[Mid-2017 Event] That's Solid! Sh*t!

It is a fact that most people in Firstworldistan have had smooth sailing lives. They might have received a quality education, breezed through grade, middle and high schools with quality grades in what can be described as a quality education. They might have went on to college and received a scholarship along with a bond that more or less guaranteed employment for a few years.

However, they are blissfully unaware of another group of people who didn’t go through what they had gone through. If it had not been for the Internet, they would have been encased in their own bubble interacting with people who have had similar experiences and continue to be pig ignorant of those who didn’t!

It would be banal if this were another one of those stories about how life is good and according to plan in Firstworldistan with their gold paved roads and fountains of youth. Instead, this writeup will be an examination of the life of a person who doesn’t hail from there based on the information he had shared with us from that trusty source of information, the Internet.

Born into a land with a bizarre obsession with skin colour, probably because it is filled with people of different skin colours, that person was in a very peculiar situation. Ever since he exited that orifice of a woman of whom he will be stuck with for a significant portion of his life, he prided himself with having lesser melanin under his skin and therefore more susceptible to skin cancer. Putting aside how silly it is to define one’s existence with a mere colour, he labelled himself a rather bland and easily defiled colour. He will be doomed for his entire life to call himself white, long story short.

However, it is expected for †˜whites’ to be able to speak the language of Shakespeare properly. Granted, there are plenty of “whites” who are not able to speak English. The cheese eating surrender monkeys who become an annoyance when they leave their country and expect everyone else to know their language are one good example. The same applies to Eastern Europeans Polacks who are responsible for lowering wages throughout the Western world, taking over the job market of the unfortunate country they decided to leech blood from and force the natives to speak Polack if they wish to land on a job.

Our “white” protagonist was much worse than a cheese eating surrender monkey or a Polack. Long ago, his people saw, came and conquered the hapless “brown” peoples in some God-forsaken corner of this planet. According to him, his people started becoming more “brown” since. That is a very euphemistic way of saying that they run drug cartels and prostitution rings, have lower intelligence than “white” people and that is on top of saturating job markets, forcing everyone else to speak their language and prompting †˜white’ people to build walls separating they from them!

It is not too difficult to comprehend why his detractors choose to call him Hispanic while his very, very few sympathisers are content to call him “white”.

A closer examination into his childhood might provide clues as to why he bases his identity on the colour of the skin. Born the youngest in the family, he was of course worse off than his older sisters. If his parents bothered to pay any attention to him, it would surely be divided among his older sisters. Coupled with the fact that his sisters always seemed to be always treated better, he started developing woman-parts envy and an inferiority complex against women.

As if the lack of parental and familial love wasn’t enough, he was treated worse at school. Like in any third world country, education for our “white” protagonist is appalling. No longer was school a place of learning, cultivating discipline and developing life skills, quite the opposite. Stupidity is encouraged, laziness and thuggish behaviour is looked up to and teachers redoubled their efforts to teach students how to fail at life by refusing to actually teach and discipline their students!

A couple of years wasted in grade school finally saw his parents being concerned about the lack of education he was receiving. They proceeded to make a bad situation even worse by removing him from a government school choosing to homeschool him instead despite not having any expertise in teaching! If he had had remained in a government school, at least he could have something to relate to with his peers. Homeschooling however, meant that he would be socially isolated for the next decade with his occasionally concerned parents, his ugly sisters and the occasional visiting or visited relative. The fact that he spent his childhood staying in the middle of the Midwest, far away from any semblance of civilisation, only served to make matters worse.

Being born Hispanic, not having English as a first language, being the last child, not being properly educated because he was in a typical government school and not being properly educated because he was homeschooled were ingredients for a recipe of disaster and a line-up for the perfect storm.

It is not so difficult to imagine that normal social interaction became a herculean feat for our hero after years of such treatment. Since the real world turned its back against him, he sought refuge in the virtual or to be precise, the Internet. It was there where he picked up a lot he (claimed to) know and it was there where he did most of his social interaction.

Before making fun of how he conducted himself online, it is important to go through what he had learnt on the Internet --

English: The Internet did wonders where English was concerned! Even a Chinaman can speak better English than him despite him being born in an English-speaking country!

Mathematics, Science and other Hard Sciences: He finally learnt how to count with his fingers. He learnt more about the human anatomy as well. He learnt that not all women have woman parts.

History, Geography, Politics and the Human Sciences: The Jews are rich and do better than Hispanics and adherents of a peaceful religion in general. This must mean that the Jews are responsible for everything wrong in history, geography and politics! Also, all Indians are Hindus and if you say that India is home to one of the world’s largest populations of those that adhere to that peaceful religion, you are an idiot!

Spanish: He doesn’t pick up Spanish on the Internet. He spews that language almost every breathing moment. That was one of the few things he learnt properly though.

Equipped with the knowledge he had imbibed from the Internet, he decided that it was his duty to enlighten the masses online. The online community must know about the scourge that are the Jews and the Hindus. The online community must recognise the superiority of that peaceful religion and how it is the antidote to the many poisons that plague this earth. Needless to say, he received an enthusiastic response. Enthusiastically scathing that is.

Undeterred, he convinced himself that people online aren’t real people and decided to preach his revelations to people offline. He was half-right in thinking so. His attempts at convincing his family members that he could speak English and count resulted in his father going into a spiralling depression and choosing to live away from he and his family. His endeavours in making his mother see the light about how the Jews were responsible for all evil on this plane of existence because they were richer than others resulted in his mother converting to Judaism presumably because she wants to be rich.

Realising that his family was in shambles, he refused to apportion any of the blame on himself for this state of affairs and chose that to blame that instead on his mother and sisters. His mother chose to sell herself to the Jews since it was in her nature to love money. His sisters neglected him and his upbringing for it was in their feminine nature to be slothful and apathetic. They leeched onto the men in his family, namely his father and himself, like parasites and sucked them dry since it was in their nature to be dependent and ungrateful.

Whilst he mediated on his familial predicament and how the women in his family were responsible for all of his troubles, he became enamoured with a certain peaceful religion and how its strictures treated women fairly by his standards. Women are to men like a field ready to be entered, ploughed and sowed according to that religion. Women are destined for hell for being ungrateful wrenches according to that religion. He decided to honour that religion by abstaining from a certain meat that Jews too abstain from.

As much as he wanted to stay within the four walls of his home where he was accustomed to, the truth about women, Jews, Hindus and that peaceful religion must get out and so he started to attend a vocational school. With his father gone, his mother a Jew and his sisters as apathetic and aloof as ever, there was little resistance to that decision. At this point of his life, no one cared if our hero was not getting an education from an educational institution. (if that made sense to you) So begun his contact with the real world after years misspent in the discomfort of his Hispanic home very, very poorly equipped.

However, if there is something to make our hero feel better, it would be that everyone out there, especially those around his age, behave as if they have been released from their homes after years of being locked up and not being taught basic human interaction. It might be something to do with the water or the air or the food in the Midwest that made people behave like that. Our protagonist blames the women and the Jews.

The men he interacted with believed that stupidity is a virtue and being on their worse behaviour makes them appealing. Countless times he had come across people who think that Indians cannot be Muslims, that communism is the panacea of all of mankind’s problems and its many murderous practitioners had been doing it wrong and that women and Jews are the source of all of mankind’s problems. He rubbed shoulders with a blue-collar criminal who thought that his path to financial security is to rob a bank and attempted to co-opt him as an accomplice. He also rubbed shoulders with a budding white-collar criminal who claimed to be a financial consultant that helped him misrepresent his tax returns. At least the latter was smart enough not to land himself in jail together with our hero.

The women he interacted with were determined not to be normal self-respecting women in any way, shape or form. Does doing well at school and work, being chaste until she meets a good man to spend the rest of her life with and taking care of her family with that man on her side make sense to these women? Obviously not!

He encountered young albeit attractive teenagers who are more than willing to prostitute themselves to men who aren’t exactly that attractive. One almost agreed to go out with him but decided otherwise when she realised that they were many more men attractive than our hero which, frankly, isn’t that surprising.

He encountered a slightly attractive single mother in her twenties with more than a little touch of paranoia and quite afflicted with venereal diseases who made half-hearted advances towards him. Very wisely, our hero kept his distance.

He encountered unmarried women whose faces were scarred by many years of abuse and self-inflicted STDs, one of whom he made out with, penetrated, ploughed and sowed. One presumes he was either, drunk, depressed, had a death wish or had piss poor taste in women.

It was as if he was travelling in a time machine encountering the same woman again and again, and with each encounter that woman was more willing to sleep with him. Of course, there were exceptions. There was a very ugly but good-hearted Hispanic-speaking Negro lady about his age whom our hero related to. They were intimate moments but our hero in all of his lack of wisdom and good judgement chose to ditch her.

It was as if he had followed the footsteps of Dante himself travelling to hell and back. Given that, it wasn’t that surprising that he felt as if he aged way beyond his years. Apparently, he was a young man in his 20s who graduated slave job schools to do slave jobs like working in a filthy kitchen and trapping himself in a truck cab for hours upon hours. However, the onlooker would see him as a 40 year old man with a big and bushy beard like those of Jews. Long story short, he thought he grew a lot and so he decided to enlighten the masses on what he had went through once more through the bloody Internet, together with how the women and the Jews are responsible for everyone’s problems.

Courtesy of the internet, it was only a matter of time before someone on the other side of the planet had the misfortune to learn of our hero’s message. Now, unlike his fellow countrymen from his English-speaking country who laugh at him for not being able to speak it properly, that particular someone found him very interesting.

After all, that particular someone comes from Firstworldistan and is of superior Chink breed. This means that he is an Oriental, living in somewhere sensible and properly run, who had a quality education and upbringing, went on to college and graduated with a high paying job. The Firstworldistani thinks that our hero is a living joke and a gift that keeps on giving. Our hero secretly thinks that he must be a pathological liar or a very advanced artificial intelligence capable of sending him photos of Firstworldistan and starting verbal exchanges with Chink accents. That served to do wonders for our protagonist’s mental health.

That particular Firstworldistani thought it proper to chronicle the life and times of our protagonist whilst thanking Providence that he wasn’t born into a third world country that is the English-speaking country our protagonist resides in. What interests him right now is how will things continue for our hero. Perhaps a prognosis of how life is for him right now would suffice:

Our hero is now trying to make ends meet. If he had earned more than his Chink acquaintance, most of his earnings would be taken away by the government as tax and by his mother since she is a Jew.

He is now as desperate as ever to seek some form of sanity by wasting his money on pets that would bite him and spread diseases claiming that they would somehow offer companionship.

He occasionally comes up with nonsense babblings on some social media site or pornographic forum and even forget which site he is posting on in his drunken stupor.

He occasionally looks to that peaceful religion for solace and is heartened to know that that religion takes a very reasonable stance towards Jews and women.

He continues to label himself as "white" when he clearly isn't thinking that it would somehow boost his self-esteem.

He is stuffing himself with food, putting on those pounds of flab and smoking his lungs out with cheap faggots in a concerted attempt to die by diabetes, lung cancer or a combination of both.

Finally, he subjects himself to daily abuse by his Firstworldistani could-be-AI Chink of an online acquaintance over some online video calling service. Of late, that Firstworldistani sent him videos of why Puerto Rico is a basket case and our hero was told that he is sending his Mexican acquaintance videos of why a border wall should be built between Mexico and some English-speaking country.

To be very concise, all is well! What could possibly go wrong?

>Not all women have women parts

Which is why traps > women

>It was as if he had followed the footsteps of Dante himself travelling to hell and back. Given that, it wasn’t that surprising that he felt as he aged way beyond his years.

Hardships build character tho.

>He is now as desperate as ever to seek some form of sanity by wasting his money on pets that would bite him and spread diseases claiming that they would somehow offer companionship.



>The women he interacted with are determined not to be normal self-respecting women in any way shape or form. Does doing well at school and work, being chaste until she meets a good man to spend the rest of her life with and taking care of her family with that man on her side make sense to these women? Obviously not!

All women are hoes.

>To be very concise, all is well! What could possibly go wrong?

The Jews finally finishing poisoning the world with globalization and propaganda.

All in all, the story is a true journey and merely should be an epilogue. 5/5 Bretty gud



Needs a sequel where the protagonist ends up banging thai hooker while eating burgers to save time and multitask.

What an interesting documentary! Is this really an account of Manes' life? Regardless, your talent for telling a hilariously entertaining story is quite advanced!

What are your thoughts on my story though?

I will try to get to your story when I have time. Apologies, I was quite busy today. I should be more free tomorrow. Where does it say that it is an account of Manes' life though?



That is a terrible idea for a sequel! He should be touring an Indian slum and a Jewish ghetto in Israel instead. His world tour will end in the middle of a weeaboo convention in Madhouse Japland. Sounds like an ending befitting that protagonist!