Abortion.

I'm not trying to stir up anything and I don't even know if I'm violating any rules with this but I need some help. The situation I'm in is that I had sex with my girlfriend (we're both 19), and I wore a condom, but somehow it bust and she is now pregnant. We've debated to keep it, or abort it. She says it's my decision. I need help. And i don't won't to be called a cretin or such because I've even thought about abortion.

Hmmm, it is a big decision. But when she says she wants you to be the sole decider about the outcome, I'd say you need to both work this through.

This is something that affects you both and, physically, her much more so. Get thinking about the pros and cons of each outcome (abortion vs keeping the pregnancy to term and raising the kid, or putting it up for adoption).
Make sure you do this in a timely manner, too: the term she is at in her pregnancy will affect the ease (and more importantly, the legal ability) with which the operation can be performed.

If you do decide to have her get the abortion, make sure it's from a good provider. I honestly haven't any experience in the area but I know there are many resources (at least in the US) for people seeking information on legitimate medical care.
Be sure not to be tricked into a fake clinic that will try to talk you out of the operation, however: those sorts of places are all over, and are very pro-life no matter the situation or wants of the client.

While my personal view, nor anyone elses', should not have a bearing over your life- I'll offer what I can.

19 is pretty young to be stuck with that kind of responsibility. I have a cousin that did it at 16, though... so it's possible.
Essentially, can you care for a kid? Will rising a kid put anyone in a better/good situation? And can you create a situation that a child would actually want to live in?
If you are ruining the rest of your life, and your significant other's, to struggle with child care... then that seems like a pretty shitty option to me. Both for you and the possible kid.

If bringing yet another being into this world seems like a very plausible solution for the both of you, and you are willing to forever more remain in contact, to some extent- well, that's option B then.

Best of luck to you. Sadly I've got work otherwise I would write a bit more.

Honestly I can't think of any "pros" for this day and age, so here's the cons.

-Massive responsibilities (Next 12 years will be hell, then you have to deal with a teenager.)
-Supporting a family with just a high school diploma (Assuming because you're only 19. Assuming you won't be receiving full-time support from your parents.)
-Marriage (Also assuming cause you got her pregnant)
-Decisions (Assuming you both want a career and neither wants to be the "stay at home" parent.
-"No turning back". Having this child is FINAL.

As i was in this situation before i cant tell you what is the right and wrong thing to do, but i can tell you what i did i was 16 when i found out my gf was pregnant she was 17 we thought about abortion but decided to keep the child instead.That was almost ten years ago as my gf is now my wife and i am 26 she is 27 and we just had another child who just turned 1 this may as well as our 8 year old who will turn 9 in spet. i am not saying raising child is easy or staying with the woman of your child is easy ...omfg is it hard but after a lot of bumps in the road i am very happy i married my wife although it took till our first child was 7 to make that decision. bottom line i am pro life person i don't believe abortion is right but that's me not you. Either way you do it to keep the baby or give it up for adoption or abortion you have to live with this decision for the rest of your life. you will have the what if question go through your mind again and again about what ever decision you do.
in closing. I have not once regrated being a father best decision i have ever made my sons have made me a better man then when i was a punk 16 year old by far.

good luck

p.s sorry for the horrible grammar and the long winded of the post i hope i did not come off as preachy.

>Abort
>Put it up for adoption

Choose one, because I see no other viable options.

In this situation, your life is basically over if you have this kid. Children in the modern day world are only manageable when you have a steady income and a sure partner.

I would abort in your situation, adoption is a lot worse psychologically

hmm...to tell the truth, there's really no easy answer for you. As gizgal said, you need to weigh the options. You need to talk with your girlfriend about it, and both of you need to make a decision on what's best for the two of you and what would be best for the unborn.

Do you want and can you take care of it?

Yes? Keep it
No? Abort it

It's kinda hard to give detailed advice without hearing you and your gf debate about it.

Well I'm a girl and I know it's scary, I have to watch my sister for 8 year with her children struggling. My sister wanted to be a doctor but it looks like it's never going to happen. She got pregnant at 16, she graduate from high school but never went to college. She have stop her for her kids. My parent help but that not enough.
If you can get a job or jobs in 3 month, give up freetime or going college and put all of your dream on hold maybe you can have the baby, but if you can't do that and you want the baby to have a good life adoption can be a good choice.

You should BOTH talk it over, like Gizgal says. It shouldn't be just your decision, as your gf will have the short end of the stick during the pregnancy and the first few years of the kid's life. Think of your financial situation, your maturity levels, and your morals. Do you have it in you to be a parent right now? Will you have family and friends to help with childcare? If you plan on going to college, does the college have free or low cost daycare for young families? Can one of you get a stable job to support yourselves? Will you regret having an abortion more than having to raise a child at your young age? That is the main question I would ask myself. I personally would abort, and I'm 23 with a college degree and a stable-ish job, but this is YOUR life, and only YOU and your gf should be able to have the final say.

I would not recommend adoption, because I had a cousin that gave her baby away and she is still very depressed about it 4yrs from now, even with an open adoption. Like Girlfountain says, it's a lot worse psychologically. Plus there are tons of unadopted children out there. But if you guys think that it may be an option for you, don't hesitate to decide as such. Research *reputable* adoption agencies--who won't coerce you into putting the kid up for adoption.

If you do plan on keeping it and raising it yourself, know that there are resources out there to help you. Having a child that young doesn't HAVE to automatically mean that your life is ruined--it just means that times will be tough for a while. You can get help from WIC, Medicare, and welfare, and I tell you this--there is absolutely NO shame in doing that, as long as you use those resources toward a better future for your family.

There are many variables to consider.

children cost A LOT of money over their lifetime. will you be able to support it with your current level of education? kids also take up A LOT of time, and continueing your education while alos working to support a family will be very difficult.

what are the grand parents' stance? will they be supportive? will they help with babysitting? finacialy?

perhaps the most important, how compatible are you and the mother? because even if your relationship doesn't work out, you will be connected to her for a very long time if you have a kid. i've seen that situation get very ugly, very fast. custody battles and child support hearings in court are not good for the kid. especialy later when they are old enough to understand whats happening. even worse when the parents start using the child as a weapon to hurt each other.


some people mentioned adoption. that can turn out to be much harder than abortion. after carrying the child to term, a very strong attatchment is formed. later, both the parent(s) and the child can develop issues about the reasons for the seperation.

Abort or put up for adoption.
Unless you can handle it financially and mentally.

I pretty much think the same. Furthermore no matter what you decide to do, it's a decision which you both have to make.

Yup. I do find it kind of weird the girl would say its his decision.
Is she delegating the responsibility of whatever comes out of this choice?
Does she not care? Its bound to have a big impact on her.

Probably she kinda wants it but if he doesn't want it then she doesn't think it's worth the... strain on their relationship that it would create.

My personal opinion.
Doing abortion is essentially the same thing as using a condom or being on the pill in my eyes only it's dangerous for the female which makes it the worst kind of contraceptive that exists. But since you were already using a condom chances are that you didn't really want a kid anyways so why keep it unless there's a medical reason for her to not make an abortion?

Well, the dangers of going through pregnancy and labour far outweigh the dangers of having an abortion, so there's also that to think about...

If you can afford to keep it, then its up to you. If you can't support it, then there is no dilemma. Think of what would be best for the two of you and the child.

Also, don't use latex condoms and petroleum based lubricant at the same time. Trust me, you will avoid major issues down the line. As a final note (and this is assuming you and your girlfriend are in college) don't use condoms you buy from a vending machine in bathrooms.

Maybe she's unable to handle the weight of the situation? Sometimes we end up depending on others to take decisions for us since we are clueless as to what we should do sometimes.

But that is just my assumption of it though, I obviously have no real idea as to what she may be thinking, but if my assumption is correct, than she shouldn't do that too many times, especially at situations like these.

On topic: My opinion is that you abort, adoption may cause psychological problems for the mother, as it was pointed out by Girlfountain, and if you decide to have a kid, your current education and financial state may not be able to help raise a child.

Above points are all given by others. Well, pretty much everything has been pointed out by now. Lol.

That something you need to decide for yourself. kids can be wonderful and murderous at the same time.
A. Can you support it.
B. Can you be a man and a father and raise it.
C. Are you and her in school.. can you afford not to be in school.
D. Can you handle the responsibility of having a pet that you can't just leave them with a bowl of food and a water dish.

This is what it is. Kids are beautiful and great for your life.. but not if you work at mcD's and struggle just to feed yourself. this something you need to decide on your own.