[Valentine 2014] Concerning that War!

The following post is a critique of another entry submitted for this event. Some call the event entry "The Aristocrat, The Peasant and The City". The author of that entry prefers calling it "Out Xnining Xninebreaker". Shame on him on both counts for plagiarising the title of Lewis Carroll's (sic) classic "The Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe" and insulting a rather well-liked user! Let me provide the link to that entry:

The Aristocrat, The Peasant and The City / Out Xnining Xninebreaker

If you could read it, it might make whatever that is written below make more sense.

Here is a little ruminating from me before I talk about a fictional civil war fought by alleged people. Robert Malthus infamously suggested that human populations will be checked by famine, disease, wars, pollution, suicidal tendencies and other thought-up disasters. I would like to summarise this view by saying that human populations will go the way I do not want if there is an excess of stupidity within the population that would lead to the famines, diseases, wars and what not. This supposed civil war described in this entry is a perfect embodiment of that.

Now, it would be too bothersome to go into the causes of the war because it would mean going through the history of the made-up and unnamed country, most of which can be described as a cycle of war, rebuilding, an inadvertent golden age (that might not happen), inevitable decay and disappointment and war again; it would mean having to chronicle events driven by the general stupidity of the inhabitants of the country which could be a mammoth and depressing task; it would mean having to put in effort into making things up because this war is fictional and did not happen anyway!

So, let me settle for making up a shorter account of a chain of stupid events that happened during that war. You might have heard of some hack writer called leonard267 write a load of gibberish and laughable nonsense over four thousand words long allegedly about that war through the lenses of someone who is so obviously suffering from autism. What follows will be based on that.

Now, if you could just ignore the quality music which was regrettably posted together with the indecipherable drivel notwithstanding the fact that your time would be better spent listening to that rather than reading it, our main characters are a man and a woman who are of course romantically involved. Before one can dismiss their relationship as being reminiscent of those of lousy romance novels where the characters behave outrageously, copulate at the drop of a hat and are generally under the delusion that their actions take place in a vacuum isolated from real life considerations, one must know that the two of them aren’t exactly physically appealing. I will not go in too much on how the male lead called David looks like because I am lazy but the female lead of that story called Elizabeth is simply ugly! Furthermore, I think they are rather old fashioned being willing to take up any demands imposed on them. They like proper human beings brought up in human societies are actually beholden to social pressures. Take that you harlequin romance buffs!

Now that I have driven away people who are into those sappy and delusional stories, I would point out that the only thing resembling a fairy tale is that our female lead is bizarrely from the lower rungs of society while our male lead pretty much runs society. The implausibility of it nonetheless is a source of amusement for me. As the following will show, it appears that our female lead is doing the heavy lifting while our male lead displayed masterly inactivity.

It is made clear the woman is able to lead armies while the man is rather good at keeping silent. That is not to say that he is entirely useless though. He somehow manages to move the plot by writing proposals of marriage to his father. More stupidity among the leadership in that fictional country meant that it is doomed to be plunged into civil war with everyone scrambling for control over the entire country.

There was a lot of fighting, a lot of bloodshed, a lot of collateral damage, a lot of property damage, a lot of psychological damage, business contracts being voided, credit ratings crashing to the lowest grade possible, government bonds becoming junk, tribal differences becoming more accentuated sowing the seeds for future unrest, richer and more peaceful countries leading pointless and spine chilling aid drives and “Stop the War protests” and many other things the story written by leonard267 did not bother to mention. All is well though since our male and female lead got closer whilst slaughtering many people.

That came to the end when they tried to take down a city which leonard267 did not bother to name really. We know this because no one is his or her right mind would name a city “The Ruined City”. There was then some melodrama about a soldier, in this case our female lead, obeying orders and suffering grievous and permanent injury in the process. Some accounts of the story said that she died but what is clear is the male lead did nothing. He might have cried but this does not change the fact that he is rather useless.

Long story short, the war ended and both the male lead worked till he died repairing the damage that he caused in the first place. I am not so sure about the female lead though. I am appalled by the temerity of leonard267 to imply that this war and our male and female leads are worthy of emulation to tell you the truth! If there is anything this war (that never really happened) demonstrated, it is pure stupidity that did quite a lot of harm. Same to how our male and female lead behaved mind you!

Written by leonard267 in critique of leonard267 in the spirit of Jawaharlal Nehru.

a commentary about your own entry. I appreciate the touch of humor in this one, although to be said, I kind of enjoyed the parodied entry more than this one. still a nice touch =D

"The Aristocrat, The Peasant, and The City" doesn't plagiarize "The Lion, the Which, and the Wardrobe" anymore than "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" does. Plagiarizing would be taking the exact thing and using it for your own work.

I haven't read this entry yet, but I did feel the need to point that out.

Concerning this entry concerning that war concerning that wedding...I just cannot fathom your satirical brilliance.

Reading this is akin to reading poetry for me. I can like the flow and tune, but attempting to judge art is something that is terribly difficult to do.

Makes me wonder why do you feel the need to point that out. I will defend the use of the word because this is a nonsense entry and because it is appropriate. I thought you would instead point out that The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe was written by C.S Lewis not Lewis Carroll!

Plagiarism does not necessarily mean taking the exact thing and claiming it for my own. Even paraphrased words and ideas taken without permission is considered plagiarism, at least according to my university.

There is a parallel though. The Aristocrat and the Peasant were characters in the story just like the Lion and the Witch. Lewis's story took place (effectively) in a wardrobe while mine took place in the City.

If you were to argue that plagiarism cannot be used for something as brief as a title I would concede that you have a point. Now, feel free to accuse me of splitting hairs.



It is because I am bad at coming up with titles and I want my titles to clearly indicate what the story is about even to the extent of spoiling the story. "The Return of the King" is a very good title! Gives away the ending of the story!



We disagree again! I preferred this entry!

I felt the need to point it out because I think you're too self-deprecating sometimes. I realize that you may be doing it for comical effect, but it pisses me off when people go, "Hey, read my stuff that sucks."

Paraphrasing may count, but I'm still convinced that what you did is a step above that, at least. Going back to my example, "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" has a title set up in a similar fashion and features prominently characters who are good, bad, and ugly. And if you try to tell me that it too is plagiarizing, I'll track you down and strangle you.

Also, I've never read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe before and know nothing about the guy who wrote it.

Exaggeration and self-deprecation tickle me, so does irony. I find it amusing to persuade others to read something that is no good even though most would recommend others to read things that are of quality. It seems that what annoys you pleases me.

Part and parcel of this writer's writing style. Written thus to amuse myself and hopefully others.

That said, have you read the 4000 word entry of mine?

I think you might like this one. it was made with this:

http://www.the-elite.net/story-generator/

It all started when our (former porn) star, leonard267, woke up in a bush. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling really relieved, leonard267 hit a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Absolutely thrilled, he realized that his beloved dildo was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Xenon. leonard267 had known Xenon for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Xenon was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... dimwitted. leonard267 called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Xenon picked up to a very unhappy leonard267. Xenon calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks yawn before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually exotically grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting leonard267. Why was Xenon trying to distract leonard267? Because he had snuck out from leonard267's with the dildo only two days prior. It was a exotic little dildo... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before leonard267 got back to the subject at hand: his dildo. Xenon shuddered. Relunctantly, Xenon invited him over, assuring him they'd find the dildo. leonard267 grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Xenon realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the dildo and he had to do it aptly. He figured that if leonard267 took the 'modded' Civic, he had take at least six minutes before leonard267 would get there. But if he took the amazing horse? Then Xenon would be scarcely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Xenon was interrupted by three clueless dinosaurs that were lured by his dildo. Xenon sighed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he fearlessly reached for his dull pencil and fearlessly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the amazing horse rolling up. It was leonard267.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, leonard267 was out of the amazing horse and went earnestly jaunting toward Xenon's front door. Meanwhile inside, Xenon was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the dildo into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his time machine. Xenon was relieved but at least the dildo was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Xenon charismatically purred. With a quick push, leonard267 opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive zealous...zealot in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Xenon assured him. leonard267 took a seat RIGHT next to where Xenon had hidden the dildo. Xenon sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But leonard267 was distracted. As if it really mattered Xenon noticed a stupid look on leonard267's face. leonard267 slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Xenon felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when leonard267 asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the dildo right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on leonard267's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. leonard267 nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Xenon could react, leonard267 aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The dildo was plainly in view.

leonard267 stared at Xenon for what what must've been ten nanoseconds. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, Xenon groped exotically in leonard267's direction, clearly desperate. leonard267 grabbed the dildo and bolted for the door. It was locked. Xenon let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, leonard267,' he rebuked. Xenon always had been a little pestering, so leonard267 knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Xenon did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. Giggling like schoolgirl, he gripped his dildo tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Xenon looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from leonard267. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for leonard267. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Xenon walked over to the window and looked down. leonard267 was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, leonard267 was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Xenon's place. leonard267 had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral dinosaurs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the dildo. One by one they latched on to leonard267. Already weakened from his injury, leonard267 yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of dinosaurs running off with his dildo.

But then God came down with His smart smile and restored leonard267's dildo. Feeling displeased, God smote the dinosaurs for their injustice. Then He got in His best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan and jetted away with the fortitude of 153 long-haired sea monkeys running from a enlarged pack of venomous koalas. leonard267 vomited with joy when he saw this. His dildo was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes his favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet hand grenade'). leonard267 was overjoyed. And so, everyone except Xenon and a few unborn fetus-toting long-haired sea monkeys lived blissfully happy, forever after.


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-present
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

I should probably take some giant offense to this, or at least voice some sort of disapproval, but I don't and I won't. +rep

hahaha. I'm very sorry about that. I automatically think about your name when I want to pair up leo's story with someone else =D

Reads like what you write! Now I really begin to doubt whether Tranquil Places was really your work!

I think there's limited set of possibilities if we use that thing to write stories. so yeah =)

I take it back. It is not a 4000 word entry, it is a 4000 word monstrosity!



I was pulling your leg. Not to worry!