mibuchiha Posts

I dislike the inconsistency in him. That he did it means that was a decent distraction, to him at that time at least. But the moment someone disapproved him, he said something contrary to that fact. As if it was himself that he needed to convince. While that is a normal behavior, I still don't find it likable. Especially in someone of high standing like him.



It is frustrating, not in how it was too queer to sort out, but in how I couldn't see why you chose to tell the events in that particular order. Since some of them lead directly to the other, and they are not far in temporal distance, I find it hard to imagine a good reason to jumble them up.



Something of both. The switch, while still frustrating, is something one can quickly get used to. But the main characters in this arc just feel lacking compared to the past one. I can't find the right words, but I feel quite strongly that Felix, Evelyn and Vin (this guy has some potential though) have nothing that comes close to what Ryxor, Vanen and Russell have. The latter have a sense of clarity to them, while the former so far scream just immaturity.

Missing period/coma.



Minor typo.



It, methinks.



...and it will be hard for this guy to ever be liked by me again.



Huh same Camilla as above?



I'm not sure about this way of talking.



T needs italicization too.



Typo.

Hmm. The order of the events are quite confusing. Took some time to get it sorted. Other than that a well-written chapter as usual, though I find myself rather apathetic with many characters in this chapter and arc in general.

Which one?

One of those times I like something enough to make a post for it.

Ended rather boringly, but oh well.

http://vgperson.tumblr.com/post/21533650696/help-the-girl-i-like-wont-respond-to-my-emails

It is a little gloomy.

Oh no no, don't worry about me being irked. To me if something triggers enough impression for me to feel anything beyond "eh crap not worth my time" then I'm glad. Especially those good ones that make me stay, all the better.

I'm just somewhat against the self-contained approach since I see it as risky. The more self-contained the arcs are, the harder it becomes to connect them into a single overarching story. I'm curious to see how would you pull it off.

And dammit, write faster. Rofl.

Hmm. It seems that you're following a strictly chronological order of telling things, that may be why your shifting between arcs is so apparent.

And feels so alienating to the older characters too. Less of a mess, I agree, but how alienating it feels irks me a little. Well no matter, in the end it's the story that makes people read, not the pieces that move it about.

So after a long wait, finally a continuation.

Synopsis: I hate it. I hate synopses in general.

Prologue



Heedless?



Too little?

Huh. So right after the synopsis about the King protecting his throne, he's found to be dead. I'm starting to wonder just who's struggling against who in this story.

1



What's that '?



There.



Missing a 'the' methinks.

Hmm. After getting used to Ryxor and Vanen, this change of pace doesn't feel very welcome. The story is greatly told as usual, but hey, an immature queen is less awesome than arm made of fire.

Advanced talk indeed. I prefer to just let things flow.

Uh oh advanced talk here. I don't even know what are 2D and 3D characters. Low tier author I am.

Gets a lot of sex.

Princess-like!

Space the paragraphs. It'll do wonders to the readability of your story, and therefore the likelihood that people will read it.

Good song.

Oh it's just some light pain. It'll pass or I'll succumb. Simple.

I tried. It lasted a short while.

For now just being drunk and partially sane.

And my left foot hurts so I can't walk right.

Even wine can mess you up if you drink that amount.

Excelsior Cabernet Sauvignon 2007.

Damn I also dislike how my typo rate increases so high.

Need to not puke... argh.

On the other hand, it was a good drink. A bit too pricey but eh, if I glugged it down at that rate I liked it.

And the headache is now torturing me. Enough that I can't even properly solve simplest rotational problems.