Stuck in this terrible Situation
0
Hello all. In this thread I request all of you to take some of your valuable time to understand my situation and advise me. Guidance is all I seek.
I'm currently 18, and I haven't even had a chance at kissing a girl yet, leave alone having any sex.
This is not because I am weird, unpopular or arrogant. This is more because of a very complicated situation which I will try to explain in the following points. Initially, they may seem unrelated and obsolete with respect to my statement. However, the entire picture can be seen when you reach the end.
1. When I was three years old, our family shifted from New Delhi, India, to Toronto, Canada. I grew up in Toronto just like any other guy; I had lots of friends, loved exploring and had a very gifted mind (Not exaggerating, I was selected for the gifted children scholarship when I was in Grade 4).
2. My parents tore me apart from everything I held dear by taking me back to Delhi when I was in Grade 5, mid-end session (April). When I arrived in India, I was told that I had to repeat Grade 5 because I did not know how to write Hindi (our native language), and in order to sit in Grade 6 I needed to be proficient in it.
3. If having to repeat a year at school wasn't enough, the cultural shock did the rest of the work. India was my homeland, but on return every aspect of the place seemed vile. The dirty, traffic crammed streets with their reckless drivers; Cars, Tractors, Rickshaws, even Animal Carts all blaring horns and trying to overtake eachother at the same time apalled me. The immaturity amongst even most adults startled me. The heavy workload and poor extra curricular activities in school weighed me down.
4. Even amongst this emotional instability, I managed to many many friends. This, however was very limited because:
a.) All my male friends were cool, but a bit childish.
b.) Indian girls huddle together in a group and avoid boys in the case of children under 12 years of age.
5. It always seemed to me, as if I was too mature for the rest of my class (I was already a year older anyways). This psychological effect kept it's grip firm on me until grade 8.
6. Grade 9 and 10 were slightly better. Friendlier teachers, a great improvement in my physical fitness and the formation of closer and more intimate friendship with both guys and girls of my age seemed to steer me towards the light.
7. At this point of time, I would have surely found myself a girlfriend. However, I started watching anime. This severely snapped my social life, as I would often compare anime characters to real people (which seems stupid now). And though fantasizing is vital for teenagers, I went a bit overboard. My sex drive picked up, and I started watching Hentai (ok, I admit it) well before I should have.
8. In the summer of 2011, right after grade 10 was over, I had a long vacation of 3 months. During this vacation, I stopped watching anime and developed some of my other skills, like starting to play technically challenging music on my keyboard, and learning C++. Another very important thing occurred, which changed my view towards women FOREVER.
9. This is the most important event. Just after grade 10, I attended tuition for a few subjects to beef up my performance at school. It was there, that I met this girl. I don't feel like naming her, so we'll just refer to her as "she". At first glance, I assumed that she was like most female teenagers here that knew they were really hot seemed to be - Arrogant and Attention seeking, with no interest in their grades. That was a mistake I'll never repeat (assumption at first glance).
As I got to know her better, I started to realize how wrong I was. It turned out that she scored more than me in grade 10 (I scored 94%, she scored 96) and wanted to be a food critic. FINALLY SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T WANT TO BE A LAWYER, DOCTOR OR ENGINEER!!! We became friends and things didn't go further until, by bizarre coincidence, our families ended up taking the same holiday package to Singapore/Malaysia (from the same agency, for the same date AND travel group). It was there that I found out that here was a beautiful, intelligent (maybe even more than me), down to earth and caring girl that I could finally ask out. However, this was never to happen....
10. As soon as our trip was over, I made plans to ask her out. Why didn't I ask her during the trip? Because a.) I was nervous about asking in front of her parents and b.) I was and idiot. But as soon as grade 11 started, the weight of my studies blocked her out (I took Physics, Chemistry, Math, Programming and English while she just took Commerce subjects). The feeling of excitement soon decayed into misery, and then regret for not taking the opportunity. This may sound foolish, but the study load in India is so high that if you go one day without studying, you end up scoring low the entire month.
11. With the girl now long forgotten, I am on the verge of finishing school. I turned 18 last October. Turning 18 was the final straw for me. Why? Because I was baffled. I am an intelligent guy, great to hang out with. I show daily courtesies and people like to be around me. Heck - I'm the keyboardist of my school's main band - everyone hoots for me and yet here I am, devoid of almost all emotional and for the most part, physical contact with women. Now I think of women every single day, trying to reach across the invisible barrier.
From now till April, if I study everyday for around 10-11 hours, I can score above 95% in my Board exams. This will guarantee me (a Canadian citizen) a place in either University of Toronto or University of Waterloo. I look forward to going back. However, the longing for a serious (and I mean SERIOUS) relationship keeps on bugging me, distracting me from studies. I don't want to end up without a college admission in Canada. It would be great if anyone could give me advice here.
I posted here because I feel that the Fakku community consists of people who don't just fap and leave. They provide helpful opinions on the forums (I have been reading regularly). This is why I want to ask all of you to please give your honest opinion on my situation and what I can do to correct it.
I'm currently 18, and I haven't even had a chance at kissing a girl yet, leave alone having any sex.
This is not because I am weird, unpopular or arrogant. This is more because of a very complicated situation which I will try to explain in the following points. Initially, they may seem unrelated and obsolete with respect to my statement. However, the entire picture can be seen when you reach the end.
1. When I was three years old, our family shifted from New Delhi, India, to Toronto, Canada. I grew up in Toronto just like any other guy; I had lots of friends, loved exploring and had a very gifted mind (Not exaggerating, I was selected for the gifted children scholarship when I was in Grade 4).
2. My parents tore me apart from everything I held dear by taking me back to Delhi when I was in Grade 5, mid-end session (April). When I arrived in India, I was told that I had to repeat Grade 5 because I did not know how to write Hindi (our native language), and in order to sit in Grade 6 I needed to be proficient in it.
3. If having to repeat a year at school wasn't enough, the cultural shock did the rest of the work. India was my homeland, but on return every aspect of the place seemed vile. The dirty, traffic crammed streets with their reckless drivers; Cars, Tractors, Rickshaws, even Animal Carts all blaring horns and trying to overtake eachother at the same time apalled me. The immaturity amongst even most adults startled me. The heavy workload and poor extra curricular activities in school weighed me down.
4. Even amongst this emotional instability, I managed to many many friends. This, however was very limited because:
a.) All my male friends were cool, but a bit childish.
b.) Indian girls huddle together in a group and avoid boys in the case of children under 12 years of age.
5. It always seemed to me, as if I was too mature for the rest of my class (I was already a year older anyways). This psychological effect kept it's grip firm on me until grade 8.
6. Grade 9 and 10 were slightly better. Friendlier teachers, a great improvement in my physical fitness and the formation of closer and more intimate friendship with both guys and girls of my age seemed to steer me towards the light.
7. At this point of time, I would have surely found myself a girlfriend. However, I started watching anime. This severely snapped my social life, as I would often compare anime characters to real people (which seems stupid now). And though fantasizing is vital for teenagers, I went a bit overboard. My sex drive picked up, and I started watching Hentai (ok, I admit it) well before I should have.
8. In the summer of 2011, right after grade 10 was over, I had a long vacation of 3 months. During this vacation, I stopped watching anime and developed some of my other skills, like starting to play technically challenging music on my keyboard, and learning C++. Another very important thing occurred, which changed my view towards women FOREVER.
9. This is the most important event. Just after grade 10, I attended tuition for a few subjects to beef up my performance at school. It was there, that I met this girl. I don't feel like naming her, so we'll just refer to her as "she". At first glance, I assumed that she was like most female teenagers here that knew they were really hot seemed to be - Arrogant and Attention seeking, with no interest in their grades. That was a mistake I'll never repeat (assumption at first glance).
As I got to know her better, I started to realize how wrong I was. It turned out that she scored more than me in grade 10 (I scored 94%, she scored 96) and wanted to be a food critic. FINALLY SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T WANT TO BE A LAWYER, DOCTOR OR ENGINEER!!! We became friends and things didn't go further until, by bizarre coincidence, our families ended up taking the same holiday package to Singapore/Malaysia (from the same agency, for the same date AND travel group). It was there that I found out that here was a beautiful, intelligent (maybe even more than me), down to earth and caring girl that I could finally ask out. However, this was never to happen....
10. As soon as our trip was over, I made plans to ask her out. Why didn't I ask her during the trip? Because a.) I was nervous about asking in front of her parents and b.) I was and idiot. But as soon as grade 11 started, the weight of my studies blocked her out (I took Physics, Chemistry, Math, Programming and English while she just took Commerce subjects). The feeling of excitement soon decayed into misery, and then regret for not taking the opportunity. This may sound foolish, but the study load in India is so high that if you go one day without studying, you end up scoring low the entire month.
11. With the girl now long forgotten, I am on the verge of finishing school. I turned 18 last October. Turning 18 was the final straw for me. Why? Because I was baffled. I am an intelligent guy, great to hang out with. I show daily courtesies and people like to be around me. Heck - I'm the keyboardist of my school's main band - everyone hoots for me and yet here I am, devoid of almost all emotional and for the most part, physical contact with women. Now I think of women every single day, trying to reach across the invisible barrier.
From now till April, if I study everyday for around 10-11 hours, I can score above 95% in my Board exams. This will guarantee me (a Canadian citizen) a place in either University of Toronto or University of Waterloo. I look forward to going back. However, the longing for a serious (and I mean SERIOUS) relationship keeps on bugging me, distracting me from studies. I don't want to end up without a college admission in Canada. It would be great if anyone could give me advice here.
I posted here because I feel that the Fakku community consists of people who don't just fap and leave. They provide helpful opinions on the forums (I have been reading regularly). This is why I want to ask all of you to please give your honest opinion on my situation and what I can do to correct it.
0
What you should do is buckle down and focus on your studies. When you hit college you have a better chance with women since studying will probably not be as harsh as in India.
0
1) The most important thing in life, is to make your own life better to begin with. Even if it's a drag like studying, you HAVE TO DO IT or you won't reach your own expectations and end up a disappointment in the end.
2) This girl, yes, some of us have met a "perfect girl" even in our high school days. I am guilty of it too and actually DO regret letting her go, I was stupid at the time and didn't see the whole picture. HOWEVER, I always remember two different things, hopefully I get to see her again and make amends and possibly lead a happy life if possible and there might just be someone BETTER, you haven't met every girl in the entire world, you might just end up with someone better over in University of Toronto/Waterloo now.
3) You are still young, don't over-think yourself yet. You are going to begin your life in a Canadian college, a new place. It's okay to think of the past, but don't overdo it.
2) This girl, yes, some of us have met a "perfect girl" even in our high school days. I am guilty of it too and actually DO regret letting her go, I was stupid at the time and didn't see the whole picture. HOWEVER, I always remember two different things, hopefully I get to see her again and make amends and possibly lead a happy life if possible and there might just be someone BETTER, you haven't met every girl in the entire world, you might just end up with someone better over in University of Toronto/Waterloo now.
3) You are still young, don't over-think yourself yet. You are going to begin your life in a Canadian college, a new place. It's okay to think of the past, but don't overdo it.
0
You're still young and while she may seem like the perfect girl there will probably be more others out there that will be good for you as well. If you don't like that idea them maybe after your school work you can try and keep contact with her if you are up to that.
Endgame seems like focusing on your education is the best idea. Keep with studying no matter how much you feel like it is ruining your social life. You can push through it and it will be worth it when you get accepted to Uni.
Endgame seems like focusing on your education is the best idea. Keep with studying no matter how much you feel like it is ruining your social life. You can push through it and it will be worth it when you get accepted to Uni.
0
I agree with the above users. Keep studying. As you get older and have a great life, you will find another girl.
You don't want your social life worries to ruin your future. You will have plenty of friends and possibly a girlfriend in the future. Especially if you really are as great of a guy as you say you are (:
This is also coming from a girl. Not sure if that is relevant or not.
You don't want your social life worries to ruin your future. You will have plenty of friends and possibly a girlfriend in the future. Especially if you really are as great of a guy as you say you are (:
This is also coming from a girl. Not sure if that is relevant or not.
0
First of all, thank you for advising me. I would like to point out that I am not after that particular girl anymore. My longing is more "generalized". Needless to say, I have started studying more. I have a maths exam in two days and my syllabus is full of complicated stuff you only hear from scientists showing off. If I ace this one, I will surely thank you! :)
0
You are far too worried for just 18.
Many don't even have a relationship (or aren't allowed to) until mid twenties. Hell, I didn't have my first kiss until late 19. And at 23, still no actual sex, but I'm not calling myself a lost cause!
You are in your actual prime: it is likely you will have plenty of opportunities in the foreseeable future.
Many don't even have a relationship (or aren't allowed to) until mid twenties. Hell, I didn't have my first kiss until late 19. And at 23, still no actual sex, but I'm not calling myself a lost cause!
You are in your actual prime: it is likely you will have plenty of opportunities in the foreseeable future.