Proper Behavior
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So, I recently met someone I really, really like, but I've had a rather large issue. I haven't had that much experience with how I should act with them. I'm not sure which topics are and aren't okay, and I've upset them a few times by responding to them with logical, but cruel answers when they were already upset.
Basically, how should I act to these things? It's obvious that I need to change the way I act, but I'm not sure how I should act. I don't want to upset them more with things, but I don't know how to avoid that.
Basically, how should I act to these things? It's obvious that I need to change the way I act, but I'm not sure how I should act. I don't want to upset them more with things, but I don't know how to avoid that.
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We need more information in order to help you properly. Please let us know more detail about these conversations and what exactly you said that upset her.
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Alright, my apologies. I'll tell you two examples, but tell me if you need more, okay?
First, there was something someone said that upset them, but it was something true. Now, it wasn't directly about them, so I figured that I could talk about it without upsetting them. So, I tried to convince them that what was said was true. I figured that if it were accepted as true, then there wouldn't be any reason to be upset by it because it's the truth. As you can likely guess, this just upset them more.
Second, there's something that they already invested a lot of time and money in, but (from my point of view) potentially only has an ultimately modest payoff and is completely running them ragged and killing their mood. I told them this and told them that they should stop, since it's clearly not being good to them at all. It's also not something that's absolutely required, like a job. This ended in failure and made them more upset.
First, there was something someone said that upset them, but it was something true. Now, it wasn't directly about them, so I figured that I could talk about it without upsetting them. So, I tried to convince them that what was said was true. I figured that if it were accepted as true, then there wouldn't be any reason to be upset by it because it's the truth. As you can likely guess, this just upset them more.
Second, there's something that they already invested a lot of time and money in, but (from my point of view) potentially only has an ultimately modest payoff and is completely running them ragged and killing their mood. I told them this and told them that they should stop, since it's clearly not being good to them at all. It's also not something that's absolutely required, like a job. This ended in failure and made them more upset.
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So someone told this chick (I will assume it's a chick) something that made her upset and you went all "but you know it's true."
Not smooth, dude.
You also told her that she's wasting her time and money doing something that she clearly seems to want to do.
Also a bitch move.
My advice: stop being a fucking douche and be considerate instead.
Not smooth, dude.
You also told her that she's wasting her time and money doing something that she clearly seems to want to do.
Also a bitch move.
My advice: stop being a fucking douche and be considerate instead.
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Gravity cat
the adequately amused
1) Even if it was true and they were upset about it, you don't go rubbing it in their face making them feel worse.
2) You saw something they were doing as a "waste of money and time" and tried to directly intervene when it wasn't up to you to decide whether they should keep doing it or not in the first place.
It wouldn't kill you to have a little tact.
2) You saw something they were doing as a "waste of money and time" and tried to directly intervene when it wasn't up to you to decide whether they should keep doing it or not in the first place.
It wouldn't kill you to have a little tact.
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Chlor wrote...
So someone told this chick (I will assume it's a chick) something that made her upset and you went all "but you know it's true."Not smooth, dude.
You also told her that she's wasting her time and money doing something that she clearly seems to want to do.
Also a bitch move.
My advice: stop being a fucking douche and be considerate instead.
That's a bit of a childish way of saying it, but that is essentially what happened. However, I did back it up with some actual facts. I don't see why anyone would be upset about something if it's the truth.
With the second one, I will admit that I didn't consider that.
Gravity Cat: Then what should I do? How should I respond in such a situation?
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really, I would just take it as you cared to even bother telling them. its theyre problem if they cant face facts!
as long as you were decent in saying it not like
"look, what you are doing is really stupid. just stop doing that coz youre wasting your life on this stupid crap and its not as big as you think it is"
now thats harsh.
me, ill just confess, and after talking to a lot of guys opinions nad me experiencing it myself, girls can be such a bitch and full of bs drama. hell, thats why i go with men now!!! its simpler. (joke ok - but hands down I do enjoy the company of men more...)
as long as you were decent in saying it not like
"look, what you are doing is really stupid. just stop doing that coz youre wasting your life on this stupid crap and its not as big as you think it is"
now thats harsh.
me, ill just confess, and after talking to a lot of guys opinions nad me experiencing it myself, girls can be such a bitch and full of bs drama. hell, thats why i go with men now!!! its simpler. (joke ok - but hands down I do enjoy the company of men more...)
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artcellrox
The Grey Knight :y
HouraiTeahouse wrote...
Chlor wrote...
So someone told this chick (I will assume it's a chick) something that made her upset and you went all "but you know it's true."Not smooth, dude.
You also told her that she's wasting her time and money doing something that she clearly seems to want to do.
Also a bitch move.
My advice: stop being a fucking douche and be considerate instead.
That's a bit of a childish way of saying it, but that is essentially what happened. However, I did back it up with some actual facts. I don't see why anyone would be upset about something if it's the truth.
Ever heard of the phrase "the truth hurts"? Perhaps it was the truth, but if I were feeling bad, the last thing I'd want is for it to be shoved in my face more, and feel like you don't give a damn about me feeling upset anyway.
Something similar happened last night with a friend. I mentioned I'm not doing so well in classes. Instead of getting just a shoulder to cry on, I was given a nice dose of reality as well. Granted, it hurt a little, but I didn't feel bad, because it didn't feel like the truth was being rubbed in my face, and I knew she still felt bad for me.
Gotta have a balance of realism and consideration, really. You don't want to completely coddle them, but you don't want them to feel worse either.
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artcellrox wrote...
Ever heard of the phrase "the truth hurts"? Perhaps it was the truth, but if I were feeling bad, the last thing I'd want is for it to be shoved in my face more, and feel like you don't give a damn about me feeling upset anyway.Something similar happened last night with a friend. I mentioned I'm not doing so well in classes. Instead of getting just a shoulder to cry on, I was given a nice dose of reality as well. Granted, it hurt a little, but I didn't feel bad, because it didn't feel like the truth was being rubbed in my face, and I knew she still felt bad for me.
Gotta have a balance of realism and consideration, really. You don't want to completely coddle them, but you don't want them to feel worse either.
Alright, I believe I understand it better. Not completely, but that's to be expected. I also appreciate you posting an example, both because it happened (which isn't something people normally share) and because it was helpful in making it easier to understand. I thank you very much for helping me out.
I would also like to thank everyone who posted here. It is much appreciated.