Running Into "Him" Again.

Story time, sorry about the length, but the questions won't make sense without the background... (Moved from Random. My bad in posting it in the wrong section.)

A handful of months ago, after a bad break-up that I still wasn't over, a friend of mine suggested that I go over to her house to hang out and meet a friend of hers that she believed I would get along with. Bored, and lonely, I didn't think to argue... I went, and met the guy. Booze started flowing, and while I didn't get drunk enough to lose my sense of logic, the other guy certainly did. My friend ended up getting wasted and passed out in her room, while her boyfriend took care of her.

I initiated a kiss, which ended up going south quickly. He decided that he wasn't satisfied when I made it clear I would not be having sex with him, and told me that I just needed to drink a bit more to "loosen up". When I declined, I was forced down, and despite my continuous saying of "no", he insisted that I only needed to keep drinking. I'm not entirely sure what could have happened, as my friend's boyfriend came into the room and called him off before there could be any actual... anything. They left to talk, while I hid myself in my friend's room for awhile to calm down. I spent the night there, was apologized to frequently by the boyfriend, while the other guy passed out in the living room.

I left the next day, feeling ashamed of myself and not wanting to talk much about it. He was wasted, I was not, and since no actual harm was done, I never even so much as thought about pressing charges or such. While I admit I've been a bit more wary around men as a result of what happened, I don't want to classify it as a sexual assault. I initiated the make-out, he was drunk off of his rocker, and when he wanted to do some petting, I didn't stop him until he wanted to take it even further.

However, here comes my issue. My friend is getting married in June, and has requested I be a bridesmaid. I'm not against this, however, I've been told that he is going to be there. That, in all honestly, worries the ever living fuck out of me. I don't want to be around him at all, and my friend doesn't much think it's something to worry about. Am I just hanging onto something that wasn't all that serious? I sincerely don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin her day by dredging up something she doesn't probably remember, or maybe doesn't see as a problem.

I want to go to the wedding, standing up for my friend is an important thing for me to do for her, but I am left wondering what the hell to do about going. Do I suck it up and pretend nothing happened? Wait until AFTER the wedding to talk to her, or do it beforehand? If I do talk to her about it, how should I phrase what happened so I can stress just what kind of impact this had on me?

Any advice at all would be extremely appreciated.

Sexual assault (even if you don't classify it as such because you initiated it) is always a horrible thing to go through even if no actual harm was done. It's a traumatic experience and it's understandable that you don't want to see the guy again.

Having said this though, I would say definitely still go to her wedding. You might have a fear of this guy, but not going to her wedding because of it is a decision you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Even though she's got a wedding to plan she will probably have time for a heart-to-heart with you beforehand so you can have some reassurance. That's what friends are for (good ones, at least). Plus it wouldn't hurt to get an opinion on the matter that isn't your own. It's as they say, you're your own worst enemy.

I might also suggest facing your demons at some point, otherwise you may never get over your fear of him (and by association, men). But if you do, don't do it alone. Take a close friend you can trust who you've confided in about the incident for moral support and confront him about it. Don't be rude, (unless he's a prick then be as rude as you like) just talk to him about what happened. If he's got any morals at all he'll apologise for trying to force you into something you weren't comfortable with.

I agree with gravity cat to almost 100%.

I feel sorry for you that it turned out the way it did but a wedding is an once in a lifetime experiance and even if you won't enjoy it fully becuase of fear or just feeling uncomfortable, you should go for your friend. I know that life is harsh and you have to be selfish to survive but trust me, this is a moment you don't wanna miss.
It might feel bad now but i'm certain that you won't go and think about it one year from now but you might remeber the wedding.
I am awear that common sense and feeling don't really mix well.
I avoid doing things even tho i know i should but somethings are more important then just yourself. You mean alot to that person, she wanted you to be her bridesmaid.

I hope the best for you and i hope you make a choise that you're happy with. I'm here to support you further if you want to. Good luck <3

I have my doubts he'd remember what he did, and depending on what kind of guy he is, you could probably go up to him, and demand an apology. Tbh, with him being horribly drunk, and you initiating a kiss, you would have just gone and flipped his very drunk 'well, she wants to fuck, apparently' which, as I said, he's drunk, so it's very off colour/ not in the right frame of mind.

However, making out with a horribly drunk guy is just asking for trouble, especially if you're not after anything, but just kissing him for shits and giggles. Sounds like you led him on a bit.

But regardless, him trying to pursue after you said no a fair bit was wrong, although, he probably did take your saying 'no' as you being 'hard to get' of which, drunk sense, again.

If I were you, I'd go to the wedding anyway, enjoy it, not talk to him. If he remembers, he'll probably be sorry, if he's not, and still thinks you're down for sum fuk, all him an ass/ slap him across the face.

Seriously, if you were as sober as you say, whilst he is definitely in the wrong, you are as well. Whilst drunk people should have sense about what they are doing, the fact that they are drunk fucks with their brains, and makes them do things without thinking.


In summary; drunk people are retarded a lot of the time. Go to the wedding, ignore him, have fun. I doubt he'd remember the night, anyway

I'm pretty much agreeing with everyone else.

Let your friend know about the situation before you go so that you allow the weight of this situation to be lifted off your shoulders. You don't have the right to make her keep him from coming, but explaining how you feel and what has happened will allow you some piece of mind. I think you also said that the boyfriend (future husband) knows about this since he helped you out. Mention this to your friend as well since he can help validate how upset this makes you (again not to do anything drastic, just to make your friend understand your feelings).

Go to the wedding and make sure you remember that this is her big night, so enjoy it with her and anyone you like, ignore the guy and do not speak with him on the situation. I know an appolagy would be wonderful, but what has happened has happened and all it will be are words. Even though you led him on somewhat, no still means no and what he did to you was horrible. Luckily you know now that you need to be more careful with how you act in certain situations. I am sorry that this happened and I am happy to see that you were not hurt in this situation. Be the bigger person, know that you have learned from your mistakes and move on.

Finally know this. I doubt he will say anything other then the potentional hello, but you need to keep this in mind. No matter what he says, do not take it completly to heart. It's okay to "forgive" him, but other then that don't give him the benefit of the doubt and get close to the guy. Keep up your guard and remind yourself to keep alert. Remember again that this is your friends wedding and that you are focused on that for the evening. You don't want another incident to happen.

I would also recomend that if it's possible bring a date or someone that you trust to the event as your +1. This could help you feel more safe if this is really freaking you out.

Best of luck!

Thank you, everyone, for your words of advice and support. I'm really touched by the kind words you've shared here, and for the sense you're offering. I'll be going to see my friend early in the next month, and I'll be sure to talk calmly to her then. I'll be bringing a good friend to the wedding for my moral support just in case there is a run-in, but I won't forget to keep cool and collected if it happens.

You guys have sincerely made a bad experience a lot more bearable. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

First i want to tell you: you are a retard. im not going to elaborate, but you are mostly responsible for everything that happened to you.



Now that we are more or less acquainted, i wanna say that i do feel sorry for you, and i think you are more than entitled to talk to your friend about this guy being there. After all, she was the one that hooked you two up in the first place, so she is at the very least partially responsible for your fuck-up.