What do you think?

I was having a discussion with an army vet that plays an mmo with me. While we were talking I realized that I kinda like seeing someone who is going against me being killed. I don't think I am wrong but I do know that it isn't the fact that the person is dying but the fact that I have won. Am I wrong for feeling such an inert need to win? It's almost like an o.c.d. I just need to win or I can't even think. I kind of shut down...

My question is, Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Everyone wants to win an argument no matter what. What you're feeling is to have an absolute victory over the conversation. There are two ways: to provide few strong evidence or to eliminate the source of the argument: the opposing person. In a sense no you are not wrong, most of the people I know are like that, they start holding serious grudges on the person they were arguing against, and some point they just go blank.

Heated conversations bring too much blood in your head, rendering you to be very emotional on your point of view. Hence, the desire to kill the opposing force to "cool off" your head. This type of situation tends to leave the person blank-minded after some time.

It's pretty normal to everyone, or at least to the people I know, even myself.

I went through life in more of a tactical view. I guess to shed more light on what I mean is, no matter what it is I have to win. Games, trivia, or arguments whatever it is I find myself rendered speechless and dumbstruck if I am not right and I do not win. I personally believe that it stems from my ever expanding knowledge. I am not being cocky when I say that I began reading college books in the fourth grade.

I think that being smarter than my peers my whole life has driven me to the brink of my sanity where I am emotionally incapable of losing. I can't take it on my shoulders. I feel like I would rather die than lose. Nothing about my head being hot, more about my psyche not being able to process losing after being the best for years in academics. I feel like its the one thing that drives me away from any emotional attachments I have ever tried to have. I just can't handle it and I am afraid that if one day I lose something big I might just break.

Seems to me that you have somewhat of a superiority complex built inside of you in your childhood. Reading college textbooks within the fourth grade has provided you so much knowledge that you automatically place yourself as one of the best, therefore giving birth to your hatred of losing. This is something that isn't easy to fix or change. This might cause some problems in the near future because of the stubbornness that everyone possessed.

To negate losing and also to not win, did either of you attempt to compromise or just cut off the conversation?

I have never really done this myself though I have had it get to the point where people have to walk away because I can't give up. I think the complex is taking over my life because I find it so hard to give up on anything. I never get attached because I know that I will eventually drive the person away with my need to win. It hurts me because I like a girl and I want to find a way to get over it so I can maybe one day not hate everything around me.

My teachers at school hated me because I always one upped other people but they all agreed that there was one thing they admired. Out of everyone in my school back then I was the only one who could admit that he didn't care about anyone or anything. I looked out for me and me only. I was there to win and that wasn't going to change. Now I have a reason to change it and I don't know where to start.

The first step is to probably accept opinionated thoughts/quotes/etc. Opinions are formed within the psychology and the personality. If you can accept opinions, you can accept their personality, possibly be close friends with that person too. Since you're tired of being alone, you best make some friends that you can talk leisurely about your views and so can he without any serious conflicts.

Hating everything will be just leave a negative impression of yourself, so I'd say not love but to at least like some of the thing you take interest in/have a good feel in that area. You take interest in a particular girl as you stated, well try to like her even more, get to know her more, and possible score yourself a true relationship you've been seeking( I over-exaggerate haha but it could happen if you have the right mind and attitude about changing yourself).

In my opinion, winning isn't everything in a person's life. You only have one life to live, and you don't have to be right or wrong to live it. Instead of trying to best everyone, restrain yourself and your massive knowledge and enjoy life. Be happy with what you do, not what you can do to indirectly "show off"( in your case getting ahead to everyone).

These may sound easy but it'll take some time to actually fulfill these tasks. I wish you best of luck into becoming a newer and better person that you sought to be.

Honestly, you have nothing to worry about. It's a rougher path being different, free thinking, and rational but I find the road of solitude more fulfilling then mingling into a crowd of idiots. The rush of pride and bloodlust at victory over an oppenent is always fulfilling. However, you cannot allow it to get to your head in thinking yourself superiour to all others. That usually only leads to your downfall.

There's a difference between being a moral player who respects his oppenents and being a show-off...

Only you or your relatives can answer this.

You play to win, but winning isn't all that matters. That fine line sucks.
I think the fact that you felt the need to ask this question means your mental state is fine.

Social creatures naturally I think are competitive to some degree.
I will say that while I enjoy winning, I hate losing more.

That word you're using, I don't think it means what you think it means.

That aside, your sophomoric post is not worth "Serious Discussion". Post here next time you think you've stumbled upon some kind of philosophical quandary.

I disagree--sad to see that trying to spark a discussion on a philosophical quandary is considered incoherent babbling.

If, 'is it okay that I enjoy to win', is considered a philosophical quandary then yes I think that it, if posted by someone like the OP, should go under incoherent babbling.

Everyone tries to win, it's a pretty common thing to do. But like others said here, winning ain't everything. It's only bad that you overreact and get all pissy when you lose (like me sometimes).
To me it's all about the fun journey rather than actually getting to the end, like a lot of anime I've watched; the series was pretty good until the end where it hardly ends properly.

No, sir, it is not.

Simple way to put it:

You get online and start playing an MMO, and you run across my toon.

You challenge me to a duel and i beat you. What would you do?

Would've been more interesting if you said you like the scene of someone in real life dying in front of you.

Why enjoy killing if that was the case? Assuming you can achieve victory, even total victory without killing them, would you still feel the desire to finish them off?

That's more a sign that you enjoy inflicting pain than just flat out enjoying winning.