Somewhat divided on the idea of a relationship.

On one hand, I do want to know the feeling of warmth through the heart; to share feelings with a special someone, and loving someone on the intimate level. But at the same time, I've strongly suppressed any potential for "crushes" and finding possible "romance" ever since my first (and only) crush in elementary school. Partly because I didn't know how to channel the emotion properly back then (and I faced problems as a result), and partly because committing to a relationship would mean a significant shift in how I think, how I do things, and just my day-to-day life in general.

I'm a person who had only a handful of close friends, and developed his own personal identity and independent will free from the influence of "peer pressure". I've been told by the girlfriend of my best friend that being in a relationship often means that everything I do can affect my "special one" in more ways than one. Like making purchases, I have to think about the effects of each and every one. In a way, tying myself down halfway to the needs of another person is somewhat unappealing; covering for legitimate weakness is fine, but it's a bit too much at a certain intensity.

In essence, I've gotten by in life as a "lone wolf", and I still have uncertainties about "love". And my days have never really had any particular plan to them (no schedule or "to do" list, really), and I simply make up the day as I go. Don't get me wrong, I jerk off to porn and hentai (Fakku ftw) like many other people (unless it's forced or NTR, I dislike mindbreaking), but I'm a person who places great value in his ability to think with his mind independently. So, are some of you in a similar dilemma? Or perhaps some of you have found ways to make it work, or even live without love?

There is nothing wrong with being single and no one should ever feel like they have to be in a relationship.

With that being said, this doesn't mean that you should ever cut yourself off from ever finding love (if you so wish).

Love and life is all an individual and unique experience. I don't really agree with your friends girlfriend said (or I think you may have taken this a bit too extreme). What you do can have an affect on your partner, but it depends on what it is. Buying things isn't that big of an issue, I mean it's not like you are married and sharing a bank account. If you were to go and buy so much stuff that you were in debt then that is another story.

When two people take an interest in one another the proper thing is to get to know one another slowly. You keep things casual and talk about likes, dislikes, funny stories, do social things together like the movies or go to a park or concert. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, then you learn from that relationship and take some time until the next one comes your way (can never loose hope).

I won't lie and tell you relationships are easy, but if you find someone who you mesh with or that you feel is special enough (and they feel the same way about you) then it will be worth it. The only way to find this for yourself is to go out and experience life.

---

With all of this being said my personal advice for you is to continue to work on yourself more. I've read some of the posts that you have made and you seem to have had it rough and I wish you nothing but the best.

If you feel like you want to find love then don't give up hope and just strive to be happy and enjoy life. Also make sure to take care of you and keep healthy.

Yeah, your friend's girlfriend is being melodramatic. If you're just going out with someone, you can buy whatever you want (within reason). It's not like if you buy a video game or shirt or something it's going to negatively impact them somehow (I guess unless you start playing the game obsessively). You're just two people who like each other. Also, drop the "lone wolf" act. You have friends and it doesn't really matter how many.

Well, I guess "lone wolf" wouldn't be as accurate as "introvert", seeing how you pointed that out.


One last fear I do have with a serious relationship, is that any time I begin experiencing elevated levels of satisfaction (through happiness, accomplishment, or whatever else qualifies as "positive feelings"), I become more susceptible to breaking down from increasingly smaller problems in every day life.

In a sense, keeping my mood "neutral" or "slightly negative" keeps me at a comfortable negative tolerance level, so that small problems are effortlessly brushed off like dust. But embracing too much positive emotion tends to decrease that tolerance (my focus works best at slightly negative to neutral mental levels), and something that would have been brushed off turns into a volatile catalyst that suddenly turn me aggressive and hostile.

Granted, I've definitely gotten better at handling larger amounts of generic happiness without breaking, but progress has never been very fast (it takes years to build up any noticeable threshold increase), and it's a little troubling to see my friends literally pulling ahead of me in their lives. I feel left behind, and loneliness isn't so much a matter of "breaking up" so much as "moving on".

I feel a little sad, now. *sighs*

Nothing wrong with that! I'm an introvert at heart and was still able to find someone who find that nice (^^)



You have to open your heart to allow a relationship to flourish. This is hard and can be painful, but you're not alone in feeling this fear. Everyone is afraid of being hurt or getting their hopes up. The breaking down and worrying over small things comes from the fear of the unknown. I have anxiety every once and a while (as well as break down occasionally) that life will throw me a curve ball and make my life miserable. I come back to reality afterwards and keep in mind that the future is unknown (I have slowly started to accept this) and I keep in mind how grateful I am to have what I do have.



*pats*

You will never be alone with this, there are a lot of people that go through this, but don't let it consume your life. You are who you are and you need to find things that make you happy and enjoy the company of family and friends (or just enjoy who you are).

---

As a personal note, I do worry about how you view your emotions. I may have mentioned this to you on another of your threads, but you shouldn't have to feel like you need to control or restrain your emotions. People say that it isn't right to make a scene or to let your feelings out, but when you bottle them up they can only get worse. It's like putting bandaids on a gernaide that has it's pin pulled.

You should try to find ways to let your emotions out in a non-abusive way. Painting, writing all of your thoughts down, punching a punching bag, running, swimming, screaming in your car with the music on, cooking, do anything that you can to let everything out and go. The things that worry or bother you "triggers" should be removed from your life (if they are unhealthy and you are able to) and other triggers should be dealt with if you can't get away from them.

It's not so much "being hurt" that I worry about; that fact is a given. It's my capacity "to hurt others". Venting at this point must be VERY controlled and gradual; it's actually come to the point where if I seriously tried to vent EVERYTHING that I currently contain within my heart and mind, the end result would be an understatement to simply call "destructive" and "violent".

The consequences would be physically and psychologically catastrophic, destructive, and would end any potential for a future I might otherwise have. I've already come dangerously close at least once in my life (my thread on the furthest I've ever snapped can tell you that), and I NEVER want to experience that level of self-destructive, explosive, violent anguish EVER again.

I remember and I'm sorry that you had to go through that. In this case I would then suggest that you find ways to "let go" of these feelings rather then "letting them out". If you haven't found someone who you can talk to (personally or professionaly) about this then I would reccomend that you keep trying. It's not healthy for you to feel like this and I can't help but worry (I'm a caring person sorry lol).

I won't go any further on the subject here and I would continue to work on yourself and still encourage you to not loose hope on life and what it has to offer (^^)

Letting go is another thing I still work on (better than my school years, but still under development), but as long as I continue to walk forward, regardless of pace, then I haven't lost at life yet. Talking about it with others only does so much; the only one who truly knows my heart and mind is ME. I keep a constant vigil on the state of those two connected psychological systems, and any unusual changes are instantly noticed.

Until my heart stops beating completely, my mind dies off, and my body no longer functions in any capacity (aka, being dead), then I haven't lost. Even if I lost my arms and legs, as long as my mind is intact, clear, and conscious, then I can find ways to mitigate lost limbs (prosthetic limbs, or bionic arms and legs that connect to my nervous system through whatever parts of my old arms/legs are still intact), and thrive regardless.

I can relate with much of what you speak of here, There's already plenty of advice swirling around, all I want to mention is in regards to your mentioning you feel like friends are passing you by in life.

You live your life by your own standards, just like everyone else. So don't feel like you need to keep up. People drift apart, friends come and go. You just hold on as best you can, like minded people will do the same, those are the good ones. You just keep yourself moving and work on yourself where you can.

Don't be discouraged if you feel like you aren't getting as far as you'd like, any progress is good, right? As far as a relationship goes, don't discount the idea that it can happen for you, but at the same time don't feel like it's something you need. They can be great, but they have their ups and downs like anything else, and most of them aren't made to last. You just have to give anything that may start with another person a fair effort, and be willing to let it go if it's not right for the both of you.


Well that got long winded didn't it? Anyways, you sound like you have a good grasp on yourself, and really knowing yourself is one of the best things you can have going, I'm sure you'll do fine with whatever you shoot for :)

See you around....

As much as friends come and go, I have trouble letting go of "close bonds". Being an introvert (at least for me) means that all 3 of my closest friends are equally valuable. Hence the worsened anguish that comes with the idea of having to say goodbye. If they aren't dead, then why should I never talk to them again?

No one is suggesting you sever ties.......are they?


People can get caught up in their own lives sometimes but nobody says you have to just up and cut all ties if you aren't getting as much time as you like. If you're worried about it just try and get a moment to talk it out if you feel like someone might be drifting away.

I didn't mean "severing ties" as much as suddenly losing contact with friends if they, say, moved away, and they couldn't get in touch beforehand. Then I find out after the fact. Circumstances like that.

Sometime there are friends you may not find valuable at first sight. Then you may be surprised how far they indeed care for you, even if you did not care that much toward them.

The friendship is something amazing, surprising, sometime hurtful too, but not that simple.

Give a chance to anybody, because being introvert does not signify you're alone -- just you may have a different view on things.

The same for love.

Just go out and meet people and talk. Go to places you know you will have something in common with someone. For me I only kept a few friends from high school, but because I went to small bar concerts or well just the bar I met other people and found new friends. Relationship wise I haven't had one that lasted longer than 6 months since high school, but I find my ways as you will. You cannot just feel like you don't want to do relationship because it is just a basic human want to be needed and in a relationship you will feel that way. Trust me when you do get into a relationship you will want to continue being in one.

Okay, I'm going to have to be a douche about this, but, like, who do you think you are? "An understatement to simply call it 'destructive' and 'violent'"? "End any potential for a future"? Are you some kind of zealot terrorist? Anyone who makes a thread about being pro at video games can't be such a tormented soul full of "anguish". I honestly hope you just have a habit of exaggerating everything you say.


I'm not really sure what this means. There is no "psychological system" known as the heart and even if there was, what constitutes an unusual change in it or your mind? A mood swing? Look--you are not some deep, anguish-filled person who has complete insight into themselves. And if you actually do want a relationship, you will have to share and let another person really know your "heart and mind".

I have nothing particular to add to your statement here; carry on.

If people are just up and disappearing on you without warning, they're shitty friends, and you're better off. That's bullshit, and that's on them.

They're not forcibly "shitty" friends. It may cause by a simple thing : the Time/Life.

I've met friends I had lost sight of for a long time. It's pretty cool when it happens.

[size=10]Or if you get angry with each people going their path and call them "shitty friends" for doing so, you'll end up alone sooner or later.[/h]