Reconciling

About a year ago a couple of boyfriends and girlfriends broke up. Two couples to be exact. All four people have now moved on to bigger and better things. I however do not like the way we all left things. I have my own personal agenda to apologise and reconcile with them. I would like to be friends, but I'll settle for civility at least. I want to do the right thing. I don't want to go through life feeling like I have people who feel obligated to take sides because of something that happened in the past that ended in a mess. I want to forgive and forget.

I have contacted my ex because he stated when we broke up that he'd still like to be friends so I went there first. The conversation wasn't what I had expected, but I am determined to work hard at being able to be friends again ( and I don't want his new girlfriend to feel that I'm a threat, I don't want to get back together, I just want to be a supportive person who is friendly, not thought of as the bitch ex or anything bad). I'm beginning to ramble. He still is one of the nicest guys I know and it doesn't feel right to me how I left things with him.

I have also contacted the ex girlfriend of the other couple apologising for the online fight we had. Back and forth like children. I'm ashamed of my behaviour and I'd like to make it right again.

I'm not asking for forgiveness from these people, I'd just like to be in civil terms. I'd feel better knowing that I have done the right thing by taking the first step to reconciling with everyone.

TL,DR:
I had some friends, but I was shy and disappointed people and hurt some people, and now it's sorta a mess and I'd like to pick up the pieces. I'm not looking for advice as such, just to chat, see if anyone has had a similar experience. Have you resolved things? Is there hope?

I feel you there, I've been moving around different countries all my life, and have left behind people, sometimes on nasty goodbyes, and I hate it now.

I don't think there's anything else than trying to talk to them as you're doing now though...

I'd had a fight with my best friend a year or so ago, where I completely overreacted on some shit, and I hadn't seen her in almost 5 years. A few months ago, I was able to go to Paris and spent a week there, and we used this occasion to reconcile, though we hadn't talked much in between and hadn't seen each other in 6 years.

Also, if there is romance involved it's much more difficult.

But in my own opinion, unless it's someone who really matters, you'll move on with time, and find other people to fight and reconcile with :D

Had a girlfriend whom I broke up with on really bad terms (she was fucking crazy and I was done with it), fast-forward 5-ish years, she had admitted she was crazy to some of my friends who still kept in contact with her, I get curious to see how things are going, I show up at her place. Weird, maybe creepy, but we talked for like 4 hours and everything was civil and good. Now we're on good terms again. I think the phrase "Time heals all wounds" is pretty accurate.

I've found myself doing the whole reconciling thing a lot lately. Feels good making up with people who previously did your nut in. The worst part is when they fall back into bad habits almost instantly, completely wrecking your resolve to patch things up with them.

I agree on both points - and the latter one really makes you feel like a damned fool when it happens. It adds insult to injury when you try to approach them about it when it gets really heinous, and they tell you that you're overreacting.

The girl from the other now-ex-couple wrote back to me. She accepted my apology and so far so good. Not totally forgiven but on the road to recovery. Both of us agree the friendship is a long shot in the light of what happened but who knows what will happen in a year or ten.

I know that I can't just put a bandaid on it a go "viola fixed!"
It's never that simple. I have a hard slog ahead of me.

I at least want to make peace, or die trying.

Hopefully time is the key. I don't want remorse playing on my mind or anyone else's. There were more people involved than just those four. The friends of those involved hold me responsible for some or most of what happened, and I don't want the in my conscience so I'm taking the first step and saying sorry for what was my fault.

Also thanks for listening.

I'd say talk to them all, and give them your apologies and such, BUT if they don't care to hear it, and don't want to be civil or what not than just let it be. Do not try pushing it on anyone, it'll make them dislike you even more.