"When a Girl Says"

Just flipping the switch from Longevitys thread a little. Hope he doesn't mind. Anyway last thread fellas took the receiving end now lets unleash those long awaited comebacks, gents.

When a girl says I'll be back in a second, but by the time she comes back you've already become an old man.

"I never get upset!"
- it's not my fault that I'm upset (looks at nearest victim to unleash upon)

"That's okay/I'm fine"
- am not okay and am not fine, READ BETWEEN MY CRIPTIC WOMAN LINES!!

"OMG I love ___ (insert item)"
- care less about the item and just want to butter you up/start a conversation

"You just don't understand what I'm going through"
- I'm just upset and want to fight at this point so bring it on

"My ___ (insert body part) looks bad" (pouty face)
- I'm seriously just fishing for a complement to raise my self esteem

"I'm such a dude that I have a dick man!"
- I'm trying way too hard to fit in with the guys because my gf's suck atm and I want to look cool

"I totally play video games"
- Ive played nothing but Mario Kart and app games

"I think we should hang out"
- call me to hang out

"Can you do XXX for me?"
- welcome to the mafia where you'll be indebted to me for life now

What I learned from my ex:

"yes" = no

"no" = no

"Aww you are so cute"
Always be in the friend zone with me

"I trust you"
I will find every password for your social accounts you asshole.

At a mall

Girl: "Wow! That's so pretty, don't you think?"

Translation: Buy me that.

My 32 yrs alive and 20 years of get laid or die trying has taught me anything is unless you can win with a woman, ever try understanding their reptilian thought process.

When she said it our money she means it MINE ALLL MINE... YOU WANT 40$ FUCK YOU I WANT SHOES.

"No, i dont care."
I actaully care, but im too fed up with you shit to try and deal with it.

"I have a headache" - Means "i cant be assed"

"It's that time of the month" - say anything and you might get killed

You're takeing a girl out to dinner or something and after you ask if shes ready she says, "Im almost don"... SUCH A LIE!! My fellow men your wait will be VERY long! you might as well leave, go eat at the place, and come back with leftovers for her. Oh and even then she not be done.

"You can go with them if you want to, I don't care" - you better stay with me or I'll be pissed off everytime you talk with me for the next 6 months

Girls I don't talk to much but know.
When a girl makes a face it can mean a lot of things there is no one saying that can slove this

We need to talk-Regardless of the situation this is code for run its going to end badly after we talk