(´･ω･`) Successful troll was successful (end of story)

[Help!] I’m Not Sure Who I Like Anymore (´･ωï½¥`)
The fifth and final part of the saga from 2ch. Make sure to start from the first thread. (Posts from the thread-starter are labeled #OP, the people replying to him are labeled #2ch.)

#2ch
Substituting for the OP.
Not really sure what the title means…

#2ch
ARREST HIM ALREADY.

#2ch
This again…

#2ch
Oh boy, 600-email-man again…
So I know up to Denko using the Shining Wizard on OP.
What happened next?

#2ch
I think he’s getting bullied at school?

#OP
Thank you, thread-starter! You’re a real help! (´･ωï½¥`)
I’m very grateful.

#OP
Um, I was suddenly dropped to level 0, so I couldn’t start it myself. Sorry.
Also, there’s a scary middle-schooler in front of the dojo, so I stopped practicing my Kyokushin karate… (´･ωï½¥`)
Now, about Denko’s “boyfriend”…

#2ch
How’s that evil mastermind A-ko doing?

#OP
Actually, I’d rather you not say bad things about A-ko right now… (´･ωï½¥`)

So it turns out Denko doesn’t actually have a boyfriend…
I’m seriously shocked Denko would lie to me.
Why would she do that?
She shook my hand when we parted, so I don’t think she really hates me…

#2ch
Sheesh, you can’t extrapolate that just from a handshake…
And you were saying you didn’t trust A-ko before, and now suddenly you’re her babysitter?

#OP
Sorry, I’ll give more details.
So I asked A-ko for some advice?
And she was harsh. She said I had a 10% chance of getting with Denko at best.
Then I suddenly realized, maybe A-ko’s jealous of me… (´･ωï½¥`)
And then it was so clear to me why A-ko was selling me information!
Maybe she just wanted to talk to me all along?

Once I had that thought, I started to see A-ko’s kindness, and I realized my feelings were starting to shift toward A-ko a little… (´･ωï½¥`)
Does anyone have experience loving two people at the same time?
I don’t know how to describe these feelings…

#2ch
What?










What?

#2ch
The most outrageous misunderstanding of all time…
So self-absorbed…

Well, no point in telling us about it. Go confirm that A-ko likes you, OP.

#OP
I’m not that self-absorbed… (´･ωï½¥`)
I’m really worried… Maybe it’s since Denko carved out my heart that I’m being fooled into thinking I love A-ko?

Of course, it’s also possible I could love two people…
As long as they respond to my emails, I mean.
But how should I ask her? (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
“Do you like anal?”

#OP
Y-Yikes…
What would happen if I asked a girl that?
I don’t think I want to ask that at all… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
You won’t know until you try!
Gotta live and learn!

#OP
Well, I sent “Do you like anal?”… (´･ωï½¥`)
I’ve had some bad experiences thanks to some of you guys’ replies, though…
If this makes her not like me, I’m gonna be really stuck…

#2ch
GJ

#2ch
A-ko, you gave me advice, right?
You were harsh with me, saying I have a 10% chance with Denko at best.

But I had this sudden thought.
A-ko, could you possibly be jealous of Denko?
If that’s the case, then I think I know why you wanted to contact me now.
You just wanted to talk with me, didn’t you? Yes, it’s all coming together now.

After realizing this, I’ve come to notice your kindness, A-ko, and I’ve noticed my feelings are shifting toward you.

I love you too, A-ko.
So could I ask your feelings…?


^ Send this.

#OP
Wow, she replied already! (´･ωï½¥`)

Subject: G☆R☆O☆S☆S

Since she put stars in it, is that good? Did I get through to her? (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Sounds perfect.

#2ch
You got her for sure!
You can do this! Go for it!

#OP
Okay, I think I might have this! (´･ωï½¥`)
I sent A-ko “Know what I mean? (´･ωï½¥`)”

#OP
Here we go… (´･ωï½¥`)

Contents:
*angry-wrinkles symbol*

Hrmm… maybe she was confused what I meant with my message… (´･ωï½¥`)
But I think we’re doing well so far. Want to drop the big question soon…

#2ch
This is the perfect time to send that earlier suggestion!

#2ch
Maybe they aren’t wrinkles, but an intersection.
So she wants to meet you?

#2ch
^ !!

#OP
I see, so I AM being tested… (´･ωï½¥`)
Okay, since a lot of people wanted it, I sent that suggested reply.

#2ch
Perhaps it would be better that A-ko, the girl who sells info about her friends, is targeted rather than the innocent Denko…

#OP
Now that I sent it, I’m really worrying what I’ll do if Denko confesses to me too… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Neither will.

#2ch
It’s fine.

SINCE THAT WON’T HAPPEN.

#2ch
Date them both!

#2ch
I wouldn’t worry about it.

#2ch
What celebrities would you compare A-ko to?

#OP
Uh, I don’t know many celebrities, so that’s hard to say… (´･ωï½¥`)
She would probably fit in a hostess club, though.

#2ch
Look at you guys, mocking OP when he’s so close to losing his virginity.

#OP
W-Whoa…
Am I close? Really?
This is making me excited… (´･ωï½¥`)

Can’t wait for A-ko to email me, oh man…

#2ch
MAKE SURE TO POST LIVE WHILE YOU’RE LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY!

#2ch
[Help!] I’m Not Sure Where My Girlfriend’s Hole Is

#2ch
If you’re going to have sex with A-ko, she’s gonna need payment. Somewhere in the order of 500,000 yen.

#2ch
We’ve entered a whole new world of Mr. Stalker’s misunderstandings…

#2ch
Haha, A-ko would “fit in a hostess club”…
Is she that slutty?
Lots of women like that will only date men for their money, y’know.

#2ch
I want this to be made into a whole bunch of media, like Densha Otoko.

#2ch
OP’s illness is getting worse.
He must be off his meds.
It’s dangerous to keep this up.
Please, take your medication and tell your doctor about this.

#OP
SHE REPLIED!!

Contents:
So you’re saying you want to date?

Huh? D-Do I want to date A-ko…? (´･ωï½¥`)
I’m worried about Denko too…
If I date her, then I won’t be able to date Denko, will I?

#2ch
Whatever your choice, the result will be the same.

#2ch
She’s throwing all sorts of signs, moron! Don’t back away from this!

#2ch
Seems obvious to me. Three can play at this game.

#2ch
If things end with A-ko, propose to Denko again.
But for now, go with A-ko.

#2ch
Even if you’re rejected, you’ve still got Denko, OP! Tell her you wanna date!
And girls love men with experience, trust me.

#2ch
Hostess-club girls generally won’t leave hopeless guys alone.
And since OP’s getting bullied even at college, he passes with flying colors…!

#OP
Sniff… um…
I just sent this… (´･ωï½¥`)
“Do you want to date me, A-ko?”

#2ch
Are you retarded?

#2ch
Only virgins answer a question with a question.

#2ch
What? Are you kidding me?
A-ko asks if you wanted to date, you replied asking if she wants to date you? Girls hate men like that!
God, you should’ve just straight-up said you wanted to date…

#2ch
You never let us down, OP.

#2ch
It’s times like these I’m made even more aware than usual that OP is a virgin.

#OP
If A-ko says she wants to date, then I wonder if I’ll have to forget about Denko…
I’m getting a little marriage-blue… (´･ωï½¥`)
[The term is supposed to refer to “blues” associated with an approaching marriage, such as anxiety about what life will be like afterward.]

#2ch
Uhhhm. I don’t think you know what “marriage-blue” means…

#2ch
You’re already getting married?!

#2ch
Do you just not have any idea what marriage-blue means?
Or are you already planning to marry A-ko?
I literally can’t tell…!

#2ch
(´･ωï½¥`)
^ This is not the face of marriage-blue.

#2ch
Follow up with this?
“I’m sorry. I was so shocked, I replied with a question instead.
That’s just how it goes when I’m anxious about you, A-ko. So yes, please, go out with me.”
I mean why didn’t you just say that to begin with???

#OP
Sorry, but what exactly was the problem with what I sent?
I’m getting impatient over the lack of reply, though… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Because you replied with a question!
When you could’ve just been a man and said “Yes, I want to date you!”

#2ch
There’s no problem! It’s perfect!

#OP
Thanks a lot, guys, now I’m worried I’m making big mistakes… (´･ωï½¥`)
I’m getting a little depressed here…

#2ch
Next thread:

[Help!] My Girlfriend Is Suing Me (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
With the way this guy thinks, it’d be more like this:
[Help!] My Lawyer-Brainwashed Girlfriend Is Suing Me (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
[Help!] The Police Are Here (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
[Help!] I’m Being Chased By My Girlfriend’s Friend (´･ωï½¥`)

#OP
Got a reply!

Contents:
If you say you want to date, then sure, we can date! ❤

Huh? Do I want to date A-ko???
What is this feeling…? (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
I love you, A-ko.

#2ch
What? What? What?
WHAT IS THIS??????

#2ch
whAT

#2ch
How… but…?

#2ch
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2ch
Huh? What? What, what?
Is this real life or just fantasy?????

#2ch
The twist no one’s expected since the first thread…

#OP
Going to A-ko’s side right after breaking up with Denko would be really… I dunno… (´･ωï½¥`)
I don’t have any idea how to respond.
Should we date? Won’t she think I’m fickle then?

#2ch
“Broke up”… YOU WEREn’T EVER DATING…

#OP
Sent this. (´･ωï½¥`)
“If you really want to, then could we date so we can get married later?”

Right! I’ll forget about Denko if I have to…! Sniff…

#2ch
Congrats, dude!

#2ch
GJ!!!
You’ve done well.

#2ch
So NOW it’s marriage-blue, huh…

#2ch
So you can get… get married later… omfg…
You’re amazing, you know that…

#2ch
How old is OP?

#2ch
^ Just got into college… I think.

#2ch
^ Second year, actually.

#2ch
[Help!] We’re Dating, But I Can’t Forget My Old Girlfriend (´･ωï½¥`)
[Help!] I’m Being Sued By My Lawyer-Brainwashed Girlfriend (´･ωï½¥`)
[Help!] The Courts Want 3 Million Yen in Compensation (´･ωï½¥`)
[Help!] I Had To Pay the Courts 3 Million Yen in Compensation (´･ωï½¥`)

#OP
Got a reply! That was quick!

Contents:
I look forward to it too! *smile*
I just want you to promise me three things:
First, don’t tell anyone we’re dating.
Second, I’m the one in charge here, and if you deny it, then this is all void.
Third, as a general rule, you’re forbidden from contacting me if I don’t contact you first.
Can you uphold those three for me? ❤

So yeah… (´･ωï½¥`) Kinda strange how she doesn’t want me to contact her, huh?

#2ch
OMG, it’s like she wants you to sign a contract…

#2ch
Oh yeah, she’s totally after your brother and money…

#2ch
She wants to have a monopoly on you!
Isn’t that cute?

#2ch
Raise your hand, did anyone see this coming back when it was just 600 emails?

#2ch
Sounds like she’s stopping just short of saying “I’ll contact you whenever I need money, thanks! o(^â–½^)o”

#2ch
[Hooray!] I Got A Personal ATM (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Dang… What color is A-ko’s blood?

#2ch
Sometimes, you find happiness in places where you least expect it.

Congratulations…!
I really mean it…!

#OP
Sent this… (´･ωï½¥`)

“Don’t you think it’s a little harsh saying I can’t contact you myself? (´･ωï½¥`)”

#2ch
Be more forceful!
See, this is why you’re a virgin.

#OP
Thanks! You’re absolutely right! I’m feeling braver now!
Sent this: “Never mind, I was just kidding! Let’s date!! I love you!!” (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Brave enough to become a slave, apparently…

#2ch
You need to have three conditions of your own.
1: Don’t have sex with anyone but me.
2: Have sex with me once a day.
3: Don’t spend my money on anything.

#2ch
Hahaha, talk about an unfair deal!
FF13 gives you more freedom than that!

#OP
Reply reply reply!

Contents:
As a general rule, you’re forbidden from contacting me if I don’t contact you first.
Gosh, do I need to say it twice? I’ll let you off with a warning this time, so be more careful from now on. *smile*
So I guess that makes today, April 21st, our anniversary! ❤
Make sure you never, ever forget it!

Whoaaa… It’s a virginity countdown now… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Now’s your chance!
You gotta say something to show you’ll remember it, or else!

#2ch
A-ko is pro.

#2ch
Time to Lost Virginity: XX years

#2ch
^ two digits, rofl

#OP
Umm, she said not to tell anyone we were dating, but maybe I should let Denko know? (´･ωï½¥`)
Also, what should I give her for our anniversary?

#2ch
The best present of all would be your smile.
Go meet her pronto!

#2ch
Give her your virginity, dummy!

#OP
For now, I told Denko I had something important to tell her… (´･ωï½¥`)
And I asked A-ko “Can we meet after school today?”!
Three-dimensional ecchi tonight… Even I didn’t see this coming…

#2ch
Not if you don’t pay up 300,000 yen.

#2ch
Where ya gonna do it?

#OP
I don’t suppose the park would work? (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
AT LEAST GO TO A HOTEL MAN.

#2ch
Wh… what are you… what?
Can’t you meet anywhere else?

#OP
I’ve never been to a hotel before, so I’m embarrassed… (´･ωï½¥`)
Waiting for a reply now…
Maybe I should bring a vibrator?

#2ch
A virgin bringing a vibrator, omg…
Hell, make that your anniversary present.

#OP
And of course, wouldn’t it be romantic to go with A-ko to Yoyogi Park, that memorable place, and see the cherry blossoms together? (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Memorable for getting Shining Wizarded, you mean…?

#2ch
Yeah, romantic would be good.
The buzz of a vibrator backed by cherry blossoms… superb.

#2ch
Oh, you’re such a romantic. I tip my hat to you, sir.
You’re like the Japanese Shakespeare, you are.
Girls fall head over heels for romantic types, so good luck!

#OP
In H manga, girls usually pretend to dislike vibrators, but inside they really enjoy it.
But all my knowledge is manga and games, so I don’t know if it’s really true… (´･ωï½¥`)
Help…

#2ch
Have you never read a NORMAL romance manga?

#OP
No emails, so I might have to send one myself… (´･ωï½¥`)
It hurts… (´･ωï½¥`)
I don’t have a vibrator, so I’ll have to go buy one from Don Quijote. Buh-bye!

#2ch
Don’t worry, H games are basically just reality in game form.

#OP
While I was headed to Don Quijote, I got a shocking email…

Contents:
Sure! *smile* We can meet anywhere! Go ahead, you decide!
Oh, but one more thing I need to say.
I want you to stay pure until we get married.
I’m looking forward to my wedding night with you, since we’re leading up to marriage here. *smile*
So no touchy-touchy until then, please! ❤

Whoa… L-Looking forward to… She’s really eager!
And she’s a virgin too? A-ko’s such a good girl…
Oh man, I’m super excited!
Since I guess I won’t need the vibrator for now, I bought some lotion to use in the bath.
I hope we can use it together soon… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
I don’t think she’s getting in a bath with you…

#2ch
>I’m looking forward to my wedding night with you, since we’re leading up to marriage here. *smile*
>So no touchy-touchy until then, please! ❤

We’ll be waiting forever…

#2ch
If you’re keeping your promises, you should really make sure she’s a virign too.

#2ch
^ Yeah, definitely do this.
Is there a single college girl in Tokyo that keeps her chastity these days?

#OP
Going in the bath will be fine.
We’ll probably have to touch, mmm… (´･ωï½¥`)
I sent her “I’m going to Don Quijote to get some stuff for the bath, so we can go in together!”
Knowing A-ko’s such a good girl as to save herself for marriage is just raising the stakes…
But we’re definitely going into the bath together! So I guess a hotel, huh…
First time at a hotel… I’m nervous… (´･ωï½¥`) My armpits are sweating…

#OP
Got an email!

Contents:
Huh? What do you mean?

What do you mean, “what do you mean”…? (´･ωï½¥`)
And “Huh?” makes it sound like she’s a little embarrassed inside…
For now, I sent “How does ___ sound as a meeting point? I’ll tell you after school! (´･ωï½¥`)”!!
Spring is coming, and I’m sorry I’ve troubled you all. But I’m really grateful! Thanks!!
I bet you can all get great girlfriends too!!

#2ch
You really don’t think about anything but what’s convenient for you, do you…
You’re sick, man, get help!

#2ch
For real, what ARE you talking about…
Suddenly bringing up going in the bath? Like, what?



[Help!] I’m Deathly Confused By How Women Think (´･ωï½¥`)

#OP
We just started dating, but I’m really surprised by the differences in how men and women think.
I need to know the secrets of good dating… (´･ωï½¥`)
Like where to have good dates…

#2ch
Why, you… Are you the Denko guy?

#OP
Ah, uh, yes, you were all very helpful with Denko. (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Oh, it’s A-ko now, right…
The master-slave relationship.

#2ch
Did you give up on Denko or what?

#OP
I wrote a letter and gave it to her! (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
At any rate, you need to be close with your partner.

#OP
Hm… Is that the trick to a long relationship?

#2ch
What happened next, OP?

#2ch
How’s it going with A-ko?
Well?

#OP
A lot of stuff happened on my first hotel visit… (´･ωï½¥`)
We had a serious dispute…

#2ch
First, tell us what’s not going well, and list what you don’t understand.

#OP
Men and women just seem to think so differently… (´･ωï½¥`)
So there’s a lot of stuff I’m worried about.
Like if a guy has unprotected sex, does that mean he thinks of women as being solely for pleasure?
Which would make a girl really mad…
Because yeah, she got really mad at me… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
How much did you pay to sex A-ko?

#OP
She said she’d do it if I bought her 500,000 yen in clothes, but that’s a lot of money, so I negotiated it down to 350,000… (´･ωï½¥`)
It was a really great experience, better than I could’ve imagined… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Christ, where the hell are you getting your money?

#OP
My family is pretty rich, and I know where they hide the money… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
How much have you paid A-ko in total?

#OP
I don’t know… Probably more than 700,000 yen?

#2ch
What, ONLY 700,000 yen?
A regular couple going from first dates to intercourse takes at least 2 million!

Love A-ko more, dammit!

#2ch
Wait, you “know where they hide the money”? You’re stealing money from your parents?

I’m… curious, to say the least.

#2ch
Unprotected sex, jfc… How irresponsible are you?
If you get together, how the hell are you going to raise a kid?
I feel beyond bad for any kid with a parent like you …

#OP
A-ko said the same thing… I guess that’s how girls think… (´･ωï½¥`)
Well, I’ve learned from it now.
But girls like it that way in H manga and anime, right?
I thought unprotected was supposed to be better…

#2ch
This is quite a direction things are going in…

#2ch
You need to learn that sexy books are different from real life!
Did you at least give a good apology?

#OP
I’m not really sure why I’d need to apologize, since I was crying with her too…
The third dimension is hard… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Just get a prostitute, man! 350,000 yen, hot damn…

#OP
There’s no love with prostitutes, so I don’t wanna… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
What’s OP’s idea of a “girlfriend”? What does it mean to you?

#OP
An embodiment of love? I dunno, you’re embarrassing me… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
You’re right, the third dimension is hard.
But intercourse is a holy act that gives way to new life, too.
You’ve learned you can’t be careless, right, OP?
If you make a single misstep, A-ko will just think you’re incredibly irresponsible.
So be more careful with her, okay?

#OP
Huh? But if she has a baby, will we be able to raise it together?
I’m not irresponsible enough to abandon a baby… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Men who can’t cook ain’t suited for marriage, dude!

#OP
I CAN MAKE SPAGHETTI (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
A-ko is your girlfriend. You should want to see your kid in the future.
It was just a bad time for it.
When you both want it, then have all the unprotected sex you want.

#2ch
I know how you feel. When you fall in love, everything seems to run right by you.
But does A-ko want children right now?
If she doesn’t, then of course she’ll get mad.
But if you both really want kids, then it’s not too late.
And more importantly, consider the kid’s happiness too.

#OP
That’s a novel thought! I just sent that to A-ko!

#2ch
You had sex with A-ko? And she was a virgin?

#OP
She said it was her first time… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Reading through all this, I’ve been interested in OP himself.
What kind of environment did your family raise you in?
If we know that, we might know OP’s personality better to give him better advice.

#OP
I think it’s a pretty ordinary family…
I guess my mom was extra nice to me… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
What did you write in that letter to Denko?
Wasn’t dating A-ko supposed to be a secret?

And if A-ko said she wanted to be a virgin until marriage, was she really planning to marry OP?

#2ch
Once Denko learns this situation with A-ko, she’s gonna be jealous for sure.
Since he put out 700,000 yen for her.
Then her love for him will truly come out.

#OP
I talked with Denko in private about dating A-ko.
I’m still a little in love with Denko, like I thought I might be…
I might be happy in a way if she got jealous… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
If you spent 350,000 of the 700,000 for sexytimes, what was the rest for?

#OP
Buying information, mostly… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Make sure to keep enough around for pregnancy, birth, and child-raising.

#OP
Well, I’ll do my best. (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
So OP has rich parents, huh.
And his mother was nice, but what about his father?
Also, his brother said he didn’t want to get involved with him. How’d it come to that? Did something happen?

#OP
We had a fight a long time ago, and I guess he’s still mad about it… (´･ωï½¥`)
My dad was usually at work, so I don’t have much of an image of him. (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
What was the fight about?

#OP
I don’t really want to say… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
OP sure is something.
If possible, can you tell us how things went to get to the sex?
I want it for reference.

#OP
I guess the trick is appealing to how much you think about the girl…? (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
Huh?? You said you sent her an email, but didn’t she forbid OP sending her emails??

#OP
Well, she hasn’t replied in four days, so I was getting really worried… (´･ωï½¥`)

#2ch
What happened to the bullying at school?

#OP
I’m not going to school! I’m probably not going back for another month…

#2ch
You should go to school!
I’m sure A-ko wants to see you at school, too!

She’s been too timid to email you for four days.

You have to consider that A-ko wants to be with you more, OP!

#OP
So sleepy… (´･ωï½¥`)

I don’t have the courage to go to school…

#2ch
What’s up with A-ko now?

#OP
I don’t know… I don’t get how girls think at all…

#2ch
A-ko’s a good girl.
Giving her virginity to OP…

#2ch
Except I really doubt she’s a virgin…

#2ch
Maybe he fell asleep?

Looking forward to the next conversation.

#2ch
I guess… I’ll sleep too.

#2ch
Looking forward to the next thread.



And then…

…and then, nothing.

The OP didn’t post again. The thread died. And unless people just stopped keeping a lookout for threads titled “[Help!] ___ (´･ωï½¥`)”, nothing more was posted. We never know what happened to the perhaps-no-longer-stalked Denko, the apparently-pregnant A-ko, or… the OP.

The first thread was started on April 6th, 2011, and the last post from the OP was on May 2nd, 2011. However, the threads only came to my attention recently, perhaps because it had been nearly a year since people last heard about them.

I think the comment near the end of the second thread says it pretty well. Even if the OP was a troll, it’s scary that he could even make these things up. It’s scary because - as some of us know firsthand - people like him do exist, even if they aren’t all obvious about it online.

Whether or not the OP was real only determines whether or not Denko was a real girl suffering from real stalking. There still can be and still have been countless others whom this really, definitely happens to.

At any rate, this is the way the story ends. Not with a shank, but with a


(´･ωï½¥`)