should work towards being rid of it because "You contribute most when you don't need a relationship".

Maybe I am just naive but all of those arguments are so commonly used and I don't think that they are adequate to deal with every single case of person considering there are so many things that happen in life that you must consider.

I was in your very same situation man, when I felt the need of finding someone special I started looking around and found my actual (and first) girlfriend ^^

If you feel the need, try to look for someone special :)

I'm going to agree with Kittie on this one.

How can it be more complicated than "life will lead you to people"? That's basically what happens. To everyone. Unless he's a shut in hermit man. Are you?


He's only 21, he should mentally, emotionally, and physically improve himself. There's no way he can't or shouldn't.

Rushing into things isn't going to make the experience more grand.
Just be patient and wary, and eventually it'll come up.

I have had a girlfriend and unfortunately, really miss her even today in a sense. Although I spend time with friends and love to be with them. But I can't shake the feeling of being with a significant other. I know I'm repeating what others are saying, but just relax, you'll find her sooner or later. It sounds like a daunting task and big problem, but you'll feel so much at ease later, you'll be laughing when you remember this!

I can go weeks without talking, much less finding a soulmate

I'm in the exact same boat for the most part I guess. I honestly just don't actively go out and try and find romantic partners. I've only just recently moved out on my own, my school is a huge part of my life, and I'm working on top of all of that, so I guess I've never really had time for a social life beyond just hanging out with friends on a regular basis. I guess the main difference is that I've always been really happy on my own, so I've never really felt the need to change that, other than the occasional stereotypical male urges.

I know what you mean I'm also 21 and School is the biggest part of my life right now but I feel like theres something missing. Though I'm not the type to go out and look for a girl.

I want to be happy. I'm always alone. Going to sleep at night is depressing.

Hmm, it's been some time since I opened this post. I've still got nobody though. Still alone. But somehow, it feels like things have changed. I don't feel depressed anymore. I don't even care about being alone anymore. All I want now is become the best at what I do. Clinging to a vision, hoping my mind will never drift off towards that depressing subject. Because I've realized now that some people are destined to live alone from the day they were born. I am one of those, and by realizing this, it gets easier to accept that fact.

I think people have the instinct to cling together. But maybe for some people it's better not to think about other people and improve themselves on their own. To what purpose? Well, maybe some day we'll find out. But until then... Just keep working hard. This is the only motivation you can give yourself in this situation. I know that there are a lot of people who can't even begin to understand this way of thinking... But those people probably had some sort of human relationship in their lives (at the very least, this could a loving parent, a childhood friend, a big family that tries to cheer things up,...). But I think, people who are like me (I really don't think I'm the only one here), haven't experienced true love and never really learned how to forge a succesfull relationship with someone (from parents or even friends/ teachers/...) And by true love, I mean: mutual feelings of caring for eachother, feelings siblings have, or parents have for their children, feelings 2 lovers have for eachother.
The only thing that can be done about this, cannot be done by the person alone. When you realize this fact, you also realize that you can only become truly happy when another person tries to get to know you better out of his/her own will. Until then, we will just work hard, improve ourselves to become a succesful person... hoping that one day we might be acknowledged. And if not... well I did my best.

I'm just going to be blunt with an opinion. Why do need to be burden with the soulmate angle? Can it be too hard to just talk to women in bars, clubs, bookstores or just random people, get the hard part of dating done, see if they're cool enough to be chain to for a while and see if that soulmate(which doesn't exist) comes before sex or even after it. Dating isn't hard... it just willing to talk to another human long enough for her to feel willing to go to a movie or climb your dick for the ten mins of pleasure involved. You're too young to be worry on life commitments and soulmates. Get the training done first and then conquer the dragon call the female sex inner mindfuck.

Women can tell within five secs if your worth the trouble. LolliKittie is also vaild.

ill just say i hope you can score.

Ah this post, it also has been a while hasn't it :P. I would like to agree with you, not much to do but focus on what you can do rather than worry about something that likely is just not up your alley. Same situation here though the only difference I suppose is that I'm a college student losing lots of money rather than gaining any XD. Ah the wonders of the education system.

You aren't really missing much, man. Girlfriend's bring drama and crushes bring even more drama. What you're going through is probably just a phase that you'll get over eventually.